Baseball is one of those sports where the term athlete can take on many meanings.  You have guys like Nomar, Jay Payton, Derek Jeter and so on who keep their bodies in the best physical condition possible.  Hey, they figure they're professional athletes and it's their job, so they must roll their eyes when they see a guy like David Wells rumble out to the mound for a start.  So it got me thinking.  With my fantasy team searching for it's soul in the basement, I wanted to put together my beer league team of players throughout the years.  These are the guys I'd drag out of bed at 2 in the afternoon and try to sober up before the first pitch.

1B, John Kruk - Only if he grows the mullet back.  The guy never met a cheese steak he didn't like and it shows.  Was this guy born to play in Philly or what?  Say what you want though, he played hard and was entertaining day in and day out.

2B, Jeff Kent - First off I love him because he gets into fights with Barry Bonds, but there is much more to this selection.  Remember when he got hurt "washing his truck" while in SF?   Welcome aboard Jeff. 

3B, Kevin Millar - Love everything about this guy, but trust me he's not a model of physical fitness.  He drinks, he eats and was possible the slowest athlete in New England since Drew Bledsoe.  On top of all that he does Karaoke and can translate for Manny Ramirez.

SS, Orlando Cabrera – I know, I’m loading this list up with guys who played for the Sox at one point or another, but they had a fun team few years back.  Either way the folks out in LA will tell you how much fun he is.  He’s the guy I want out there.

OF, Johnny Damon - Yeah he's in great shape, but he fits in just right.  He drinks and runs around the outfield with no regard for human life.  The overachiever of the team for sure, but he'd be good for a few run ins with the wall every season.

OF, Carl Everett - Even though I rarely agree with him, especially on Bonds, he's worth the laughs.  There was the head butt of an ump on family day, the denial of the existence of dinosaurs, and the #### grab after a home run, all reasons to bring him along for the ride.

OF, Adam Dunn – He’s a pure slugger and built for the beer league.  I bet this guy can take even Wells downing 10 cent wings at the bar after the game.

C, Doug Mirabelli – I’ve seen this guy give out baseballs to fans for downing beers.  Seems like a fun guy all around, and he doesn’t wear batting gloves.  Suit him up.

P, David Wells - Classic beer leaguer.  He drinks and gets into fights at 4 in the morning.  Since I'm making Kruk grow his mullet back, Wells needs to get the stash back.  The goatee takes away from that whole 70's porn thing.  On a side note, he does make my 70's porn team, which consists of Mike Piazza, Dennis Eckersley, Robin Yount, Jeff Kent, Keith Hernandez, and Jack Morris.  Of course the team is managed by Joe Kerrigan who can really grow the stash.

P, Babe Ruth - He brings a lot to the table.  Not just the dinner table, but every team needs a guy who can get it done at the plate and on the mound.  I think they invented softball for guys who idolized the Babe but just didn't have his skills.

P, Rick Sutcliffe - I couldn't resist here.  The video of him hammered on the Padres broadcast the other night was a keeper.  I might have to pull him away from Bill Murrey and his golf clubs to get him on the field but it would be worth it.  Has to be the best video since Namath.  How these interviews didn't get cut off sooner I will never know. 

 

I’m sure I’ve missed a few good ones here but not everyone has what it takes to make this team.

There isn't a lot to like about Barry Bonds, but just incase you needed a new reason, you’ve got one. Watching Bonds try to hit number 714 disgusts me as a baseball fan, and not just because of the roids. Forget about pressing, this guy is getting up to the plate and simply swinging for the fences. I know, it sounds crazy since he's going for the Babe, but for the sake of the game that the Babe saved this has to stop. He doesn't care about the game, his team or the fans. He doesn't care if there are guys on base and his team needs runs, he's going for the record. This is Barry's game and Barry just needs a few more home runs before his world comes crashing down like a house of syringes.

His selfishness takes away from everything that the game should be. If I were a Giants fan, which I am anything but, I would be fed up with everything Barry. For some reason the fans in SF still support him, and I'm curious as to why. Maybe it's because he's the only excitement the team has. Just watch a Giants game as soon as Bonds comes out, the "fans" head for the exits like they're giving away beer in the parking lot. Maybe I should go easy on Barry, maybe no one cares about this team. I'm sure there are those fans who actually do care, but even they must be getting sick of this junk. Even other players are getting into this one. You think Jeff Kent dropped that ball by mistake the other night? He would have loved to double up Barry and stick it to him for pouting his way back to the dugout because he didn’t hit a home run.

Assuming Barry does pass the Babe, then what? Between his health and legal problems I don't see any way for him to challenge Aaron. Will Felipe Alou continue to put his big-headed outfielder ahead of the team? Alou probably doesn't have much of a choice but where do you draw the line? He's playing him on day games after night ones, letting him act like a 2 year old as noted above, and lets him ignore every other aspect of the game including winning. There would be hell to pay in SF, but Alou needs to take control of the situation and stop being pushed around by Bonds and Giants management who are trying to rake in every dollar they can from this thing.

Now, I'm no lawyer and I'm no doctor, but something has got to catch up to Bonds. His body is falling apart in front of everyone, and he will have to contend with both the MLB investigation as well as the grand jury. The odds of him making it through the summer may be less than him admitting to having a secret love child. It's going to be over soon for Barry, but not soon enough for my liking.

There are a few other things that I wonder about with this whole Bonds thing:

- What happens to all the stuff they had set up for the celebration in SF? I don't think those balloons are going to be in good shape when the Giants get back home. Do you just pop them all or what? Some poor groundskeeper is pondering this question with a bottle of whiskey as we speak.

- Will Bonds ever become Mike Tyson? He’s certainly got the potential as his career could collapse at any moment and he handles the media in a similar fashion. He talked about his testicles in a press conference not to mention $500 shirts from Korea and his stable head size, so he's on his way.