My series concludes with the AFC North and AFC West.

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers: the NFL schedule makers did them NO favors. They play the toughest schedule in the league this year. However, they have lots of talent on both sides of the ball, and they have a year under head coach Mike Tomlin. While their schedule is tough, it will prepare them for the games within their division. Predicted record: 9-7, division champion, #4 seed.

Cleveland Browns: suddenly they have QB issues with Derek Anderson's concussion. While they are going to score a lot of points, who are they going to stop? Jamal Lewis is a year older. Aside from Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow, who do they throw the ball to? Too many questions, and not enough answers. This team takes a step backward. Predicted record: 7-9, no playoffs.

Baltimore Ravens: another team with QB issues. Troy Smith is recovering from an infection in which he lost 20 lbs. Kyle Boller is on injured reserve. Joe Flacco is the Week 1 starter. Jonathan Ogden retired, and his next stop is Canton. However, they still have a semblance of a defense, enough to stay out of the division cellar. Predicted record: 5-11, no playoffs.

Cincinnati Bengals: this team has more issues than a hooker in a confessional booth. Where should we start? Chad Johnson? The bad seeds? Ownership? Marvin Lewis? Too many issues, and not enough leadership to overcome these issues. Carson Palmer is solid, but he alone will not be enough to overcome these issues. This team will be one of the worst teams in the NFL. Predicted record: 3-13, no playoffs.

AFC WEST

San Diego Chargers: this team is LOADED. Even with a gimpy Shawne Merriman, the defense is incredible. Big, strong, and FAST. Philip Rivers is a year older and (hopefully) a year more mature. They still have LT. Every piece is in place for a Super Bowl championship. Predicted record: 14-2, #1 seed, division, conference, and Super Bowl Champion.

Denver Broncos: Jay Cutler has another year under his belt. Now that he's been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, he can take steps to stay strong throughout the season. Selwyn Young can be a very good back. The defense has picked up a new scheme under new defensive coordinator Bob Slowik. However, they are rebuilding, and it will take time. But they are on the right track. Predicted record: 8-8, no playoffs.

Oakland Raiders: if Al Davis and Lane Kiffin can stop their bickering like an old married couple, they have the semblance of a halfway decent team. I think Davis STILL wants to coach the team. Kiffin wanted to fire Rob Ryan, but Davis blocked it. Now Ryan can stick his tongue out at Kiffin, and snicker his teehees under his breath, knowing he can't be fired. Back to the Raiders for a minute. They have a solid ground game, led by Justin Fargas. The O-line is improved. JaMarcus Russell will go through some growing pains, but he has the potential to be a very good QB. The defense needs to gell and is a question mark, particularly at stopping the run. Another year of struggling by the Raiders. Predicted record: 6-10, no playoffs.

Kansas City Chiefs: this team is going through more rebuilding and renovating than Las Vegas did in the 80's and 90's. Brodie Croyle at QB? Ugh. Where's Daunte Culpepper? At least HE'S a proven starter! They still have LJ, but he's going to get hammered more often than a drunk on a three-day bender. Yes, the O-line is THAT bad. And don't even get me started on the defense. While they have some good young players, they lack experience. The gap between the veterans and youngsters is huge. If the Chiefs were Las Vegas, they would be Vegas circa 1986. Predicted record, 4-12, no playoffs.  

Perusing the world of sports, one can find many sports figures that vex you, trouble you, or get you so pissed off that you want to SCREAM. You so want to vent your ire. Here is the forum that gives you, the Joe Six-Pack Fan, a forum to vent at the object of your ire by calling them out for their idiocy, or their stupidity, or their arrogance, or whatever else pisses you off. You can do this by throwing _______ under the Bus. I have some nominees.

NFL

Matt Jones, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars: this genius was busted for blow in Arkansas. Dude, you're a marginal football player at best. You're BARELY hanging on by a thread on the Jaguars' roster. This isn't going to help, especially when Sheriff Goodell metes out his brand of justice on you. You're going to WISH you had to deal with Sheriff Joe Arpaio instead of Sheriff Goodell. For snorting away your lazy, underachieving career, you get thrown Under The Bus.

Odell Thurman, former Bengals' LB: as if pissing away your football career isn't enough, now you are being sought for an arrest warrant for felonious assault. You STILL don't get it. Perhaps when you're caught by the authorities, justice will be served on you and you'll do a LOT of time in the pokey. DON'T blame _____ for your problems. BE ACCOUNTABLE and accept the consequences for your actions. In the meantime, you get to know up close and personal the tire tracks of the Bus you are to be thrown under.

Travis Henry: as if his babymaking skills weren't enough to give him a headache, now he's facing his biggest headache of all: a possible year long suspension from the NFL for allegedly testing positive for the hippie lettuce. Is jonesing for chronic that much more important than pulling an NFL pay check? Apparently to you, it is. I don't get these imbeciles that have MAD game yet choose to #### it all away for one reason or another. For pissing your career away due to the chronic and all that baby making, you get thrown Under The Bus.

NBA

Los Angeles Clippers: they had a great chance in the offseason to become a legitimate power in the Western Conference. Or at the very least improve themselves. They did neither. They let their franchise player, Elton Brand, go to Philadelphia. They let their second best player, Corey Maggette, flee to Golden State. At least they did sign Baron Davis, but he alone won't be enough. This is why they are the Lakers' JV team and deserve to play at the Sports Arena rather than the Staples Center. Hell, the Lakers' D-league team could probably beat the Clippers. For being the Clippers and being the face of front office ineptitude, the Clippers front office gets thrown Under The Bus. 

NASCAR

J.J. Yeley: his #96 team was caught cheating prior to the LifeLock.com 400. Did someone on that team call Bill Belichick for some cheating advice? NASCAR assessed Yeley a drive through penalty at the start of the race. He did recover sufficiently to finish 24th. For being caught cheating, Yeley and his team get thrown Under The Bus. 

And now for one off the beaten path:

Celebrities that give their children FUGLY names: you know what I'm talking about. The celebrity idiots that give their children names like Apple, Sunday Rose, etc. Those kids are scarred for life. These celebrities ought to be spayed or neutered for this. Then they should be thrown Under The Bus.

Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to come in with yours.    

Around the world of the NFL faster than two Will Blackmon returns for TDs, Crappafoni Pictures presents for you the fan, in living color, the NFL version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

THE GOOD

Green Bay Packers: they dismantled the Oakland Raiders in every aspect of the game. Will Blackmon was the special teams stud, returning a punt and a fumble for a touchdown. Blackmon became the first player since 1974 and only the fourth in NFL history to return a punt and fumble for a touchdown in the same game. The Pack amassed 445 total yards for the game and dominated the game from start to finish.

Jacksonville Jaguars: they were dominant in beating a Panthers team that basically gave up from the second quarter on. More on that later.

Dallas Cowboys' final drive: the 'Boys were lucky when Paris Lenon kicked the ball to Andre Gurode. If Lenon just falls on the ball, Detroit wins and gets put in the Good category. Lenon's colossal mistake gave Tony Romo new life, and he took advantage of it.

New England Patriots: way to shut up Anthony Smith! Tom Brady is now within a few TD passes of breaking Peyton Manning's single season record of 49. They went so far ahead of Pittsburgh that the Steelers became a one-dimensional team.

Seattle Seahawks: they looked sharp in dismantling Arizona. With five picks, the defense made several big plays, nothing bigger than in the third quarter after Arizona recovered an onside kick. They will be formidable in the postseason, regardless of where they play.

Indianapolis Colts: they are making this game look too easy. The first quarter isn't even over and they're winning 21-0 against the Ravens.

Houston Texans: simply put, they administered a beatdown to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. For some inexplicable reason, they do well against NFC teams.

Denver Broncos: I couldn't forget the Broncos' thrashing of Kansas City. They outgained the Chiefs 453 to 129. The Broncos rushed for 215 yards. They led in time of possession by nearly 10 minutes. They forced three turnovers and didn't commit a turnover. A complete game like that will get you in the Good category every single time.

THE BAD

Carolina Panthers: this may have been one of the worst games the franchise has ever played. They were outgained in total yards 457 to 149. The Jags had the ball nearly twice as long as the Kittens. They were so ineffective that Vinny Testaverde was pulled for Matt Moore. This is a team that gave up in the second quarter. I'd have granted that they would probably lose, but I expected a better effort than this!!

San Francisco 49ers: granted, they did lose to the Vikings, a playoff-caliber team. But they were THRASHED. And on their home turf, no less. FIVE turnovers?? Trent Dilfer was knocked woozy by a Vikings' defense that forced those five turnovers.

Miami Dolphins: 0-13 and counting. Three more and you make history in reverse!! Buffalo just did you again. And with games against New England, Baltimore, and Cincinnati, you just might do it.

THE UGLY 

Kansas City Chiefs: this is one of those bad games that you just forget about and go on. Every team has one of those, except New England. I can imagine that the Kansas City Film Festival will supply the filmgoers with PLENTY of Maalox and Pepto-Bismol.

Pittsburgh Steelers: it started with Mr. Motormouth, Anthony Smith, guaranteeing a Steelers victory. Son, don't write checks with your mouth that your #### can't cash. There were several breakdowns in the secondary in this game.

Cleveland at N.Y. Jets: it seemed like the Browns wanted to let the Jets win this game. The Jets hung in this game FAR TOO LONG. The Browns should have won by AT LEAST TWO TDs. Cleveland was fortunate to escape with a win.

Carolina Panthers: see Bad category.

Those are my nominations for Week 14. Your nominations are appreciated. Thanks for reading and responding.   

Scanning the world of the NFL, there are no shortage of players, teams, coaches, fans, owners, and officials to throw Under The Bus (Jerome Bettis Limited Edition, 850 hp). Football fans everywhere, you are welcome to chime in with your nominations! I have a few nominations myself.

NFL

• The officiating crew in the Denver-Kansas City game: for giving Brandon Marshall a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after Marshall's rendition of "Let It Snow, Let It Snow." Marshall had just caught a TD pass from Jay Cutler and was throwing snow high in the air in celebration of a TD. He wasn't showing ANYONE up!! If he's taunting a KC defender, THEN you throw the flag! Officials, Under The Bus you all go! I'll add the NFL Rules Committee to be thrown Under The Bus as well.
• Anthony Smith: this genius guaranteed a Steelers' victory over the Patriots earlier in the week. So what does he do for an encore? He gives up THREE TD passes!! Not ONE, not TWO, but THREE. As I write, 54fulltiltfulltime is having a whole pot of chilled crow delivered to one Anthony Smith. For this foolish guarantee, Anthony Smith gets thrown where? Under The Bus!!!
• Carolina Panthers: embarassing. While J-ville is a good, but not great, team, I expected a MUCH better effort from the Kittens. ONE HUNDRED FORTY-NINE TOTAL YARDS?? WORSE THAN PATHETIC!!! Not only that, but J-ville amassed 427 yards in total offense. Time for Fox to go and be replaced by Bill Cowher. Give Cowher total control of the football operations. For this God-awful "effort", the Kittens get thrown Under The Bus.
• Detroit Lions defense: it is inexcusable blowing a 13-point lead in the fourth quarter! The Lions' offense played well enough to put an ####-kicking on the Cowboys' defense. If the defense played half as well as the offense, the Cowboys would be tied with the Packers at 11-2. Paris Lenon had a chance to put the game away with a fumble recovery, but he tried to scoop it up and deflected the ball to Andre Gurode of the Cowboys. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS FALL ON THE F-ING BALL AND THE LIONS WIN!!! IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?? Instead, Tony Romo completes a clutch fourth down pass on the next play to keep the drive alive. The Lions' defense gets thrown Under The Bus.
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I've been propping you guys for most of the year, and you reward me with THIS?? A beatdown administered by the Houston Texans' second-string QB? I can see this if it were the Cowboys or Packers putting the beatdown on the Bucs. But the TEXANS??? The Bucs get thrown Under The Bus. 
• ESPN: for single-handedly making Monday Night Football irrelevant. You have matchups like New Orleans-Atlanta?? Which Head #### decided that this would be a compelling matchup? The Four-Letter gets thrown Under The Bus.
• NFL schedule makers: for putting another couple of overexposed NFC East teams on NBC next Sunday night: Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants. The Redskins' playoff hopes are BARELY on life support. A MUCH better matchup would be Buffalo at Cleveland. Admit it NBC, you have a bias towards Eastern teams from the Eastern Seaboard no matter how BAD THEY SUCK (NY Giants, Washington, Philly, New England). Just get it done and sign an exclusive contract with the NFC East. So Under The Bus you go!

NBA

• New York Knicks: too much drama. Between Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury, it would be too much for even the most hard-core Knicks fans to handle. There WAS a time when the Knicks were a well-run franchise among the NBA's elite. It's going to take Thomas' departure, either by firing or resignation, plus some very good personnel moves, to make this franchise good again.

That's all I have for now. I have expanded this to include all sports. Feel free to come in with your nominations!!!  

Around the world of the NFL faster than two Devin Hester returns for touchdowns, Crappafoni Pictures presents the spaghetti western version of the Good, Bad, and Ugly, NFL style.

THE GOOD

Dallas Cowboys: while they didn't play their best football against the woeful New York Jets on Thanksgiving Day, they didn't have to. Terrell Owens had pedestrian numbers, but he brought double and triple coverage and the other receivers stepped up. Tony Romo was superb yet again.

Green Bay Packers: going into a hostile environment and putting a beatdown on your key divisional rival gets you into the Good category every single time. I think we've run out of adjectives to describe Brett Favre. Let's just say it doesn't suck to have young studs that can tote and catch the rock.

Cleveland Browns: after spotting an early lead to the Texans, the Browns took over. Jamal Lewis looked like the Jamal Lewis of old, gaining 134 yards on 29 carries. Rookie CB Brandon McDonald made several huge plays, including a key pick that set up the final Browns' touchdown. And he held stud WR Andre Johnson to 3 catches for 37 yards. Looks like the Browns have TWO studs at CB: McDonald and Eric Wright.

San Francisco 49ers: what a gritty, gutty win against a divisional rival! Frank Gore was an uber-stud, rushing for 116 yards and added 98 receiving yards on 11 catches. While Kurt Warner passed for 485 yards, it was his fumble in his own end zone that Tully Banta-Cain recovered that gave the Niners the win. Trent Dilfer did a great job in taking care of the ball, not committing a turnover. In fact, the Niners did not commit a turnover for the whole game.

Oakland Raiders: they won the old-fashioned way--by pounding it on the ground with Justin Fargas and swarming, tenacious defense. The Raiders broke a nine-game losing streak to the Chiefs and a 17-game losing streak against AFC West opponents.

Chicago Bears: or more specifically, Devin Hester. He Hesterized the Broncos for a punt and kickoff return for a TD in the same quarter. And what a TD catch by Bernard Berrian (former Fresno State Bulldog!) late in regulation on fourth down!

Minnesota Vikings: or more specifically, their defense. Any time you defeat a good team in their stadium, and especially with THREE Pick Six Specials, you'll be in this category every single time. Dwight Smith, Darren Sharper, and Chad Greenway did the honors.

THE BAD

Tennessee Titans: six points against one of the league's worst defenses? They have been exposed as frauds. They gave Cleveland a golden opportunity to clinch the final AFC playoff spot. And if the Browns do clinch that playoff spot, they can thank the Titans for losing to the Bengals.

Carolina Panthers: this is a bad team getting worse. Forget about the wheels coming off, they came off a long time ago! Looks like they'll end up in the top 5 in the draft. Time to draft a stud QB, and there's no shortage of them in this year's draft.

Denver Broncos: there is NO excuse for blowing a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter. Now your playoff chances went blowing in the wind. You won't catch the Browns, you won't catch the Jaguars, time to start thinking about next year.

THE UGLY

Carolina Panthers: yes, this team deserves to be in BOTH the Bad and Ugly categories. They STILL have not had a QB finish a game he started. The season is over, and no playoffs again. WHEN WILL WE DRAFT A YOUNG STUD QB THAT IS A WINNER?

New York Giants: just when many of us were buying into what Eli Manning was selling, he puts up this turkey o####ame. He was outdueled by Tarvaris FREAKING Jackson.

Philadelphia Eagles: I was going to put them in the Good category until the atrocious play calling late in the game. They had been going inside all game until late, when they went outside. THE PATRIOTS DON'T GIVE UP THE OUTSIDE. You HAVE to go inside.

Those are my nominations. Chime in with your nominations!!

Around the world of the NFL faster than two Darren Sproles returns for touchdowns, Crappafoni Pictures presents the Spaghetti Western NFL version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

THE GOOD

Cleveland at Pittsburgh: this was one of the better games on the docket today. Derek Anderson threw for 3 TDs and Joshua Cribbs took one to the house for 100 yards. The Browns jumped out to a huge lead in the first half and it looked like they were going to steal one in the Burgh. The Steelers coaching staff made the necessary adjustments and shut down the Browns' potent offense. Big Ben's 30-yard TD run swung the momentum the Steelers' way. The Steelers rallied and won a HUGE divisional game.

Dallas Cowboys: they keep getting better each week. After falling behind early, the defense clamped down, and Tony Romo got into a rhythm. Any road win is huge, but to beat your division rivals on the road is doubly huge. The Meadowlands is never an easy place to win, and the 'Boys win in effect gives them a three game lead (two actual games and 2-0 against the G-men).

Green Bay Packers: pitching a shutout in the NFL is very difficult against anyone. To shut out a divisional rival deserves props. Brett Favre looks happy again; having young studs like RB Ryan Grant and WRs James Jones and Greg Jennings are a large reason why. And that defense was gunning for Adrian Peterson, eventually knocking him out of the game.

St. Louis Rams: it was bound to happen sooner or later; this team is much too talented to be 1-8. Injuries, injuries, and more injuries. Once this team is healthy, I expect them to finish strong. They put a good old-fashioned ####-kicking on the Saints. At the Superdome, no less. Marc Bulger had one of his best games of the year, passing for 302 yards and 2 TDs. Steven Jackson even threw a TD pass and ran for a TD. Torry Holt had 8 receptions for 124 yards and a TD. The Rams' defense put the clamps on the Saints. The Saints could have had a chance to tie the game late in regulation, but an onside kick slipped through Josh Bullocks' hands and went out of bounds, giving the Rams possession and preserving their first win of the season.

Denver Broncos: they dominated Kansas City at Arrowhead, forcing four turnovers. Selvin Young rushed for 109 yards and a TD. Jay Cutler had a pedestrian game, passing for 192 yards and a TD to Daniel Graham. The defense also knocked Damon Huard out of the game, forcing the Chiefs to go with Brodie Croyle.

Arizona Cardinals: they are the most schizophrenic team in the NFL. You NEVER know which Cardinals team will show up from game to game or even series to series. Today's Cardinals looked like the team that many picked to win the NFC West. Kurt Warner looked like the Kurt Warner that QB'd the Greatest Show on Turf. Leonard Pope emerged as a red-zone target for both Warner and Tim Rattay, snagging 2 TD passes. Larry Fitzgerald also snagged 2 TD passes, both from Warner. The Cardinals defense did the rest, holding the Lions to MINUS 18 yards rushing FOR THE GAME, including a minus 15 yard effort by Shaun McDonald.

San Diego Chargers: or more specifically, Antonio Cromartie and Darren Sproles. Sproles returned BOTH a kickoff and punt to the house. Sproles' 89-yard kickoff return sparked the Chargers. He later added a 45-yard punt return for a TD. Cromartie picked off Peyton Manning THREE TIMES. The Chargers' defense picked off Manning six times overall. Maybe the powder-blue uniform had something to do with this. The Chargers seem to play better when they wear their powder blues.

Philadelphia Eagles: major props to them for a gritty win at Washington. Brian Westbrook was his usual stellar self. Is it possible he's one of the most UNDERRATED RBs in the league? Reggie Brown made a GREAT TD catch, a "Look Mom, look what I found" type catch. Donovan McNabb made big plays when needed. But it was the Eagles' defense that made the difference, coming up with key stops when needed and giving the offense a chance to win.  

THE BAD

Miami Dolphins: until they win a game, they will be residents of this category. This was a VERY winnable game for the Fins, and for awhile, it looked like they were going to win their first game of the season. Alas, they lost on a late FG by Rian Lindell. At one point, they led 3-2. 

Minnesota Vikings: a goose egg on the scoreboard. Enough said. 

Carolina Panthers: they allowed the Falcons to run the ball down their throats time and again. On the last Falcons' TD, the two Panthers' DBs looked at each other while Alge Crumpler walked into the end zone FROM 30 YARDS AWAY. This is one of the worst teams in the NFL right now. Mediocre would be a compliment. 

Indianapolis Colts: yep, I have to include the defending Super Bowl champs here. Yes, they moved the ball, but SIX Peyton Manning interceptions killed their chances of winning. 

Oakland Raiders: while their defense is still solid, the starting CBs are ####ed up. They need to learn how to finish games. They play well for the first 55 minutes or so, then in the last 5 minutes they let up. 

THE UGLY

Chicago at Oakland: it was even at 3 entering the fourth quarter. I found it hilarious that the broadcast highlighted the Hall of Famers from both franchises. NEWSFLASH: NONE of them are playing for either franchise! Griese vs. McCown does not exactly conjure memories of Young vs. Aikman. I found myself falling asleep through this snoozefest. 

Indianapolis at San Diego: this was a game that bordered on the surreal. NINE combined turnovers for two of the better teams in the AFC. Not to mention MANY missed opportunities. The two teams combined for more turnovers than you see at Rene's French Bakery. Adam Vinatieri missed two FGs, including a 29-yarder late in the game. Add in a heavy rainfall in the second half.

Come in with your nominations for the Good, Bad, and/or Ugly!      

Around the world of the NFL faster than an Antonio Cromartie 109-yard return of a missed FG, Crappafoni Pictures gives you this week's spaghetti western version of Week 9 in the NFl.

THE GOOD

New England at Indianapolis: unlike most big games, this one lived up to the hype. It took a great comeback by Tom Brady and Company to pull out a 24-20 win, preserved by a late turnover. The Pats were 10 points down going into the fourth quarter. Good job, Pats. The 1972 Dolphins should be VERY worried about the Pats running the table, since the Pats' remaining schedule has only two winning teams on it (Pittsburgh and the NY Giants).

Minnesota Vikings: or more specifically, Adrian Peterson. Even though it's been a couple of days since he set the single-game rushing record, it becomes more and more amazing. He SINGLE-HANDEDLY beat the San Diego Chargers.

Dallas Cowboys: they carved up the Eagles IN Philly like John Madden carving up his turducan back in the day. The Cowboys have to be considered the favorites in the NFC to be playing in Glendale in early February.

Detroit Lions: they simply put a good old-fashioned ####-kicking on the Denver Broncos. The ironic thing is that the Broncos actually had the edge on time of possession. But four turnovers did in the Broncos, including a 66-yard Pick Six Special by DT Shaun Rogers. The Lions knocked Jay Cutler out of the game with a leg injury.

New Orleans Saints: is it safe to say, "THEY ARE BACK?" Drew Brees came up HUGE, passing for 445 yards and 3 TDs. Reggie Bush added a 1-yard TD run in the first quarter. I will say that they are back, especially considering the NFC South is very weak this year. The Buccaneers are inconsistent, Carolina has QB issues, and the Falcons are in disarray.

Pittsburgh Steelers: they made a statement by the way they carved up the Ravens' once-vaunted defense. I know I'm not overlooking the Steelers. They are the ONE team that CAN hang with the Patriots and possibly beat them. They have a very strong, balanced offense, the defense is stout, physical, and will smash you in the mouth, and are well-coached by Mike Tomlin and his staff.

Cleveland Browns: Derek Anderson was stellar yet again, passing for 364 yards and four Browns receivers each had 67 yards or more in receiving yards. Jamal Lewis only rushed for 37 yards but had four TDs. It helps a young QB like Anderson immensely to have a battering ram like Lewis back there to punch it in from short yardage. This team is for REAL. Look for them to be playing in January as a wild card.

THE BAD

Carolina Panthers: they weren't just bad; they were PATHETIC. David Carr passed for a MEASLY 107 yards. For the GAME. He's the only player in the history of the NFL to contain a future Hall of Famer in Steve Smith. The Panthers can't stop anyone, and they can't move the ball. A VERY bad combination. I see this team going 6-10 and missing the playoffs yet again. I predict that John Fox will lose his job over this, either by resignation or by firing. The next Panthers' head coach? Bill Cowher.

Oakland Raiders: you can't expect to win by turning the ball over three times. But that is what the Raiders did. Josh McCown was picked off three times, including once in the red zone by LB DeMeco Ryans as the Raiders were driving for a touchdown.

San Francisco 49ers: even with four turnovers, they STILL had a chance to win, but QB Alex Smith threw his third pick of the day to seal it for the Falcons. Frank Gore did not play due to an injury, and that hurt the Niners' ground game.

Baltimore Ravens: this is a team that got old suddenly. Ray Lewis, while still a good LB, is clearly not the LB he used to be. He simply doesn't have the talent around him that he used to have. Steve McNair is on his last legs as an NFL QB. I admire his competitiveness but his tank is dry. The Steelers exposed the Ravens as an old team.

THE UGLY

San Diego Chargers: giving up nearly 300 yards to Adrian Peterson still boggles my mind, since the Chargers have a good, swarming defense.

Arizona at Tampa Bay: this game won't be making ESPN Classic any time soon. Earnest Graham did have a good effort, rushing for 124 yards and a TD.

San Francisco at Atlanta: okay, this wasn't exactly New England at Indy, but this game set the NFL back many years. And it wasn't that long ago both of these teams were in the playoffs.

Crappafoni Pictures takes you around the world of the NFL faster than the participants in The World's Greatest Race. Here we go!!

THE GOOD

New England Patriots: granted, they did play the Miami Dolphins. But throwing for 6 TD passes like Tom Brady did today was freaking incredible! It was like playing Madden 08. At this pace, Brady will obliterate the single season record currently held by Peyton Manning. Brady is on pace for 60 TD passes.

New York Giants: while Eli Manning was efficient and is getting better each week, the G-men's defense was swarming. They forced the 49ers into four turnovers. Michael Strahan was a beast with 2.5 sacks, Osi Umenyiora scored on a fumble return and had a sack, and Brandon Jacobs rushed for a career-high 107 yards and a TD.

Tennessee Titans: or more specifically, Rob Bironas. Bironas kicked 8 FGs, setting an NFL single-game record. The record setter came as time expired, lifting the Titans to a thrilling win over the host Houston Texans. Lost in all that was that Kerry Collins was nails on that final drive to set up Bironas' record breaker.

Dallas Cowboys: they dominated the Vikings in every single aspect of the game but needed a TD return of a blocked FG to put away the pesky Vikings. Tony Romo was superb, going 31 for 39 for 277 yards and a TD. Marion Barber rushed for 96 yards and a TD in the 24-14 win.

Cincinnati Bengals: if not for Kenny Watson's strong effort (31 carries, 130 yards, 3 TDs), the Bengals would have been put in either the Bad or Ugly category. Watson was the stud of the game. They should have beaten a putrid Jets team by at least 2 TDs. More on the Jets later.

Chicago Bears: the win today over Philadelphia may have salvaged their season. In the event a tiebreaker comes into play with the Eagles, the Bears have the advantage. Brian Griese coolly engineered the clinching drive, throwing a TD pass to Muhsin Muhammad with 9 seconds left in the game. The TD pass capped a 97-yard drive. While the Bears still need help in the ground game, Griese gives them a better chance to win.

New Orleans Saints: it looks like they are breaking out of their season-long funk. They won a close game they had to win. While Reggie Bush wasn't spectacular, his TD late in the game was one of pure determination. He caught a short swing pass and bulled over three Atlanta Falcons defenders for the winning TD with less than 5 minutes remaining in the game.

Denver Broncos: they played inspired football in beating a tough Pittsburgh Steelers team. The Steelers' comeback fell short, as Jason Elam kicked a 49-yard FG as time expired. Jay Cutler made the big passes when he needed to. He was 22 of 29 for 248 yards and 3 TDs and 2 INTs.

Kansas City Chiefs: this team has surprised me. I had picked them to be one of the worst teams in the league in the preseason. They are now 4-3. Another good: Priest Holmes returned to the lineup after missing nearly two seasons with head and neck injuries. Combine Holmes and L.J. and this team could possibly make the playoffs.  

THE BAD

St. Louis Rams: 0-7. Enough said.

Miami Dolphins: see above.

New York Jets: this is an absolutely putrid team. If not for the Rams and Dolphins, they would be the worst team in the league. They had opportunities to beat the Bengals and let them slip away. Let the Kellen Clemens era begin. How could a team that was a playoff team last season sink to such depths of ineptitude?

Baltimore Ravens: how could a team that says its a playoff team lose to a one-win team going into the day? Simple: you don't make the plays you need to and the now two-win team makes those same plays.

THE UGLY

Arizona at Washington: the Redskins had a two TD lead and very nearly gave it all back. Credit Arizona for making a furious comeback that fell wide left. The Redskins very nearly sel####estructed. Jason Campbell played like a rookie starting his first NFL game. After playing well much of the season, he played very poorly today.

San Francisco 49ers: Yikes! FOUR turnovers leading to 24 NY Giants points? You're not going to win playing like that! Four turnovers will give any hard-core football fan indigestion. Definitely not a game for the ages.

Oakland Raiders: while their defense kept them in this game, the offense sputtered yet again. Aside from their only TD, the offense didn't show up. What happened to the Raiders' ground game? Fifty-five yards for the game will not win you many games.

These are my nominees! Come with your nominees!!

Around the world of the NFL faster than the hot-air balloon in the motion picture Around the World in 80 Days, I bring you Week 5 of the NFL version of the Spaghetti Western The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, sponsored by Crappafoni Pictures....HERE WE GO!!

San Diego Chargers: the scoreboard explains it all. San Diego 41, Denver 3. They were dominant in all phases of the game. In an eleven second span of the first quarter, the Chargers scored two TD’s. Michael Turner, LT’s backup, was the rushing stud today, with 147 yards on only ten carries, including a 74-yard touchdown run.

Oakland Raiders: yes, they had a bye week, but because of San Diego’s win in Denver and Kansas City’s loss to Jacksonville, the Raiders are in first place. Yes, the FIRST PLACE Oakland Raiders!! 

Washington Redskins: they held the Detroit Lions’ offense to 144 total yards for the game. Jason Campbell had another superb game, going 23 of 28 for 248 yards and two TD’s. The Redskins’ defense just beat the #### out of the Lions’ offense early and often.

Pittsburgh Steelers: when you shut out a good team like the Seahawks, you’ll be in this section every single time. ESPECIALLY when you have defensive studs like Casey Hampton and Troy Polamalu out.

New England Patriots:  they dominated a pesky Cleveland Browns team in every facet of the game. They sent the Browns crashing back to earth by slapping them up and down the field.

San Francisco 49ers: I was jocking this team as a possible NFC West champion. They looked absolutely putrid; so putrid I turned on the NASCAR race from Talladega. They were inept on offense; their defense is what kept the game close.

Denver Broncos: this was one of those games in which they were administered a total ####-kicking. It was administered in their own crib, no less. Every team has a game in which NOTHING goes right. For Denver, today was that game.

Atlanta Falcons: they had less than 200 yards against a middle of the road Titans defense. While the Titans’ defense isn’t bad, it’s not exactly the 1985 Bears, either. 

Detroit Lions: I expected a better effort than 144 total yards for the game. This was supposed to be a good test for a team that expects a lot out of itself. They got an F-minus.

Baltimore at San Francisco: this game won’t be making ESPN Classic any time soon. In fact it was so boring I turned to the race. Here is the sequence: Baltimore--run, run, pass, punt. San Francisco--run, run, pass, punt. Repeat sequence for Baltimore. Repeat sequence for San Francisco. You get the drift.

Miami Dolphins: or more specifically, the injury to Trent Green. Green suffered a concussion attempting to throw a block on the Texans’ Travis Johnson. Green was briefly hospitalized, but was allowed to return to Miami with the team. While I admire Green’s willingness to throw blocks to help his team win, at the very least he could have just got in Johnson’s way and it would have been just as effective. Now the Dolphins have to wonder if Green’s finished.

Kansas City Chiefs: they were very nearly shut out at home for the first time in 13 years. It took a meaningless touchdown on the last play of the game to prevent the shutout. They remembered they were the Kansas City Chiefs of Opening Day. I heard that they are distributing milk cartons with a picture of Larry Johnson’s face on the carton, saying, Have you seen this man? He has been the Incredible Invisible Man.

Carolina at New Orleans: it was an incredible display of offensive ineptitude for most of the game. It took a determined Steve Smith to get a key first down by running over a Saints’ defensive back on third down. The first down enabled the Panthers' John Kasay to kick a 53 yard game winning FG as time expired.

Scouring the NFL landscape, there are some worthy candidates for being thrown under the bus. Here are three that I think are worthy:

1. The Carolina Panthers' defense. Hate to do this to my boys, but the way the defense played, they deserve it.
2. The officiating crew for the Raiders-Broncos game. Shanahan called the time out AFTER the ball was snapped. The ball was on its way through the uprights when the time out was granted. The Raiders were robbed YET AGAIN. I want to throw them under the bus, back up and run them over again, then go forward and run them over again.
3. The Carolina Panthers' offensive coaches. WHY DIDN'T THEY KEEP GOING TO STEVE SMITH? The Texans had NO answer for Smith. And why didn't they run the ball more often?

Write in with your candidates!!

I conclude my predictions/prognostications with the AFC West.

AFC WEST

San Diego Chargers:  their WHOLE coaching staff was raided by other teams. Wade Phillips left for Dallas. Cam Cameron left for Miami. Marty Schottenheimer was fired despite finishing 14-2. Norv Turner was brought in from San Francisco to take the Chargers to the next level. They basically have the same personnel as last season. Craig Davis was drafted to add depth to the WR corps. Defensively, they got younger when Donnie Edwards was allowed to leave and return to Kansas City. Turner’s teams have made the playoffs once while he was the head coach. Make that twice. Predicted record: 12-4 (division and conference champion).

Denver Broncos: the Jay Cutler Era is beginning in earnest. Jake Plummer is out, traded to Tampa Bay. While I think Cutler will be an improvement over Plummer, the league’s better defensive units will confuse him enough so that he will make rookie mistakes. As he gains experience he will get better. Travis Henry was brought in to relieve some of the pressure Cutler will face. He’ll be good for 1,300 to 1,500 yards. Their WR corps is still a bit suspect, with long in the tooth Rod Smith being the leader. Defensively, they will be better with Jarvis Moss being brought in, provided he doesn’t have character issues. This team will be good, just not San Diego good. Predicted record: 11-5 (wild card).

Oakland Raiders: this will be one of the league’s most improved teams. They have a new, energetic coach in Lane Kiffin. They have a Super Bowl-caliber defense (in my opinion, the only team with a better defense is the Ravens) that got better with the addition of Donovin Darius. That defense is tough, hard-hitting, and they fly to the ball. Offensively, they were putrid. They had one of the WORST offenses in NFL history last year. They drafted a franchise QB in JaMarcus Russell, a solid TE in Zach Miller, and a potential steal in RB Michael Bush. Moving Robert Gallery to LG is a good move in the right direction. Their O-line still has questions. The team added Daunte Culpepper to its roster. He’ll compete with Josh McCown for the starting QB spot. Look for the Raiders to no longer be the division doormat. Russell better sign his contract soon or he will lose a whole year's learning curve. Predicted record: 6-10 (no playoffs).

Kansas City Chiefs: Trent Green is gone, replaced by an unproven QB in Brodie Croyle. Larry Johnson is holding out for a better deal. Priest Holmes is returning after a two-year absence due to injuries. No WR corps to speak of. The best receiving option is still TE Tony Gonzalez. The Chiefs may be this year’s Oakland Raiders, minus the terrific defense. Perhaps a new regime is needed to improve the team. Predicted record: 4-12 (no playoffs).