Ever have one of those days you planned to sleep in, get up and laze around giving your best effort to do absolutely nothing?
And someone come barging in who regularly barges in and you pretty much think " yeah whatever, don't talk to me....I'm in offical don't care status"?
The of course a Vampire drops in (in my case named Buffy) and you pretty much know that this not going to be a cruise control sort of a day since the biggest irritant person you know is homesteading in your home before noon?
You get yourself a big ole pitcher of ice tea and you slide out to the best patio recliner you got and turn on the little TV hoping they won't notice you're gone? And then your son and half a million of his friends show up and you can't say a damn thing since you spent the last two years ragging on him for.....never showing up. Next thing you know there's ping pong tournament going on (like a 10 person double elimination tournament is needed?")
They're inside your house, theres people outside your house and you could pass a polygraph with no problem swearing you didn't invite a single one of them?
Then out of nowhere it happens. Someone starts it and someone gets all wound up and it's like a frigging contagious disease.. There are gainfully employed people? College degree people? White people? Black People? Latino people? And Arab for God's sake.......I'm sure you know more. But they spent a good hour on it.....to wit.....
Spanking The ####..... Choking the Chicken...... .Whipping The Wire....Pounding the Pud
Too Broke To Pay....Stroodling The Noodle....Loping The Mule....Training the Toad
Petting the Pole......Watering The Sheets....Dating Martha Thumb and the Finger sisters,
Flooding The Basement.....Pole Vaulting.....Milking The Snake.......Practicing......Going Long
Taking Him Down For The Count.....Puttin The Twins On Overtime.....Walking The Weasel
Hand to Hand To Combat.....Making Sure Everything Is in Working Order....Lubeing the Joint
Tillin The Tail .......... Beatin The Meat........Workin' The Soul Pole..........Waxin' The Periscope
Waltzing The #### ........Playin The Skin Flute.........Makin' Gravy........Beatin the Bush
And finally "Give All the Wives A Night Off" (Frigging Arabs. Just another reason they need to go home)
And there were dozens more. I must getting old. In my day guys didn't even admit they did it and women sure as hell didn't stand around contributing to the laughter.
And then you discover your 5 year old granddaughter who is almost certainly going to turn out to be an extortioniost, has been sitting behind a chair getting low next to a potted plant and taping everyone. Cost me 5.00 to get that tape before her mother did.
Dusty - Man, just quality stuff all over the place (pardon the expression). A couple of favorites that you guys missed:
"Flogging the Dolphin" - Insert Joey Harrington joke here...
"Polishing the Bishop" - This one might only be funny if you like chess...
"Choking Kojak" - Who loves ya, baby?
And my recent favorite, from the wonderful perverts over at Family Guy:
Geesh, I must be getting old too then Dusty. We didn't talk about that sort of thing growing up either. We definately wouldn't have talked about it in front of our parents. lol.
if you feel AI would be best suited for the Suns then tell me what deal the sixers would take and the suns would be willing to part with???? none that I can think of.
How 'bout this one, to be said while pretending to pour beer in your hand; "Yup, I bought a six pack tonight. Five for me and one to get my date drunk."
Last edited by ricko on December 18th at 10:08 PM.
dusty, dusty, dusty... there you go again. You certainly know how to keep everybody loose around here. How did you know I'd find this funny, anyway? Is my sophomoric sense sense of humor that obvious?
how about "doin' the five-knuckle shuffle on the old #### pump"?
I must commit each and every one of these to memory.
Hell, I went to Catholic school for part of my formative years. You didn't admit you did it because it would get your #### sent to the principal's office and then to the confessional. And, as we've learned through recent Catholic church events, the last #### thing you wanna do is sit in a dark closet with a priest talking about your boyish sexual indiscretions!
There are few things in life that I would rather do than watch the NBA....welll Ok I'd rather have a night with Shakira and Beyonce but other than that.....well ya know a night with Angelina Joli and Jessica Alba wouldn't be something you'd have to beg me to do either.....I might be convinced for a night with Halle Berry and Britney come to think of it but outside of that the NBA is my.........I don't see how I could turn down Jewel and Mariah Carey, that'd be insane....whe re was I?..........C harlize Theron and JLo sure wouldn't have to ask me twice I can tell you that much right now...but when it comes to the NBA I'm almost impossible to get away from the game....altho ugh.....Jessi ca Simpson and Selma Hayek would be something wouldn't it?
