Jose Canseco’s new book "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," dishes the dirt on Baseball, Major Leaguers and the Steroid Era. This book does for baseball what Hillary and Bill did to the Presidency,…..dragging it through the mud and pointing fingers at everyone to make himself feel better.
Canseco uses this book as a self serving slap in the face of Major League Baseball in an attempt to get back something Jose gave away early in his career, something called integrity. By pointing an accusatory finger at others, Jose hopes that everyone will say he always told the truth and is doing more to clean up the game than Bud Selig.
Jose remains an un-abashed advocate of steroids and cheating to get ahead while calling foul on everyone who did the same. To hear Jose talk, I am not sure when he found time to play baseball as he was too busy brokering Steroid Deals for every significant major leaguer in the past 20 years.
All of that said, lost in political drama of the book are several revelations that failed to make media headlines. I am not sure if it is because they are a lame attempt to associate his own name with other noteworthy people and events or because they can neither be proved nor disproved, placing Jose again as the only witness and giving him a self-important place in history. Here is brief rundown of Jose’s other claims in the book.
####lord Perry approached Jose about scoring an Emory Board (Nail file) and some Vaseline while Jose was still in the minors. Jose said it actually added several years to ####lord Perry’s career but ####lord never once said thank you.
Ricky Henderson was such a God Fearing Man that he refused to steal anything… including bases. Jose talked him into stealing his first base and the rest is history. He now refers to Ricky as a clepto-maniac and says it all because of him.
He was approached by Bernard Malamaud about a new book he was writing called “The Un-Natural” It was a follow up to his original book “The Natural” which was made into a movie starring Robert Redford and Robert Duval. According to Jose, this is a story about a Super Smart, Super Good Looking, Super Talented Baseball Prospect who was shot, (with Steroids) disappeared for a few weeks, and came back to be the greatest player in the game. He refused to be associated with the project as he felt there was no actor good looking enough or smart enough to play him.
He is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s half brother. They were genetically designed in a secret government lab.
Jose Shot Lee Harvey Oswald and is an American Hero.
Babe Ruth Appeared to him in a dream and told him he was supposed to break his home-run record, not Barry Bonds.
He has proof Pete Rose DIDN’T bet on baseball games but he is waiting for the right time to release the information.
Before Ted Williams died, Ted dis-owned his son and adopted Jose. That is the reason that Teds son, John Henry moved quickly to have the will declared void and provided a questionable version of the will.....called a 'Family Pact'
Cal Ripken wanted to sit out a game in 1985 against the Oakland As. He called Cal a sissy and told him to “Toughen Up and Be A Man”. That particular day stuck with Cal the rest of his career and it is why Cal holds the record for the most consecutive games played. He said Cal never once said thank you.
According to Jose, everyone associated with these events will deny these claims, once again proving he is the only honest man left in the county.
SPIKE TV Ultimate Fighting Championship: In the Under Card of the UFC Heavyweight Bout, Spike TV is Televising the first Under 7 Year Old UFC Championship Bout between Billy "The Mauler' Owens (61 Lbs) and Johnny " The 7 Year Old Assassin" Death (64 LBS).
Missouri is the first state to Authorize the UFC style competition for children. "This'n is a big step for us Missourians. We is tryin to ketch up with Allybamy in edu....eduma.....edumacation and affletics." According to Governor Dumas (pronounced dumb-####) this is another sport that will keep the children in school, at least the ones that don't participate.
According to the Spike TV- UFC bios, both of these children have been training in MMA for several years even though they were un-aware of it.
Biographies:
Billy "The Mauler" Owens
Age - 6.
Weight -61LBS.
Hobbies - Singing along with Potty trainng videos.
Most Proud Of - Knocked my eight year old sister out with a round house kick.
Favorite MMA Move - The Sucker Punch - "Daddy gives me a sucker if I hurt People"
Most Proud Of - "I got a tattoo of Barney punching out Big Bird"
Favorite MMA Move - Kicking. I like Kicking people.
We spoke with the parents of both Billy and Johnny and asked how both got involved in MMA.
Lester Owens: "Billy was always punchin thangs. I just figured I could make some money on it. That boy is a terror. We aint allowed to have pets cause a billy"
Ted Death -" Johnny was supended from school for punchin his teacher. He didn't hurt her none but she deserved it. The judge said he needed to get help so I got him in MMA. Now he can punch with the big boys and she don't say nothing to him anymore."
Both parents and the coaches agreed that by training the children in MMA, they are less likely to get into fights on the playground because they understand that MMA is for the ring only. I asked how that point is being driven home.
According to Lester Owens- "I don't know. It just is"
PGA Issues Massive Fine: The PGA Tour Commisioner, Tim Finchem today issued a massive fine ($$$$$$) for the Tiger Woods profanity laced tirade at last weeks PGA Tour Event. Commisioner Finchem, during his news conference, stated in a very direct and angry tone,
"This type of behavior will not be tolerated on the PGA tour. The reputation of the tour is at stake. I hope this sends the message that we play no favorites and you will be fined, regardless of who you are. Therefore, the Photographer will be issued a $10,000 dollar fine and excluded from tour events until the fine is paid. "
The photographer, who wished to remain annonymous, said he is 'not even a PGA tour journalist and feels the fine is un-enforceable as well as having no legal precedence.'
When asked why the PGA felt Tiger Woods was not responsible for his actions, Mr Finchem synically laughed and said, "Come on, he clicked a camera! How is Tiger supposed to concentrate? He's lucky we only physically assualted him while throwing him off of the premises. If he appeals this fine, we are prepeared to give Tiger Woods' Caddy, Steve Williams, the photographers home phone number and address. That should tell you how serious we are."
During the press conference, one reporter asked Commisioner Finchem about fans cheering for a Tiger Woods Birdie on an adjacent hole and how if that took place during another players backswing, how is that any different? Commisioner Finchem simply nodded his head and the reporter was savagely beaten by security.
Jimmy Roberts Missing: In an unrelated story, Jimmy Roberts, former ESPN and now ABC golf analyst was tragically flushed down the toilet this morning. When Tiger was asked how this could happen, Tiger simply stated, "I got so used to him kissing my ####, I guess I just forgot he was down there. This is yet another distraction that I have to deal with. This is so unfair"
Until a suitable replacement can be found, commisioner Finchem has volunteered to replace Jimmy Roberts. Aside from Jimmy Roberts, no one knows his backside as well as I do.
The BCS has just announced they will incorporate new standards for the 2008 BCS calculations. These changes came at the behest of BCS Commissioner and SEC Commissioner Mike Slive. Added to the mix will be Quality Losses.
Quality Losses - There will be two types of Quality Losses evaluated.
Losses to teams ranked lower than you that you should never lose to. These will be viewed as aberrations and completely discounted
Losses to teams in overtime that you should not have lost to. - The Losing Team will actually be given credit for losing in overtime vs losing in regulation time. The deeper into the overtime you go, the better for you. Losing in 3 overtimes is like winning a game and losing in 5 overtimes is like blowing out the team you just lost to. Losing in 6 Overtimes is like beating the #1 team in the country unless of course you are the number one team in the country
Opponents of the measure have argued that a team could jump from say #7 ........to say #2 based on "Quality Losses" if they go deep enough into OT. Mike Slive confirmed this fear by saying "Yup, sure can but this is designed to be more of a tie breaker at seasons end when comparing a team the networks want in a BCS Bowl Game vs teams they don't want."
Asked how this is different than 2007, Mr Slive said "It isn't."
My Grandma told me many years ago "It is better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt"
What does she know!!!!
Father of two, Husband of One, and hero to none.
I was once asked to describe myself and I had to refer to my wifes description of me.
"When you were young and good looking...... .... you were mostly just young!"
How is that for being grounded in reality? From my loving wife.
Canseco uses this book as a self serving slap in the face of Major League Baseball in an attempt to get back something Jose gave away early in his career, something called integrity. By pointing an accusatory finger at others, Jose hopes that everyone will say he always told the truth and is doing more to clean up the game than Bud Selig. 
Cal Ripken wanted to sit out a game in 1985 against the Oakland As. He called Cal a sissy and told him to “Toughen Up and Be A Man”. That particular day stuck with Cal the rest of his career and it is why Cal holds the record for the most consecutive games played. He said Cal never once said thank you.
