Q: What do Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, and Rosie O'Donnell have in common?
A: All 3 have used artificial means to enhance their manhood.
McGwire - Should consider himself lucky to have even been on the HOF ballot. Easy prediction: As more and more info on MLB steroid and human growth hormone use leaks to the media, his once inflated popularity will completely fizzel out. And eventually he will be forgotten. People generally like to remember positive stuff. I do hope he makes peace with himself and also his son.
Bonds - Oh Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry...you really do need some help. What's next... speedballs? Tell ya what. Come clean with the whole deal, accept your punishment whatever it will be, donate half your money to charity, maybe more, get into treatment, spill your guts, rebuild your life on moral grounds, and then it will not matter (to anyone else but most importantly to you) whether you break Hank's record or whether you even get into the Hall. You'll have the greatest prize of all...a true you. And the world will have an honest Barry because The TRUTH sets you free. Easy prediction: Never happen.
Rosie - we liked you at the hot corner in A League of Their Own. It's been down hill ever since. You talk too much. 99% of the time, you sound stupider than A-Rod. That's not good. However we did like the comb over impression. What amazes us is that you actually have a large fan base. I bet they would vote for McGwire and also defend Barry. By the way, how's that gun control program of yours coming along these days? Still own that pistol, do ya?
Speaking of gunfire, did anyone else catch the line about A-Rod from the cabbie toward the end of the new flick, A Night at the Museum? Would love to know who was responsible for getting in that shot on A-Fraud. The man of mega-millions just gets no respect. It's a beautiful ding!
Now there's a word that will never be used to describe a closeup of Randy Johnson. Finally, he has departed. The Big Unit was, essentially, castrated by American League - New York City baseball. Now The Big Eunuch returns to the weaker hitting National League and the protection afforded by the pitcher batting. Easy Prediction: Johnson blows away Senior Circuit hitters again.
Sincere prayers for Bobby Murcer. A true Yankee, a class guy. We can still recall his rookie season playing shortstop.
I believe many things, among them:
that the monuments should still be on the playing field, 460 feet from home plate...
that the most exciting play in baseball is the race between ball and man, the inside the park home run...
that for fielding alone, Clete Boyer is right there with Brooks and Nettles...
that Yankee Stadium should stand forever...
that Number 7 walking to the plate was supernatural. ..
and that there was nothing better than to shag fly balls with your best friends after supper on a summer evening
