Another week, another dirty dozen on the way direct from jdeppa land. There's a lot of ground to cover this week; including the NFL, Johnny Damon to the Yankees, Anna Benson, the NYC transit strike and even a look at the early favorites in the Next Great Sportswriter competition. Now, I ask you, where else are going to find all of that in the same place? Huh...? That's right. I thought so. Let's get started.

Jdeppa's Dozen Declarations (Volume IV)

1. The Dallas Cowboys will not be winners under Bill Parcells.

I couldn't possibly think of a better way to start this week's dozen, than to do so with the above statement. And I didn't need to see the 'Boys get demolished 35-7 in Washington to come to this belief, but it sure as hell didn't hurt my case. Here's the problem for Parcells. He's done a terrific job building a solid, young defense in Dallas. Spears, Ware, and Canty all stand to be excellent players for a very long time. But the Cowboys need, minimum, one of everything on offense. Their offensive line, which was deplorable on Sunday (they couldn't have blocked Mugsy Bogues), will get a little better next season with the return of the injured Flozell Adams. But they still need major help on the right side, as Rob Petitti simply won't cut it. Terry Glenn and Keyshawn Johnson have been pretty good at the receiver spot, but how much longer can you count on either one of them? Julius Jones has been a major disappointment in the Cowboys backfield, and neither he, nor Marion Barber III is good enough to carry the every down load. And Drew Bledsoe simply cannot win a big game anymore (assuming that he ever could). The Tuna needs a quarterback. He doesn't need Montana, he doesn't need Marino, he just needs someone that can manage the game, and make a big play down the field in a big spot. That guy, likely isn't on the free agent market. And Parcells isn't likely to wait around to develop a kid from the draft. Unless the 'Boys make a run at Philip Rivers (who, somehow, became John Elway without ever having started a game), I can't see where they are getting their quarterback from. The Cowboys, long-term, just have to hope that they can keep their defense together long enough (cap-wise) so that when they eventually do find a quarterback, they can start winning. Even if this happens, I don't think Parcells will be around to reap the benefits. It will take, at least, a few years until they find their quarterback.

2. The divisional round game that everyone assumes will take place between the Patriots and the Colts will not happen.

Already, you can hear the rumblings. The Pats are back. Brady's playing his best ball ever. Belichick's still the coach. They're getting healthy on defense. And everybody has them penciled in for a date with the Colts in the divisional round of the playoffs. The Patriots, will indeed, win their first playoff game, seeing as it will likely be against the David Garrard led Jaguars (more on them in a moment). The problem is that I think the sixth seed in the AFC playoffs (Pittsburgh or San Diego) will beat the third seed (in all liklihood Cincinnati), and throw the whole scenario out of whack. This would send the Patriots to Denver, where I think they would lose. I've been as big of a Patriots believer as anybody over the past few years. I still think they've yet to answer the questions on defense. This may sound foolish, considering the Pats have given up 3 points in their last two games, but I still wonder about them against a good offense. Denver, especially at Mile High, matches up well with them. Their offensive line is good enough to neturalize the Patriots front seven, and, though I trust Jake Plummer about as far as I can throw him, I think even he can take advantage of the New England secondary. I'm pretty sure this game will happen, as I don't, at all, trust the Bengals in their first playoff game, especially against either of those teams.

3. Jacksonville will lose to Houston this week.

There. I said it. Somebody had to. It might as well be me. Jacksonville has not been good lately. If you're any kind o####ood team, there's absolutely no excuse to only beating the Alex Smith led Niners by a single point in your own house. This week, they take their show on the road to Houston, where David Carr and the high-flying Texans are waiting (damn, I can't even write that with a straight face). The Texans are working on a one game winning streak, as they trampled the mighty Arizona Cardinals this past Sunday (that either). And, honestly, for a 2-12 team, that haven't been that utterly horrible lately. We all saw those two kicks against Tennessee (and laughed our rear ends off at that second one), they kept the prolific Kyle Boller in check in Baltimore (I just have to chill with the sarcasm), and even covered the number against the Colts a few weeks back. I think last week sealed the deal.   For some reason, they are just determined to lose Reggie Bush. I think Jacksonville will make this happen for them. They haven't tripped up against any of the lousy teams they've played on their schedule, and they've walked a tightrope in some of these games. I think the Jags still make the dance with a win next week over the Titans, but, this week, I think they're due to slip up...seriously.

4. Alex Smith will be a bust.

That Jacksonville game's most defining image was the dying quail heaved up to the sky by Alex Smith in the fourth quarter (behind that Kris Brown kick, it was probably the funniest play of the NFL season). It looked like a punt. What a horrible throw. I'm not judging Alex Smith solely on that throw (It's hard not to, though), but I don't think he's going to be a career starter in the NFL. Having watched Eli Manning's every pass in his rookie season, I know that judging a quarterback off of his first few games is a very risky proposition. That said, I still have a very hard time believing that Alex Smith is going to even come close to living up to his number one draft standing. The problem with picking a guy like Smith is that he spent his college days in Urban Meyer's quarterback friendly system. If you look at the busts in the NFL draft over the past few years, most of them played for noted offensive minds Jeff Tedford and Hal Mumme (Tim Couch, Akili Smith, and I'm sure nobody'll mind if I put Joey Harrington on this list, just to name a few). Byron Leftwich, Ben Roethlisberger, and Eli Manning all appear to have NFL staying power, and the reason is that they A) played for mediocre coaches B) played in standard offensive systems and C) weren't surrounded by a great deal of talent in college. Alex Smith doesn't have the arm strength for the pro game, this was a flaw hidden by Urban Meyer's complex offense. Smith, apparently, acheived number one status on the strength of a legendary workout, in which he threw for an hour, and his total incompletions could be counted on one hane. For the 49ers to base their pick on this workout was foolish, and it will set their franchise back for years.

5. Vanderbilt's Jay Cutler will be a better NFL quarterback than Matt Leinart.

Had I made this statement a year ago, I would've been immediately sent to the "nervous hospital" (Sling Blade reference. I just saw that movie for the first time. Billy Bob, what a performance!) for a check-up. Now, though the statement is still contrary to popular belief, it is no longer viewed as completely foolish. Cutler is simalar to some of the recent successes in the NFL draft, in that he plays at Vanderbilt, where he's not exactly surrounded by great coaching or All-American players. He actually led Vanderbilt to a win at Rocky Top this year, the first time in over two decades that Vanderbilt actually won at Tennessee. Cutler's for real. Good arm, and lots of NFL intangibles. Some team is going to steal him either late in the first round or early in the second, and, one day, they will be very happy they did. Leinart's stock has fallen faster than Enron's, it seems. A year ago, he was a sure thing number one pick. People believed he was going to be one of the most sought after players in years. They've finally realized that he plays; behind a terrific offensive line, with two NFL caliber wide receivers, for a great college coach, and with one of the best college running backs ever (and another one that will probably be a first round draft pick). He's got some toughness, clearly. Pressure has not gotten to him, as he's made some big throws in some crucial situations. But still, there are the physical questions that the collegiate level cannot fully answer. Leinart's arm appears to be mediocre at best. This doesn't automatically disqualify him as a pro, but it sure doesn't help his chances to make it at the next level. Some team will waste a top five pick on Leinart, and, one day, wish they'd never done so.

6. Joe Buck has about as much right to talk about football as David Hyde Pierce (Niles from Frasier, for those who miss the reference).

I've got to confess that I really like Joe Buck's baseball broadcast. He fits well with McCarver. He grew up around the Cardinals (with his father being their play-by-play man) and he clearly knows what he's talking about when it comes to baseball. But Joe Buck should stay the hell away from a football broadcast, because he has absolutely no clue what he's talking about. Buck forced me to criticize him this week by making a really bad error in the broadcast booth. During the Cowboys-Redskins game, Buck kept insisting that the Redskins victory was a good thing for the NFC East leading Giants, who would, as a result, take a two game lead over both teams in the division. It wouldn't have been such a big deal, had he not kept bringing it up repeatedly. It was an erroneus statement, though. The Giants had a tiebreaker edge over the Cowboys. They do not have that edge over the Redskins. Essentially, the loser of that game last week was out of the NFC East race. The winner needed (needs) two Giants losses and two wins of their own. So last week's result not only sent the Giants to play a much tougher opponent, but it took away one of their outs, as, had the Cowboys won last week, a loss this week would've gotten the Giants in through the back door. No such possibility exists this week, and if the Giants lose, they will have to wait until week 17 to clinch. All right, grand scheme of things, this error doesn't really mean anything. It just gives me an opportunity to bash Joe Buck's style, which is far too laid back for football. I'm generally not a proponent of the three man booth, but I think Troy Aikman and Moose Johnston would work great together, as they did for years in the Cowboys offense. And third-teamer Sam Rosen should be the lead. The country has no idea how good of a play-by-play man that he is, because that baloonhead Bill Maas drowns him out. He's been a prominent New York broadcaster for years (most notably for the Rangers), and he deserves a shot at the top spot. Ahead of #### Stockton (whose best days are behind him) and way the hell ahead of Joe Buck, who belongs in a Starbucks listening to poetry readings on Sunday afternoons, kicking it to the chick with the nose rings. Not in a football broadcast booth.

7. Roger Federer is the best athlete on the planet right now, by a wide margin.

Normally, these declarations relate, in some way, to the events of the past week. Nothing recent has transpired involving Federer, but I just want to put this out there, because I doubt I'll get the chance anytime soon. Unfortunately, I can't take it for granted that you know he's a tennis player, because that sport has taken a major hit in popularity over the past few years. If you haven't seen him play, you're really missing out. The guy is absolutely amazing. Power, sneaky quickness, uncanny precision, he has it all. I was fortunate enough to witness his final two matches in person at the U.S. Open, and man, he is electric. It's hard to explain his greatness to somebody who hasn't seen him. Watching him is, almost, like poetry-in-motion. He's on a completely different level than his opponents. Andre Agassi played one of his best matches in years in the U.S. Open final, and still only managed to take one set. His only, even somewhat, legitimate competetion for the title of world's greatest athlete is Tiger Woods. But I was not as impressed with Tiger's 2005 as everyone else was. You can't knock him for winning two majors, that's an outstanding accomplishment. But he's still lost something from his best days. Vintage Tiger Woods holds onto the lead after making that incredible shot on the 16th at Augusta. And Tiger, and his worst day, will always be able to toy with St. Andrews. A place that has, sadly, become the Coors Field of golf. Federer is in a class by himself. He has no competition right now. He will, one day, go down as the greatest tennis player that ever lived, and one of the best athletes.

8. The Yankees will never learn.

The Yankees have made two major free-agent signings this offseason. As a Met fan (which automatically makes me a Yankee hater), I absolutely love both of them. We already touched upon Farnsworth in this space, and now comes word that the Yankees are about to ink Johnny Damon to a four year, $52 million contract. This comes after they spent two months telling everybody they were slashing payroll, and were committed to the youth movement. This after they swore that Bernie Williams would be replaced by someone with great defensive skills. What a joke. The Yankees still don't understand that signing 32 year olds who've already played their best baseball is not the way to go. The kick in the behind is that this will not put the Yankees over the top. Johnny Damon is not a great defensive player, nor is he a middle reliever. He does not address either of the Yankees major weaknesses. These weaknesses are bound to be exploited by either the Angels or the White Sox, who will come out of the American League this year. Terrific job by Brian Cashman, who has complete autonomy (uh-huh, yeah...right...sure...whatever you say), and is therefore responsible for this latest irrational purchase.

9. Anna Benson is the female equivalent of Terrell Owens.

Go with me on this one for a second. These two are similar in this sense. You can admire the obvious skills of either one from a distance, but the moment you sign/marry them, they will wreck you. Anna Benson made some inner-city children very happy this week, by dressing up as Mrs. Claus for the Mets' Christmas party. And she looked amazing, let me tell you. There are some parts of this woman that are clearly very special (two parts, in fact). And her honesty and candor can be, in the right situation, refreshing. I'm all for the idea of an independent chick, honestly I am. But she takes it to another level. She's speaking publicly about her husband's profession, and speaking openly about matters that are none of her business. How on Earth can Kris Benson walk into a major league clubhouse on opening day this season, after his wife has spent the entire offseason doing his bidding publicly? She's done so much talking that she's going to get her husband shipped off to Kansas City, something that she desperately doesn't want. She leaves the Mets no choice though, as her yapping reflects very badly on the franchise. Kris Benson has to either lay down the law with this chick, or lose her. It's that simple. He's got to control his wife, or he'll be forever humiliated in baseball circles. And listen, I wouldn't want to give her up either. I mean, my God! She's incredible. But, like Andy Reid did with Terrell Owens, Kris has got to realize that it's the right thing to do.

10. When everybody in the city of New York knows the name Roger Toussaint, it's a problem.

Toussaint, for those around the country, is the President of Local 100, the Transport Workers Union. And, in the last two weeks, he's gotten more air-time in New York than the Mayor, the Governor, and Tiki Barber combined. He is most responsible for this transit strike we're currently having here (a five mile walk to school in 20 degree weather. Thanks Rog.), and he has been dead wrong in his actions. Having a mother who's a city employee, I fully sympathize with the transit workers. And, in labor disputes at this level (involving working-class people), I will always back the union. But there's a right way to do things, and this is not it. First of all, this strike threat could've waited a month. In a city where the cops, firemen, and teachers all had to wait at least two years after their contracts expired for raises, the transit workers could've waited a little while, and not wrecked the holiday season for everyone. Secondly, Roger's membership does not understand what they're fighting for. The transit workers I saw interviewed on the news last night all spoke as if the issues in question directly affected them. They do not. The two sides are very close on wages (18% to 10.5% raises). The dispute deals with whether or not future employees should be mandated to pay into their pension and health-care plans. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) gave major ground on all of these issues right before the deadline, but Toussaint gave no ground, and was clearly determined to strike. He's, essentially, the grinch that stole Christmas, and it's sad to see. I hope the dispute gets resolved quickly, and then I hope that he gets Bob Goodenowed (the hockey union chief, for those out of the loop). Because, essentially, I think this negotition will result in a similar fate for the members.

11. "Detpack" is the early favorite to win the "Next Great Sportswriter" competion presented by McDonald's. (McDonald's: I'm lovin' it!)

I urge my fellow bloggers to check out this guy's stuff. He's really good. He is more imaginative than most of the other bloggers. His latest idea features his spin on 32 songs, matching them up with each NFL team. The guy actually takes the trouble to come up with a full verse for each song. Truly amazing. His best post, though, was a heartfelt confession to a blogging addiction (me, I'm still in denial...). He thinks way the hell out of the box, and is the early frontrunner to take home the Big Mac. Other contenders include; NoahPinto, Bold1 (whose James Blake piece brought a tear to my eye), Edsox, and Trooper 110. The overall quality of the blogging, though, has gotten much better than when I first complained about it two weeks ago, and that's good to see.

12. As a culture, we should be ashamed of ourselves for...beating the #### out of each other for Christmas presents.

What a world, man. It's just depressing how commercial the holiday season has gotten. My recent viewing of the Charlie Brown Christmas special brought this thought to mind. Chirstmas has indeed gone commercial. This special, by the way, was made forty years ago! Imagine what the Peanuts gang would say now, if they were around for holiday season. This footage of people trampling each other for an XBOX 360 is disturbing. That's not what the holidays are about. It's not about spoiling the children, and buying them more things. It should be enough just to spend time with our families. The holiday season must be decommercialized, promptly. After all, we ought to be content with our PS2's and Blackberry's. We should be ashamed of ourselves.