Caution: No NASCAR here. Oh wait.......

Take That Canadian Pit Lane Speed Limits (NASCAR.com)

There you go, now back to the Olympics

Did you get it?

Before Beijing’s opening ceremony I was all ready to write something about the pointlessness of the opening ceremony in the various international sporting events. Normally they’re all full of odd dancing which is supposed to symbolise the history and culture of the host nation(s) that you need an army of commentators with the official guide book to hand to explain. Normally if you watch them at all it’s only because the opening game/event etc. Follows directly after. I was already to go on about the rubbish the Chinese gave us on Friday.

But wasn’t it actually rather good? It had the normal culture and history theme – China’s inventions – the compass, paper, movable type, but not presented in impenetrable interpretive dance. There was interpretive dance, but the messages it was trying to put across weren’t lost by it. They even thought outside the box (and/or stadium) with the footprints of flame symbolising gunpowder moving across the whole city. Of course the organisers let themselves slip into the appalling clichés of international events. The happy-happy underlying theme of ‘harmony’. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the Olympic spirit, we don’t need to be reminded of it – especially when cynics can point to the events that have surrounded the route of the torch relay that ended in Beijing as a sign that this Olympics was about as harmonious as a small war before the ceremony. There were the typical outrageous moments – exactly what place do little singing children of men in green lycra with lightbulbs in have to do with, well anything.

 Yes. But what does it all mean (BBC.co.uk)

Perhaps the most grating bit of the whole thing was the bit where the Chinese organisers’ hands were tied. The parade of the athletes. We know that lots of countries and athletes take part in the Olympics – we don’t need proof by seeing them walk before our very eyes. Of course a lot of tradition is tied up in this parade – the Greeks leading everyone out, the honour an athlete gets of carrying his/her nation’s flag – but it’s getting daft now, especially as sports (and so athletes) are added and more and more countries decide to make a bid for independence.

Phelps Watch

“Superfish” has 1 of 8, and in some style. He took enormous 1.41 seconds off his own world record for the 400m Individual Medley. Sometimes when sports reporters boast about someone “smashing” a record you can pretty much guarantee it’s poetic license. Anyone who describes Phelps’ swim as such is telling the honest truth. When TV graphics show the little progressing green line showing WR pace, you’re not meant to think “that line should really speed up”.

Of course it’s not always going to be that easy, although no one told him that as he made it look similarly easy in the 1st round of the 200m Freestyle. One other hurdle he cleared was done so without him even being there as the US team went through to the next round in the 4x100m Freestyle relay.

As for whether he’ll actually get the 8 golds his aiming for, I’m afraid I’d have to say “no”. Not only is it an epic ask of his fitness, but he has to contend with the busy schedule of heats and finals. In other sports fans worry if their team has peaked too early, Phelps has to peak for finals one hour, while keeping something in reserve for the heats in another event. He also has to contend with putting his fate in other’s hands – in the relays. Even when he is part of the team, unlike in the 4x100 heat, there are three other guys who can go too slow, mess up a change, whatever. That happens and it’s quest over.

Alternative Olympic Events

Every Olympics this debate – with answers of varying stupidity – appears. In Beijing there is the ‘Most Ineffectual Protest’. So far the standout is by 4 protestors who campaigned against the Chinese government (the protest was so rubbish I don’t know the full reason) during the Dressage. Yes, the Dressage. That “Sport” where people in top hats make their horses go sideways in an arena demarked by suburban picket fences. I’m saying nothing about the validity of protests, but if you want to get seen don’t do it in the Dressage. Try the Swimming, Athletics, run out in front of the marathon. You’ll get seen. The only coverage I’ve seen of this protest is ten second of the four being carried away while a horse (and top-hatted rider) seem more bothered by, well anything.

The second event the “Most Bemused Look” came from Chinese Shooting Gold Medallist Guo Wenjun, who after the traditional medal ceremony and photos was bemused to find here fellow medallists Natalia Paderina (Silver) and Nino Salukvadze (Bronze) conversing across her – presumably in Russian – before being called over by photographers for their own photo. The reason being that Paderina is Russian and Salukvadze Georgian and the two felt it necessary to venture into the “Sports people playing politics” that has already blighted what is meant to be Sport. The Chinese, either through ignorance of the relevant world event, or something more selfish had the look of “Why aren’t I in that photo, I won, I’m from China, take my picture” while she tried to keep a straight face and hold her position on the podium until the three could eventually leave together.

Chinese confusion unfortunately out of shot (hence the confusion) (BBC.co.uk)

A British Boxer also put in his entry in the “Just Plain Dumb” event by being sent home before throwing a punch for being overweight. I don’t follow boxing. At all. But surely the weight you have to get to for different classes aren’t a surprise. You know what you have to do, you weigh yourself, are you overweight – yes – eat less – no – it’s OK. It’s not rocket science.

The New Berlin

More than once in the run up to the Games they have been mentioned in the same bracket as the 1936 Berlin Olympics, famous of course for being staged in ####’s Germany, for being so dominated by politics. I’m not sure you can really compare the two, but if anyone is going to make the comparison, I’m going to ask “Where’s Jesse Owens?”. Owens won 4 gold medals, much to the disgust of ####, and so made sure that actual sport is remembered at least along side the politics around it. If these games are going to guarantee themselves being remembered as just that someone needs to step up and take on the Jesse Owens position.

Etc. Etc.

Wasn’t the USA v China Basketball an anti-climax. After all the hype I was expecting a close contest, but pretty soon it turned into a USA whitewash. If China was the best that the “Redeem Team” have to face then redemption should come very easily.

Also a completely biased wearing of Union Jack Underpants. Nicole Cooke sprinted to victory in the 75km Cycling road race. You have Michael Phelps and swimming, and Athletics, and Basketball, and well half the Olympics. We Brits have Cycling and Sailing – it’s not much, let me gloat while I can.

One Gold Medal and she's so famous she now plans to invent her own country (which of course will make the opening ceremony longer come 2012) (BBC.co.uk)