Just wanted to comment on all the post-game, um, weirdness after Game 6 Tuesday night. Well, really just Garnett's interview with Michelle Tafoya. Tafoya has no problem drinking sweat in order to get the interview and she got right up in Garnett's grill for this one. Anyway, screaming up to the rafters, "anything is possible!" along with all the other nearly indiscernable stuff that came out of his mouth must have made David Stern literally cringe as he looked on. I am an NBA fanatic and will probably always watch, but if anyone thinks that white America got any goose bumps while watching these Celtics celebrate this championship, you're nuts.
How about Scot Pollard trying to look like he was celebrating with his teammates in that Saran-wrapped locker room! Funny stuff. Let's just say it... This was a very 'black' team. The '08 Celts were a team built around a core group of guys who all shared a similar cultural background (and one Alien who fits in well with this particular demographic). A very good group of guys actually. I'll say that again... A VERY GOOD GROUP OF GUYS. All I'm saying is this isn't going to do anything to help bring back the typical 80's, 90's NBA fan who David Stern covets so badly. Garnett assured that, for now, and probably helped further the "white flight" that has plagued the NBA in recent years.
People just can't relate to that stuff... the whole seemingly anger-driven me-against-the-world chip on the shoulder of many of today's NBA players. The display on genuine emotion while you celebrate reaching the pinnacle of your profession is great... and makes for riveting reality television, but let's keep it in perspective. "Anything is possible" ??? Does Garnett realize that some blind guy made it to the top of Mt. Everest recently? THAT guy gets to yell "anything is possible" up to the heavens. You, Sir, do not. Yes Kevin, anything IS possible! But that wasn't the right moment to yell it up to the sky. That was just weird, and you are kind of a weird dude! I know a lot of journalists have written that maybe you aren't a player who rises to the challenge in the big spots but, c'mon man, don't take everything so seriously.
If only Paul Pierce was as white on the outside as he is on the inside... maybe the NBA could get the credit it probably deserves from America (at least this season). A team made up of a solid group of "made in the USA" basketball players just man-handled a team with a large international flair to it and I'm sad to say this weekend's NASCAR race will probably light up more TV sets than this Game 6 did (possibly TV's on cinder blocks in the front yard but TV sets nonetheless). Oh, someone just corrected me... apparently most of those TV sets are sitting up on top of older, broken TV sets. My bad.
I will say this... Garnett's actions do make a lot more sense when thought about as simply the pure emotions of a very child-like NBA player. It was definitely a little goofy. Maybe I'm wrong but Bird, McHale, and Parrish (he was a Chief after all) didn't seem this way to me. These were manly men, and they appealed to other fully grown, sports-loving, men. Garnett is in his 30's, isn't he? So, what I'm really saying is maybe I'm being a little hard on the guy and his antics probably would, maybe, appeal to the little guys out there... all the younger NBA fans. Maybe some of them will catch it on SportsCenter because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been watching it live, at 1 AM on a school night.
Any way you cut it... David Stern's job just got a little harder.
So many former NBA fans simply cannot relate to so many of today's NBA stars, be it because of race, culture, and/or age. There's a generation gap and a large cultural divide and disconnect that, UNFORTUNATELY, only grew wider with the 2008 NBA Finals. Sad reality, but reality nonetheless.
Well, they tore the chest open and reached in there but as it turned out it was nothing more than a largely empty yellow exoskeleton. How does Kobe go to war again next season with this same group? Does he go back to blasting the front office now that Gasol has proven himself to be so similar to a fresh, soft loaf of Wonder white bread? Do the Lakers simply have one too many Vujacicisses and Radmonivichiches? So many questions!
I'm certainly a little late on this one, as so many were, but the Celtics have earned my respect. Actually by the time they cut that lead to single digits I had seen enough to know this Boston team had some Championship fire in the belly. Not to make this a racial thing (because it's not) but we'd be remiss not to look at the big difference in how these two teams are made up. The Lakers are a very International group while the Celtics are largely, well, how can I put this... just a tough group of Urban Americans. Battle tested on the hot asphalt of whichever city in this country they honed their individual games. Surely I'm generalizing and being a bit myopic, for how do I know what the pick-up games are like in Spain or wherever else some of the Laker players come from. I know a lot of the Argentinian players are tough (well, when they're not flopping at least) but you have to admit there's certainly something to this theory. One too many Kendrick Perkins and Leon Powe-type guys for L.A. to deal with. Almost like the Lakers showed up to shoot their movie but found that all the special effects were real.
Old school, hard-nosed Eastern Conference basketball. Half court, largely slowed down, and not always so pretty playoff basketball. And the resurgence of Jesus Shuttlesworth!!! Did he earn himself the MVP trophy? I'd have to take a closer look at the box scores but who you gonna give it to??? How about James Posey playing the role on Robert Horry? Can you think of a single Celtic role player who hasn't risen to the challenge when his number was called? We saw what Powe did in Game 2 (and it's pronounced "Po" not "Pow" Zen Master Jackson). Kendrick Perkins, Posey, House... even Rondo has had his moments and has not been a liability as many had predicted.
I personally had the Lakers in 5. I felt at times this season (and well into the playoffs) that the Lakers were more efficient and consistent than any other team in the league this season. I thought they had the highest ceiling, great team chemistry, solid bench as deep as anyone. I thought the Western Conference was still superior to the East. I got caught up with the beautiful offensive execution without paying enough attention to the other end of the floor. (I GUESS?) And the Celtics had no shortage of shaky moments in their trek through the Eastern Conference. Were the Hawks, the Cavs, and the Pistons much tougher than we thought? Defense, rebounding, solid FT percentage, and timely shooting... probably in that order. Once they acclimated themselves to the playoff intensity, got their sea legs, they just kept building momentum and gaining confidence along the way. Even Doc Rivers has steadily improved since Round 1. Probably a good thing they were able to do all their necessary "on-the-job training" in Rounds 1 and 2 against the sub-.500 Hawks and a mish-moshed Cavs team that was thrown together at mid-season.
Maybe Kobe asks Pao Gasol out to dinner in the off-season, sends over his driver to pick him up, and then has him thrown out of the car in the middle of Compton or something. That'll toughen him up. He was so bad in that 4th quarter... not moving his feet to cut off Pierce on that double team (nicely illustrated by Mark Jackson) and then not rotating over to prevent Ray Allen from icing the game with the lay-up late. And how about his ability to finish around the rim in this series? Doesn't he know you're never going to get a foul call when you don't take the ball up strong? You don't necessarily have to BE strong... you just have to take it right to the front of the rim, right into the defender... but instead he tries to spin and finesse and flip the ball in while moving away from the basket. He played better in Boston. And he's far from the only guy to blame, but he pissed me off the most tonight so... sorry.
When the Lakers were building their huge lead tonight I couldn't help thinking we may be heading for a wonderful, classic finish to this series. Instead we got a somewhat amazing and eye-opening Game 4 that likely killed any chance at that much desired 7-game series. There's now no reason to believe this series will turn again, for a multitude of reasons not the least of which is the history of 3-1 series.
Hillary's almost Rove-like strategies helped her carry Pennsytucky. SO WHAT? Still this frightens me in the same way W. getting elected and RE-elected made my skin crawl. This IS a potential turning point in our Country's illustrious history and I am, once again, afraid that the less informed and less aware among us will win the day. Hillary's negative and manipulative brand of campaigning STILL works in the dimmest corners of our great Union but when the lights are turned up nice and bright the naturally unenlightened don't shine... they are exposed for what they truly have become... a part of the problem. This country needs to be shocked into a new direction before it's too late. Am I 100% sure Obama is the right man for the job? Well, no.. how could anyone claim that really. But it's become patently obvious that Hillary is NOT the 'man' for the job and as far as McCain goes, well, what's a stronger adjective for "obvious?" Anyone who thinks he's the way to go in this election is probably too far gone for these words to reach anyway, and may God have mercy on your soul. Actually, God help us all if he wins the White House. God... ha. He's part of the problem too. God is like a great band who inevitably gains mainstream success over time and then you start to not even like anymore simply because of all the goofy ####ks who now call the band their own. But before I go off on a tangent about religion let's just stay on topic and move on...
I began quite undecided, but as I became more and more informed I realized Obama was the clear choice but I was in no way anti-Hillary... I have become anti-Hillary and for good reason I believe. The way to win PA was to go old school; you had to simplify your message, literally "dumb-down" your campaign, in order to appeal to the majority of that fine state... so of course this was a much harder gap to bridge for Obama. For Barack to do what it took to appeal to PA he would essentially have to become an entirely different person all together... a lighter shade if you will. For Hillary it's was merely a small step down for her to win the "blue-collar" majority of the PA Democrat. It's sad that people of PA and the media who ascribe the "blue-collar" tag to them have made even me seem "elitist." If not being like the hicks that dominate that ####ked up state makes me an elitist well then pass me the grey poupon and let's do lunch at the country club.
All the "experts" get to make their picks so why can't I? So here are my 2008 NFL Divisional Playoff predictions and analysis. I think it's safe to say that we have all finally acknowledged and accepted the fact that the NFL is no longer about which team is going to win the games so much as it's about by how many points will the team win by... so these picks will, of course, be against-the-spread picks. In the end that's all anyone really cares about anymore. Sad commentary I know. Let's get started...
Seattle at Green Bay (-7.5) Saturday - 4:30 PM
I'm not sold on Green Bay. I've been skeptical all season long. That said, they've clearly gotten better and have a real nice mix of explosive young talent (Jennings, Grant) and veteran leadership (Favre, Driver) generating the offense. The defense has been all-around solid, fast, well-coached, and opportunistic. Blah, blah, blah. The facts are the facts, and we all know the story lines. Seattle can't run the ball. Shaun Alexander hits the deck faster than a (Bill) Clinton intern (or one of #### Cheney's hunting buddies for the Republican readers) and seems destined for an early retirement. Mo Morris is mediocre at best and the O-line desperately misses free agent defect Hutchinson. D.J. Hackett is all ####ed up and not that good anyway. Deion Branch comes back this week but who knows how healthy he is, and what's his resume when a QB not-named-Brady is throwing him the ball anyway? Hasselbeck is a fine, fine QB but he's looked shaky, has some sort of wrist injury, and is attempting to trigger the most one-dimensional offense he's had in years. On the bright side, this is a team that's been there before. They have the playoff experience and have been a good live dog in these games in recent years.
While I would rank this as the most likely "upset" this weekend I think Green Bay has enough at home to not only beat Seattle but pull away late to cover the number. I can't see Favre's unexpected joy-ride ending before at least the NFC Championship game (70-1 pre-season Super Bowl Odds). Seattle hasn't beaten anybody all year (same can be said for almost all the NFC teams but whatever) and I thought the Redskins were overrated. Green Bay's the pick.
Packers 24 Seahawks 14
Jacksonville at New England (-13.5) Saturday - 8 PM
I think New England is beat-able. I think they do what they do better than anyone else does what they do. Let me say that differently... their execution is near flawless and Brady is the best QB in the league right now. They picked the perfect season to go perfect, with the Colts down with injuries, the Steelers the same, the Chargers fatally flawed, and the NFC just all-around mediocre. It's too much for me to believe that this, maybe the best of all time, team is going to get picked off in the divisional playoffs by a team who boasts a receiving corps consisting of.... hold on I have to research this... Reggie Williams (a whopping 38 receptions), Dennis Northcutt (that little guy from the Browns?), and Ernest Wilford. My point is that, at some point, they're going to have to make some plays in the passing game if they want to have a chance to win the game... or even keep it close for that matter. Belichik is too smart not to find a way to force the Jags into passing situations. New England will stack the box, go straight man on the outside, and bait Garrard into being a drop-back passer. I'm also not too impressed with their defense after seeing the Steelers rally back with 19 2nd half points in a game that should have been long over. Stroud's not around anymore, Henderson is hurt, and... oh by the way... they're lining up across from what may be the best offense of all time. Who's going to cover Welker? Do you really think their slightly above-average pass rush is going to get to Brady? Too many questions and not enough answers for the Jags. The Pats offense simply puts too much pressure on you to keep up with their finely-tuned, impeccably executed, pick-your-poison offensive attack. I can't make a case for Jacksonville. The Jags will fall behind early and spend the rest of the game trying to claw their way back into the game with little success. So while I do think the Patriots can be beaten I do not think the Jaguars have the tools needed to do so. The Pats will force the Jags into trying to bark like a dog, and last I checked... cats can't bark. The Pats in a blow-out.
Patriots 34 Jaguars 12
San Diego at Indianapolis (-9) Sunday - 1 PM
I had the number 1 pick in my fantasy league this season so I watched my fair share of Chargers games. While I did manage to win my fantasy league (Romo, T.O.) nothing came easy for the Chargers offense this year. Well, at least not as easy as it did in '06. Gates is most likely out for this Colts game. I liked the Colts before Gates went down, and now? I don't even have the energy to waste the time analyzing the game. I like the Chargers. I enjoy watching Tomlinson and was surprisingly impressed with the way Rivers played in the 2nd half against Tennessee, after being thoroughly unimpressed every other time I've seen him play. I wish Freeney was still around but I don't think it's going to effect this game (maybe the next). The Colts have gotten used to playing without Freeney, Harrison, and all the other players they've been without all season long; and yet the defense has been remarkably consistent throughout. Not unlike what I've heard elsewhere (oh well) I see Manning picking them apart. Marvin Harrison's presence won't hurt and I think the Colts will play a crisp and efficient game. They've had the benefit of flying somewhat under-the-radar thanks to the Patriots historical season and I think they're chomping at the bit to play a meaningful football game. Too much for the Chargers and their volatile team chemistry... which I expect to show up late in the 3rd quarter when they realize they have no chance to win the game. They'll probably fall behind 3 scores, River's will fumble or throw a pick on the ensuing drive, and LT will stomp over to Phil Rivers on the sideline and proceed to beat him to a bloody pulp while the rest of the team attempts to shield the cameras from the onslaught akin to the toll booth scene from The Godfather. Maybe LT will pick him off in the locker room at half-time and then Drew Brees will be under center in the 2nd half donning LT's tinted helmet visor and a Rivers jersey. I can hear it now... "Oddly Rivers is wearing a tinted visor here in the 2nd half. There's no sun here in the dome. This is strange, but he is throwing the ball with incredible accuracy all of the sudden." ... a bit of a stretch, huh? Went too far, didn't I? Well, anyway, let's hope the Colts look so good against SD that the point spread stays around a TD for the BIG game next week in Foxboro. It should be a good one.
Colts 41 Chargers 17
New York at Dallas (-7.5) Sunday - 4:30 PM
This one will be the most fun for me personally (I am a NYG fan) and also the game that many have pegged as having very high upset potential. I've been hearing... so hard to beat a team 3 times in 1 season; G-Men peaking at the right time, not the same team from earlier in the season; Giants gained confidence from their Patriots moral victory; T.O. hurt, Romo vacationing, Roy Williams can't cover anyone, didn't finish strong, rusty. Grammar aside, that's a partial list of what I'm hearing. Here's how I see it...
T.O. is fine. I saw his ankle sprain and I saw how he was walking in the tunnel back to the trainer's room. I've sprained my ankles maybe 20 times in my life (not sure if that gives me any credibility) and I don't think the injury was ever much of an issue. Dallas is good. They will be fine in this game. They've been a 3rd quarter team all season long and will have no trouble getting the offense fired up. They aren't that much fun to analyze. I believe they are as healthy as they've been all season long (Terry Glenn back in some capacity... can't hurt), they are rested & ready, and have had the look of a Super Bowl team all season long.
The Giants are much more intriguing to me. All of the sudden the Giant bandwagon is crowded. Amazing how perceptions can change so quickly. Here's what I think has happened with the Giants. The Patriots got mildly surprised by how hard the Giants were playing in Week 17. Coughlin made up his mind early in the week that the team was going to have to go hard in the game while the Patriots were just a tad blase' about the whole thing (I think they assumed the Giants would need to rest their key players with the Bucs game looming). And then as the game unfolded the Giants were equally surprised that they were in the game late and actually winning the game late. Then the Pats turned on the blitz and the rest is history... literally. But this isn't as relevant to this Dallas game as what I have to say about what happened last week in Tampa...
The Giants got off to the slow start. They weren't sure what to expect in the game. They were a little overwhelmed by the moment and it took them a quarter just to get their footing. Soon after the smoke from the pre-game canon shots cleared and the Giants finally settled into just playing football there was a funny and unexpected shift in the Giants psyche. I think they looked around and realized... "this Bucs team sucks. Where is all this stuff we game-planned for?" There's was a reason Gruden rested his players down the stretch as much as possible. Garcia was hurt. Galloway was hurt. They won the weakest division in football (not a single Pro-Bowler in the entire division). They played nobody. Their O-line was young and untested. They just weren't a good team in any way. The NFC simply didn't have 6 quality teams to send to the playoffs this year. So now everyone's thinking the Giants are better than they actually are. As Terrance Newman reminded everyone this week, the Cowboys are NOT the Bucs. I just can't see the Giants going into Dallas with a relatively weak secondary missing Sam Madison (had a surprisingly nice season) having any answers for an offense with the amount of weapons Dallas has. They weren't able to stop them in the first two meetings and they HAD a healthy Madison (doubtful), Mitchell (questionable), and Kiwanuka (IR) for those contests. Other than Galloway who did the Bucs have on offense that scared you? Romo, Owens, Witten, Barber, Crayton, Jones, Glenn.
I won't even get into my thoughts on Eli. Enough already. I'm getting depressed.
Cowboys 35 Giants 23
So as boring as it may be I see all the favorites not only winning, but also covering the spread. I know, I know... it'll never happen. But unlike what everyone else is doing I'm not going to throw an underdog pick in here simply because we all know there "has" to be one. In the end aren't my picks actually more radical than everyone else's? This will be the first time in a long time we'll have the top 4 seeds all advancing to the Conference Championship Game, right?
You get 13 pts in a 4-team teaser, so how does this look...
Packers (+6.5)
Patriots (pk)
Colts (+5)
Cowboys (+6.5)
I wouldn't make that bet but I sure think it'll work. There's more value in a money line parlay or a customized parlay (if your book offers that). Maybe a 3-team teaser (10 pts) leaving out either the Packers or the Cowboys, your choice. Maybe just watch the games and save your money.
Money can't buy happiness. Ok, maybe. But it's definitely a component of happiness. Money provides the foundation for potential happiness. Money (financial security) affords one the luxury of figuring out how to make themselves happy. If happiness is watching porn then money is the TV. Ok, bad analogy, but more and more money is becoming a prerequisite for happiness.
When you watch a show on TV have you ever noticed how none of the main characters are lacking for money. Almost never. Especially if it's a sitcom. I can think of one show where the people were poor, Lucky Louie on HBO. That show sucked I thought. Maybe it had something to do with all the poor people. Not sure. Gotta admit though, watching Entourage is a lot more fun. I feel that materialism has been irreversibly woven into the fabric of American culture. It's capitalism at it's finest I guess. The acquisiton of an HDTV has replaced our desire to strive for something more meaningful. Well, we also aspire to be loved maybe, start a family, buy a house... but let me see you accomplish those admittedly more meaningful things without money. Almost impossible. Nothing too earth shattering, I know.
Maybe there was a time that money wasn't a slam dunk cure for misery, and that is still sometimes true, but nowadays it's just less and less likely. With all the elaborate toys and technological marvels we have today, the "haves" could theoretically tittilate their senses and distract themselves from the muck and mire of want and need and boredom for two lifetimes if they wanted to. If you can breath, eat, drink, sleep, ####, ####, and ####, and have financial security, then you can start pontificating about some bigger issues. It is clearly a hierarchy of needs scenario.
So Maslow figured all this #### out. Maybe it's kind of obvious that when you can't feed your baby, or yourself that you're probably not going to be too concerned about saving the planet or voting in the upcoming election. I guess it is. So clearly some can't participate in the loftier versions of the American Dream.
Could you imagine if the Yankees, the Red Sox, or even my Mets were to ever go on a mad rampage into the World Series the way the Rockies just did? How many major sports writers would be waxing poetic using headlines like, The Best Ever? and Team of Destiny and Runaway Train: Next Stop... Baseball Immortality? They'd be falling over each other for the chance to sound off with their opinions on where the '07 Rockies rank with the best teams of all time. I imagine we'd see words like Unbeatable and Unstoppable plastered all over every sports section, sports website, and sports magazine that matters.
But instead we have one admittedly wonderful article by Jayson Stark buried on ESPN.com click here to read it along with the standard, obligatory coverage from every other national sports news organization in America. I would imagine that any member of the national media who still loves sports, still likes the see the underdog win once in a while, still has red blood in his veins and a beating heart, and most importantly, was lucky enough to actually be in Colorado for the past week or so covering this story MUST have been justifiably swept up in the avalanche of good emotions this team has invoked. It appears Jayson Stark did. I have as well. I just can't help but imagine how the media attention (and casual sports fan's attention) might be different if this was a team from one of the traditional big baseball markets.
But wait? Those of us who love this story so much probably wouldn't love it so much if it actually was one of "those" teams (unless it was YOUR team in which case you'd love it even more). It wouldn't be the same story though. Sure, we'd maybe start believing all the hype about best team ever and what a juggernaut but it wouldn't be like this. It couldn't be like this. It wouldn't be this unexpected, this improbable, or this flat-out incredible. How could it be when the payroll is 135 million and the team was villified almost all regualr season long as the floundered in the middle of the pack and were even 9 games under .500 at one point? With big payrolls come big expectations and then the only real surprise comes from NOT winning. Who doesn't know every single twist and turn surrounding Joe Torre's employment status? How many of us have never even heard of Clint Hurdle?
They've now won 21 of 22 games, beginning about a month ago and extending right through the NLCS. Simply amazing. I don't care how bad the National League was this year. They're not exactly a tree falling in the woods but based on the TV ratings it's damn close. Worst ever in fact. At least in a few days, once the ALCS is finally decided, we'll all start getting our fill of the 2007 Colorado Rockies story... once MLB has no choice but to promote the hell out of the last 2 teams still standing. If it's Cleveland I'm not so sure anybody outside of those 2 markets are really gonna care anyway, no matter how much that phony, talent-less piece of #### Dane Cook tells us we're supposed to.
Let's just hope the AL representative doesn't make the Rockies look like a quadruple-A team once the Fall Classic gets under way. That could so easily happen too, as we all know. But that would just be bad for baseball, bad for sports, and bad for our collective belief in a higher power when you come right down to it. Ok, maybe I went too far, but it'd be bad.
And yet without the Mets almost equally historic late-season collapse none of this might have happened. In retrospect I'm almost happy the Mets fell out of it and didn't get in the way of how this thing pla.......... ok, I just spit out the Rocky Mountain Kool-Aid, #### that... we should all be talking about whether or not Pedro should pitch Game 1, and watching SportsCenter footage of Mookie Wilson and Bill Buckner as we get ready for an HGH-fueled World Series feast with all the fixins.
But in the absence of that guilty pleasure... GO ROCKIES !!!
DirecTV dumped TiVo. Should have seen this coming. Nothing that great lasts forever. Here is the cliff notes version for those who just don't care that much about this (with all my glorious analogies sprinkled in)....
TiVo was always in over it's head in it's relationship with DirecTV. TiVo has always been a nice little upstart company powered by its revolutionary technology, but for some reason the nerds chose NOT to outsource the business side of things. So despite their patented ground-breaking technology they have never quite been able to find their footing. Then DirecTV came in and saved the day... or did they? No, they basically just fattened them up for the kill; ####ked 'em in their ####; forced them to sell their soul to the devil or perish. And those of us who love high-def programming (and lots of it) AND the NFL Sunday Ticket are rendered helpless in our desire to help the hopeless underdog, who we've also grown to love. It's sad really.
How could they do that to TiVo? How could they do that to us? I loved my TiVo. We were a match made in heaven. I loved the Bloowp, BLOOWP, BLOOWP!!! That little TiVo guy with the antennae on his head. Toggling between the two tuners, pausing one going over to the other pausing that one and going back to the first... pure TV bliss! Finally being able to watch sports with the kind of cold-blooded efficiency needed in this hectic world we live in. A powerful and agile vessel to help us navigate the ever-growing and complex ocean that TV has become; what with all the knitting and cooking channels, ESPN 1, 2, Classic, News, U, alternate, deportes... it's enough to drive a man bonkers! Don't get me wrong, I love having virtually unlimited channel options, but in the absence of a powerful tool to take advantage of them all what's the point really? I have a well cultivated case of AADD that I am only able to manage with my equally well developed ability to multi-task. I grew up on Tecmo Bowl and Metroid and not since my thumbs were making sweet, sweet music with that Nintendo controller have I felt so at peace with a remote in my hand. TiVo serves as a wonderful reminder of how far we have evolved as a species. Not only am I in awe of this technological marvel that my fellow humans were able to create using all the power of their highly developed upper neocortexes, but TiVo also allows us to admire the anatomical beauty of our opposable thumbs in all their button pushing glory; these are the very things that separate us from the animal kingdom... our incredible intelligence and our extra digits. Let me see a #### switch between the Pats-Cowboys game on CBS AND the Playboy channel without missing a single Brady TD pass -OR- the money shot into Jenna's left eye... while also keeping tabs on Tomlinson tearing up the Raiders run defense! Not gonna happen. Thank you TiVo. (for the record, there are no money shots on the Playboy channel, at least not in my state... which really begs the question... is it truly worth $19 / month?)
Back to my story... I would love to tell DirecTV to take a hike but how can I? It's not possible. They have me by the gonads, and they know it. It's like a marriage.. with kids. ####, it's like John Kerry's marriage. If I left now I'd be ####ked. I can't leave now, I'm in too deep. I'd be like George Steinbrenner's ex son-in-law, who was in line to inherit the keys to the Yankee kingdom until he got caught cheating on Daddy's (not so) little girl. Keep it in your pants man, even if she has been on a Ginny Sack-like candy eating binge ever since you said I do. Not only is what DirecTV's doing unfair... I'm not even sure how it's legal. They have a virtual monopoly on NFL football, at least in terms of turning your den into a sports bar. And now they've launched a new satellite that gives them the most HD channels in the universe (by a wide margin). They knew exactly what they were doing too. They waited until the Rogain started working and all the time in the gym had finally reached its apex before they dumped TiVo for a 23 yr old blond with big #### who's also willing to cook, clean, and most importantly not complain a peep (a company called NDS). So DirecTV, much like TiVo, had a great product but, unlike TiVo, they also had a #### brilliant long-term business plan. Not only will they continue to get our money but now they're even able to dictate the terms in which we give it to them. In true drug dealer fashion they got us hooked on some really good stuff and then started raising prices and cutting corners, while killing off most of the competition in the process. They now own the neighborhood. Well, as long as you have a clear view of the Southern sky, don't live in an apartment building, love sports, and take your TV viewing as seriously as I do. I tend to exaggerate a little for dramatic effect. Sorry.
But it gets worse (as if anyone's still reading this). DirecTV created a relationship where TiVo was so dependent on them that they held a gun up to poor little TiVo's head and said, "this is the way it's gonna be, I can blow you away or you can ride with me... until I really don't need you anymore." A few years ago they got TiVo to agree not to ever sue them, or by extension NDS, for patent infingement on their technology in exchange for a 3-year stay of execution (they extended their contract for 3 years). So in other words they told TiVo that they can be killed now, or stay alive for another 3 years and then after that be left for dead on the side of the road out in the desert... where, technically, they may survive. What could TiVo do? They chose life.
So now I'm stuck having to learn how to use this new NDS manufactured DirecTV HD DVR satellite receiver simply because I got pied pipered into it. They tempted me with the prospect of 100 HD channels by the end of the year. "What's that you say? Showtime in High Def, Cinemax too? A TBS HD channel to watch the baseball playoffs on? All the local HD channels I was never able to get before too? Holy Shitballs Batman! And you'll give this all to me for free? Where do I sign?" How could I have been expected to stop and ask a few qualifying questions while in the drunkedness of that euphoria? I know better than to think anything is really free. I know there's always a catch. I'm even fairly adept at recognizing what's really going on at times like this. But not this time. I don't read the technology or the business section of the newspaper. Hell, I don't even read the paper. I did know that DirecTV now used two different kinds of receivers, the TiVo's and these other ones they called DirecTV PLUS receivers. I already had one in the bedroom, but always assumed it was just a cheaper option to complement the clearly superior (and justifiably more expensive) TiVo receivers. They were even brazen enough to ask me which kind of receiver I would like when I agreed to the deal, the TiVo or the PLUS. I requested the TiVo, of course. And then the installer shows up with this piece of #### receiver and tells me DirecTV doesn't use the TiVo's anymore when I asked him about it. WHAT? So, anyway, there's nothing I can do about it, unless I want to irreparably break up my home, give up my inheritance, lose my kids..... and go back to the dark ages of NFL football on TV. Can't do it, obviously. I'm now DirecTV's ####. Meanwhile TiVo just introduced their Series 3 DVR's, choc full of new features that sound nothing short of spectacular, but it means nothing to me (and a few million other D-TV subscribers) because the receivers are not compatible with DirecTV's satellite programming. Blow me!
TiVo already has a new boyfriend in Comcast Cable, but it just doesn't have the same feel (no more multiple O's, no more fancy restaurants, no more Fendi or Dolce or Tiffany's... no more rubbing elbows with all the beautiful people at all the hottest parties). But he's a really nice guy and he tries hard. I even think that with TiVo's support he'll finally be able to make a name for himself. But even if that happens DirecTV will always one up them simply by proceeding with the next wave of their blitzkreig-style business model. If I had to guess I'd say the launch of Playboy HD would lock us all in for another decade or so! I've been dreaming of that ever since HDTV was invented. That, and porn in iMax theatres. The way this country is heading it should only be a matter of time until both are available. What a great time to be alive. I can't even imagine what people did before the advent of time-shifting television programming. Having to run to the bathroom during commercials, peeing all over the seat in your rush to get back to the TV, stumbling down the hallway trying to pull your pants up as drops of urine trickle down your leg on their way down to your very absorbent sock. Oh the horror.
Like I said... these are great times we live in, but only when we're given the necessary tools to take advantage of it all. Technology often has a way of out-distancing our ability to use it, at least until all the potential profiteers of the technology agree on the most equitable (for them) method of sucking us dry. Then, with the kind of alacrity not often seen from corporate America, they show us all the tremendous things this new technology can do, teach us all how to use it, and then shove it down our throats while we waste away in credit card debt hell.
Well, maybe that's just me.
Did I say something about this being the Cliff Notes version of the story? My bad. I meant the overly verbose and mildly gross, reverse Cliff notes version.
Joe Torre looked as done as a manager can look after a season just ended. This ballclub has a great future he just said... but not with you at the helm, and you know it, and you sound like you know it. He is giving his involuntary retirement speech, and it's actually kind of pathetic to watch. He sounds like a guy who's been holding on for dear life to this high-powered job that pays really really well. But he's held on about as long as he could now and the #### is up. He no longer has the energy to hide the way he's really felt, mentally, for two and a half years now. He is already telling stories like he's playing cards with a few of the old guys and reminiscing about a time long gone. Wow. He just asked, pleaded, with the media to kindly let him go off and die alone. He doesn't want anymore of this. Well, he half doesn't want the attention anymore and he half has talked himself into believing that, ever since the Big Boss-man let it be known years ago that his time was coming, so get ready... or I'll come-a-knockin. George has finally come-a-knockin. And now the faux waterworks. Is he really tear-ing up or is that just the "I missed my nap" and it's almost 1 in the morning I need to go home now glossy eyed look? Can't quite tell anymore. Does Joe have anything left in the tank? He could go re-charge his batteries for a year... maybe go into the broadcast booth for a few games next season, maybe some Baseball Tonight work... just to prove to anyone who's interested that he is in fact still lucid, still alive and ready to manage another ball club. Not sure if that's a good move for Joe however. May backfire on him. Like when a utility player's worts all come out when he gets too much everyday exposure. Who knows? Steinbrenner's heavy hand combined with Torre's amiable and even-keeled demeanor has us all feeling sorry for a guy who made $7m last year. Crazy, right? I know! Who's to say he's not essentially comatosed and we just don't see it? Don't tell me he didn't nod off during a few of those Royals games this year.
Just to close the loop on that ridiculous Monday Night football game...
The fix was in. I don't think there is any question. 5 INTs are difficult to throw when you're trying to throw them. The entire first half I felt like I was watching a scene out of Basketball Diaries with Leo DiCaprio. Holy ####! So either Romo was on the take last night or Jim Kelly took him out to Turning Stone Casino the night before and had him doing lines off a hooker's #### till 8am. Wait, Jim Kelly is a man of God and would never partake in such activities you say? Well, whatever then, maybe it was Tasker, Thurman, Beebe, Bruce Smith, or Scott Norwood. That's it... Scott Norwood. They pulled him out of a bar, dusted him off, gave him a few cups of joe, and told him they came up with a way for him to redeem himself. Then they Gave him a suite at the casino, Romo's cell number and.... nah, forget this theory.... the game was just fixed. Always follow the money.
I'll even go out on a limb here (if we can even consider this a limb anymore... more like a very hearty branch firmly attached to the trunk of the tree that is sports) and say that The Donaghy Boys have struck again. Not so sure we didn't witness their 9/11 with this one last night (pardon the insensitive comparison). Why do so many of us still find it SO hard to believe that professional sporting events in this country are oftentimes fixed? Corruption has pervaded almost every aspect of the sporting world, from chemical enhancement to illegal gambling to... #### dog fighting rings and attacks on referees at children's soccer games! Are you serious? Marion Jones just gave back 5 gold medals that she essentially stole from all those 2nd place finishers whose names we'll never know. How unceremonious must it be to retroactively win an Olympic Gold Medal via a certified letter that may or may not reach you at your shack in the leper colony you were banished to by your third world country's government after you failed to win the 500 meter like you were supposed to back in the Sydney Summer Games. A lot of good that medal's gonna do her now.
Yet even in the face of all these scandals we still blindly accept the childish notion that we're watching (and betting on) arbitrary sporting events where two teams, and all the members of those teams, are competing with all their heart and soul and sweat in their noble attempts to beat their opponents. We dish out our gambling dollars like we're investing in the stock market (which is also regularly manipulated by the Greenspan Goons but don't get me started on that right now). I know we don't all gamble but, unfortunately, an ever-growing number of us do. Enough of us in fact that it the gambling industry has finally matured into a multi-billion dollar enterprise where anticipated profit, in the mind of a forward thinking criminal, can easily justify a bribe large enough that it potentially could get the attention of a strategically chosen pro athlete... whether it's because they have something on him or because he's unfairly burdened with the task of feeding himself and his family on a paltry $1.8 million, or maybe he feels slighted by the virtual anonymity of not playing one of the glorious, high-profile, skill positions... (for instance, a left tackle could singlehandedly change the outcome o####ame... anybody see the Eagle-Giant game a couple weeks ago?) or simply because he's one of the extra-greedy ####kers. What would you say about making your annual salary of $1.8 mill in one day? And if the criminals were able to gross 2.5 million would that be something you'd be interested in? I would. Sounds like using money to make more money. What's more American than that? All you have to do is..... Wait, Tony Romo hasn't signed his BIG NFL contract yet. He's growing increasingly impatient in his desire to finally be one of the uber-elites. He's only making how much this season? Wow, you heard Jessica Simpson told her friends his #### was only 4 inches and now he can't get a date with anyone worth being seen with? Holy ####! (I would have said 5" but that's not that small... it's not, for real. It's slightly above the average in fact... I don't care what anybody says).
Speaking of which... remember when Postmaster General Wilford Brimley had to come up from D.C. to have a little chat with Cosmo Kramer after he cancelled his mail because he figured out it was no longer necessary in this day and age? Newman with the bucket over his head... #### classic!
I actually believe the Donaghy thing was just the tip of the iceberg, conveniently fed to us as an ultra-isolated incident orchestrated by a rogue NBA official. No big deal at all. These things happen. Yeah right! FOLLOW THE MONEY. The "Donaghy" consortium had to temporarily close up their NBA office and focus all their resources on their burgeoning NFL operation in the meantime. After all, the NFL landscape has become so complex and massive that it's easier than ever to blend into the periphery and "fly under the radar."
So, yeah, I know, this is all really far-fetched. I'm crazy. I'm off my rocker! I'm Mel Gibson in that movie Conspiracy Theory. Well, let's just say that if you don't see anymore blogs from me after this one you'll know I was on to something.
So here's the way this went down last night. The criminal element in and around the pro leagues has always been there. If anything their presence has actually grown stronger over the years.... inversely proportional to the decreasing morality in this country as a whole (I know that made no sense but you get my point). So they bought Romo last night for probably somewhere between 1 and 2 mill. His directives were to throw the first half of the game; just make sure Buffalo is winning at the end of the first quarter and at the end of the half. He was also told "You can do what you want in the 2nd half so long as, under no circumstances, you win the game by more than 11 points. So if you can win the game by less than 11 go right ahead, but be careful. Be very very careful. Don't leave any room for some flukey backdoor cover or we'll be imminently shoving something into your back door. Ga-beesh?" I have no idea how to spell Gabeesh but I know it means "you hear what I'm #### telling you" in Ginzo-speak. I mean Italian.
You say you want a more realistic explanation for that game? One that could still be considered a conspiracy theory. Here's your decaf conspiracy coffee. You're an NFL Franchise down on your luck. You feel forgotten by the league. You keep paying all this money into the league's CBA but it seems like you never get any ROI. You complain. You keep complaining. You complain so much to the league office that Goodell finally says fine, what would you suggest we do for you? Well, for starters we want a high profile nationally televised game. We want MNF! "Ugh," says Goodell, but under the incessant pestering he reluctantly gives in. October 8 at home versus America's team. Ya happy now? Actually no, were not. We need to win the game too. Now wait just one minute there guys. The NFL is not in the business of...... umm excuse me Mr. Goodell, we may from Buffalo but we've been around a while and we know full well you have the ability to do a few things. C'mon, the tuck rule. Are you kidding me? All we want is a little home cooking and a few very minor concessions just to allow us the opportunity to win a big game and re-inject a little juice into a small but passionate NFL city that promises to start spending some money again if only we can convince them they have a worthy team to root for again. I know we don't have the population of most of the other markets, or even the per capita average, but we do have loyal fans who are willing to part with a much greater portion of their disposable (and indisposable) income for tickets, paraphrenalia, those giant inflatable football guys you put on your lawn, and whatever else you all make money on. All we need from you is a little help to re-awaken their Buffalo Bill pride. Believe me, these people have nothing better to do. Plus, we have to get to them before the ice-fishing season renders us irrelevant. You make more money, we make more money, everybody wins. Go ask Paul if you want. We generated some of the highest revenue dollars in the league back in our Super Bowl years, and we can do it again. You'll see. So the pressure the Buffalo people put on the league office to turn this into "Buffalo Night" in the NFL played a huge part in the Bills almost stealing that game last night... but alas, it wasn't quite enough and it all kind of backfired in their face. BFD was putting out structure fires well into the night apparently.
Why the #### is Tony Romo being interviewed right now? They won in spite of him for Christ's sake! And is he 15 yrs old? He has the mentality of a teenager, which only lends more validity to my theory if you ask me. Go interview Folk Hero!
By the way, these coach's calling all these timeouts right before the ball is snapped has gotten completely out of hand... the rules committee will FIX this problem in the off-season. We can't keep watching 2 kicks every time only one is called for. I actually think it benefits the kicker. It's a #### practice kick. Folk's 2nd kick looked like an exact replay of the first. For a second I actually thought it was.
Paul Byrd pulled a mini-Kenny Rogers in the Bronx. Take a seat next to the Mets and the Phils there Skankies.
If you bet the 'Boys how bad did you want them to miss that FG? That's the worst possible thing that could happen to a gambler. Salt in the wounds type stuff. The team lolligags it through 3 quarters, completely craps the bed in terms of the spread, and in the end they get the undeserving Win anyway, as you sit there contemplating how you're gonna make rent this month. But as long as you didn't bet the house... somehow near the end of the game you often find that you've forgotten all about the money you just lost and you instantly revert back to the fact that you're really just a sports fan at heart... witnessing one of the more ridiculous games in recent memory. And you take joy in that fact. Sitting on the edge of your couch now with pure unbridled sports enthusiasm and anticipation of the unprecedented comeback you're about to witness even though it's one am and you have work in the morning! You get swept up in all the hoopla and almost start rooting for Dallas to hit the FG as the Buffalo fans stare in disbelief.
NO #### THAT!!! I don't care if you lost $50 you're still really pissed off. You want blood! Watching the team that just canned you in the #### win the game they had no business winning and celebrating all over the TV screen makes you #### furious! #### Romo. #### that Folk ####ker. #### Jerry Jones and most of all... #### gambling for completely killing your pure love of sports. Oh yeah, #### steroids and self-aggrandizing TD celebrations for being accomplices to that murder!
I'm gonna go watch a Little League game now just to re-connect to the pure joy of sports. Wait, birth certificates are being doctored you say? Oh, right, the Danny Almonte scandal.
I guess the expalanation lies in the fact that when we truly love something we oftentimes see what we want to see. Just look to the relationship world. Who among us hasn't believed something we almost knew wasn't true about someone we were with simply because we were letting our heart lead the way.
I actually have a theory about what role the heart should play in our decision-making process... (shocking right) and while our hearts certainly do warrant many many votes in the debate (it's basically the equivalent of California) it CANNOT be given the keys to the car... strong voice but can't see #### As we all know, Love is blind. So on the road trip of life just let Love ride shotgun, maybe let him control the radio... but hide the Chicago's Greatest Hits CD otherwise you may decide to make a sharp right into a lake as You're the Inspiration comes on for 15th time. So who is driving the car in this scenario you ask? Well, duh! We all know the answer to that one? Unless you're a woman or an Oriental... in which case you really shouldn't be driving anyway so I cannot include you in this analogy. Sorry.
Wow. Just wow. What a game. What a furious, out-of-nowhere run into the playoffs by the Colorado Rockies, capped off by a simply ridiculous 163rd game to qualify themselves for post-season play. The only thing I can say about the winning that was scored by Matt Holliday (that should have actually been an out because he never touched the plate) is this... the Rockies did hit a HR earlier in the game that was ruled incorrectly ruled a double (it hit off the vacant seat or possibly some pipe just beyond the fence and above the yellow line... but it definitely cleared the yellow line, of this I'm sure). So the baseball Gods took care of that. Not to mention that the Rockies would have plated another run in that decisive 13th inning anyway. After all, there would have been only 1 out, a runner on 3rd, and the most overrated closer in the history of major league baseball still on the mound in Trevor "I never come through in the clutch" Hoffman. Not only did he fail to register an out but he got hit harder than Tina Turner in the process. And how and why did Matt Holliday bounce his face off the ground not once but twice on his way past the plate that he never touched because Michael Barrett was able to successfully block the plate at the last second as well as mutilate Holliday's left hand with his metal cleats for good measure, to add injury to injury for poor Matt (and provide for quite a unique scene as his teammates poured out of the dug-out to celebrate as he was still sprawled out with a mouthful of infield dirt and a bloodied chin).
The baseball Gods, by the way, have been working overtime this season in their attempt to serve justice during the most dreadfully officiated MLB season I've ever witnessed. So many semi-close plays at first base botched, inaccurate HR calls, fat umpires unable or unwilling to hustle into good position to actually see the play. Mike Winters (I think) taking the offensive and antagonizing Milton Bradley with racial Monopoly jokes like, "Hey Bradley, how come you didn't make a card that said... You haven't paid alimony to your baby mama in 6 years, go directly to jail, and do not pass the KFC on the way." That's just wrong. You had to know that would pop a brother's ACL. Selig really needs to do something about these guys in the off-season, for real. They're old and fat and apparently blind.
Good for Todd Helton though. Good for Colorado. And how about the obvious parallels between the Phillies and this Rockies team. Finally these cities get a serendipitous something out of their perpetually pathetic baseball teams while at the same time their usually reliable football teams fall into a non-playoff bound tailspin. They probably have the two best all-around offenses in the National League to go along with their just good enough pitching staffs that have performed surprisingly well down the stretch. They've both got themselves legitimate MVP candidates in Holliday and Rollins (Rollins is gonna win it though). They both play in bandbox ballparks where on most days balls end up 5 rows deep on what looks like a harmless fly ball off the bat. And finally, they both would get easily swept away by any one of the American League contenders which is about the only negative aspect I can think of in this upcoming series (well that and the fact that every game is gonna take 4 hours)... but that's true of all 4 of the NL teams as the AL is clearly superior this year (even though they said that last year too). This should be a fun series, and it gives all of us dejected Mets fans a perfect team to root for the rest of the way.
I am so afraid that this country has officially "jumped the shark." The interview with Ken Burns was awesome.... but he left me very disheartened with his brutal honesty. And when Bill asked him if he thought we (the U.S.) would rise to the occasion if a true "call to arms" was ever truly upon us, he clearly wanted to say, "No, not really Bill... not anymore." But instead he had to be politically correct and sound more encouraging, due in large part to the forum in which he was speaking. He probably feels a moral obligation and a sense of sincere jingoism that compels him NOT to tell the truth for fear of being a part of the problem. To this I can relate. It's similar to me being a vegetarian even though I know full well the cow's gonna get killed anyway. Why must the most realistic view points so often be pegged as negative view points? It's the same people who call Bill Maher anti-American and traitorous who perpetuate this untrue notion.
When will we finally realize that being an existentialist DOES NOT preclude one from also being an optimist? Just because you "see" reality very clearly and then talk about it does not mean that you plan on acquiescing to that same reality. In order to solve a problem you first have to clearly identify and define it. And unfortunately, when it comes to the really big problems (ie... our fundamentally flawed foreign policy, campaign finance, nuclear proliferation... an entire culture heading in the wrong direction!!!) we need to raise the collective consciousness to the necessary "tipping point" before we can move on to step 2 of the problem solving process. In other words we need to win hearts and minds because we need help. It cannot be done alone, or by a few, or even by many. Sometimes it can't even be done by the majority (see Bush vs. Gore '96). But when it comes to this country we CAN move mountains, change the landscape of the entire globe, and damn near shape the course of human history... if only we could get out of our own way first. When we ALL start pushing in the same direction there's no stopping us. Or am I just reminiscing about the past when I say that? Ken Burn's documentary pays homage to a generation of Americans who DID move mountains.
Are we still made up of those same fibers or has our fear of competing religious beliefs, our dependancy on crude oil, or our desire to get the new iPhone finally and irreversibly replaced our once good judgment; and served as a catalyst for our precipitous descent from the moral highground we once occupied, deserved, and were given in this world? Well, maybe it was forced upon us but only because we were the best man for the job... like when the town folk made Wyatt Earp the Sheriff simply because there was no one else who even had a chance to deliver them from chaotic lawlessness! I'm as furious as anyone about our enemies who seek to disrupt our way of life (or if not our current "way of life" at least the ideas and principles our forefathers once immortalized on a big piece of parchment paper.... the very ideas that allow for us to enjoy our way of life... and our iPhone... well maybe we just have Steve Jobs to thank for that but whatever, you get the point). I just have a much different idea about how exactly we should be defending our ideals and our way of life. Maybe some nuanced thinking is necessary; maybe some diplomacy or a little forward thinking might be in order? Maybe I should learn how to better use paragraphs and punctuation to organize my rants?
So yeah... I 'm an example of a bleeding heart optimist who refuses to give up or give in, and refuses to lose his faith in the power of the human spirit! I do however give up on the Mets... they're done. Bill Maher keeps it real, expressing his opinions about our leaders and our culture by utilizing his sometimes scathing, but deadly accurate version of reality. He sees things a whole hell of a lot clearer than our highest ranking politicians do. And that scares me, and makes me profoundly sad. Why is that? I guess it's because I can always tell when a once great show has officially "jumped the shark." For real... Grey's Anatomy almost made the leap last night!!! And I fear my country has their water skis on and is barreling toward that ramp at a rapid rate. I'm not even having children until I feel things have gotten considerable better. And by better I mean until I find a girl who will let me sleep with her.
First of all, you stole my philosophical thunder about gambling. And then in the same breath, you don't take your own advice. You really are an ####, aren't you (by your own admission)? The most obvious game of the week is clearly SD over GB. Everyone and their brother expects the Chargers to explode on the "haven't played anybody good yet" Packers this weekend. The Packers have one big name player and a supporting cast devoid of any high-profile players. They are predicated on their young, no-name, fast, and very talented upstart defense... and the game is in Lambeau where all the Fromunda-heads are already in a frenzy about their 2-0 team.
Listen, I WAS the "LeRoy" in my (former) circle of friends so I speak from experience. I was once locked in a bathroom by three of those "friends" because I was deemed to be such bad luck (as a half joke of course, but one which I know YOU will understand without any further explanation... and isn't that all you're really good for anyway Simmons? A glorified pop culture sponge with a good memory who happened to take a few writing classes in college)! Relax Bill... I'm jokingly only half-serious... or was it seriously only half-kidding? Either way, I have been all over the Chargers since the line came out Monday morning. I absolutely love them tomorrow, and everyone I've talked to about it agrees. This is why I now know the Packers are going to back-door cover here, or possibly just win the game outright; after which the national media will immediately start swinging on Favre's nut-sack for the rest of the season even though it would likely be the defense that would deserve more of the credit for a renaissance season in Green Bay. The only real chance the Charger bet could still work is the fact that I am currently having major difficulties reloading my 5Dimes.com account and there's a very good chance none of my cursed money will actually end up on the game (huge factor).
This not-being-able to re-load my account situation has also made it so I was only able to bet my beloved NY Mets 6 out of the last 9 contests. Guess which 6? Yet I continue to tempt fate and challenge the gambling Gods not for my genuine love of gambling or even my intrinsic desire to earn some much-needed money now that I've lost my job as a copier salesman (thanks in large part to all the time I've wasted reading your "word-vomit" instead of prospecting for new business) but rather because I don't believe in things like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Iraq - 9/11 connection, or religion... and I still refuse to believe that my personal gambling actions can effect major sporting events. And yet I have no tangible evidence to the contrary in 20+ years of doing this #### That said, I am still not touching the Presidential election and haven't even clicked on the POLITICS category on my gaming website for fear of another 4 years of Constitutional blasphemy and God-awful U.S. foreign policy. I figure better safe than sorry just in case I do actually possess some sort of modern-day reverse-Midas touch. Oh yeah... I do believe in mythology. That #### was real!
And while I have your attention... when was the first time you uttered your "when it looks to good to be true in gambling it probably is theory?" I have been saying this for more years than I can remember. Even as I was actively not practicing what I preached but telling all my more casual gambling friends not to gamblen saying things like "it's just not worth it" and "save your money, you can't win in the long run"... as they just laughed and said, "Can you please just tell me who you like so I can bet the other team." This is when I would hang up the phone... North Jersey ####s. I would always use the "if it looks too good to be true..." theory on them but they would always get confused when I finished it with "...it probably is." They would invariably reply with a "so wait... you're saying they will win or they won't? What's probably true... that they're going to cover the spread?" Even I got confused after a while and so I started saying "if it's too good to be true then it probably is.... NOT TRUE... and if you're definitely going to bet the game you should probably take the points you mental midget"... just to clarify my brilliant theory to the #### degenerates that used to be my "buddies." But that was before they all stopped gambling away their parent's money, got 6-figure jobs, and stopped hanging out with my sorry ####. Am I still typing?
Ya know, you once sent me an e-mail saying that I was a pompous #### by the way. That was messed up Bill. You got all ####-y on me with that one. JESUS! Strap on a pair for Christ's sake. Take a joke ya self-righteous infant. So I used my wisdom about the "too obvious" game of the week on my friend Seth earlier today when he asked me what should stop him from putting 5k on the San Diego money line. Then I get around to reading your Week 3 picks and it blew my mind as I once again was faced with the reality that you and I are basically the same guy, only you have a legitimate lust for life, a family who loves you, and and a blog-on-steroids that is now read by millions in which to air your puerile musings (and you thought you were sel####eprecating and bitter)! So yes, woe is me mother ####ker. My sour grapes have turned into rancid wine which has now permanently stained my metaphorical tie (read: noose) that I can't seem to get off my neck. So congratulations on all your success and I love reading everything you write!
By the way, I graduated high school with Tina Cervasio and am dying to find out who she ####ked (or hasn't ####ked if that's easier) in Boston in order to get, and keep, that sweet #### job she has with NESN. I was beyond green with envy as I watched this girl who I once refused to hook up with one night my Junior year because her hair was teased so high she actually had 3 inches on me and I was way too insecure to date girls who were taller than me... now interviewing Clay Buchholz on the infield at Fenway less than 30 seconds after he completed a feat my Mets haven't
