I know this is a couple days too late, but I still wanted to share with the class. This showed up in the Football Outsiders MNF discussion thread, composed by reader Jason Harris:

Every time someone mentions a Packer starter and you say, “Who the hell is that?”: Take a drink
Every time Favre flings a completely inexplicable interception: Take a drink
Every time Favre does that and Theismann covers for him: Take a drink

Every time somebody mentions Terrell Owens:
And his suicide attempt: Take a drink
And his impact on the Eagles: Take a sip (pace yourself)
And you ask yourself why they’re talking about a guy who has nothing to do with the game: Take a sip (Again, pacing)

Every time an announcer mentions how vicious Eagle fans are: Take a drink
If said fans give the announcer a well-deserved cockpunch: Chug the bottle
Every time somebody mentions cheesestakes, cheeseheads or if the camera man finds the lone, marginally attractive female Green Bay fan in the stadium: Take a drink
Every time somebody mentions Brett Favre in relation to a tragedy befalling his family, his pet ferret or his favorite tractor up to and including: death, dismemberment, VD, bad haircut, psorisis or heartbreak associated with same: Drink enough to dull the pain
Every time somebody mentions Donovan McNabb’s injury: Drink three fingers of rotgut

Take one drink for every player Kornheiser claims to have on his fantasy team
Take one drink for every minute the utterly useless celebrity spends spouting inanities in the booth

If Theismann gets so angry about Albert Haynesworth his head actually explodes: Take a Lithium and lay down in a dark room
If, after a sack, somebody says, “He is all over the QB like Mark Foley on teenage boys”: Chug heartily

Post by Aaron Schatz