Is it safe? Can I mention her name yet without wall to wall coverage of what a tragedy it was for her to die at such a tender age. It's true the good die young. Anna Nicole Smith was such an amazing woman. I mean look at all the amazing things she has done. Ummmm, there was that one time she..... no wait that was Paris. There was that other time....... actually that was probably Vanilla Ice. Now that I think about maybe, just maybe, Anna Nicole Smith wasn't that great of a person. Now I know this topic has been used so much it makes Lindsay Lohan's liver look like it's fresh off the shelf. But in light of the anniversary of Princess Di's death and the absoulutely RETARDED comparisons of the two, I think it's time John Stockton's biggest fan took a turn.

Now I know that we live in a day that every time that there is more still-funny-but-getting-kind-of-sad-that-it-seems-
to-happen-every-week news about the Axis of Evil that is known as the Lohan, Spears, Hilton three headed STD filled monster the entire country comes to an absolute stand-still. But I mean come on! Did anybody actually hear about Anna Nicole's death and think to themselves, "Oh no, the world has truly lost a great person. I'm sure her death had nothing to do with letters O and D." I mean George W. Bush could have determined that she overdosed in about 6 seconds and he still hasn't come to the conclusion that Clark Kent is actually SuperMan. And didn't her son just overdose on about the exact same pharmacy cocktail that she poured down a beer bong? It was later discovered that Anna's doctor was in fact mentored by Dr. Mario. If you can't feel anything than that means that it worked, right? Enough of that.

Did anybody else ever catch a little bit of her show on E! network? Damn all the warped depictions made of her, she will always be that self centered fat cow with a speech impediment to me. Her yelling the name Howard still haunts my nightmares. Speaking of the scholar and gentleman Mr. Howard Stern (the one without a horrible radio show), do you think he feels it was all a waste of time since his lottery ticket, I mean paternal test came back negative? I can just picture him getting the results and having to scratch off some silver junk with a quarter to find out the results. And if you don't think it was a lottery just look at how many people were trying to say they were the father of the Million Dollar Crack Baby. Gary Coleman could have been the father and nobody would have been genuinely surprised except for his accountant. Did you ever hear about Princess Diana sleeping with so many people that you were more likely to find someone that had gotten a reach around from her than you were to find a George W. Bush supporter?

So maybe Anna Nicole wasn't exactly the best candidate to become a nun or lead an AA meeting, but maybe she wasn't only addicted to oxycontin but the feeling you get when you do things for others in need? Maybe? Not even close. The only Charity Anna knew was one of her stripper buddies. And marrying a 112 year old oil tycoon for his money was very charitable (for herself). I mean the only other woman you could possibly say was a worse wife was Lorena Bobbit or whatever that wood chopper's name was. I mean the woman cut off the man's meat and bits, his twig and berries, his best friend in the whole world! Anyways, she must have had his portfolio posted on the headrest of his bed. "Oh yes, yes! Look at the size of that 401k. Your bonds are so diversified! Talk brokerage to me baby." Her idea of a #### was calling over Charles Schuab. I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind if I was really old and some blonde took her shirt off while holding a tape recorder to get me to promise her money. You could get me to say that Alberto Gonzales is an honest and trustworthy employee if Jessica Alba were on my lap.

If by now you're still thinking, "This gojazz guy is such a poo poo head, just because Anna Nicole popped pills, slept with the Pillsberry Doughboy then ate him after, and never did anything for another person in her life doesn't mean she's not as classy as Princess Diana!!!" then you probably either live in Texas or just got done with a handle of Captain Morgan and it's only 11:00 AM. Because the only thing Princess Diana and Anna Nicole Smith have in common is that they're both dead.