Around the world of the NFL faster than a Texans' collapse, Crappafoni Pictures presents Week 5 of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, complete with hot wings and a cold draft on the side. Enjoy!

THE GOOD

Carolina Panthers: when you toss a shutout, particularly the first one of the season, you get the first listing every single time. But it wasn't just the shutout. The Panthers' defense held Larry Johnson to TWO YARDS rushing. Seven carries, two yards. Six feet. Seventy-two inches. The Chiefs were limited to 127 total yards. FOR THE GAME. Offensively, the Panthers amassed 441 total yards and enjoyed a nearly 2 to 1 advantage in time of possession. Their offensive explosion came despite both of their starting OTs out for the game. Yes, it was the Chiefs, but the Chiefs were coming off a surprising win against the Broncos last week. Could this be the 2003 season all over again?

New York Giants: they methodically administered a beatdown to the Seattle Seahawks. Now unlike the Chiefs, the Seahawks have been a recent playoff contender. The G-men had their way with the Hawks, to the tune of 523 total yards on offense. Brandon Jacobs couldn't be stopped, amassing most of his yardage in the first half, including a 44-yard run that set up the Giants' first TD. Defensively, they held the Hawks to 187 total yards. The G-men are the team to beat in the NFC, if not the entire NFL. Carolina may have something for them when they meet later in the season.

Tennessee Titans: like the Giants, they are still unbeaten. Unlike the Giants on Sunday, they won with a suffocating defense. Their game against the Ravens was a classic case of smash mouth defense. I can guarantee you both teams needed extra Advil this morning! They forced two turnovers, and limited the Ravens to 210 total yards.

Miami Dolphins: could this team be a PLAYOFF team? Judging by how they played, yes. They certainly have improved. Props to the Fins for winning back to back games against the Patriots and Chargers. To hold an explosive team like the Chargers to 10 points, and holding LT to 35 yards on 12 carries, speaks volumes about their defense. Not to mention holding the Bolts to 202 total yards. An extra good goes to their goal-line stand to start the fourth quarter. And it seemed like the Fins had the ball all afternoon, as they held the ball for just over 36 minutes. Ronnie Brown was the stud, gaining 125 yards on 24 carries. Chad Pennington did a great job in managing the game, keeping the Fins out of trouble, and throwing a block that sprung Brown for his TD run. With this win, the Fins have more wins this season already than all of last season.

Arizona Cardinals: to beat a previously undefeated Bills team definitely gets you in this category. The way they did it impressed me! There's so many props to go around, where do I start? I'll start with the defense. They forced four Bills turnovers. They limited Marshawn #### to 55 yards rushing. Kurt Warner was sharp, throwing for 250 yards and 2 TDs. Warner is looking like the Warner of the 1999 season. Steve Breaston has emerged as a third receiver. This team could be very dangerous in January.

Washington Redskins: once again, the Skins did not commit a turnover. They remain the only team in the league to not commit a turnover. Jason Campbell continues to impress, leading the Redskins to a HUGE road win. The Redskins gashed the league leading Eagles' rush defense to 204 yards on the ground. Clinton Portis gained 145 of those yards, including a HUGE fourth down conversion late in the game that allowed the Redskins to run out the clock. Game, set, and match.

Honorable Mention: Pittsburgh Steelers, Chicago Bears, Denver Broncos, Atlanta Falcons.

THE BAD

Detroit Lions: they are an absolutely putrid team. Granted, they lost to a good Bears team, but they got WORKED. And at HOME, no less. No offense, no defense. Perhaps they should change their city name to the Etroit Lions, since there's no D in Etroit. Could they go winless this season? 

Kansas City Chiefs: after being so good last week, they return to form. It was like they were clueless on how to game plan against the Panthers. Nothing they tried worked.

Seattle Seahawks: this couldn't go any worse in Mike Holmgren's final season. Even with Bobby Engram and Deion Branch back from injury, that didn't help much. Granted, they did play the defending champs, but there's NO excuse for not being competitive. The BENGALS pushed the G-men to OT before falling. The Seahawks gave up after the Giants' first TD. They are DONE. Stick a fork in 'em.

THE UGLY

Houston Texans: what a colossal meltdown! They had a win practically wrapped up against a front-line team like Indianapolis. Then they proceeded to play giveaway with the Colts. Sage Rosenfels was putrid, committing three turnovers late in the fourth quarter. David Carr thought Rosenfels was putrid. The Colts took FULL advantage, scoring 21 points in a two-minute span late in the fourth quarter.

Those are my nominees for Week 5. Feel free to come in with your nominees!! 

Around the world of the NFL faster than the Raiders blowing a fourth quarter lead, Crappafoni Pictures presents to you in high-def intensity, Week 4 of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Sit back and enjoy!

THE GOOD

New York Jets: did Brett Favre turn the clock back 15 years? SIX TD passes! This was the first time the Jets turned him loose. He came within one TD pass of matching the NFL record. Talk about a shootout! If you love offense, this game was for you! It was a high-speed, high-def shootout at the OK Corral won by the J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!, 56-35. Not to be outdone, Kurt Warner passed for nearly 500 yards in the defeat.

Kansas City Chiefs: they earned their first win of the season against the previously unbeaten Denver Broncos. First of all, it was surprising the Chiefs won to begin with. But the way they won was even more surprising: forcing four Denver turnovers and taking advantage of them. Larry Johnson was a stud, gashing the Broncos for 198 yards on 28 carries, including a 65-yarder that set up a TD.

Washington Redskins: going into Big D and putting a beatdown on the Cowboys will get you into this category every single time. Make no mistake, that was a beatdown administered by the Redskins. Yes, the margin of victory was only 2 points, but the game wasn't even that close. Only because the Redskins played prevent defense was it even that close. They enjoyed a nearly 2 to 1 advantage in TOP. Once again, they did not commit a turnover, remaining the only team in the NFL to not commit a turnover this season.

Tennessee Titans: they put a beatdown on a good Minnesota team to the tune of four turnovers. The Titans scored all their TDs off Minnesota turnovers. The defense also registered four sacks and an INT. 

Carolina Panthers: could this be shades of the 2003 season? Steve Smith making big plays, Muhsin Muhammad making big catches to move the chains, Jake Delhomme making the passes he needed. Delhomme completed 20 of 29 for 294 yards and 2 TDs. Jonathan Stewart did his best Stephen Davis impression, scoring on an 8 yard TD run. The defense pitched in with two sacks, and limited the Falcons' potent offense to 268 yards. 

Chicago Bears: their defense is playing at the level of a few years ago, when they made it to Super Bowl 42. Very tough and swarming. And that goal-line stand!  That turned the momentum of the game Chicago's way. Kyle Orton threw for three TDs, all in the first half. Matt Forte kept the chains moving, something they haven't had since Thomas Jones a few years ago.

New Orleans Saints: Deuce McAllister is healthy. Great news for Saints fans, bad news for the rest of the league. McAllister moved the chains and set up Drew Brees to make huge plays. When this team is completely healthy, and they will be by their bye week, this team can be a Super Bowl contender. The Saints' defense had six sacks of J.T. O'Sullivan, and forced three turnovers.   

Honorable Mention: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, San Diego Chargers, Buffalo Bills.

THE BAD

St. Louis Rams: this team is listed first for a reason--THEY SUCK. This is a historically bad team, bad enough that it cost Scott Linehan his job 1/4 of the way into the season. As long as they remain winless, they'll be the first team listed in the Bad category. 

Cincinnati Bengals: while this team is a mess, it's not at the level of the Rams, yet. They lost the Battle of Ohio to a slightly less woeful team in the Cleveland Browns. They'll be right behind the Rams for this week, only because the Detroit Lions had a bye. 

Oakland Raiders: to say they are a dysfunctional team is like saying the sun rises from the east. They have put the "dys" in dysfunctional. And it's not the team per se; they play hard and sell out for Lane Kiffin. They don't know how to win. You can go on and on about how much Al Davis has contributed to the game, and he has. But his time has come and gone. The downfall of this team started when he let Jon Gruden go. When the Raiders are good, the league is much better for it. Now Kiffin wants to change the losing culture, and he and Davis are butting heads. They had a chance to choke out the Chargers and didn't. They could be 2-2 or even 3-1, but they're 1-3 instead. 

San Francisco 49ers: what a horrid display they put on against the Saints. This was supposed to be a good test. They failed miserably. They failed to account for Deuce McAllister, who repeatedly moved the chains, setting up Drew Brees to burn the Niners' secondary for huge plays. The vaunted Gold Rush was fool's gold against the Saints, not registering a sack and putting very little pressure on Brees.

Denver Broncos: what the hell was that, losing to a previously winless team? Not only that, they put a BEATDOWN on your ####. The less said about you, the better. Now go play with the other mediocre teams and stop posing as a playoff team, because you're not. 

THE UGLY

Cleveland at Cincinnati: any time two winless teams match up, it goes into this category. Someone HAD to win, might as well have been Cleveland.

Denver Broncos: this team played so pathetic and lackluster they get put in TWO categories this week. FOUR turnovers? Against one of the WORST defenses in the NFL? Yes, they outgained Kansas City, but most of that yardage came in garbage time, well after the outcome had been decided. Actually, three categories--I've added a FUGLY category for the Broncos.

Green Bay Packers: another team posing as a playoff team. Like Denver, the Pack committed four turnovers, only against a very good defense. I'll go easier on them, only because they were playing a very good Tampa Bay defense.

Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to chime in with yours!

Around the world of the NFL faster than Reggie Bush turning the corner and gaining huge yardage, Crappafoni Pictures presents to you, the avid NFL fan, this week's version of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Surf and Turf style. Enjoy!

THE GOOD

Dallas Cowboys: they went into Lambeau Field and totally throttled a very good Packers team for the nation to see. The Cowboys may have found a #2 receiver in Miles Austin. And their X-Factor so far? Felix Jones. All this guy does is make big plays. For all the talk of the Cowboys' offense, their defense is big, strong, fast, and PHYSICAL. They beat up the Packers into submission.

Miami Dolphins: for a team that was 1-15 last season, they have already matched their win total from last season. RB/QB Ronnie Brown threw as many TD passes than Matt Cassel. Not to mention gashing the Patriots' defense for FOUR rushing TDs. Ricky Williams got into the act, rushing for close to 100 yards (98, to be exact).

Jacksonville Jaguars: to go into Indianapolis and beat the Colts is DEFINITELY good. This was a must win game for the Jags.

Philadelphia Eagles: they pounded a very good Steelers team into submission. Jim Johnson threw everything at the Steelers, including the kitchen sink. I think the sink got a sack in that game. The Eagles recorded nine sacks and a safety. Totally dominating. Not to be overlooked was the punting of Sav Rocca, who kept the Steelers pinned deep in their own territory, allowing the Eagles to keep the pressure on Roethlisberger and the Steelers.

New York Giants: they survived a close, hard-fought game with the Cincinnati Bengals at home, doing what they needed to prevail. They showed the heart of a champion in defeating the Bengals and keeping their undefeated record intact.

Cincinnati Bengals: I'm going to break with tradition and put them in the Good category, despite losing. They went toe to toe with the defending Super Bowl champs and went to overtime before losing. Could they take this game and use it as motivation to turn around their season? Only time will tell. 

San Diego Chargers: they won a wild shootout against the New York Jets, bringing back memories of Air Coryell. The Chargers punted only once in the game, meaning Mike Scifres had time to check out the hot babes in the stands. Good win by the Bolts.

Honorable Mention: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Washington Redskins, Denver Broncos.

THE BAD

Kansas City Chiefs: these guys are threatening to make this category their permanent home. Granted, they lost to a good Atlanta Falcons team, but they weren't competitive. This team is God-awful BAD.

Detroit Lions: bad, bad team. They were outmatched and outclassed by an up and coming 49ers team.

St. Louis Rams: nothing like some Lamb Chops for the Seattle Seahawks to fatten up on. The Hawks are still licking their chops after that sumptuous meal.

New England Patriots: this team is in SERIOUS trouble. Their defense is old, slow, and a shell of what they were five years ago. Miami just pushed them around the field and b-slapped them all day long.

Cleveland Browns: losing to a rookie QB is bad enough. But they were not competitive. There should have been a DefCon 5 alert for the citizens of Baltimore due to Derek Anderson stinking up the joint so badly. He was BRUTAL.

THE UGLY

Carolina Panthers: Jake Delhomme lost TWO fumbles, one that directly led to a TD. The defense turned journeyman Gus Frerotte into Joe FREAKING Montana. Was that Gus Frerotte or Joe Montana back there? The coaching staff abandoned the run early in the game when it was working. The Panthers also shot themselves in the feet too many times by committing numerous penalties. In short, the Panthers sleepwalked through the entire game. They weren't ready to play. My question is: did someone spike the Panthers' water with Lunesta?

Houston Texans: Matt Schaub threw three picks, including a Pick Six Special to Cortland Finnegan with 1:17 remaining in the game. Finnegan returned the gift a franchise record 99 yards to put the game away. Schaub was BRUTAL, going 17 for 37 for 188 yards.

Those are my Week 3 nominees. Feel free to come in with yours!  

It's that time of week again, sports fans. Is there a sports entity that has you in such an uproar that you want to SCREAM? Do you want to call them out for it? Here is your chance to do so! The young lady will take your requests and the offending party will be thrown under that Bus behind her. I have a few requests.

NFL

Carolina Panthers: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF EFFORT WAS THAT? You have a battering ram in Jonathan Stewart that SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE BALL 25-30 times today! His total: seven carries for 15 yards! SEVEN FREAKING CARRIES!! Jake Delhomme doesn't escape blame for this, either. He was sacked about 100,000 times, or so it seemed (he was actually sacked five times), and fumbled THREE TIMES, losing ALL of them. Stewart getting the ball a MINIMUM of 20 times would have slowed down the Vikings' defense. Look at what the Dolphins did against New England--they gave the rock to THEIR battering ram Ronnie Brown, and he gashed the Patriots for FOUR TDs and passing for another TD. Dolphins WHIPPED the Patriots at Foxborough. YOU CAN LEARN FROM THAT! 

Now let's get to the defense. Aside from Julius Peppers, everyone SUCKED. YOU TURNED A JOURNEYMAN QB INTO FREAKING JOE FREAKING MONTANA! Why didn't you blitz more? Frerotte had ALL FREAKING DAY to pick apart the suspect Panthers' secondary. The coaching staff doesn't escape my wrath, either. FREAKING LIFELESS AND NO IMAGINATION! What did you think, that just by walking out there, you would win? How did you win your first two games? BY PLAYING WITH A SENSE OF URGENCY AND FLYING TO THE BALL. There was none of that today. With a 10-0 lead, you should have been able to choke out the Vikings. You would have if you had fed Jonathan Stewart the rock 20-25 times. SEVEN TIMES IS INEXCUSABLE!! NO WONDER YOU GET THROWN UNDER THE BUS!!

Detroit Lions: this is the saddest sack team in the NFL. But the way Carolina played, the Lions would win their matchup. They were thoroughly dominated by the 49ers. Then to make matters worse, Jon Kitna got injured late in the game. I'll just throw them to the side of the bus.

This blogger: I'm throwing myself under the Bus this week for saying that Carolina would beat Minnesota.

MLB

Colorado Rockies: I'm throwing them Under The Bus for rolling over and laying down to die against the Arizona Diamondbacks, and at home, no less. Arizona came into the series at Colorado having lost 11 road games in a row. Then they go in and sweep the Rockies, two of the games being routs and the middle game being tied going into the ninth, when the Snakes scored two runs. All that good will you earned last year for that amazing run is gone. #### YOU ROCKIES!!

Los Angeles Dodgers: this is for losing half your lead to the D-backs by losing 2 of 3 to the lowly Giants. You turned the Giants' pitching staff into the 1971 Baltimore Orioles' staff. Now it appears you're going to have to win IN San Francisco, NEVER an easy thing to do. For nearly giving back the NL West lead, you get thrown under the Bus.

NASCAR

Robby Gordon: he was racing Jamie McMurray while a lap down. Foolish. Give McMurray the position, and you don't take out a car that could have won the race. McMurray is racing for his future, and finishes like today make it easier for Jack Roush to decide. You get thrown under the Bus twice: for foolishly racing McMurray and for being an ####.

Those are my nominees. Feel free to come in with yours!

Around the world of the NFL faster than Ed Hochuli's whistle, Crappafoni Pictures presents this week's version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

THE GOOD

New York Giants: they thoroughly dominated a hapless St. Louis Rams. Good teams are supposed to dominate teams like the Rams, and the Giants did so. DE Justin Tuck's Pick Six Special was particularly impressive.

Tennessee Titans: boy, was I ever wrong about this team! The Titans' defense stuffed the Bengals' offense like a Thanksgiving turkey. To hold Carson Palmer to 134 yards passing is especially impressive. Great job by the Titans' defense.

Buffalo Bills: another team I was wrong about. To go into Jacksonville and beat a Jaguars team many thought could reach the Super Bowl, awesome. Trent Edwards was stellar, completing 20 of 25 for 239 yards and a TD.

Green Bay Packers: they ran and passed on the Lions at will, to the tune of 447 total yards and 48 points. Aaron Rodgers continues to prove that the Packers' brass made the right decision, completing 24 of 38 for 328 yards and 3 TDs.

Carolina Panthers: I put them in this category because of their comeback from a 17-3 deficit to win 20-17. Jonathan Stewart continues to impress, scoring twice, the last one coming with less than 4 minutes left in the game. The Panthers' defense rose to the occasion in the second half, stuffing Aaron McKie on a fourth and short to seal the deal.

Dallas Cowboys: they took advantage of two gigantic plays: a 72-yard TD pass from Tony Romo to Terrell Owens, and a 98-yard kickoff return from Felix Jones, both in the first half. While the Eagles moved the ball up and down the field, the Cowboys' defense stiffened up when it mattered. DeMarcus Ware showed why he's an All-Pro, not giving up on the play and sacking Donovan McNabb on the Eagles' final possession. They join the Giants, Panthers, Packers, and Cardinals as 2-0 teams in the NFC. 

Washington Redskins: they beat a (battered) New Orleans Saints team many (myself included) predicted to reach the Super Bowl. Jason Campbell picked apart the Saints' defense to the sweet, jazzy tune of 24 of 36 for 321 yards and a late 67-yard bomb to Santana Moss that provided the winning margin.

Oakland Raiders: Darren McFadden broke out in a HUGE way. Subbing for the injured Justin Fargas, McFadden rushed for 164 yards on 21 carries and a TD. He also broke off a 50-yard run. They thoroughly dominated the hapless Chiefs in Arrowhead, rushing for 300 yards as a team.

Honorable Mention: Indianapolis Colts, San Francisco 49ers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Steelers.

THE BAD

St. Louis Rams: this team is GOD-AWFUL bad. They will be LUCKY to win 2 games this season. In fact, they will be competing for the first overall selection in the 2009 draft. They have become the Clippers of the NFL.

Kansas City Chiefs: another awful team, though not as bad as the Rams. Losing at home and getting dominated will get you in this category every single time.

Seattle Seahawks: how could you dominate a team like San Francisco, yet let the game get away from you? And at home, no less? Losing to the 49ers at home gets you in this category every single time.

Cincinnati Bengals: this team is HORRID. No wonder they have Halloween colors; watching this team is a horror show in itself. They will be competing with the Rams for the #1 overall selection in the 2009 draft.

THE UGLY

Pittsburgh at Cleveland: this was a Sunday Night Snoozefest. Missed passes. Dropped balls. A lack of execution by both teams. Granted, it was very windy because of the remnants of Hurricane Ike, but you're pros, you should adapt to the conditions. Either both defenses played stellar, or both offenses were sloppy. I'll bank on the latter. Pittsburgh's defense played better, with Troy Polamalu picking off a Derek Anderson pass to stop a Cleveland drive. Aside from Big Ben's 31-yard TD pass to Hines Ward, he was pedestrian.

Oakland at Kansas City: this was a game between two teams that are biding their time until they set up tee times after Week 17. Another yawnfest.

Ed Hochuli: I have to put him in here because he BLEW three calls, ALL of them shafting the Chargers. He was subsequently graded down by the NFL office.

Those are my nominees for Week 2. Feel free to come in with yours!  

Starting in Week 1 and concluding in Week 17 (since there are no bad teams in the playoffs) I will be offering the NFL version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, sponsored by Crappafoni Pictures. I will put five teams in each category.

THE GOOD

New York Giants: they totally dismantled the Washington Redskins last Thursday night. The defense overwhelmed Jason Campbell and the Redskins' offense. Based on what I've seen, the G-men look poised to defend their title.

Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb is healthy again, and that’s a good thing for the Eagles. They ran and passed at will against the Rams. Defensively, they put the clamps on the Rams’ offense.

Dallas Cowboys: they totally dismantled the Cleveland Browns, looking like the favorites to go to the Super Bowl. Tony Romo looked sharp, the ground game was working, and the defense totally overwhelmed the Browns’ offense.

Carolina Panthers: WOW! What a freaking ending! The Panthers hung in there and kept it close throughout the game. The Chargers took the lead with 2:26 left in the game. Plenty of time for Jake Delhomme to drive the Panthers down the field, culminating in a 14-yard TD pass to Dante Rosario as time expired. It's a VERY RARE feat for a QB to throw a game-winning TD pass as time expires. To go into San Diego and beat the Chargers is a GREAT start to the season.

Atlanta Falcons: Michael Turner. Matt Ryan. Need I say more? Turner rushed for a franchise record 220 yards and Ryan's first pass in the NFL was a 62-yard TD to Michael Jenkins. What a debut for first-year head coach Mike Smith! Looks like the Falcons' braintrust knew what they were doing in hiring Smith.

I could put a whole bunch of other teams in this category, but I will put a few in my honorable mention category.

Honorable Mention: Chicago Bears, Arizona Cardinals, Buffalo Bills, Denver Broncos.

THE BAD

St. Louis Rams: they couldn’t move the ball on the Eagles, and the Eagles ran and passed over them at will. While I didn’t expect them to win, I expected a better effort. Yuck. I hope Scott Linehan is updating his resume.

Detroit Lions: they were ill-prepared to play football against the Falcons. While Jon Kitna wasn’t bad, the rest of his team was. Kitna actually had a pretty good day, but the defense was putrid.

Cincinnati Bengals: while I wouldn’t normally put them in the Bad category, they belong there this week because they lost to a rookie QB and rookie head coach.

Seattle Seahawks: where do I start? Special teams? That’s a good place to start. The Seahawks’ special teams allowed a fake FG for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown.

Oakland Raiders: losing at home, and not putting forth an honest effort against the Denver Broncos, will get you in this category every single time. They took STUPID penalties, did a ####-poor job in tackling, and did a poor job of game management.

THE UGLY

New England Patriots: losing your franchise QB for the season will get you in this category.

San Francisco 49ers: playing a game of giveaway with the Arizona Cardinals to the tune of five turnovers will get you in this category every single time.

Oakland Raiders: this was so ugly, I turned to a documentary. They were totally and thoroughly dominated by the Broncos. The atmosphere in the stadium is like a morgue. Lane Kiffin better start updating his resume. Now Rob Ryan can really snicker his teehees at Kiffin, knowing he won‘t be fired.

I apologize for leaving some teams off that should be in one of the three categories. Feel free to come in with your nominees! 

It's that time of week again. Time to call out those idiots, miscreants, malcontents, and ingrates for their idiocy, arrogance, dumb-A$$ery, and general stupidity. The lovely young lady will take your requests and call them forward. Simple as that! 

NFL

San Francisco 49ers: OMG, what the HELL was THAT? FIVE turnovers? It was a miracle you didn't get run out of Candlestick Park! If it wasn't for the Arizona Cardinals' offensive ineptitude, you would have. And your defense bailed the offense's sorry #### out. If it wasn't for Frank Gore, it would REALLY be putrid. I expected a competitive game. Not a good way to start by getting thrown under the Bus.

Seattle Seahawks: what was that allowing a TD on a fake FG? Then on the ensuing kickoff fumbling the ball away? Then on the very next play allowing ANOTHER TD? If this is any indication, it's going to be a VERY long year in the Pacific Northwest. And it starts by throwing the Seahawks under the Bus.

St. Louis Rams: keeping up with the theme of the NFC Worst West, I offer as Exhibit 3, the St. Louis Lambs Rams. Granted, the Eagles are a good team, but I expected a better effort. Both Donovan McNabb AND Kevin Kolb passed on the Lambs Rams at will. I'll state the obvious: the NFC Worst West is the WORST division in the NFL. The Lambs Rams get thrown under the Bus for their lack of effort and their suckiness, at least this week.

Detroit Lions: throughout preseason, this team was hyped as a possible playoff contender. Well, if you were a TRUE playoff contender, you wouldn't be losing have lost to the Atlanta Falcons! And to a rookie QB making his FIRST NFL start! And you wouldn't have let Michael Turner gash you for 220 yards rushing. New season, same old Lions. See the Lions defense. See Michael Turner. See Michael Turner gash the Lions defense for 220 yards rushing (a franchise record). See the Lions get thrown under the Bus.

Carolina Panthers' haters: this is to all those that said the Panthers would be 6-10, or worse, like finish LAST in the NFC South (you people KNOW who you are). I EXPECTED the Panthers to compete, but like just about everyone else, I expected the Chargers to win. Well, the Panthers are 1-0 after beating one of the BEST teams in the AFC, and on the road, no less. Suddenly, the game against Chicago will be very tough next week. I throw all you Panthers haters under the Bus, and deprive you of your supply of Panther-flavored Haterade.

NBA

Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur: the two ex-Jayhawks teammates were kicked out of an NBA rookie transition program for deciding to get high on the hippie lettuce and having women in their room and getting caught. Save that for the regular season. The NBA kicked them out of the program and now they have to repeat the program next year. But in the meantime, the wannabe hippies get thrown under the Bus.

MLB

St. Louis Cardinals: their bullpen failed to hold leads TWICE against Arizona. I thought the Mets’ bullpen was bad; the Cardinals bullpen is 20 times WORSE. This is why they’ll be watching the playoffs from home after the season is over. They had a GOLDEN opportunity to get back into the playoff hunt. Now it’s all but over. With a sweep, they would have made the NL Central a tight race. Now the opportunity is lost. Now they get thrown under the Bus.

Those are my nominations for the week. Feel free to come in with yours!

Sports fans, it's that time of week again. Time to call out the object of your ire by throwing them under the Bus. Remember, the object of your ire can be a player, coach, fans, league, commissioner, sports executive, columnist, or even your fellow bloggers. You can call out their stupidity and general all-around dumb@$$ery here.

NFL

Ricardo Colclough, DB, Carolina Panthers: he was arrested for DWI on Saturday, hours before the Panthers were to make their final cuts. This doesn’t help. If you want to have a future in the NFL, you better learn to stay down during the season. In the meantime, you earn a tread-tasting trip under the Bus. UPDATE: Colclough has been released by the Panthers a few hours after his arrest. Ya think?

Derrick Martin, CB, Baltimore Ravens: the NFL suspended him for the season opener against the Cincinnati Bengals. He was cited and charged in July for possession of three small bags of the hippie lettuce at the Cleveland airport during a random TSA screening. What the HELL are you doing transporting small bags of the chronic at an airport? Apparently this genius thought he wasn’t going to be searched. Dumb, dumb, dumb. And for that, Martin gets to taste some tread as he gets thrown under the Bus.

Jesse Chatman, RB, New York Jets: he was suspended for four games for violating the NFL’s steroids and substance abuse policy. While he’s been good in the locker room and in practice, rules are rules. He was out of football in 2006, and came back in 2007 with Miami. He’ll have his roster spot when he returns in Week 5. But for now, Chatman gets thrown under the Bus.

Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars: he was arrested outside a Miami Beach nightclub early Saturday for disorderly conduct. With the season about to begin, what was he doing at a nightclub? Save that for AFTER the season. And remember, nothing good happens after 2 AM, unless you’re getting lucky and doing the Dirty Sanchez with some hottie. What makes it hard is that he’s been a solid character guy, good in the locker room and in the community. But as painful as it is, I have to throw Taylor under the Bus.

Rocky Bernard and Jordan Babineaux, Seattle Seahawks: these two geniuses were suspended for Seattle's Week 1 game at Buffalo. Bernard for violation of the team's personal conduct policy stemming from his allegedly assaulting his ex-girlfriend. Babineaux was suspended for violation of the league's substance abuse policy. In addition to the $35,000 fine, Babineaux is also docked a game check. These two characters get to taste some tread as they get thrown Under The Bus.

MLB

Pittsburgh Pirates: or more specifically, their official scorer. This guy denied the Milwaukee Brewers' CC Sabathia a no-hitter. Sabathia fielded a slow roller by the Pirates' Andy LaRoche and booted it. Sure error, right? NO, it was ruled an INFIELD SINGLE!! If Sabathia fields it cleanly, LaRoche is out from PNC Park to Fox Chapel (a tony Pittsburgh suburb). It wasn't like it was a ban.g-ban.g play. The Pirates' official scorer gets thrown Under The Bus for denying Sabathia a much sought-after no-hitter.

Los Angeles Dodgers: this team went into the tank before rallying against the Diamondbacks' two best pitchers: Dan Haren and Brandon Webb. Getting swept by the Phillies is one thing; getting swept by the weak-#### Washington Nationals will get you thrown under the Bus every single time.   

Youth Baseball League of New Haven, CT: this spineless league banned a 9-year-old pitcher named Jericho Scott because he’s too good. He's good, and it irks you to no end because your self-esteem is threatened. This young kid throws 40 MPH, which is roughly equivalent to a high school senior throwing 90-95 MPH with pinpoint control. Whatever happened to celebrating achievement? League and parents, you broke the spirit of a kid. I don’t know how you can sleep at night knowing you broke the spirit of a 9-year-old boy. You have that attitude of being the experts on all things racial. Could it be possible you banned him because of his *race*? (Jericho Scott is African-American) WELL, YOU'RE NOT. I SPIT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE CONTEMPTIBLE. THEN I THROW THE SPINELESS PARENTS AND THE LEAGUE UNDER THE BUS. Parents, I hope you get what’s coming to you. And I hope Jericho Scott overcomes this obstacle to become a Major League pitcher.

NASCAR

NASCAR: for instituting a six-race probation for both Carl Edwards and Kyle Busch for their little dust-up after the Bristol race. NASCAR is forever stressing they want to return to its roots. Putting Edwards and Busch on probation is just stupid. Are they trying to neuter its drivers? I think so. NASCAR itself gets thrown under the Bus.

Those are my nominees for the week. Feel free to come in with yours!

P.S. The young lady wasn't available this week; perhaps next week.

 

 

 

I will give my thumbnail predictions for two divisions per day until the regular season begins. Today, the NFC East and South. 

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys: on paper, this team has it all: explosive offense, stout defense, and strong special teams. However, they do have a tough schedule, going on the road to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Green Bay, in addition to the NFC East opponents. Tony Romo should be able to take the next step in his progress. But questions still linger: can Romo win a postseason game? Will Adam Jones fit in with his new teammates? We'll find out, and, yes. Adam Jones gives the 'Boys a lockdown CB they haven't had since Deion Sanders. Plus, he's the best return man not named Devin Hester. Predicted record (playoff seeding in parentheses): 11-5, first place, (2).

Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb is healthier than he has been in recent years. He has uber-stud RB Brian Westbrook. The defense is still stout, thanks to defensive coordinator Jim Johnson's scheme. David Akers is one of the league's better kickers. And unlike Romo, McNabb has won in the postseason, narrowly losing to New England in Super Bowl 39. (Of course, he had Terrell Owens then) Still, they're not far behind the Cowboys in talent. With a few breaks, they could win this division; they're that good. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (5).

New York Giants: I have revised my pick of this team. After much consideration, I have elevated them ahead of the Redskins, and NOT because of the opening game. I was going to do this on Tuesday but was sick. As long as the front four apply pressure on QB's all season, they'll be fine. Eli Manning will do his thing, the ground game is solid, and this team will be in contention for a playoff bid, but fall short due to a very difficult schedule outside the division. Predicted record: 10-6, third place (no playoffs).

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans Saints: they are loaded offensively. Jeremy Shockey is a tremendous addition to the offense. He gives them the TE that can split the seam for big plays. IF Deuce McAllister is healthy and good to go after surgery on both knees, it's a huge plus. The defense figures to improve from last season. The addition of Jonathan Vilma is huge. He should blossom in the Saints' 4-3 scheme. Keep an eye out for Tracy Porter. He'll blow up as the nickel back. Predicted record: 11-5, first place (1).

Carolina Panthers: Jake Delhomme is back from Tommy John surgery and is healthy again. With Delhomme under center, the Panthers are a MUCH better team. They are returning to their roots: a power running game with Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams. My big question mark is the front four. Aside from Julius Peppers, who I think will rebound and be the monster stud he's been earlier in his career, this unit is the biggest question mark on the team. The LB and DB corps are much better than last season. John Kasay is older and nearing the end of a stellar career, but he's still one of the more accurate kickers. The loss of Steve Smith for the first two games will be tough to overcome. It's going to be the difference between winning the division and being a wild card team. Predicted record: 10-6, second place (6).

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: the defense is the strong point of this team; they finished second overall in the NFL. Offensively, there are HUGE question marks, particularly at WR and QB. Jeff Garcia has been injured most of camp, and when he has appeared in games, he's been rusty. Joey Galloway is still productive, but at age 36 can he be the receiver that has had three straight 1,000 yard receiving seasons? And who can catch the ball other than Galloway? Can Earnest Graham and Cadillac Williams stay healthy? The offensive line is strong, with Jeff Faine being the oldest member at age 26. While the defense will keep the Bucs in a lot of games, the offense has too many question marks. And no team has repeated as division champion since the division was created in 2002. I expect the trend to continue. Predicted record: 7-9, third place (no playoffs).

Atlanta Falcons: when you have a rookie as your starting QB, your team is a mess. Matt Ryan is smart, has poise and toughness, but he's going to get his brains beaten in. Michael Turner is a good addition to the offense and should take some of the pressure off Ryan. The defense is a good mix of veterans and youngsters. While this team is a mess now, they are taking giant steps in the right direction. Give this team another year or two to contend. Predicted record: 3-13, fourth place (no playoffs). 

Tomorrow: NFC North, NFC West.

Washington Redskins: this is Jason Campbell's time to shine. With a new coach and some stability, he should improve greatly. Of course, having Clinton Portis and Santana Moss helps. With the addition of Jason Taylor, the pass rush should improve. While the 'Skins are still behind the Cowboys and Eagles, they're moving in the right direction. Give new head coach Jim Zorn a couple of years. Predicted record: 6-10, fourth place (no playoffs).

All throughout the world of sports, there are enough idiots, malcontents, and arrogance to so #### you, the Joe Six-Pack Fan, off so badly that you so want to call them out on it. Well, here is your forum to call out an individual, team, league, owner, executive, or fans by throwing them under the Bus. The lovely young lady will take your requests and call out their names. Then they will be thrown under the Bus. I've already given her my requests for the week. Here they are.

MLB

Bud Selig: just because he hasn't been thrown under in awhile doesn't mean I've forgot how clueless he is. He wants to institute instant replay DURING the season and the postseason. While I don't have a problem with replay per se, I have a HUGE problem with the timing of it. Why not wait until the offseason to implement it? Why not work through the logistics of replay BEFORE implementing it? Better yet, why didn't you implement it at the START of the season? This is a total knee-jerk reaction to some lousy calls by the men in blue. For the BAD timing of putting in instant replay, Selig gets thrown under the Bus.

Arizona Diamondbacks: just because I feel like it as a Dodgers fan. They still have to face the St. Louis Cardinals seven times in an 11-game span in mid to late September, including a four game roadie early in the final week of the season. Just because I feel like it, the D-backs go under the Bus.

NASCAR

Jeff Gordon's crew (sans Gordon): the #24 team is in free fall. While I think they'll limp into the Chase, they will be eliminated early. I don't see them being a factor. Gordon is spared while his crew get thrown Under The Bus.

Paul Menard: he is the quintessential field filler. Dave Blaney was passing cars and making a strong push towards the front when Menard clipped Ryan Newman. Newman in turn made contact with Blaney, whose #22 Cat Toyota got the worst of it. My early Christmas wish for Blaney: some good racing luck. In the meantime, Menard the Field Filler gets thrown Under The Bus.

NFL

Carolina Panthers: as much as I hate to do this to my team, I have to. They allowed 24 points in the FOURTH QUARTER in a preseason loss to the Eagles. Even though it's only preseason, this is disturbing. It means the backups aren't ready to play, or aren't good enough to play in the NFL. You can't let up on a team near the finish line; otherwise they will rally and beat you. Credit to the Eagles for not giving in to the temptation to play prevent defense, and for putting the pressure on the Panthers. But I still have to throw the Panthers under the Bus.

OLYMPICS

Spanish National Men's Basketball Team: their racist poses were beyond the pale. (They posed slant-eyed.) If it were Kobe Bryant or LeBron James doing this, it would be an international incident. But because it was the Spanish National Team, the silence is deafening. For their racism, they get thrown Under The Bus.

These are my nominations for the week. Feel free to come in with yours!

This is the time of week that Joe Six-Pack Sports Fan is looking forward to! Time for you, Joe Six-Pack Sports Fan, to call out the object of your ire for their arrogance, idiocy, and plain all-around dumbassery by throwing them under the Bus. The lovely young lady will take your requests. Then they will be called out and thrown under promptly. Here are the requests that I gave her.

NFL

Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers: as a Panthers fan, it pains me to do this, but do this I must. I don't know who started the fight between Smith and CB Ken Lucas, but I know who ended it. Smith earned a two-game suspension by the team for his actions, effective for the first two games of the regular season. He will still be allowed to practice with the team through preseason, then when the regular season starts he won't be allowed to practice with the team. In the meantime, Smith has punched his ducat to be thrown Under The Bus.

NASCAR

Joe Nemechek: I've taken to nicknaming him Field Filler Joe. What the hell was he doing out there? First, he causes a FIRST LAP wreck with Kevin Harvick by making contact with him and sending him spinning. Then he wrecks Paul Menard, knocking both him and Menard out of the race. Field Filler Joe, this isn't Bumper Cars out there. These cars are EXPENSIVE to replace. He won't be driving this Bus anytime soon! But he WILL be thrown UNDER the Bus.

MLB

Kevin Hench: he wrote that the D-backs would beat the Dodgers and win the NL West. He obviously didn't see ManRam destroy his precious D-backs pitching to the tune of 8 for 13 with 2 HRs and 5 RBIs. Manny Ramirez is a mashing savant, pure and simple. He is the best, most clutch hitter of his generation. His presence will be the reason the Dodgers pull away from the D-backs late in the season. Hate to do this to a FoxSports.com columnist, but I must. Oh, and the Dodgers HAMMERED Doug Davis around the yard today to the tune of FIVE earned runs in an inning and two-thirds!!!! ManRam's line: 5 AB, 2 R, 4 H, 3 RBI. (Excuse me while I gloat a bit!)

NCAA FB

Josh Jarboe, WR, Oklahoma Sooners: he was dismissed from the team after an Internet rap video of him surfaced that advocated guns and shooting people. He was already in trouble with the law in Georgia but because he was a first time offender, his offense was reduced to a misdemeanor from a felony. Good for coach Stoops to kick this thug and gang####ing wannabe off his team. Now he can go back home to think about how he pissed away his chance to better himself. But in the meantime, Jarboe gets thrown under the Bus.

GOLF

Michelle Wie: young lady, respect your elders. Especially Annika Sorenstam, the greatest female golfer of all time. To blow off Sorenstam’s criticism by saying, “Whatever” speaks volumes of how much a spoiled little brat you are. Spoiled little brats say “whatever” when they lose the argument or have no argument. You could have said, “She’s entitled to her opinion” or something innocuous like that. But you BLEW HER OFF. That don’t sit well with me. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVEN’T WON #### ON THE LPGA TOUR. (How many majors has Annika won? More than you’ll ever dream of, Michelle.) I throw Michelle the Diva AND her parents/enablers under the Bus.

Phil Mickelson: he hasn't been the same since pissing away the 2006 U.S. Open. Today he had a chance to redeem himself by winning the WGC Bridgestone Invitational. But he faltered down the stretch, again. I don't think he'll ever be the same golfer he was before the 2006 U.S. Open. You said you played really well? Really? Then why did you #### away another lead in a big tournament? If you had said, "I sucked down the stretch, and Vijay played well", all would be okay. But just for that comment, Lefty gets thrown under the Bus.

TENNIS

Andy Roddick: he withdrew just before his match at the Cincinnati Masters. The timing of the withdrawal stinks to high heaven. If he KNEW he couldn’t have gone, he should have withdrawn BEFORE the tournament started. This would have given his replacement a full day to prepare rather than a few minutes. The replacement, Woong-Sun Jun of South Korea, lost 6-2, 6-2 to Phillipp Kohlschreiber of Germany. I will give Mr. Woong the keys to the Bus that Andy Roddick is to be thrown under. Roddick also gets thrown under again for being overrated and overhyped. 

Whew! Those are my nominees for this week. Feel free to come in with yours!  

It's that time of week again. The time of week that you, the Joe Six-Pack Fan, get a chance to vent your ire at a team, individual, coach, league, or anything else related to sports by throwing them Under The Bus. Without further adieu, here goes.

NFL

The Brett Favre Saga: is there anyone else besides me that is tired of all the drama? There is enough blame to go around there. Ted Thompson made a HUGE mistake in basically telling a legend he's not wanted in Green Bay. Thompson should have told him to take his time and if you feel like coming back, you're our starter. Ted Thompson gets thrown under the Bus, the media get thrown under the Bus, and Favre gets thrown under the Bus for flip-flopping.

"Pundits and Fans" that dismiss the Carolina Panthers: I would NOT sleep on the Panthers this year. Jake Delhomme looks like the Delhomme of old, the Cats had an excellent draft, and they picked up some key free agents. Jonathan Stewart is going to be a beast and he'll fit perfectly into the Panthers' power running game. The defense will be much improved. The "pundits and fans" get thrown under the Bus.

MLB

Oakland A's: they were still in contention when they traded Joe Blanton to Philadelphia for three minor leaguers. They have effectively waved the white flag. They have become the France of the MLB. In the last year, they have traded Dan Haren, Rich Harden, and Blanton. That’s three-fifths of an outstanding pitching staff. A LOT of teams would kill to have those kinds of pitchers and that staff. Now comes word that the A’s are considering trading stud closer Huston Street. WTF? The ownership should be ashamed of themselves. Charles Finley would NEVER have waved the white flag. He’d have never traded Blanton and Rich Harden; instead, he’d have found what he needed and filled those needs. I hereby throw the A’s small-minded ownership under the Bus. If I'm an A's fan, I'd be ROYALLY PISSED.

Alex Rodriguez: he left the All-Star Game early and didn’t support his teammates as the game dragged on and on and on. Derek Jeter stayed and supported his AL teammates. So did Mariano Rivera. I find it kind of funny the game lasted 15 innings and very few, if any, people showed up to Rodriguez’ party he was hosting after the game. Would Willie Mays or Bob Gibson have left an All-Star Game early? I don’t think so. A-Rod goes under the Bus.

NBA

Alonzo Mourning: he gave a benefit for charity that only raised 30 cents on the dollar due to the influx of celebrities and their perks. Sounds to me it was an excuse to party. Non profits that donate 70 cents on the dollar is considered efficient as per the IRS. But 30 cents? Hmmm, something fishy here. While I won’t throw him under the bus for wanting to raise money for charity, I will throw him under the bus for the inefficiency of his charity.

AUTO RACING

Danica Patrick: her act is getting old and tired. She was involved in yet ANOTHER