I have seen way too many posts written about each blogger's NFL predictions. Sure, I like seeing each person's point of view for the season, but I decided I would invent a new NFL prediction: which players will get into what trouble?

It perfectly fits, too, with Michael Vick and dogfighting, the NBA and Tim Donaghy, and last but not least the MLB and Barry Bonds. So now for each season I will predict for each division not the winning and losing teams, but rather the winning and losing players.

So without further ado, here they are:

NFC East:

Loser-Tony Romo: I am predicting that Romo's first 8 games he will have the highest QB Rating, Passing Yards, and Completion Percentage. And then the next game he will complete 11 passes of 37, with 4 INT, 0 TD, and a QB Rating of appr. 6.00. For this bad performance Carrie Underwood will dump him, launching Tony off the deep end. A few DUIs later Brad Johnson will be Dallas' starter.

Winner-Terrell Owens: How is he not making this list? This year TO will drop the first 7 passes thrown to him, mystically disappear for two weeks, and come back not only catching every ball thrown his way, but becoming Wade Phillips' coach's pet. Bold, I know, but it will happen.

NFC North:

Loser-Brett Favre: Brett isn't going to have a fun year. He will get arthritis in his right fingers after his first attempted throw of the first game of the year. Depression will eat away at his soul, until finally he is filed for theft of a local coffee shop. Then he will take a leave of absence to get his head together. While away, he will concoct a plan to get Mike Holmgren back in Green Bay. The only thing that will keep him from committing suicide in this most trying of times is the Bo Burnham videos on YouTube.

Winner-Jon Kitna: First of all, at the beginning of the season he will say something like this: "The Detroit Lions are the team to beat in the NFC North this year. Not only will we win the division, but we will make the playoffs, too. You know why? 'Cause we got a guy named Chad Johnson, baby, OCHO CINCO!" The next week: "I would publicly like to apologize to my teammate Calvin Johnson-it was an honest mistake." And you are asking "How does that make him a winner?" Because, frankly, it brings more media to the Lions; something they have been lacking since Barry Sanders left.

NFC South:

Loser-Gaines Adams: I don't see any positives for this guy heading into his rookie season: has to fill in for the Bucs' best defensive lineman since Warren Sapp left, has to play for a team who is led by Jeff "Clap-On, Clap-Off" Garcia, and coached by a guy whose facial expression is almost as scary as Bill Cowher's used to be.

Winner- Michael Vick: He will hire a big-time lawyer (a new one than the one he has), and while on trial his lawyer will something like "if the noose don't fit, you must acquit." Shockingly, the jury will rule him "Not Guilty" and he will play in the NFL this season. Some 20 years later he will write a book called If I Hurt Dogs.

NFC West:

Loser-Matt Leinart: His performance will be good, but the fact that he plays for the Cardinals sinks his battleship, here. Paris Hilton will finally return his phone calls, stating "Matt, like I can't see you anymore. Like, seriously, where did you go? I keep hearing your voice when I don't pick up your calls, and my assistant said that I was just hearing the answering machine. But, like, why would they have an answering machine when I, like, didn't ask you a question? I'm confused..." This one call will turn him mad, because Paris was his last hope of getting out of Arizona, but now that she won't help him, he's stranded in the hell that is "The AZ."

Winner-Dennis Green: He doesn't have to coach the Cardinals anymore. Whether he was fired or he resigned, it doesn't really matter, because now he gets out of a franchise that was made to lose. And remember, folks, "The Bears are what we thought they were!" 

So you see, instead of doing the ritual "Who's going to win the division?" predictions, why not be unique? What happened to Miss Independent? Seriously, what happened?

hstreet4cyyoung

I will have the AFC Edition posted some time between three days from now to next week. 

I really hate when people blame their mis-haps on unreal things. Let's take curses for example.

1. "The Curse of the Bambino:" an unreal-superstition that citizens known as "Red Sox Nation" blamed for their favorite team's constant chokes.
2. "The Curse of the Billy Goat:" Read number one.
3. "The Curse of the fill in childhood story here:"The whole "Bloody Mary" and "Donkey Lady" stories are enternaining, but c'mon, there's a reason little kids (yes, younger than me) are the only people who tell the stories.

And then we finally have the most absurd curse of all, the "Madden Curse." The curse where if you happen to be on the Madden cover for the upcoming football season, you are going to get hurt. I have news for all you curse believers: it's football. Everyone is going to miss a week or two at least once every two seasons or so. And, I know, most of the "Madden Curse" injuries have been pretty major, but, again, it's football. It's going to happen whether you are on the curse or not.

Michael Vick is a quarterback, not to mention a mobile quarterback. He is going to get pounded game in and game out, and when you line up against the Ravens' defense, you know involuntarily that you are going to have to ice after the game if you are not carted off. You really can't say you are surprised that Vick got injured: runs everywhere, coming off a breakout season so everyone will be gunning for him, and he's playing against the Ravens defense.

Ray Lewis is a little tougher to analyze. He's a linebacker, so, for the most part, he does the tackling. But the thing with Ray is is that he is a shoulder-first, no-regard-for-the-personal-body type of tackler, so that is bound to happen, too.

Donavan McNabb is the one exception "coincidence." You can't really analyze his injury, it just sort of happened.

Shaun Alexander, finally, is the guy where I would've been more impressed if he wouldn't have gotten hurt last year. He is a runningback who is fast, don't get me wrong, but his way of running is breaking tackles, and using the stiff-arm. He is going to take a beating every game just for being a runningback, then adding the whole "You can't tackle me because I'll hit you harder" image is just frightening.

So as you can see, folks, the Madden Curse is just an refuge for fans whose season-or even just a few games-was ruined. But why stop at analyzing the past injuries? Why not this year's cover boy, Vince Young?

Vince, like Vick, is a mobile quarterback. Under Jeff Fisher, however, he is learning to become a semi-pocket, semi-looking to run type quarterback. Another thing he has on Vick is his size and, yes, I am saying it, his ability to make decisions. Last year, against the Texans, he ran the ball in himself for the game-winning touchdown. If you watch the tape, he dropped back and looked to pass first, and then scrambled when he saw holes and that no one was open. At the national championship game against USC he ran it in. Why drop back and pass when there is a gaping hole in the defense? Both of these game-winners came off of great decisions and he was virtually un-touched by the opposing teams' defense on both plays.

But he is still a mobile quarterback.

You can count on him getting injured at some point during the season, but don't count on it being a long sit-out.

There you have it, people, the diagnosis of a curse based on a video game. I have no life.

philip1thru12's post "We Need Blogging Mentors!!!!!!!!!" inspired me to write this.

There has been talk about having "blogging mentors" for the younger bloggers out there. If you ask me, I am all for it, but if you want to mentor me, you better be prepared. Just ask some of my former teachers:

"Class-pet fighting, recess brawls, the kid was bad. When I was teacher, he volunteered to be the gym class referee for the younger kids. Turns out that he and the other fifth graders were betting on the games he called all along. They called him 'Rookie Bookie.'"

                                               
                                            -Mr. Glowne, 5th Grade Teacher

"Sometimes I dream about hstreet. I either wake up screaming, crying, or in the bathroom. I have a problem..."

                                               
          -Ms. House, 1st Grade Teacher

"I remember the first day he walked in the school: he came in with his head held high and said "I gotta wiss. Where's the bathroom, dollface?" Our relationship ended two weeks later."

                                               
                                             -Ms. 
Jayhe, Elementary School Principal

"hstreet was a bad apple. Some days he popped the basketball, other days he put baseballs in his pants, heck, once he even pantsed me in front of the principal. I hate that kid."

                                               
                  -Coach Roy, Elementary School Coach

So you can see that I have a track record for being a bad. And in the words of Texas Ranger from Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, "you're s&#% out of luck" if you want to mentor me. But I do have good people skills and love long walks on the beach. Oh, wrong website.

Peace, love, and Mickey Mouse.

hstreet4cyyoung

Too many times have I not said something and then wished later I had said it. I was wondering the other day what would happen if I just spoke my mind to athletes? I can guess...

Ricky Williams: "How's Mary Jane been lately?"-Not only would there be a lot of laughs in the press room, but I probably would either get thrown out by security or been given the "cold shoulder" by Ricky. So I guess I can't really say what he would respond, because he wouldn't say anything.

Barry Bonds: "Do you juice your kids, too?"-Not exactly the nicest question, but I have always been curious. I probably would have gotten an answer like this: "[deep sigh and glaring stare]...yes." Just kidding, he probably would have said something like "next question" or "go away."

Michael Vick: "Who would win in a fight-The Underdog or Scooby Doo?"-That one would take a lot of courage on my part, because I know somewhere in the room Marcus Vick is hiding with a shank or something.

Michelle Wie: "Are you not trying or something, or do you always play this bad?"-I don't think she would know how to respond to this question, because if she answered "yes, I do always play this bad" then that would anwer a lot of questions, but if she answers "no" then it would be back to the drawing board.

Roger Clemens: "Have you been going through mid-life crisis for, like, the past 8 years?"-I think he has gotten so out of the groove that he would actually laugh along. I think the only person not laughing would be Joe Torre, because he knows that he would ripped by the media the next day for "not sticking up for his players."

Tiger Woods: "So, Tigger, I saw you in that Roger Federer commercial. Pretty sweet, dude. Oh, my bad, Tiger"-I have always just wanted to mispronounce his name. Tiger, as humble as he is, would probably just laugh along, too.

Roger Federer: "Do you get up in the morning and #### excellence?"-I had to incorporate something from Talledega Nights somewhere on here. I don't think Roger would understand what I am saying though, and then say something about either Bjorn Borg, Rafael Nadal, or Bud Collins.

George Steinbrenner: "So, you and Joe Torre are an item, now? Niiice..."-I think deep inside we have all wanted to say this. It would definetely explain why Joe is still working.

It's okay, guys, you'll get through this

There you have it, the things I really want to say to proffesional athletes.

They finally won again and the Angels lost! Oh, happy day! And now Oakland is only down 11 games! Wait, that isn't a good thing...

Will they come back from this enormous deficit? Well, there is one thing you can expect: they're going to get close.

Nick's concentration might have been somewhere else...

When you look at the A's you think: "Good pitching but bad hitting," which is completely correct. If you look at the team at the beginning of the year.

Through 95 games the A's are 45-50, their the only team other than the Red Sox that have given up less than 400 runs (391), and have players like Mike Piazza, Huston Street, Rich Harden, Justin Duchscherer, and Esteban Loaiza on the DL. Fortunately, they are all supposed to be coming back soon.

Mike Piazza has gone 7-17 on his rehab stint with AAA Sacramento River Cats, with one homer, two doubles, and 2 RBIs. He is supposed to return to the A's later this week.

Huston Street has one more pitching appearance on Saturday in the minors before he retuns to the A's bullpen on Monday, assuming all goes well.

Ditto with Huston

It seems that Rich Harden will be gone for a while, but what else is new?

Justin Duchscherer, too, shouldn't be returning any time soon (60 day DL).

Esteban Loaiza, who hasen't played at all in the MLB this season, is scheduled to make his first rehab start on either July 30 or 31. For Esteban, it will probably take three minor league starts before he is ready to start in the MLB.

So as you can see, the A's have 3 out of these 5 guys returning some time soon. Not to mention Kurt Suzuki (left) finally being able to start in place of Jason Kendall, bringing a better bat to the A's much-needed lineup.

The A's have statistically been the best team in the second half of the season for the past five seasons, so they will eventually make a big run. The biggest factor in the second half of the season is how the Angels and Mariners do.  

And finally, the trade deadline is approaching, which means that Billy Beane gets to do what he does best: trade. The same guy that traded away Mark Mulder for Kiko Calero and a guy named Dan Haren. The same guy that drafted Nick Swisher, Barry Zito, Joe Blanton, Tim Hudson, and Eric Chavez, just to name a few.

If you ask me, Oakland doesn't have much of a chance, with the Angels and surprisingly the Mariners. But you can expect them reach within 5 games of Angels some time during the season.      

Why is it that football players are, for the most part, the guys with the character issues? And I don't mean fighting, I mean guys that are in and out of suspensions, fines, and even jail. People like Carmelo Anthony, Ron Artest, and every other player in the NBA that has gotten into a fight don't necessarily have character issues, they were just heated in the moment.

Well, maybe you can scratch off Artest from that list. He belongs with the football players.

Anyway, drugs, violence, DUI, the whole sha####. You name a crime, a football player has probably been in trouble for it. What's funny is that it seems to center around a few people: Pacman Jones, Marcus Vick, the Cincinnati Bengals, and new member: Michael Vick.

Whoa, Marcus, watch your step!

It's a given that Pacman is the leader of what I like to call "The NFL (Never Follow the Law) Society. But now that Michael Vick, a former favorite player of mine and NFL (the real one this time) icon, we could see a few more guys coming out about their association with drugs, violence, DUI, and, again, the whole sha####.

 The fact is that football players are just naturally more aggressive than other people.  All that hitting and falling and getting pounded into the Earth is finally taking a toll on these guys.

In an ESPN interview with Pacman Jones' mom, Jones' mom stated that Pacman was like this because he grew up like it. As a child he supposedly thought that other kids were standing him off and getting into fights with that. On top of that his father had died at a young age, and then, finally, he played football. Surely letting all of his blind rage out on other kids while playing football would let out all of his anger, right?

Momma don't raise no fool! With a few exceptions....

Wrong. Because no matter what you do, some people are just born bad people. I can guarantee you that if you take two kids and raise them with the same parents, the same room, the same stuff-the same everything-the kids are going to be different adults. Much like people are born talented in sports, some people are born with, you guessed it, character issues.

This all ties back around to football because their parents think they can work the anger out of their kids by playing football.

To Parents-not all kids change. It is extremely sad for me to say it, but some people just don't change. But this doesn't mean one can't try, because sometimes that's all you can do sometimes.

Mom, Dad-if you are reading this you have raised me well. Thank you.

Amen, peace out, drive home safely, and let freedom ring!

hstreet4cyyoung

lisa4usc's blog "WHICH BLOGGER GETS BLOGGER OF THE YEAR HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR" inspired me to write this. 

This is basically a shout-out to all of my favorite bloggers out there (meaning on this web site). Call me a suck up, call me a brown-noser, call me whatever you would like, and I really don't care-maybe, that depends on how insulting it is-I just really want anyone who doesn't know about these bloggers to know about them, because they are truly missing out if they never read these guys' (or girls') blogs.

Here we go:

"ShooterB's Blog" by ShooterB: My favorite blogger. His post "MLB Players Speak Out" was the first post I ever read on this site. With posts like "Blogosaurus -- A Lethargic Guide To Blogging Terms" and "How I Became A Member of the National Sarcasm Society," how is this guy not known and loved by all? Oh yeah, he probably is.

"Straight Talk From the Left Coast" by lisa4usc: In my opinion the best female blogger out there. Great posts almost daily with not only comedy in every post, but reality,  and a whole lot more of just plain old funny. Blog on, Lisa!

"SoCalSportsFan's Blog" by socalsportsfan: With this blogger you get a whole lot of everything. Sometimes posts that are funny, some are serious. No matter, because all of his posts are exceptional.

"Bread and Circuses" by Dudski: Quite possibly the funniest blogger on this site, along with Smoketheblowfish and The Sports Intellectual. With every post I have read from Dudski I have laughed and said "wow, that was smart." Because not only are his posts hilarious, but they make a lot of sense, too. "So You Think You're An Athlete?" was legendary.

Reverend Rhythm's Thoughts and Opinions" by ReverendRhythm: A writer a lot like socalsportsfan, Rev can write about anything, and do it dang well, too. The He Said/She Said series with Bluegrass Lady is spectacular.

"The Sports Intellectual's Blog" by The Sports Intellectual: Again, one of the funniest guys on here, along with Dudski and smoketheblowfish. Their are actually too many hilarious posts for me to name just one. If you haven't read all of his posts, do so now!

Sarcasm at its' finest" by smoketheblowfish: Do I really need to say this again? If you haven't read "You all must be so F'n proud of the World's Sport" (either the original or the re-post), go read it now! Not only could this possibly be the funniest post I have seen, but the comments are hilarious, too. With appearances by ShooterB, Miracle, lisa4usc, slshusker, and the one and only smoketheblowfish himself, this is the funniest comment list I have seen. Not to mention I had a thing or two to say...

And, finally, we have my last favorite:

"You Need To Get Real" by Miracle: Many would say the best blogger on here, I can't really say i disagree. He captured hearts with his "Expletive Blogs." ShooterB even held a "Bloggers Benefit Concert" in order to get Miracle's Expletive Blogs back after being deleted by Fox (the Man).

There you have it-my favorite bloggers out there, but don't think that just because you didn't make this list you aren't a good writer (I mean, for God's sake I am a kid saying all of this), but here are a few honorable mentions:

slshusker, justanotherfan/tophatal, Bluegrass Lady, ricko, broncogirl, and a lot more that I know I am forgetting.

Keep it coming, people! I enjoy reading everyone's posts (and I'm not a hippie).

Adam Morrison is a reporter's dream. And I know what you are thinking: "This is about him crying his last game of Gonzaga, right?"

No. It isn't. I have no problem with any athlete crying when they lose a game, especially since it was his last game in college. It just means that they want to win so bad that they would cry after they lose. This post is about how Adam Morrison can't talk to the press. If you read the title you would have known that.

It's okay, Adam. I'm here for you.

About his last comment where he said how he followed the media and listened to their critique, that is what this post is about. I thought the number one rule for celebrities and professional athletes was to not say anything stupid to the media. Not only did he listen to what they said ("Morisson a bust," "shooting needs work,"), but he just openly came out to he media that he listened to them.

If I was a reporter, it would be my dream for a character like him to say something stupid to me, because then I could just make him look even more stupid to the whole world. A character not just like Adam Morrison, but, oh, how about a guy named Barry Bonds? Let's take last night for example.

After his game last night he was asked about his recent slump (1-25-ish since last home run), and you could say that he said it all himself:

"It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (f-word)'n uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now go away."

Yeah...

The last part when he said "Now go away," was the girliest little whine I have ever heard. It made me cry from laughter. No joke.

Man, I wish I was one of the reporter's that was there. I would have written something like this:

SAN FRANCISCO-The Giants lost again last night. But is that really the point? No. The reason I was there is because Barry Bonds makes a fool of himself every time I ask him a question, or for that matter, any reporter asks him a question. Last night I had to leave the interview because I didn't want anyone to see that I wet my pants from laughter. That "Go away" comment was to die for. And that's about it...no one really cares about the Giants.

Yep. I would create my own fictional quotes but I already did that in another of my posts.

So that's about it...go away...

I can't stand all of this #### about "bad bloggers" out there. Why does it matter that they want to write about sports? Why should anyone else care if they are better than other bloggers, because isn't that what blogging is all about-writing recreationally?

Sure, some people write more and are more serious about this, but what does that have to do with the quality of the blog world?

Don't get me wrong, though. I can't stand it when someone comes on and rants about something completely stupid. Or, even if the topic isn't stupid, they sound stupid because they don't know what they are talking about. I have news for those people: make sure you know what you're talking about before you actually say something.

But what I really can't stand is people who think they can come on here and scare away the "bad bloggers" by telling them they shouldn't write. That is like telling someone they suck at their favorite sport. Everyone should get a chance to fulfill their dream (or even their hobby), no matter what other people say or think.

And when someone thinks that a person shouldn't blog because they have bad grammar than I have news for you, too: why should you care about the quality of someone's grammar if their writing is great?

If someone has great ideas and can back up their ideas well than they deserve to be writing with the respect of everyone on this blog site. Just because they misspell a few words also doesn't mean you should get pissed at them for being "not as good as me."

I know some people could be offended by this post, but if it is because you are one of those bloggers that are trying to get the "bad bloggers" to leave than I don't really care. You know you are a good writer. Why do you have to make bad ones leave? Are they embarassing you or something?

Hoped you like the post. Comment if you would like.

What really bugs me about celebrities is what they name their kids. I have heard names like Magnus, Apple, Pirate, and Sheppard. And what's funny is those are the good names-at least compared to others: Audio Science, Kyd (pronounced as "kid"), and Moxxy Crimefighter.

Times like these remind me of how much I love my parents. And my name.

Anyway, this got me to thinking "What if sport's stars had kids? What would they name them?"

This is what I got so far:

Ricky Williams: "Bob Marley Williams"-How wouldn't this fit for Ricky's son? His favorite of "sniffin' blue" would spill over to a family member. I can see it now: "Hey, yo! Bobby! Go get us some crack and and we'll jam out to some of your songs! Always like gettin' high with Father Drug. Wait, your'e not the real Bob Marley?"

Pacman Jones: "Roger Goodell Jones"-By the time Pacman has a kid, he will be in so much trouble with Goodell that he will have suck to his Commish by naming his kid after him. He will also have a 6 o' clock curfew, have to do community work 6 days a week, and be isolated from every person in the world by living in a giant bubble. This way he wouldn't couldn't get in fights with people for talking smack.

Barry Bonds (if he has another one): "Henry Aaron Bonds"-Like Pacman, he will be so much hated by the world that he will have to name his kid after Hank Aaron. When Hank is asked about Barry's son, he states: "I won't be at the baptism. I will be relaxing by playing golf or something."

Kobe Bryant: "Kobe Bryant Jr."-Kobe is so self-centered that he will hame his son after himself. Sure, a lot of fathers do that; but that's not all: he will quit his basketball career to in search of becoming the best coach ever, so, in other words, he will coach his son from Kindergarten up. He will be hated by all of the soccer moms and overly hyped dads by this frequent comment: "Where's my assistant? C'mon, man, I'm out here bustin' my butt and you're over there sittin' on the bench. I get no support! Me and Junior want to be traded!"

Michael Vick: "Suck My Vick"-By the time he has his son he will be the most hated athlete in the world. Dog fighting-that's nothing. He will join forces with his brother and wreak havoc on the world. "You hate me, I hate you back!" It won't be long before he says that.

Kevin Durant: "Greg Oden Durant"-He will have to name his son after Greg Oden. Because if he doesn't, he gives the world a reason not to like him as much Oden.

Michelle Wie: "Hilary Duff Wie"-She will explain it all herself: "I thought that like, why not name my daughter after a wicked cool person. I remember watching Lizzie McGuire while I was on the tour, and Hil was, like, really cool in that show, too."

Greg Oden: "Kevin Durant Oden"-Likewise.

I hoped you like the post. Feel free to comment on your own suggestions.

Bench-clearers, sucker-punches, cheap shots, and more! In the entire sport’s world, who is the best brawler?

There are too many for me to do an eight player tournament, so I will do my analysis of all of the best brawlers I can think of and then narrow down the best to eight for the finals.

 

Qualifiers: 

 

Chris Young: For his fight with Derrek Lee earlier this year. At 6’10 and 260 pounds, Young has the potential to brawl with numerous players, and maybe even win. He reminds me of white, baseball-playing Joe Frazier, with his strong right hook as his go-to punch.  

 

Derrek Lee: For his fight with Chris Young. His prowess is outstanding, and he only gets tougher every year after battling numerous injuries. The only thing I don’t like about him is his aggressiveness out of the dugout if it was a teammate in a brawl. It will be a close one. 

 

Carlos Zambrano: For his fight with teammate (at the time) Michael Barrett. Big, strong dude and it only is a bonus that the fight was with his catcher.  

 Michael Barrett: For fight with Carlos Zambrano and scuffle with A.J. Pierzynski. This guy isn’t afraid of anyone, except for maybe Derrek Lee. I don’t know, it just always looked he was kind of scared of him. Anyway, he even got traded for being such a ****. Word up, Michael!

 Stephen Jackson: Wow. Not only was he in the infamous Pacer/Piston brawl, but he has been in various melees outside the lines. Strip clubs, bars, you name it, he’s fought there.

 Ron Artest: How can I not put this guy on the list? He started possibly the biggest fight in sport’s history. And not only did he start it, but he definitely didn’t stop it, either. He had to be held back from trainers, teammates, and even coaches.

 Carmelo Anthony: For giving the biggest sucker-punch since I have been alive. And then running away like a little kid. You can count on him not making it to the finals.

 Joe Blanton: For starting a fight with a half-pint. And he started it without really a reason at all.  

John Lackey: For his headlock against division-rival Jason Kendall. In fact, his pitch didn’t even bean Kendall, Kendall was just taking out some blind rage from the A’s poor start last season, or something. But no matter, Lackey had his headlock ready.

The 2006-07 Miami Hurricanes Football Team: They must have really hated playing football, because it seemed whenever I would switch to them on the TV, someone would be throwing punches. There fight with FIU was classic, though. They were so in to the fight that they had a guy come off the injured reserve just to hit someone with his crutches.

 

Billy Martin: He had so much blind rage that he took it out on his players. I know it was a little retro, but when ESPN is making a show just for an excuse to make a remake of the scuffle, you know it was a classic bout. Reggie didn’t stand a chance…

 

Jermaine O’Neal: Do I need to even say why? I loved that part of the brawl when he was on the court and he just walked up and smacked a fan. I didn’t see it, but there was probably a nod or something between the fan and Jermaine, it just looked too casual.

 

Final tournament:

 

QUARTERFINALS-

 

No. 1 Ron Artest vs. No. 8 Jermaine O’Neal-There really is no competition here. Ron was just too good in this fight. Jermaine, for once, was just supporting cast to one of his teammates. 

 

No. 2 Michael Barrett vs. No. 7 Billy Martin-It seems that the only coach in this tournament is going home. Barrett, like Martin, was born pissed off at someone. Now it is finally biting him in the rear-fighting with his catcher, getting traded for it, and then being written about by a 14-year-old. That isn’t the life.

 

No. 3 Stephen Jackson vs. No. 6 Carlos Zambrano-This is a close one. The fact that Zambrano bounced back after his bout will be his downfall. After Jackson’s fight, it didn’t take long for him to get arrested. 

 

No. 4 Miami Hurricanes vs. No. 5 Chris Young-On paper it looks close. But this isn’t even a contest even before the game starts. Someone on the Hurricanes got mad that Young was breathing their air. “Someone get the crutches!”

 

SEMIFINALS-

 

No. 1 Ron Artest vs. No. 4 Miami Hurricanes-Coming off their suspensions from their last brawl with Chris Young, the ‘Canes are hungry. Hungry enough to pull off the upset, in fact. But, what the heck, Ron figured it would give him some more time to work on his album.

 

No. 2 Michael Barrett vs. No. 3 Stephen Jackson-Came down to the last round, but Barrett wins by DQ. Jackson got too mad at the constant one-two’s that he pulled out his gun. Nobody was surprised, though, hence the “First 10,000 get a bullet-proof vest” promo.

 

CHAMPIONSHIP-

 

No. 2 Michael Barrett vs. No. 4 Miami Hurricanes-Again, a close one for Barrett. But, again, Barrett wins it down the wire. Turns out that half of the Miami team had to leave with two minutes left-they had meetings with their parole officers. 

 

Well, there you have it. Barrett comes out on top. And then is traded again for even attending this tournament.

 

I'm sure there are going to disagreements, so comment!

You know, I guess I just got really bored.

Anyway, what would happen if a variety of sports stars all got online together and played World Of Warcraft? Something you would actually very much expect...

---

"Alright, man," said Kobe Bryant into his headset, "Let's go for the Ogremaster."

"No!" screamed one of his followers, Alex Rodriguez, "Remember-we have to find the 'Sword That is Really Shiny and Stuff.'"

"Oh yeah."

"Oww...I have been playing for hours! Can't we just get this over with?" groaned another follower of Kobe, Peyton Manning.

"Okay, fine" sighed Kobe, " All in favor of coming with me to find the 'Sword That is Really Shiny and Stuff. All in favor of fighting the Ogremaster now?"

It had been decided. Peyton was to lead a group of up-and-coming stars in their sports, such as: Kevin Durant, Greg Oden, Calvin Johnson, Alex Gordon, VInce Young, and a few more who have yet to be discoverd. Kobe was to lead another group, and in fact, a much smaller group. Members included: Alex Rodriguez (a brave but very much hated archer), Ricky Williams (a sorcerer who didn't really have anything better to do), and Pacman Jones (a loose cannon priest-yeah, I don't get it either). And finally we have Kobe Bryant, a noble Warrior who is carefully skilled in the arts of swordery. If that is a word.

So Kobe led his foursome on a long, devastating journey, until, finally, they came across the "Sword That is Really Shiny and Stuff.' But, the holy sword had been lodged into a conviently placed anvil sitting on a tree stump.

"I guess I must try," said Kobe. He walked straight up to the sword and pulled it out of the anvil. "Oh, okay...let's go!"

Kobe led Pacman, Ricky, and A-Rod across vast oceans, nasty swamps, and a few itchy valleys along the way, until they finally reached their destination: the House of the Ogremaster.

"Before we start this battle," said Kobe, "I want to tell you that you are a great posse."

"Anyone got any weed," asked Ricky.

"Yeah, man, I wanna get high, man!" screamed Pacman.

"Can't this wait?" asked Kobe, "I'm finally going to win a championship by myself-um, I mean, defeat the Ogremaster. Just, come on."

Grudgingly, Pacman and Ricky followed. When the group reached the door, Kobe drew his sword gallantly, and then knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" asked someone from the inside.

"It's I, Kobe Bryant. I have come with a few members to challenge you to a duel."

"Okay." Suddenly there was a rustling inside the house and a few wild boars squeeling. "Back, Rover, back! No...stop it! Stop it! Could you do me a favor and wait there; I am coming out the back door."

When the Ogremaster arrived, they started their fight.

"Defensive formations!" screamed Kobe.

"Face it, Kobe, you never have been a leader," said the Ogremaster.

"How do you know who I really am?"

The Ogremaster took his opponents off-guard, and quickly killed off A-Rod, Pacman, and Ricky.

"Dang it! I never have a good team!" yelled Kobe. "I can still beat you."

"No, Kobe, that is where you are wrong. You will never be able to beat me. Not now, and not on Christmas when our teams play."

"No. No! Could it be..."

"Shaq. You will never be able to beat me! I defeated Peyton and his squad and now I have defeated yours."

"No. I can still win."

But the Ogremaster then used a slicing move while Kobe's defense was down, but, come to think of it, his defense is always down...

Kobe had been defeated by Shaq. Again. I guess sometimes miracles don't come true.

THE END

?

---

Well, again, I guess I just got really bored.

I hope you liked it. If you didn't than I can't say I didn't blame you. It isn't like I planned this story out.

Recently my mom and dad got mad at me for not going outside enough. Well, you can't blame me: I go to tennis from 9 to 2 every day. I live in Texas. When I get home I want to sit in the air conditioning and relax. I don't want to even think about my body or doing anything with it.

Basically I have to make an excuse of sitting on my butt from 2 to 10, and a few minutes ago I may have found one: Blogging is a sport. In fact, it does abide by the American Heritage Dictionary definition of the word "sport."

1. "Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively."

You know, my fingers are really getting a work out from all of this typing. That should definetely pass as physical activity.

As for the rules thing, that is easy to explain. Profanity, spam, racism, porn, etc. are frowned upon by all bloggers. Well, maybe not the bloggers, but the Man, at least. Any blogger could be expelled indefinetely for using "bad words" and "naughty pics."

2. "An active pastime; recreation."

Isn't literature the most famous piece of entertainment ever made? Blogging should be close enough to literaute to pass by this definition.

I guess I couldn't find another good definition, but at two should be enough to define a sport, right?

If that isn't enough then I have thought of another occurence that happens in the other "weenie sports" that include throwing things and hitting things: injuries. Sure, you can't tear your ACL typing on your computer, but you can, in fact, get Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. Arthritis is another big boo-boo.

Ha! I laugh in the name of broken arms, strained wrists, and Achilles Tendon tears. Let the real players get the real injuries. And let the real athletes play the real sports! And I am not talking about baseball, football, or basketball. I am talking about blogging, where men and women are allowed.

You see that-a sport where men and women are equal. Blogging as a sport is already making society a better place.

So, now that we are on the map as athletes, where will we be seen? Best to tune into these channels for the best chance at seeing us at our own game:

• ESPN2-Seriously, what haven't they showed during the daytime slot? They have showed Darts, Poker, Cheerleading, Scrabble, Pool (yeah, not Billiards), Dog Shows, and a lot more humiliating sports. Maybe we will get lucky.
• GSN-They'll play anything nowadays. Since they have been moved out of cable TV, they would play anything that might get some people to watch.
• A&E-It's a long shot, but all of the #### they think they can pass as "entertainment" will someday bite them in the caboose. They will soon need a big-time show so they don't end up like GSN.
• ESPN8 (The Ocho)-Hopefully by the time this sport is developed as a sport ESPN will have listened to all the pleas from people about making "The Ocho." And, as we all know very well, "If it's almost a sport, it's on the Ocho!"

Thanks for reading, citizens. Hopefully some day my mom and dad will see this and stop getting mad at me.

 

I just found out that a Moneyball movie is in the works. If it is rated R, I think I am going to kill myself.

Anyway, these are the actors I would cast for each part:

Billy Beane-Sources say that the part is between two guys: George Clooney and Vince Vaughn. Out of the two I would prefer Vaughn, but I wouldn't cast either of them. For Billy Beane, I think it has to be the guy from Entourage. I think his name is Jeremy Piven, he plays Ari. He has a humorus side to him but he can also be serious, just like Billy. He would be perfect for the line "Who is the best looking GM in baseball?  The only problem would be that he is too much like Ari, but I still think he is the best for the part.

Paul DePodesta-I would cast John Krasinski (the guy from License to Wed and The Office). He could definetely pull off the nerdy computer geek look, and they even look a lot alike. He and Piven would be an awesome combo, I can see Krasinski whispering corrections into Piven's ear while Piven is on the phone.

Scott Hatteberg-It would be his first serious role, but he has the potential to be a great actor and he fits in with the Hatteberg personality, so I would go with Johnny Knoxville. He would need to fatten up a little more and dye his hair red, but other than that he is great for this role.

Ron Washington-At first I thought Don Cheadle would be a good fit, and he is, but I think I found a better one in Danny Glover. Washington is quiet but can be very talkative at the same time. He also is a great leader and the players looked up to him. I am hoping that Glover's role in Angels in the Outfielder prepared him enough for this role.

Chad Bradford-I couldn't think of one for him either, so I got this one from a website, too. Kip Pardue was their pick, saying that he would have to make a trip to the barber for this role and that he is best known for Remember the Titans ("Sunshine") and Rules of Attraction.

Nick Swisher-This one was really hard. Mostly because it was hard to find a personality like Swisher's. The weird thing is I didn't find a personality like Swisher's, but I think he is a good enough actor to make himself have a Swisher-like personality. In the end, I got Joaquin Phoenix. I really don't know how but I did.

Art Howe-Terry O'Quinn would be great for this part (the bald dude from Lost). They look a lot alike and I can definetely see O'Quinn cutting Mike Magnante.

Bill James-I couldn't think of anyone, so I got this one off of a website: Paul Giamatti. I think he would be a good fit, but he is a little thin. He has the right personality, though.

Kenny Williams-I think an older-looking Taye Diggs could pull off this part, but what can't makeup do these days? They kind of look alike, and since Williams is portrayed pretty much as an #### in the book , it should be perfect for Diggs. I mean seriously, if he could pull off his role in Malibu's Most Wanted, he can pull this off.

John Mabry-He seems like an angry guy according to the book, so I think Josh Lucas would be a great fit, even though he might be a little expensive after being a star in Glory Road and Poseidon. He is perfect, though, especially for the on-going argument with Feiny.

My favorites are Piven for Beane, Lucas for Mabry, and Krasinski for DePodesta.

There are probably going to be a lot of disagreements on the parts, so feel free to let your voice be heard.

 

 

 

First off, I am not a Yankees fan. I hate the Yankees so much that it is actually kind of disgusting. And since I hate both of teams there is no bias towards any team whatsoever.

This is probably going to get a lot of people mad and make humiliating comments, but someone has to do it.

Who is more annoying-the Yankees or the Red Sox? It is actually really hard for me to tell.

Sure, the Yankees are the Yankees. They have more money than every team in the MLB, they have scandolous (and really annoying) players, an annoying owner, a do-nothing GM, and, for that matter, a do-nothing coach. The fact is they can buy pretty much any player they want, and, I mean, the poor little Red Sox just can't do a darn thing about it.

But that is where I'm wrong. They can do a thing about it. They actually can do almost, if not just as much, as the Yankees.

C'mon, it's not like they don't have any money. ESPN cites that the Red Sox have $143,123,714 to they Yankees $195,229,045. Sure this a difference of about $50 million, but to the Yankees and the Red Sox that is what, pocket change? The Red Sox bought out Dice-K, by paying his Japanese team $51 million just to have the rights to him. Then, they went and paid him $52 million over six years. Both of those totals are more than the total team salaries of teams like the Cubs, Cardinals, Tigers, Braves, and Giants.

Keep in mind that all of that was for one player.

But what makes me even more mad than that is that Red Sox fans whine about each and every thing the Yankees do, whether it be the Yankees signing Johnny Damon, getting Babe Ruth, which brought along-you guessed it-that friggin' curse. During that 86-year span, Red Sox fans were more unbearable than ever.

The whole Bill Buckner thing was a joke. Don't blame a superstition that one guy makes one error. It was only a coincidence that it was during the World Series. And, correct me if I am wrong, but that was game six of a seven game series. Red Sox fans seemed to have forgotten that there was still another game in that series, because it isn't like they just lost it in game six. They had another chance. In fact, there is a word that describes this feat that starts with a "c" and ends with a "e." But it isn't curse. The word is choke.

Whine, whine, whine...spend, spend, spend...is that all you Red Sox do? Oh yeah, there is one more thing: hate the Yankees. I don't really disagree with that last one, though.

However, the Yankees are still the Yankees. I still can't decide which one I hate more...