PGA Issues Massive Fine: The PGA Tour Commisioner, Tim Finchem today issued a massive fine ($$$$$$) for the Tiger Woods profanity laced tirade at last weeks PGA Tour Event.  Commisioner Finchem, during his news conference, stated in a very direct and angry tone, 

 "This type of behavior will not be tolerated on the PGA tour.  The reputation of the tour is at stake.  I hope this sends the message that we play no favorites and you will be fined, regardless of who you are.  Therefore, the Photographer will be issued a $10,000 dollar fine and excluded from tour events until the fine is paid. "

The photographer, who  wished to remain annonymous, said he is 'not even a PGA tour journalist and feels the fine is un-enforceable as well as having no legal precedence.'

When asked why the PGA felt Tiger Woods was not responsible for his actions,  Mr Finchem synically laughed and said, "Come on, he clicked a camera! How is Tiger supposed to concentrate? He's lucky we only physically assualted him while throwing him off of the premises.  If he appeals this fine, we are prepeared to give Tiger Woods' Caddy, Steve Williams,  the photographers home phone number and address. That should tell you how serious we are."

During the press conference, one reporter asked Commisioner Finchem about fans cheering for a Tiger Woods Birdie on an adjacent hole  and how if that took place during another players backswing, how is that any different? Commisioner Finchem simply nodded his head and the reporter was savagely beaten by security.

Jimmy Roberts Missing:  In an unrelated story, Jimmy Roberts, former ESPN and now ABC golf analyst  was tragically flushed down the toilet this morning.  When Tiger was asked how this could happen, Tiger simply stated, "I got so used to him kissing my ####, I guess I just forgot he was down there. This is yet another distraction that I have to deal with.  This is so unfair"

Until a suitable replacement can be found, commisioner Finchem has volunteered to replace Jimmy Roberts.  Aside from Jimmy Roberts, no one knows his backside as well as I do.