Here is a list of my humble wants for the 2007 season... so far. #1. Joey Harrington makes the pro bowl. This would be beautiful, and something that would bring pride back to the ATL. I used to make sandwiches at Subway in Eugene, Oregon for the guy, and he was nice. I’ve been hoping for a break out opportunity for him for a while, and while the horrible Lions offense of years ago and the sketchy Miami playbook/offensive injury bug has been easy to blame in the past, I think Joey is losing chances to make a (good) name for himself. (Atlanta goes 9-7) #2. Browns almost make the playoffs. Like a smart kid at Christmas, I know it’s dumb to wish for the impossible, so I won’t. Instead, I want the Browns to improve just enough that Crennel can keep his job. I think he’s done a good job of building, and it would suck to hand over the car keys just when you have finished rebuilding the engine. (Browns go 8-8) #3. By week 6, the Patriots are calling Tom’s off-field behavior a distraction. I mean, why not? How great would it be if the entire balance of the team switches to Randy Moss being a team guy, and Tom’s complaining “They don’t let me throw the ball enough!” (Pats go 8-8) #4. Vince Young plays every other regular season game, and wins all of them, and then goes down with a different injury at every other Monday practice... proving that the Madden Curse is real and that Vince really does just win games. (Titans go 8-8). #5. Thomas Jones doubles Cedric Bensons season rushing total. I’m sorry, but the Bears gave him away, and the Jets are likely to take advantage. (Jets go 10-6, Bears 6-10) #6. Lane Kiffin gives the Oakland fans something to smile about by winning a handful of games, but loses popularity mid-season when he breaks into tears and asks the black hole faithful to “just be nicer”. (Raiders go 7-9) #7. The Philadelphia Eagles don’t lose a single player to injury. (Eagles go 11-5) #8. The Bucs try a new system of starting one QB per quarter. It doesn’t work out too well, but it’s fun to watch. (Bucs go 6-11) #9. Norv Turner decides it is a good choice to let L.T. play QB as well, and it works on occasion. (Chargers go 10-6) #10. Houston’s defensive line becomes the harshest run stoppers in the NFL. (Texans go 8-8) #11. Taking a cue from NASCAR, Peyton Manning decks his uniform in stickers from Reebok, Sprint, Gatorade, and 2 dozen other companies. After every victory, he thanks God, then the sponsors for letting this all come true. (Colts go 10-6) #12. Previously thought as someone drafted way too early, Ted Ginn Jr. breaks every rookie receiving mark and return mark, earning him rookie of the year. Somehow, this doesn’t help the Dolphins win too often. (Dolphins go 6-10) #13. Tom Coughlin challenges Jeremy Shockey to a street fight and wins. Eli Manning tries to follow his brother’s lead and decks his uniform out for Keds, Ajax cleanser, a number of unions, and a sticker that simply says “Water”. Fans rename the home field to “Jets stadium”. Michael Strahan’s wife claims that she now holds his team records. (Giants go 4-12) #14. Chad Johnson celebrates a touchdown by racing a pack of whippets around the stadium, outrunning them, and then singing a duet with Bootsie Collins. It takes a total of 18 minutes to complete. Johnson gets fined $1 million, but the Bengals still win. (Bengals 10-6) #15. After a shocking loss to the Bengals, Steve McNair claims it wasn’t really him at QB after he switches uniforms with Willis McGahee. The whole incident is laughed off as Baltimore steamrolls into the playoffs. (Ravens 11-5) #16. The Arizona Cardinals actually make the playoffs on the justification that they won more games than anyone really thought they would. (Cards 9-7) #17. Broncos win the Bowl, baby. (15-1) #18. The Broncos only loss comes at the hands of the Buffalo Bills. In a cruel twist of fate, it is the only game the Bills win. (1-15)
Do I expect any of these things to happen? Of course not.
Look at the records. I’m not sure those numbers are even possible, let alone likely. Still... it would be fun for me.
So what plot twist would make you laugh this year?
