As some of you know, I've decided to boycott the Super Bowl this year. Don't try to talk me out of it; it's non-negotiable. I can't root for the Giants, because any quarterback that refuses to play for the team with the #1 pick has to suffer the same fate as John Elway: early success with an above-average team in the NFL's weaker conference, but no ring until at least his 15th year. I can't root for the Patriots either, because their team photo appears next to "evil" in the dictionary. No, nothing short of Cheap Trick being called in as a last-minute replacement for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers as the halftime entertainment could get me to watch this Super Bowl. The question that remains though, is what am I going to do on Sunday night?

Let's see what's on the schedule for the other channels I normally watch.

Hmmm...it looks like the other major networks are showing news during the Super Bowl. Oh wait, NBC is showing "The Biggest Loser: Couples." That sounds like a good alternate name for Super Bowl XLII. ABC is also showing "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," A.K.A. The Show That's Half Commercials. They're following that with "America's Funniest Home Videos." No thanks.

Zoinks! The Cartoon Network is showing a Scooby Doo marathon. In all honesty, that might be the best option I've come across so far.

CMT is showing Fried Green Tomatoes. Sorry, I'm not into "chick flicks." After that they're rerunning episodes of "Gone Country" which I've already seen. Any show where the likes of Dee Snider, Sisqo and Marcia from "The Brady Bunch" attempt to become country singers is can't-miss entertainment. I don't know if I feel like watching them again though.

Versus is showing something other than hockey. Pass.

Hey, there's a Wizards-Lakers game on the local sports channel. The Lakers' resurgence this year has gotten me depressed though, so I don't know if I can stand to watch that game.

Scooby, you may have some competition for your spot at the top of the power rankings. TV Land is showing "The Beverly Hillbillies," "The Andy Griffith Show" and "M*A*S*H." I'm not a huge fan of any of those shows, but they're usually a nice way to pass the time.

TBS is showing some "Bridget Jones" movie. See my comment on Fried Green Tomatoes.

C-SPAN is showing "Road to the White House 2008." Hey, now there's an idea. I could get caught up on the current political race. I have a feeling though, that after it's all said and done I still won't like any of the candidates they're hyping.

How about my old hometown's local channel, WGN? Oh great. More "America's Funniest Home Videos," and then, if that weren't enough, it's followed by "Funniest Pets and People," which is essentially the same show. Hey, "American Idol Rewind" is on after that. The description says "Wildcard Show." Wow, there's a change. Whenever I checked out "AI Rewind" in the past it was always a compilation show of those oh-so-hilarious bad auditions. You know, the ones with poor deluded souls who think screeching at the top of their lungs is actual singing? Those are funny once or twice, but after a while you just want to hit the mute button. I might tune in if indeed they're showing an episode with real performances.

How about the movie channels? Oh look, the Beatles' movie Help! is on. I've seen it before though. There's Facing the Giants, a football movie. I've heard it's good, but I think I'm done with football (and any gridiron team nicknamed "the Giants") until September. Stop the presses! Howard the Duck is on! I'm sure Ed Hardiman would be proud if I watched that. The Flintstones is on too. Remember that masterpiece starring John Goodman and Rick Moranis? I actually saw that in theaters when it came out. I don't think I've seen it since then. I think that streak will continue. Then there's An American in Paris, which I've also seen before. While Gene Kelly is much more entertaining than Bill Belichick, I don't think I feel like watching that particular movie.

The NHL Network is mostly showing "NHL on the Fly," which, for anyone who doesn't know, is just a show that gives you updates on the day's NHL games. I'm not going to sit and watch the same highlights over and over. I'd rather watch one of their random lists like "The Top Ten Left-Handed European Defensemen of the 1993-94 Season."

NBA TV is showing "NBA Vault" and that same Lakers-Wizards game I'm avoiding. I suppose some retro basketball stuff could be interesting.

The Game Show Network is showing "Greed," "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" and "Lingo." Those shows are OK, but nothing I'd go out of my way to watch.

Finally, the Hallmark Channel is showing a "Murder, She Wrote" marathon. If they were showing one of their formulaic feelgood movies I might watch just so I could be cheered up from the dismal reality that two teams I hate are playing for the NFL's championship, but if Angela Lansbury is the best they can give me I think I'll pass.

The Super Bowl is the biggest event in American sports, and as such it leaves a big gap to fill. There are some decent options on TV, but most aren't so great. The more I think about it the more I'm leaning toward just reading a book.

With the New England Patriots sitting at 13-0 and two of their final three opponents among the NFL's worst teams, many people are starting to see an undefeated season as a foregone conclusion (I'm not one of those people, but that's another issue). There is already talk that this Patriots team might be the greatest of all time. It's not hard to understand, given the way they've dominated this season. They've even drawn comparisons to another team that's often in the discussion for the greatest of all time: the 1985 Chicago Bears. I'm a Bears fan who loves that 1985 team, but I'm willing to accept the idea that they may not be the greatest ever to play. Still, even if this year's Patriot team is better than them, I'll take those Bears any day, and not just because I'm a fan of the franchise.

Forget about the ability to win a football game for a minute. The reason I watch sports is because I want to be entertained by a compelling story. When I see a championship I want to be happy for the players and coaches who worked hard to get there and for the fans who supported them along the way. After all, we're not watching robots compete. We're watching people who've dedicated most of their lives to their sport. On a football level the 2007 Patriots might possibly have the edge, but on a human level the 1985 Bears win hands down.

I believe it was on this blog site where I saw someone accuse the city of Chicago of being obsessed with the '85 Bears. It's true that Chicagoans still embrace that team today. I grew up in the Chicago suburbs, and I remember hearing about the 1985 Bears all the time. When I was in high school kids would talk about that team and wear t-shirts of that team, even though we were all too young to have good memories of them. As Bears fans we were instilled with a sense of reverence for them.

The reason that team means so much is that for a generation of Chicagoans it was the first major sports championship they'd seen one of their teams win. The last one before it had been the Bears' 1963 NFL Championship, which preceded many of their births or memories. With the 1985 team they not only had a long-awaited champion, but a team that could legitimately be in the argument for the greatest of all time. They were the culmination of a building process that started when Mike Ditka took over as head coach, which is the main reason he's still a beloved figure in Chicago sports. Compare that to these Patriots. They've already won three Super Bowls this decade, and New Englanders have also seen two recent Red Sox World Series champions. These Patriots don't mean half as much to the regional fanbase they represent as those Bears did.

There was much more drama to what the Bears did than anything these Patriots have done. Sure, the Bears issued a few blowouts, but for the most part their games were close enough to be interesting, and many of them had special meaning. There was Week 3 where Jim McMahon came off the bench to lead them to victory over the Vikings. There was Week 6 against the 49ers where they avenged their loss in the previous year's NFC Championship Game and William Perry made his debut at fullback. There were two warlike victories over the Packers. There was the Week 11 rout of the Cowboys where the Bears defeated Ditka's mentor Tom Landry. There was also the Week 13 loss where the Dolphins defended their perfect 1972 season and the Bears got a wake-up call that they weren't invincible and needed to stay focused if they were going to win it all. Most Patriot games this year have been blowouts with few dramatic moments. If you were going to read a book about each of these two teams the Bears' story would keep you engrossed much more easily.

Then you have the teams' personalities. The Bears were no doubt a cocky bunch, but you know they were having fun. They were a young team, and after everything they touched seemingly turned to gold you almost couldn't blame them for developing a swagger. That swagger was best exemplified by "The Super Bowl Shuffle," a song and video the players did for charity. "The Super Bowl Shuffle" was recorded during the season, before they'd even won anything. It was an audacious thing to do, but they backed it up by winning the Super Bowl and it showed America that they were a fun-loving group of guys. The personality of the Patriots seems to be best exemplified by their coach, Bill Belichick. He's a dour man who's treating this season as his personal "screw you" to the rest of the league. The first week of the season he thumbed his nose at Roger Goodell by having a guy film his opponent's signals in plain view after all the NFL teams had been warned about that very thing. Since his questionable ethics were made public the Patriots have been accused of running up the score on many of the teams they've faced. Several Patriot players also have reputations for being dirty and classless. They don't seem to get any joy out of the game. They just want to deny every other team the Vince Lombardi Trophy. While the Bears were cocky but lovable, the Patriots are arrogant and offputting.

There's also mystique. Another reason that specific team is so special to Bears fans is because they were a one-time deal. They had the talent to return to the Super Bowl in subsequent years, but for whatever reason it never came together like it did in 1985. It would be 21 years before they made it back to the big game. That 1985 season seems magical, like a perfect few months where the Bears managed to do everything right. The Patriots have already established themselves as this decade's "dynasty" team. If they win the Super Bowl this year it'll just blend together with the others they won. True, if they go undefeated it might stand out a little more, but the fact that they assembled this team with big-name acquisitions and holdovers from past Super Bowl winners takes away that magical feeling.

If the Patriots win the Super Bowl this year they'll rightfully belong in any discussion of the greatest teams ever to play. They might even be a better team than the 1985 Bears. No matter how well the Patriots play football though, I'd rather see a team with the human elements of the Bears. They made an infinitely better story.

When will it ever end, fellow Pats fans? When will they stop disrespecting our team, the New England Patriots? You can't turn on the TV or listen to the radio anymore without hearing some #### dissing our guys. Every year we show the NFL that we're the best team in the league, and they still never give us any credit! It's disgraceful!

What's that you say? The Pats didn't even make it to the AFC Championship Game last year? Well give us a break! We had a bunch of injuries. We do, after all, play harder than any other team in the league. Besides, Jake Plummer and the Broncos were no slouch. We lost to one of the best non-Patriot teams of the decade (I mean, they must've been), and just barely! You know we would've won the Super Bowl if the team had been at full strength. That's a fact and you can't deny it. Tom Brady is a god. Unless it's some fluke like the Broncos, you can not, I repeat can not, beat him come Playoff time. Look at the way he stepped it up against the Chargers last weekend and single-handedly won that game!

What's that you say? Brady completed fewer than 53% of his passes and threw 3 interceptions? Yeah, right! Where did you hear that? It's probably those people who keep the statistics. They must've made up those stats so that it would look like he had a bad game. It's all part of the NFL's conspiracy to make the Pats look bad and ensure that nobody gives them any respect!

What's that you say? The media is always fawning over Tom Brady and Bill Belichick? Well of course they say good things about them sometimes! Brady's the best quarterback in the league today (if not the entire history of the NFL) and Belichick is the greatest coach of all time. The media's job is to report facts. Anytime they talk about their greatness it's a simple matter of journalistic integrity. We all know that deep down they hate the whole Patriots organization. I mean, come on! They always bring up the 12-1 playoff record Brady and Belichick have together. They just have to remind everyone that the Patriots lost in the Playoffs one measly time.

Then there's this upcoming game with the Colts. I'm actually hearing people predicting that the Colts will win! Is this a joke? They talk about all this stuff like the Patriots being on the road, and the Colts' defense playing better, blah, blah, blah. I'll tell you the only fact you need to know: Brady and the Pats have 3 rings. Peyton Manning and the Colts have none. The Colts have no shot at winning this game because they're losers. The Patriots are winners, and that's all there is to it. Once a winner, always a winner. Once a loser, always a loser. That's how sports work.

What's that you say? Six years ago the Patriots had never won a Super Bowl or even so much as a championship in the old AFL? Psssh. Whatever. We've won three of the last five Super Bowls (soon to be four of six), and the Colts have never won one. I mean, we all know that they were never good until Manning came along. You're obviously just jealous! We're a better team than you and have more class any day!

What's that you say? The Patriots classlessly mocked the Chargers on their home field in the final seconds of a crushing Playoff loss last weekend? There was nothing classless about that! They were just making fun of Shawne Merriman's "Lights Out" dance! That guy is such a trash talker. At halftime of our game against the Jets he actually predicted the Jets would win! Suggesting that the Patriots are beatable is nothing short of sacrilege! Besides, it's revenge, because the Chargers mocked us after winning on our field last year. That game last season was much more important to our franchise than the one last weekend was to the Chargers! The bottom line is that Merriman does that dance because he's a classless, steroid-using showboat. The Patriots do it because it makes a statement. You can't mock us on our home turf or we'll come back and beat you. That's all they were saying. The Patriots would never actually lower themselves to the level of someone like Shawne Merriman.

Even though we all know that they're going to win the Super Bowl again this year, it just won't be enough unless everyone else admits that their teams are inferior and should consider themselves lucky even to be on the same field as our mighty Patriots! We have to unite and fight for respect, since the Pats aren't going to get any no matter how many Super Bowls they win. We need to start blogs and e-mail every dumb sportswriter who makes even the slightest suggestion that the Patriots aren't the best until everyone in America hears our cry. RESPECT US!!!!

(Note: This piece is satirical. I'm not a Patriots fan, nor do I think that all Patriots fans hold such exaggerated beliefs.)

If I were a San Diego Chargers fan right now I'd probably feel a little bit like Dennis Green did after the Cardinals' loss to the Bears earlier this season. All week long the media had been talking down the Chargers. They admitted that on paper the Chargers were a superior team to the New England Patriots. However, they saw a coach with a history of losing in the Playoffs on the Chargers' side and a coach with a history of winning in the Playoffs on the Patriots' side. Therefore, many of them said, it was a foregone conclusion that the Chargers would lose to the Patriots.

It turned out that their prediction was correct. The Patriots won. Marty Schottenheimer proved yet again that he just can't win in the Playoffs. Bill "The Genius" Belichick and Tom "The Infallible Being" Brady took their extensive playoff experience and showed the Chargers how Playoff football is done. Right? Sorry, I'm not buying it.

The Chargers lost the game because they made several costly mistakes. Marlon McCree fumbled the ball after an interception. Eric Parker dropped a punt. Schottenheimer wasted a timeout by unnecessarily challenging a play. There were plenty of others, but as someone who watched almost every minute of the game I felt that the Chargers beat themselves more than the Patriots did. I don't think the results would've been any different had the Chargers had more "playoff experience." I think they just made too many mental mistakes and it cost them the game. I feel bad for the Chargers, because they deserved to go to the Super Bowl this year. Even though I'm not a Charger fan, there's something about this loss that affected me personally.

I was extremely offended by the media's treatment of this matchup. Just about everyone I heard was predicting a Patriot win because of their "playoff experience" and the fact that Schottenheimer's postseason record (especially in recent years) leaves much to be desired. If people had been making serious analyses of the matchup and predicting a Patriot win, that wouldn't have offended me. The thing that ignited my anger was that the majority of them were all but saying that certain players and coaches are simply born winners while others are born losers. As someone who's been an underdog before, I don't think there's ever been a football game not involving my own team that has meant more to me than yesterday's game. The sorry excuse for sports analysis that I'd been witnessing everywhere made me want to see the Patriots lose with a passion I normally reserve for my favorite sport, baseball.

The Patriots have become one of the NFL's elite franchises this decade due to their winning three Super Bowls. The Chargers have only won an AFL Championship in 1963 (which apparently doesn't count to most people, since it was pre-Super Bowl era), and been known as a laughingstock for most of their existence. That clearly defined the Patriots as "winners" and the Chargers as "losers." Even though this year's Chargers were the better team, the media (which, incidentally, is often accused of having an East Coast bias) put more stock in the Patriots franchise and their reputation.

Well, the media lucked out. The Patriots won the game, despite their "clutch" quarterback throwing three interceptions and only completing about 53% of his passes. Now all the people who evaluated the matchup through intangibles can look like the smart ones. Anyone who actually watched the game though, knows that New England was lucky to pull off a victory despite being outplayed.

Now the Patriots move on to Indianapolis. Peyton Manning and the Colts (who have plenty of "playoff experience") are another team that seems to be getting the "loser" rap. A lot of people are starting to talk about Manning being the next Dan Marino (outstanding individual stats at quarterback, but no championship). I don't think I'll be following the media's coverage of this upcoming game because I'm not in the mood to hear anymore talk about how "great" the Patriots are. Sadly, I doubt we'll hear much else until they're eliminated.

At least my Bears are in the NFC Championship Game. Though the Bears have historically been an "elite" franchise in the NFL, they've become more of an underdog in recent years. In fact, all the remaining teams except the Patriots have some underdog appeal. Who's going to end up with the Lombardi Trophy this year? Hopefully one of the underdogs, though I'm not as confident about it as I wish I could be.