Just to close the loop on that ridiculous Monday Night football game...

The fix was in. I don't think there is any question. 5 INTs are difficult to throw when you're trying to throw them. The entire first half I felt like I was watching a scene out of Basketball Diaries with Leo DiCaprio. Holy ####! So either Romo was on the take last night or Jim Kelly took him out to Turning Stone Casino the night before and had him doing lines off a hooker's #### till 8am. Wait, Jim Kelly is a man of God and would never partake in such activities you say? Well, whatever then, maybe it was Tasker, Thurman, Beebe, Bruce Smith, or Scott Norwood. That's it... Scott Norwood. They pulled him out of a bar, dusted him off, gave him a few cups of joe, and told him they came up with a way for him to redeem himself. Then they Gave him a suite at the casino, Romo's cell number and.... nah, forget this theory.... the game was just fixed. Always follow the money.

I'll even go out on a limb here (if we can even consider this a limb anymore... more like a very hearty branch firmly attached to the trunk of the tree that is sports) and say that The Donaghy Boys have struck again. Not so sure we didn't witness their 9/11 with this one last night (pardon the insensitive comparison). Why do so many of us still find it SO hard to believe that professional sporting events in this country are oftentimes fixed? Corruption has pervaded almost every aspect of the sporting world, from chemical enhancement to illegal gambling to... #### dog fighting rings and attacks on referees at children's soccer games! Are you serious? Marion Jones just gave back 5 gold medals that she essentially stole from all those 2nd place finishers whose names we'll never know. How unceremonious must it be to retroactively win an Olympic Gold Medal via a certified letter that may or may not reach you at your shack in the leper colony you were banished to by your third world country's government after you failed to win the 500 meter like you were supposed to back in the Sydney Summer Games. A lot of good that medal's gonna do her now.

Yet even in the face of all these scandals we still blindly accept the childish notion that we're watching (and betting on) arbitrary sporting events where two teams, and all the members of those teams, are competing with all their heart and soul and sweat in their noble attempts to beat their opponents. We dish out our gambling dollars like we're investing in the stock market (which is also regularly manipulated by the Greenspan Goons but don't get me started on that right now). I know we don't all gamble but, unfortunately, an ever-growing number of us do. Enough of us in fact that it the gambling industry has finally matured into a multi-billion dollar enterprise where anticipated profit, in the mind of a forward thinking criminal, can easily justify a bribe large enough that it potentially could get the attention of a strategically chosen pro athlete... whether it's because they have something on him or because he's unfairly burdened with the task of feeding himself and his family on a paltry $1.8 million, or maybe he feels slighted by the virtual anonymity of not playing one of the glorious, high-profile, skill positions... (for instance, a left tackle could singlehandedly change the outcome o####ame... anybody see the Eagle-Giant game a couple weeks ago?) or simply because he's one of the extra-greedy ####kers. What would you say about making your annual salary of $1.8 mill in one day? And if the criminals were able to gross 2.5 million would that be something you'd be interested in? I would. Sounds like using money to make more money. What's more American than that? All you have to do is..... Wait, Tony Romo hasn't signed his BIG NFL contract yet. He's growing increasingly impatient in his desire to finally be one of the uber-elites. He's only making how much this season? Wow, you heard Jessica Simpson told her friends his #### was only 4 inches and now he can't get a date with anyone worth being seen with? Holy ####! (I would have said 5" but that's not that small... it's not, for real. It's slightly above the average in fact... I don't care what anybody says).

Speaking of which... remember when Postmaster General Wilford Brimley had to come up from D.C. to have a little chat with Cosmo Kramer after he cancelled his mail because he figured out it was no longer necessary in this day and age? Newman with the bucket over his head... #### classic!

I actually believe the Donaghy thing was just the tip of the iceberg, conveniently fed to us as an ultra-isolated incident orchestrated by a rogue NBA official. No big deal at all. These things happen. Yeah right! FOLLOW THE MONEY. The "Donaghy" consortium had to temporarily close up their NBA office and focus all their resources on their burgeoning NFL operation in the meantime. After all, the NFL landscape has become so complex and massive that it's easier than ever to blend into the periphery and "fly under the radar."

So, yeah, I know, this is all really far-fetched. I'm crazy. I'm off my rocker! I'm Mel Gibson in that movie Conspiracy Theory. Well, let's just say that if you don't see anymore blogs from me after this one you'll know I was on to something.

So here's the way this went down last night. The criminal element in and around the pro leagues has always been there. If anything their presence has actually grown stronger over the years.... inversely proportional to the decreasing morality in this country as a whole (I know that made no sense but you get my point). So they bought Romo last night for probably somewhere between 1 and 2 mill. His directives were to throw the first half of the game; just make sure Buffalo is winning at the end of the first quarter and at the end of the half. He was also told "You can do what you want in the 2nd half so long as, under no circumstances, you win the game by more than 11 points. So if you can win the game by less than 11 go right ahead, but be careful. Be very very careful. Don't leave any room for some flukey backdoor cover or we'll be imminently shoving something into your back door. Ga-beesh?" I have no idea how to spell Gabeesh but I know it means "you hear what I'm #### telling you" in Ginzo-speak. I mean Italian.

You say you want a more realistic explanation for that game? One that could still be considered a conspiracy theory. Here's your decaf conspiracy coffee. You're an NFL Franchise down on your luck. You feel forgotten by the league. You keep paying all this money into the league's CBA but it seems like you never get any ROI. You complain. You keep complaining. You complain so much to the league office that Goodell finally says fine, what would you suggest we do for you? Well, for starters we want a high profile nationally televised game. We want MNF! "Ugh," says Goodell, but under the incessant pestering he reluctantly gives in. October 8 at home versus America's team. Ya happy now? Actually no, were not. We need to win the game too. Now wait just one minute there guys. The NFL is not in the business of...... umm excuse me Mr. Goodell, we may from Buffalo but we've been around a while and we know full well you have the ability to do a few things. C'mon, the tuck rule. Are you kidding me? All we want is a little home cooking and a few very minor concessions just to allow us the opportunity to win a big game and re-inject a little juice into a small but passionate NFL city that promises to start spending some money again if only we can convince them they have a worthy team to root for again. I know we don't have the population of most of the other markets, or even the per capita average, but we do have loyal fans who are willing to part with a much greater portion of their disposable (and indisposable) income for tickets, paraphrenalia, those giant inflatable football guys you put on your lawn, and whatever else you all make money on. All we need from you is a little help to re-awaken their Buffalo Bill pride. Believe me, these people have nothing better to do. Plus, we have to get to them before the ice-fishing season renders us irrelevant. You make more money, we make more money, everybody wins. Go ask Paul if you want. We generated some of the highest revenue dollars in the league back in our Super Bowl years, and we can do it again. You'll see. So the pressure the Buffalo people put on the league office to turn this into "Buffalo Night" in the NFL played a huge part in the Bills almost stealing that game last night... but alas, it wasn't quite enough and it all kind of backfired in their face. BFD was putting out structure fires well into the night apparently.

Why the #### is Tony Romo being interviewed right now? They won in spite of him for Christ's sake! And is he 15 yrs old? He has the mentality of a teenager, which only lends more validity to my theory if you ask me. Go interview Folk Hero!

By the way, these coach's calling all these timeouts right before the ball is snapped has gotten completely out of hand... the rules committee will FIX this problem in the off-season. We can't keep watching 2 kicks every time only one is called for. I actually think it benefits the kicker. It's a #### practice kick. Folk's 2nd kick looked like an exact replay of the first. For a second I actually thought it was.

Paul Byrd pulled a mini-Kenny Rogers in the Bronx. Take a seat next to the Mets and the Phils there Skankies.

If you bet the 'Boys how bad did you want them to miss that FG? That's the worst possible thing that could happen to a gambler. Salt in the wounds type stuff. The team lolligags it through 3 quarters, completely craps the bed in terms of the spread, and in the end they get the undeserving Win anyway, as you sit there contemplating how you're gonna make rent this month. But as long as you didn't bet the house... somehow near the end of the game you often find that you've forgotten all about the money you just lost and you instantly revert back to the fact that you're really just a sports fan at heart... witnessing one of the more ridiculous games in recent memory. And you take joy in that fact. Sitting on the edge of your couch now with pure unbridled sports enthusiasm and anticipation of the unprecedented comeback you're about to witness even though it's one am and you have work in the morning! You get swept up in all the hoopla and almost start rooting for Dallas to hit the FG as the Buffalo fans stare in disbelief.

NO #### THAT!!! I don't care if you lost $50 you're still really pissed off. You want blood! Watching the team that just canned you in the #### win the game they had no business winning and celebrating all over the TV screen makes you #### furious! #### Romo. #### that Folk ####ker. #### Jerry Jones and most of all... #### gambling for completely killing your pure love of sports. Oh yeah, #### steroids and self-aggrandizing TD celebrations for being accomplices to that murder!

I'm gonna go watch a Little League game now just to re-connect to the pure joy of sports. Wait, birth certificates are being doctored you say? Oh, right, the Danny Almonte scandal.

I guess the expalanation lies in the fact that when we truly love something we oftentimes see what we want to see. Just look to the relationship world. Who among us hasn't believed something we almost knew wasn't true about someone we were with simply because we were letting our heart lead the way.

I actually have a theory about what role the heart should play in our decision-making process... (shocking right) and while our hearts certainly do warrant many many votes in the debate (it's basically the equivalent of California) it CANNOT be given the keys to the car... strong voice but can't see #### As we all know, Love is blind. So on the road trip of life just let Love ride shotgun, maybe let him control the radio... but hide the Chicago's Greatest Hits CD otherwise you may decide to make a sharp right into a lake as You're the Inspiration comes on for 15th time. So who is driving the car in this scenario you ask? Well, duh! We all know the answer to that one? Unless you're a woman or an Oriental... in which case you really shouldn't be driving anyway so I cannot include you in this analogy. Sorry.