Defensive Mend Both the Giants and the Redskins have something in common in the NFC East. Stud DE's down for the count. While Fredskin Pro-Bowl DE Jason Taylor is facing two-weeks at not hard labor, Giants Pro-Bowler Osi Umenyiora is gone, baby, gone, aloha, see you later, stick a fork in him done for the season with a torn lateral meniscus. While Taylor's injury won't have much of an impact on the Fred's quest for mediocrity, the Giants are looking small on defensive end. Tom Coughlin's stock is falling like Enron unless FOXSports Michael Strahan needs another swimming pool filled with cash to play one more season.
Shawne of the Dead 3-time Charger Pro-Bowl LB Shawne Merriman saw his torn posterior cruciate ligament and raised himself a a torn lateral collateral ligament in his left knee. Will Shawne pull the pin on 2008 or risk a career ending injury? Stay tuned. Seems like a no-brainer but there's a reason why NFL players don't win Nobel Prizes in science or math. Shawne is still examining his options! Don't hold your breath Norvelous.
Mute Nostril Agony Talk about a long-long season. Last week Bengals Pro-Bowl QB Carson Palmer got turfed five times by the always laughable Detroit Kittens. This week the New Orleans Faints face-planted Carson 3-times in the first-half ending with 32-year old Kevin Kaesviharn safety blitzing Palmer's nose with just 2-ticks left on the tock. This just in--the nose is broken, I repeat the nose is down! T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are already on the golf cart and two of their backups are hurt. The bad karma from signing Chris Henry is starting. The 2008 Bengals are built over an old Indian burial ground and whatever you do don't bury your pets there...
The Phantom of the Opera Meanwhile organ music continues to waft from tunnels under Foxboro but Patriots Pro-Bowl QB Tom Brady hasn't been seen since New England's stunning loss to Eli Manning and those %$#@!& other guys in Super Bowl XXXXXXXXVVVVVVIIIIIII. Some say it's his right foot. Others say it's his heart. Matt Cassel's no Tom Brady the only thing they have in common is being drafted after the Gatorade Cooler in the 473rd round of the NFL draft. New England tried luring Brady out from under the stadium with his favorite blanket and plush toy to no avail...
That's Kiffin, two i's two f's 4-torn ACL's in 5-seasons spells business as usual for Raiders wideout Drew Carter. Like the X-Files Movie he's not alone wishing 2008 never happened. Fullback Oren O'Neal is likely 2008-gone after suffering a knee injury. The Faders have no depth at either position. Kiffin his #### Goodbye hopes they'll find something salvageable under the final roster cuts rock next week meaning his sputtering offense won't even reach its full pre-season potential of lukewarm until October. When Arizona tunes you up 24-0 in the pre-season it's fold the tables and stack the chairs time.
Does He Own Any Dogs Speaking of bloodbaths, first and last-year Falcons coach Mike Smith announced rookie QB Matt Ryan will be the Atlanta Falcons' starter this season. That's not a typo or an injury unless you consider the blithering stupidity of purposely starting a rookie in the NFL as anything short of lobotomy stupid. Here's a rundown of rookie QB's and their rookie season to dismember, or as I like to think; two brother's and a 'Boy...:Eli Manning, New York Giants: Started seven, lost six. Completed 48.2 percent and nine to the wrong jersey. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis: Started sixteen, lost thirteen. Completed 56.7 percent and tossed 28 inter-fargin-ceptions. Troy Aikman, Dallas: Started eleven games, lost them all, doubled his nine TD passes with 18 pickaroos. Yee-Haw! Hell, Brett Favre went 0-4 passes in his rookie season and his first pass was an interception for a TD. The dumb get dumber in Atlanta and Matt Ryan will look like Houston Texans All World QB Flop David Carr when Atlanta stops burning at the end of this season. The over and under for sacks is 70, smart money's on the over. Wave goodbye to Smith as Atlanta will head in a different direction after the Ryan fiasco.
Jets and the Giants fans at the Meadowlands aren't the only ones facing a league-wide crackdown on bad behavior. The following are excerpts from an email sent by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to all teams.
"Foul or abusive language, obscene gestures and harassment of visiting team fans is still encouraged as long as it is followed by an equally polite "Have a Nice Day...."
"Guests who engage in fighting, throwing objects or attempting to enter the field of play will be immediately ejected except in those cases where their skill level provides enough entertainment value to other fans with examples of Steven Seagal Aikido waddling, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks, causing an opposing team player to wince or crumple to the ground after being struck by a thrown object, or deflecting/intercepting an opposing team's pass before stadium security wrestles them to the ground. Fan interceptions will result in a turnover."
"Fans can text message stadium management of problems but must include, LOL, BRB, or AFK in the body of the message or it will be deleted."
"Under the newly mandated Goodell Alcoholic Equilibrium Doctrine the NFL will enforce a halftime cutoff for alcohol sales and a limit of two drinks at each purchase. This cutoff will occur at the end of the second half. Also the minimum number of alcoholic drinks any fan can order is two."
"Parking lots will open five hours before events instead of seven. If fans can't get blind pig drunk in five hours it isn't likely two more hours will help them. Waking up the next morning and actually remembering the game isn't all it's cracked up to be."
"Fans who wear Jon Bon Jovi mullet wigs will be ejected."
"The small minority of fans decent and mature enough to enjoy the game without getting trashed will be offered complimentary vomit poncho's emblazoned with Roger Goodell's signature, likeness and the NFL logo."
"For those fans used to overdoing it, brightly lit crawl-ways festooned with beer labels will lead them safely out of the stadium. They are strongly encouraged to park in the lots marked by poles topped with kegs."
"Fans disregarding stadium policies will no longer be ejected instead they will be forced to serve a time-out in a room where an endless loop of Roseanne Barr singing the national anthem is shown on big screen TV's."
"Gecko-shaped kiosks will sell "#### protection policies" to fans indemnifying them against injury from drunks falling from the upper decks."
"Navel shots are strictly prohibited unless alcoholic delivery system or belly buttonee can meet the 36-25-32 rule."
"Fans carrying the letter D and a tiny fence will be kicked or stomped to death at the gates."
The NFL Draft is like watching other kids open Christmas presents that suck. After all the mock drafts and blow-harding by the same experts year after year what you end up with as a fan is a big fat zero. Mock Drafts The most asinine of all endeavors. Where and when did it become not only important to guess what player will go where, but then grade yourself or others on how accurately they guessed? To what point? The teams themselves don't read mock drafts. The players selected with the first ten picks are so obvious you'd have to be under a rock not to guess them. I guess if you're anxiously waiting for the next issue of Coin Flip Quarterly a mock draft is right up your alley but for most fans it's an irritation we can live without. If you made up or read an entire seven round mock draft, get help. The First Round The stuff dreams are made of. But if you do a little research you'll find the gulf between the first ten picks and the next twenty-two is bigger than the Grand Canyon. Take QB's for instance, in twenty-years no QB taken from 11-32 has made the Pro-Bowl except as a spectator. Of the forty-plus QB's taken in the 1st round, 3 have won a Super Bowl and if your last name isn't Manning that number dwindles to one. Running backs taken in the 1st round #### out faster than a Yugo. Yet the 1st round mystique endures. Look at Andy Reid & the Eagles, he's backed the team out of the 1st round two years running because he knows what nobody will say out loud, if you don't have that #1-10 it isn't worth overpaying the 1st round bust. So do the math; Matt Ryan, (#3-Falcons), has a 7% chance of winning the Super Bowl in his entire career. Joe Flacco, (#18-Ravens), won't even make the Pro-Bowl. The Combine This is where the intense navel gazing pays off for the experts spewing out the raw sewage that gets lovingly crafted into countless mock drafts. Every year some combine darling vaults into the 1st round. This year's darling, Ohio State one-year-wonder DE, Vernon Gholston, charmed his way onto the Jets who wasted the 6th pick in the draft on him. Those wacky Jets, how they keep their fans from killing themselves never ceases to amaze me. You'll hear Gholston's name over and over for the next ten years whenever anybody is talking draft busts. I'll take a side order of Kyle Brady with that... Offensive and Defensive Linemen Did anyone get the same feeling I did they were watching the same film clips over and over? Behemoth crushes QB or RB, behemoth blocks for QB or RB. Is there a studio that just churns these mind numbing clips out all year long? Then you get the inane banter and dribble leading into the dullest thing ever saved on video, a clip of their combine workout. Never have little orange cones played as big a role in entertainment. Millions of people watching fat guys gallop around tiny cones. Excitement, Excitement, Excitement The draft has all the suspense of waiting for a bus on a rainy day. You're glad when it arrives but soon after you're crammed next to a guy that smells like a wet dog. The NFL draft provides the same experience when your team picks an unknown, undersized fill-in-the-blank player bracketed by two "Can't Miss" prospects who go onto Hall of Fame careers...couple this with mind numbing commercial breaks, thanks Tiger for inventing water with even more electrolytes in between winning golf tournaments in space, and you have two days of must not see sports TV. Holding Up the Jerseys With the number they were drafted. Please for the love of God we know you'll give them a uniform, it's a league rule, stop this awful practice. Grading the Draft The same knuckleheads that couldn't guess who got picked where are trotted out to #### on the teams who didn't listen to them to begin with. This is like asking a psychic to tell the future right after all the things they said would happen didn't. Simple fact is some of these guys will be very good players, some OK and not so surprisingly most are training camp cannon fodder. Next year I'm going fly fishing and I'm pretty sure sitting by a creek trying to outwit a fish can't be any less interesting than watching the NFL Draft.
Whoever said life imitates sport was right on the money but what if real life held some of the answers for sports? A nonsensical notion at best but what if sports started paying attention to the unimportant world around it? Maybe it would look something like this... $20 million 'virtual' border fence scrapped The US Government is pitchforking $860 million taxpayer dollars into this boondoggle that makes the newly clothed emperor look naked yet smart. It's not a fence but a bunch of iPhones stapled to poles that pinpoint illegal aliens crossing our border and then take a pretty picture. While an "actual" fence is centuries-old proven technology costing 10% of the "virtual" fence, virtuality leapfrogs the whole fuddy-duddy fence as a physical barrier concept and replaces it with cutting edge stupidity. "Oops" the first $20 million dollars just got flushed down the drain... Sort of reminds you of the Detroit Tigers doesn't it? They built the best "virtual" baseball team in the off season for $130 million dollars and right now the 8-year, $152.3 million dollars they dumped down the Miguel Cabrera drain is looking all systems go. Swatting a very ordinary, .263 with 5 dingaroos, Fatty, as his teammates like to call him, waddled over to play 1st base after a grueling three-week stint at 3rd. Meanwhile Dontrelle Willis and his $7,000,000 salary are nestled safely on the DL with zero wins, just two-starts, a hyper-extended knee and a 7.20 ERA. Willis has all the fixin's o####iant floparoo of a season. After notching 9 wins out of twenty played the Tigers are tied with the dismal KC Royals who managed to spend a paltry $57 million dollars for the same result. It looked real good on paper. Israeli Airstrike Targeted Syrian Nuclear Reactor Despite being years away from completion and based on a photograph of a Syrian wearing a I Helped Build a Reactor at Al Kibar & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt those wacky guys at the Israeli Defense Ministry bombed the snot bubbles out the Syrian site. Their policy of Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry is simple, bomb first and refuse to answer questions later. That same solution might be perfect for those New York Knicks, after a 2008 season where Isiah Thomas redefined imploding, coughing up millions for his #### lechery to childish squabbling with Stephon Marbury, he topped it all off with, Whoops there go all my real jobs. Winning 56 games over two years and losing 108 as coach Thomas is a certified triple threat, he stinks at being President, GM and Coach. He singlehandedly destroyed basketball as we know it in New York City. Kept on out of spite to wring a nickel's worth of value out of the money paid him, Isiah the Useless was peremptorily bombed by his successor Donnie Walsh the other day with the announcement Thomas is banned from having any contact with members of the team! While he doesn't have an office, desk, phone or chair Thomas can still speak to Madison Square Garden chairman James Dolan, but only after saying "Donnie may I?" Walsh strafed the smoking rubble of Isiah Thomas' career in a recent interview saying, "He's answering to me and nobody's reporting to him." I wonder what the question is? Life and sports intertwine in ways so wacky you can't even make it up...
KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's ####es after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft... Purported victims claimed sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear...
We finally know why the Patriots lost the Super Bowl to the Giants...
The Patriots didn't lose the Super Bowl last night. They lost it March 22, 2006 when Adam Vinatieri signed with the Indianapolis Colts. If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, that was the on ramp. The game was the last act o####reek tragedy. When New England failed to franchise tag Vinatieri he bolted to the Colts, Vinatieri was responsible for making two game winning Super Bowl field goals for the Patriots and kicking the margin of victory in their third win. He was also their good luck charm. Since he's left so has their Super Bowl luck. When Belichick needed a kicker and good luck charm the most, all he had was a guy named Gostkowski whose not so gifted foot gifted the Giants a 35-yard head start after he squadooshed a post-TD kickoff out of bounds. Scientists calculate you'd need a Slurpee the volume of five Olympic swimming pools to cause the brain freeze that blacked Belichick out on 4th and 13 yards to go in the 3rd quarter. Kick a 48-yard field goal and go ahead by a touchdown, or (and I'm certain this occurred to 2/3rds of us 2.3 billion people watching), throw an incomplete Fail Mary to Jabar Gaffney in double coverage. When Belichik regained consciousness his first words were "Gostkowski missed?" Let's face it at no point in his life has Belichick regretted not being able to phone-a-friend like Vinatieri to make that kick in a dome. The Patriots lost last night's Super Bowl a second time on January 20, 2006 when they named Josh McDaniels offensive coordinator. I'm not saying he won't turn out to be a great coordinator, but being a successful QB coach for Tom Brady might owe more to Brady's talent than McDaniels insight. If a regular season football game is the biggest stage in the world, the playoffs are played on a basketball court. Every mistake and weakness amplified, exploited and experience counts. Unfortunately for Josh, the Super Bowl is played on a postage stamp. By the time you regain your composure the Pro Bowl is over. McDaniels isn't the first NFL whiz kid to find out even the quick are dead if the wrong plays are called anywhere near a Roman numeral game. Time dilates so do opportunities. He didn't adjust Brady's drop. He didn't roll Brady away from trouble. In a nail-biting ball-control football game, (and with depth at wide receiver other teams can only dream of), McDaniels didn't spread the defense and work a short field in the face of a duck-stamping blitz. The blocking schemes were terrible. It seemed like he expected the Giants to come to their senses and finally play the Patriots game. NFC East football at its terrible best is a brutal game of attrition, the Patriots looked like European hockey players at their first knife fight. This was one of the greatest Super Bowls of all time. A game for the ages. After all the hoopla it came down to players on the field and the game being played. Regardless of loyalties you had to recognize both teams fought hard to the bitter end and transcended all that is wrong with pro-sports today. I didn't care about Spygate I wanted to see the Patriots run the board and I was equally delighted to see the Giants pull off the greatest upset of all time. With a hoagie and an ice cold beer I was King of Sportsylvania for a day.
The rats are abandoning the sinking ship faster than New England can bail. The New England Patriots cheated their way through their run of improbable Super Bowl victories. The Boston Herald reports the Patriots videotaped the Rams final walk through before Super Bowl XXXVI.
The narrow margin of their Super Bowl wins and this stunning revelation makes short work of the theory videotaping didn't give the Patriots an unfair advantage. New England's cheating is ongoing, systemic and made possible all their so called success.
According to Mike & Mike in the Morning, The St. Louis Rams walk through worked specifically on offensive plays in the red zone. In the 4th quarter in the red zone the Rams were stopped on three consecutive plays and scored on the 4th, a QB sneak, which was called during a timeout and was not covered in the walk through.
Fact: The 14-3 New England advantage at halftime was the the first time in the 2001 season St. Louis fell behind in a game by more than eight points, in fact the Rams were 14 point favorites in the game.
Bud Selig 2.0 It's high time Roger Goodell, gets off the raft he's
floating on down the Denial River. When asked about the Herald's report
during his oblivious NFL state of the game address on Friday, Goodell
managed a non-responsive "I'm not aware of that."
Furthermore Goodell went on to praise the Patriots unaware a former
Patriots video assistant has come forward alleging the scope of the
Patriots video cheating goes back almost a decade.
The Time Line according to the Boston Herald: ***The Patriots have their final walk through ***An unidentified Patriots employee from New England's video department, stays behind and films the Rams. ***The cameraman rides the media shuttle back to the hotel What is not known What happened with the tape after that point? Did the cameraman act alone or were there more cameramen on the grassy knoll? Who instructed him to film the Rams?
What We Know They Filmed NFL Security confiscated five tapes from Patriots-New York Jets game in September 2007, and one tape from a Patriots video assistant during New England's 38-14 victory over New York at Giants Stadium.
According to Goodell the tapes showed;
Coaches making signals
Indications of down and distances
Sticking Your Head in the Sand Won't Make it Go Away How Goodell drew the conclusion, "I think it probably had a limited effect -- if any -- on the outcome of any game," indicates a grotesque and fundamental lack of judgment, even somebody with a rudimentary knowledge of football could make instant use of signal, down, and distance.
The Rampant Speculation Pennsylvania Senator Arlen "Magic Bullet" Specter, R-Pa., no stranger to allegations of broad and far reaching conspiracies himself, is already breathing down Goodell's neck over destruction of previously seized tapes from this year's New England Patriots Spygate cheating scandal.
The New York Times quotes Sen. Specter from a letter sent to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, "I am very concerned about the underlying facts on the taping, the reasons for the judgment on the limited penalties and, most of all, on the inexplicable destruction of the tapes."
The Senator said the matter puts the league's antitrust exemption at risk, Specter said the the Senate Judiciary Committee will call Goodell to address the antitrust exemption as well as the destruction of the tapes.
All of which occurred prior to the Boston Herald bombshell on Friday.
Let's trot out Bill Belichick's standard answer to the inevitable avalanche of questions in this matter and save everybody the time wasted by asking him;
"It's a league matter," Patriots coach Bill Belichick said during his news conference. "I don't know anything about it." Feel free to use this I have a whole box full just like it out in the garage.
A Letter Goodell Wishes He Never Sent In a Jan. 31 gobbledygook letter sent to Specter, Goodell said the tapes and investigation notes were destroyed ensuring the Patriots "would not secure any possible competitive advantage as a result of the misconduct."
What Goodell apparently forgot to add was, "Like they did on so many prior occasions." How could tapes in the possession of the Commissioner result in the Patriots getting any advantage? They've already seen the tapes. Who's to say they didn't make copies? Meanwhile despite two letters from a US Senator sent in November and December Goodell claims in his reply he just found out about Specter's inquiries. "There's a credibility issue here," Specter said. The Truth is Out There or Would You Like Juice with the Egg on Your Face Roger? Matt Walsh, former Patriots video assistant from 1996-2003 , says he has information embarrassing to both the NFL and the Patriots about videotaping that occurred prior to the Jets scandal this year and the NFL failed to interview him during the so called investigation afterwards. "If they're doing a thorough investigation … they didn't contact me, so draw your own conclusions," Walsh said.
The Big Finish, What has Every Failed Marriage Taught Us? Cheaters don't stop when they get caught. They find new ways to cheat. Divorce wouldn't be the national sport it is if cheating spouses stopped after the first discovered bite of forbidden fruit. A cheater cheats because it profits them. As long as the cost doesn't exceed the reward the likelihood of their stopping is nil. What's a draft pick compared to a Super Bowl ring? Once a cheater heads down the path can you ever trust them again? Can you change the spots on a zebra? The stripes on a leopard? After all it's only human nature.
Late Breaking Denial From the NFL "We were aware of the rumor months ago and looked into it. There was no evidence of it on the tapes or in the notes produced by the Patriots, and the Patriots told us it was not true," NFL spokesman Greg Aiello told The Associated Press.
That is possibly, probably, most assuredly the dumbest thing I've ever read. So stupid my IQ drops every time I look at it. So the NFL relied solely on the Patriots tapes and their word they didn't do it. OK I give up, if they say they didn't do it, that's Goodell enough for me... NB: Information used in this report was taken from FOXSports.com, the Boston Herald, the New York Times, and ESPN.
He might be worth $60,000,000 to Jerry Jones but for the second year in a row he isn't worth a plug nickel in the playoffs. With less than half a minute to go Romo throws the interception that sends the Cowboys home for the second straight year in a row.
At least this year he didn't crumple to the ground and blubber like a baby. Meanwhile what will all the Cowboys Fans for Life do? They must seem pretty silly right now sitting in all those bars across the country in their Romo & T.O. jerseys. Oh well, look at the bright side at least you still have T.O. and who knows maybe even Wade Phillips will be back next year.
Giants TE Jeremy Shockey licked the last of the barbecue sauce from his fingers and belched after finishing a plate of his teammates ribs. "We got outplayed, and outcoached. Write that down," said Shockey still unsure what print journalists do when not hanging on his every word. Asked why he was eating his teamates after the game Shockey said, "You saw the game."
Meanwhile Coach & Reverend Tom Coughlin was hurling thunderbolts and brimstone, "A team that does nothing but preach and talk about turnovers, we turn it over like nothing matters, nothing counts. It cost us the game." Which contradicted his earlier statement, "We just gave the game away." No matter whether they sold the game at cost or below invoice the Giants got buried and unlike last week where they got luckier than James Bonds using crocodile heads as stepping stones this time the hole they dug was foolproof.
Not content with merely losing and being bitter Coughlin ended his rant with a pile of football gibberish, "We started the game and lost our composure again up front and had a couple of foolish penalties ... We had what we thought was a good game plan together. And obviously we didn't execute."
Shockey also took time to explain what the heck it is coaches do, "You've got to go by their plays, They're the coaches. They get paid money. They call the plays. Every coach out there is trying to help everybody to move the ball and help his team win. You can't just go out of no-huddle all the time."
Nevertheless after eating the entire team Shockey was still up for dessert. Even cannibals like pudding so he finished off with a plate of coaches. "I think when Eli gets to call his plays, get his formations, I think we play better football, when he gets to decide a little bit more than just the set play and then you get to go for it,"
Funny how all the pompous pre-season pro-football pundits and so called experts dismissed the Eagles after a bad season where 70% of the starters were injured. The four years previous the Eagles dominated the division and pretty much exposed the Cowboys, Giants, and Redskins for the weak teams they were and apparently still are. The Fowl Line isn't surprised the so called pundits are wrong because gasbags are generally full of gas but it is surprised when the charade of the Giants, Redskins and Cowboys being the elite of the NFC East collapses into a pile of rubble, the wishful thinking gasbags are nowhere to be found.
When did the NFL pre-season become Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee? Tuning up's out and tearing up's in. They're dropping like flies and teams are seeing their 2008 season evaporate like Roger Clemen's credibility...this week's NFL Basket Case© is a pre-season bloodbath... 
Both the Giants and the Redskins have something in common in the NFC East. Stud DE's down for the count. While Fredskin Pro-Bowl DE Jason Taylor is facing two-weeks at not hard labor, Giants Pro-Bowler Osi Umenyiora is gone, baby, gone, aloha, see you later, stick a fork in him done for the season with a torn lateral meniscus. While Taylor's injury won't have much of an impact on the Fred's quest for mediocrity, the Giants are looking small on defensive end. Tom Coughlin's stock is falling like Enron unless FOXSports Michael Strahan needs another swimming pool filled with cash to play one more season.
3-time Charger Pro-Bowl LB Shawne Merriman saw his torn posterior cruciate ligament and raised himself a a torn lateral collateral ligament in his left knee. Will Shawne pull the pin on 2008 or risk a career ending injury? Stay tuned. Seems like a no-brainer but there's a reason why NFL players don't win Nobel Prizes in science or math. Shawne is still examining his options! Don't hold your breath Norvelous.
Talk about a long-long season. Last week Bengals Pro-Bowl QB Carson Palmer got turfed five times by the always laughable Detroit Kittens. This week the New Orleans Faints face-planted Carson 3-times in the first-half ending with 32-year old Kevin Kaesviharn safety blitzing Palmer's nose with just 2-ticks left on the tock. This just in--the nose is broken, I repeat the nose is down! T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson are already on the golf cart and two of their backups are hurt. The bad karma from signing Chris Henry is starting. The 2008 Bengals are built over an old Indian burial ground and whatever you do don't bury your pets there...
Meanwhile organ music continues to waft from tunnels under Foxboro but Patriots Pro-Bowl QB Tom Brady hasn't been seen since New England's stunning loss to Eli Manning and those %$#@!& other guys in Super Bowl XXXXXXXXVVVVVVIIIIIII. Some say it's his right foot. Others say it's his heart. Matt Cassel's no Tom Brady the only thing they have in common is being drafted after the Gatorade Cooler in the 473rd round of the NFL draft. New England tried luring Brady out from under the stadium with his favorite blanket and plush toy to no avail...
4-torn ACL's in 5-seasons spells business as usual for Raiders wideout Drew Carter. Like the X-Files Movie he's not alone wishing 2008 never happened. Fullback Oren O'Neal is likely 2008-gone after suffering a knee injury. The Faders have no depth at either position. Kiffin his 
Speaking of bloodbaths, first and last-year Falcons coach Mike Smith announced rookie QB Matt Ryan will be the Atlanta Falcons' starter this season. That's not a typo or an injury unless you consider the blithering stupidity of purposely starting a rookie in the NFL as anything short of lobotomy stupid. Here's a rundown of rookie QB's and their rookie season to dismember, or as I like to think; two brother's and a 'Boy...:Eli Manning, New York Giants: Started seven, lost six. Completed 48.2 percent and nine to the wrong jersey. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis: Started sixteen, lost thirteen. Completed 56.7 percent and tossed 28 inter-fargin-ceptions. Troy Aikman, Dallas: Started eleven games, lost them all, doubled his nine TD passes with 18 pickaroos. Yee-Haw! Hell, Brett Favre went 0-4 passes in his rookie season and his first pass was an interception for a TD. The dumb get dumber in Atlanta and Matt Ryan will look like Houston Texans All World QB Flop David Carr when Atlanta stops burning at the end of this season. The over and under for sacks is 70, smart money's on the over. Wave goodbye to Smith as Atlanta will head in a different direction after the Ryan fiasco.
