The Chicago Cubs today announced they have granted an unconditional release to their fans.  The move was made Saturday after the Chicago 3-0 playoff series loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers.

A spokesman for the team said the Cubs inability to reach the World Series has nothing to do with the organization.  "We constantly change out players, but the fans remain.  It's the fans.  It's always been the fans.  We've skated around this, tried to blame it on a goat, even used the lovable loser image to our advantage in seasons we put bad product on the field.  The bottom line is, our fans are cursed, not the Cubs.  Put this team in any other town, with any other group of fans, and we're a lock to win it all."

Historians, psychologists, writers, and bartenders have been studying the so-called curse for the team since last October.  Their conclusion-losing clings to Cub fans like the smell of flat beer.

It's historical.  The name Chicago is a French pronunciation of the Native-American name, Shikaakwa, which literally means "striped skunk".  Chicago has endured a massacre of early settlers, a cow attempting to burn the town down, the Haymarket Riots, Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, and the Daley family.  Researchers strongly believe the first nuclear reaction on US soil in 1942 was an attempt by Cubs fan Enrico Fermi to blow up Wrigley Field.

The Cubs move carries little risk.  TV revenue is so great the team would make enormous profits even with no fans in the stands.  Sales of Ron Santo Cubs jerseys this season alone were greater than the gate receipts of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The team hopes to gradually replace old fans with younger, wealthier, new fans.  "Our demographic surveys show the typical Cub fan is a 37 year old white male with a beer gut who hasn't shaved in four days", said a marketing director with the team.  "We can and will do better.  The Yankees model of driving up ticket prices to a level where only yuppie business executives can afford to attend is one we hope to emulate." 

Season ticket renewal requests will not be honored next season, with only new applications being filled.  Game day ticket sales will be screened to ensure existing Cubs fans are stopped at the gate.  Ushers dressed as Steve Bartman will stand at ticket booths, and only fans who don't attack them will be allowed in.  In addition, beer sales will be banned in June, July, and August which should keep 97% of Cub fans away.

Wa Samata Yu, a psychologist employed by the team, believes getting rid of the existing fan base is essential for the team to make the World Series.  "Expectation is a powerful thing.  Cub fans expect to lose and communicate this to the team.  Talk about a curse enough and it becomes real in the mind.  Anyone who has watched Andy Griffith reruns knows this.  Unfortunately, Lou Pinella, is no Sheriff Taylor and Chicagoans are much more gullible than the residents of Mayberry."

Ozzie Guillen, manager of the crosstown WhiteSox, said he was sorry there would not be a Cubs-WhiteSox World Series matchup.  He welcomed the waived Cubs fans to try out to become WhiteSox supporters, but said he would make no promises.  "Some of these people, they say things without thinking."

So ends another season of disappointment in Chicago.  In a world turned upside down, it is comforting to know some things will never change.

Somebody needs to cover this and the NFL is no help at all.

Every week we see players strut for no apparent reason.  And it's getting embarrassing.

But think about it from the player's point of view.  You are new to the league.  The coaching staff hasn't covered strutting.  Your team mates taped you to a goal post in training camp.  Officials don't signal a strutting opportunity.  You have split seconds on national TV to make up your mind.

To dance or not to dance, that is the question.

As a public service, here are some guidelines.

A two yard loss on first down in the first quarter.

No strut.  As a general rule, strutting in the first quarter or even on an early down is not considered socially acceptable.  It would be like going to a party and hitting on the host's wife within a minute of arriving.  

Taking down a 30 year old running back behind the line of scrimmage, a.k.a. the "Eddie George" rule.

Who can forget Eddie George's one season with Dallas.  He was so slow he would pack lunch before heading for the line of scrimmage.  Yet tacklers persisted in jumping up after stumbling onto him three yards behind the line, acting like they just brought down LaDainian Tomlinson on fourth and goal at the one.

Third down.

A change of possession is generally a cause for celebration, but only on a solo tackle.  You must always take care not to claim another man's strut.  This can also result in a two man strut which, from a distance, may appear to be two large men dancing together.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Any play by a nose tackle.

The purpose of a nose tackle is to occupy as much space as possible and hopefully create an obstacle runners will stumble over.  In that sense, a nose tackle is much like lawn furniture with numbers painted on it.  Since most plays by nose tackles are accidents, they should not strut for aesthetic reasons.

On a more practical note, the hideous physical state of most nose tackles provides a medical reason to avoid strutting.  If a nose tackle struts, large amounts of gelatinous body tissue can begin moving in waves, resulting in a strange oscillating effect which may cause a sports hernia.

Ex-post burnous.

Once a defensive back has been burned for a long touchdown, it is no longer acceptable for him to strut, regardless of what he subsequently achieves during the game.  Just as it would not do for a receiver to pull a packet of mustard out, spread it on the ball and offer to feed it to the cornerback after a deep pass, neither would it be appropriate for the defender to subsequently employ a strut.

A vicious hit to a player in an exposed position.

Almost always appropriate.  Twenty years ago it would be considered bad manners to rejoice after making another player taste his own spleen.  But what were once vices are now habits, and not strutting while the player lies on the field trying to remember his own name would show disrespect for our current social conventions. 

Except when the other player is badly injured.

In which case the defensive player should not be seen on the sidelines texting his agent to post the video on YouTube.

White players.

There is no reason white running backs and wide receivers cannot strut.

Quarterbacks and kickers.

Players with the upper body strength of a Hilton sister should avoid strutting at all cost, as the logical response by defensive players will be to inflict grievous bodily harm.  Kickers may, on game winning kicks only, pump their arms in jubilation, but for no more than 2.4 seconds.

Coaches may not strut.

The one exception to the rule is Bill Belichick, who struts while inhaling and on days of the week ending in the letter "Y".  However, it is hoped he will be cured on this affliction now that Tom Brady is not on the field on Sundays in Foxboro.

Referees may strut.

This is the Ed Hoculi exemption.  It makes about as much sense as blowing your whistle during an obvious fumble late in a key division game.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

And finally, the one strutting rule that, if violated will result in a lifetime ban.

The long snapper must never, ever, strut.  This will result in immediate expulsion from the NFL.  Since most long snappers are only one waiver transaction removed from restocking vending machines for a living, there has never been a need for this rule to be enforced.

The preceding has been brought to you by the Terrell Owens Center For The Advancement of Social Graces.

Yankee Stadium will soon be gone, but the Yankees will remain.  Proud, arrogant, wealthy.

The Mets?  When Shea Stadium goes down so does the last link to the "real" New York Mets.  A team defined by an adjective.

Lovable.

From Stengel to Manuel the Mets have progressed from the Bronx Bombers' goofy kid brother to a weird Yankee doppleganger.  Expected to win, heavily financed, and anything but the object of a fan's affection, the Mets now move to (with apologies to the Flying Burrito Brothers) their own gilded palace of sin.  And leave behind the happiness that was the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club (their corporate name).

Are today's Mets lovable?  If your heart skips a beat at the joys of better baseball through corporate accounting.

And so ends an era.

We've traded Eddie Kranepool for Carlos Delgado and lost in the exchange.  David Wright is wonderful player, but no Eddie Charles.  Where have you gone Tom Seaver?  Johan Santana is a poor substitute, even for Dwight Gooden.  Carlos Beltran for Darryl Strawberry?  I wouldn't take Beltran for Lenny Dykstra.

Who has caught a game like Gary Carter?  Or even Choo Choo Coleman, for much different reasons.

How could you not pull for a team with a catcher named Choo Choo?

And how can you pull for an underachieving soap opera of a team constantly on a Wizard of Oz style quest for a heart?  A tupperware bowl full of Omar Minaya's flavorless salsa recipe.

They've even messed up the uniform while forgetting the history behind it.

The Mets hat has the old Giants "NY" in their orange on Dodger blue.  A mix of the powerful Giants and the often amazing Dodgers.  The logo starts on the left with a church spire to represent Brooklyn, followed by the old Williamsburg Bank (the tallest building in Brooklyn).  Then you've got the Woolworth Building, Empire State building, the downtown skyline, and finally the United Nations building. 



You don't notice the Mets logo or cap lettering anymore, buried as it is on a uniform that looks like something a roadie for the Beastie Boys would wear.  Black and blue.  A punk uniform for a souless baseball card collection that folds under pressure.  A bullpen so wretched only Mrs. O'Leary's cow could love.  A team that isn't.

Farewell Shea Stadium.  Too bad you never got the dome you were intended to have.  Or the Continenatl League team you might have had if William Shea's threat hadn't brought the National League back to New York. 

Farewell the Mets.

So long Ron Hunt, who "took one for the team" so many times.  George Theodore, who roamed left field with the grace of a wounded rhinoceros.  Farewell the "Amazing Mets" of 69 and those mad men of the 80's who owned the baseball world and knew it.  At least we have Hernandez and Darling around to keep the memories alive.

Will there be no more Mookie Wilsons?  Is Omar Minaya ever going to give us another Gil Hodges in the dugout?  Did Buddy Harrelson labor all those years at shortstop only to see Jose Reyes throw his legacy over the first baseman into the stands? 

I'll miss those guys.  I miss the smile of Tug McGraw and the good humor of Marv Thornberry.  Stengel's reinvention of English as a second language.  Koosman's poise, Ryan's heat, Davey Johnson's head, and Gil Hodges' heart.

Meet the Mets, Greet the Mets.

And wave goodbye now they are gone.

You don't have to hate your enemies.

If I like the Cowboys and you like the Redskins, I might not like your team but I don't hate you for your choice.  But we are in the American Jihad phase of political life where the right believes liberals are communists, the left believes conservatives are fascists, and centrists have been hunted to extinction.  Meanwhile, small bands of dazed moderates roam a post-apocalyptic wasteland dominated by giant brainless heads shouting at each other on cable TV. 

The stadiums change.

One reason politics never changes is congressmen work out of the same buildings for hundreds of years.  In the case of Senator Byrd of West Virginia, I mean that literally.  But in sports we're even tearing down Yankee Stadium.

Change brings new ideas and wider seats.  The Senate uses the same desks Clay and Webster sat in.  With modern, wider bottomed politicians, maintenance crews must constantly keep melted butter and crowbars at hand in the event of emergencies.  With our current financial woes, building a new Capital and selling the naming rights might be worth considering.  You turn on C-SPAN and the announcer says, "Live, it's the 110th Congress from the WalMart Congressional Arena".  Sounds right, and accurate.  

In sports the head guy gets fired if things don't work out.

Over the past ten years the Cincinnati Reds have, deservedly so, changed managers seven times.  In 2008 the economy has four flats and is running on the rims, no coherent plan exists to keep us safe from terrorism on US soil save for having bored civil servants randomly make us take our shoes off at airports, the inner cities are balkanizing and will eventually implode in violence, and you can't buy a TV made in America.  But our political leaders we keep, often for decades.  If the US was a baseball team, half of Congress and the Executive branch would be back in AA trying to learn how to handle the breaking ball. 

The rule books mean something.

Try wearing non-regulation socks onto a major league baseball field.  Bat the ball forward to a team mate in an NFL end zone.  Use your hands in a soccer game.  Justice is swift and predictable.  Our legal system is more like the NBA rules on traveling.  Whatever the official (i.e., judge) understands it to be, and something different depending on who the player is.  All sports officials are strict constructionists.  Can you imagine if John Paul Stevens were an umpire?  We'd have an evolving view of the balk rule that could mean anything or nothing at all, and would change depending on current international interpretations.

We're OK with cheating and fix it if it gets out of hand.

In sports we expect it.  In politics they have to try to act surprised by it, and fail.  In NASCAR nobody is surprised when suspensions and engines are tampered with to make cars run faster.  In politics, sufficient financial resources can jack your local representative up and adjust his or her vote.  The difference is that NASCAR will actually catch crew chiefs cheating and punish them in the same decade as the dirty work is discovered.  It should also be pointed out that the last time anyone fixed a World Series was 1919. 

Katie Couric doesn't do sports.

At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, and possibly honest, I would point out that Katie Couric would have a future in sports broadcasting.  As a sideline reporter.  In the "real world" she has been given the keys to the fastest car in the garage, and regularly wraps it around the nearest tree.

In sports we have cheerleaders.

In politics, they are called journalists or commentators.  Picture Rush Limbaugh in a..  Then again, no.  Bill O"Reilly at the top of a pyramid of FOX reporters?  Keith Olbermann shouting, "Gimme a 'D" into a megaphone?  David Gregory holding Nancy Pelosi up while she does a spirit cheer for national health care?  I think I'll stick with the Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Joe Paterno didn't go job hunting at 71. 

John McCain did.  Nobody would hire a 71 year old head coach to take on a program in the middle of a rebuilding effort.  Then again, you won't find schools knocking down the doors of anyone who thinks there are fifty seven states.  Not even in the SEC.

When was the last time you saw anyone post brackets for an election, or start an office pool over a vote in Congress?  We place friendly wagers on our premier sporting events and watch them in record numbers on TV.  The next day we discuss them at work and nobody gets mad.  In politics we bring together the most boring people we can find to debate each other in the big events of the electoral season, then find even more boring people to ask them questions.  Worse still are the debates where "real people" ask questions in a painful parody of the commercials where fans ask NFL coaches about lite beer.

In sports, we're all around after they throw the bomb.

This is the best reason sports is better than politics. It is safer.  Vladmir Putin is George Allen with nuclear weapons.  If that doesn't scare you, nothing will.

So tonight, you have a choice.  You can tune into one of the cable networks and listen to discussions of Sarah Palin's moose gutting ability or watch Tony Romo and the Cowboys try to finally win one in Green Bay.

I know what channel my TV will be set on.

You've been given the chance to go to one sporting event of your choice.

Where do you go?

BASEBALL

St. Louis for a World Series game.  Why?  Cardinal fans make St. Louis the best baseball city there is.  That's the solid, upright baseball answer.  The truth is the best Italian food in America is in The Hill section.  A good meal, a little baseball, what's not to like?

NFL FOOTBALL

Cowboy's-Packers in the NFC Championship game in Green Bay.  As a Cowboy fan I'd have to go to the game wearing a shirt that reads, "Kramer was offside".  The old guys would know what it meant.  We ALL know.  (Bitter, I'm not bitter).

COLLEGE FOOTBALL

As a Navy fan I'm supposed to say Army-NAVY.  But my favorite place to see a college football game is still Kenan stadium in Chapel Hill.  And there is nothing better than NC State-UNC late in the season.  Part of the reason is the rivalry between the Wolfpack and TarHeel fans.  Think Altamont without the good humor.

NBA BASKETBALL

Robert Browning wrote, "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"  That said, I want to see the Knicks at Madison Square Garden in the NBA finals.  And while I'm asking for the impossible, I'd like to sit next to Spike Lee.  "Say, you look familiar.  Aren't you Woody Allen?" 

COLLEGE BASKETBALL

Duke-Virginia at Cameron.  Not a big Duke fan, but here's the thing.  I go to football games at Duke and walk right by Cameron all the time.  But getting tickets there for an ACC game is next to impossible, and curiosity is getting the best of me.  The place looks really, really small from the outside so if everything is to scale I'm thinking Coach K is about three foot four.  Why Virginia?  Because I'm an Orioles fan and I need to maintain a reasonable level of suffering in the winter so the summers don't hurt as badly.

NHL

Oh, Canada!  I admit it, I'm a hopeless admirer of all things Canadian.  The Canadian National Anthem puts the rest to shame.  I can hear it in Raleigh, North Carolina, USA and want to run out and club to death with a moose antler and my bare hands, anyone who would dare take on "the true North strong and free".  Game seven, RedWings at Montreal, center ice tickets.  (Or is that centre ice?)

NASCAR

Daytona looks like fun.  Stopped there one time coming back from a baseball bus tour.  What I never realized is how steep the bank is on the track.  I believe in gravity as much as the next guy (at least till those boys with the Hadron Super Collider mess that up) but it's beyond ridiculous.  Must be done with mirrors, because there is no way the cars don't slide to the bottom.  I'd like to go there and see for myself.

THE OLYMPICS

Only if they are in Alabama.  Reason number one-the most beautiful women in the world live in Alabama.  Reason number two.  What, you need a reason number two?

Memorize the date, you'll thank me later.

Good bar bet material.  The date is the last World Series game that was, is, or ever shall be played in Yankee Stadium.

Oh, and Jorge Posada.

(The last batter to come up in a World Series game at Yankee Stadium, facing the Marlins' Josh Beckett in a 2-0 Game 6 loss).

It ends with a whimper and not a ####, big or otherwise, unless you count the sound of Hank Steinbrenner's head against the lockers.  "Clearly, a lot of mistakes were made.", said the heir apparent.

Meanwhile, Joe Girardi is tap dancing as fast as he can away from responsibility.  "To me, playing the blame game doesn't really do much," he said. "Yeah, it might good for talk radio and articles but, you know, our job and our thought process is how do we get better and how do we fix it?"

Roughly what Mrs. O'Leary's call would have said after the Chicago fire.

The truth is there is enough blame to go around.  Brian Cashman, the Yankee GM, passed on trading Phil Hughes and Melky Cabrera for Johan Santana this spring.  In hindsight, it smacks of hubris.  The great Yankees either didn't feel they needed Santana or that the Twins should have bowed before them and handed over the jewel in return for next to nothing.

Hank Steinbrenner, to his credit, wanted to pull the trigger.  Cashman didn't.  And that's one more reason Shea Stadium will get bunting hung over the railing in October while Yankee Stadium approximates another New York landmark.  Grant's Tomb.

Somewhere along the way Joba Chamberlin became a starter and science project, Alex Rodriquez went from soap opera star named ARod to Ordinary Al, Chien-Ming Wang tripped over himself on the base path, and Jorge Posada and Andy Petitte went to the door to find Father Time had rung the bell.

Treble woe.

It isn't supposed to be like this.  The Yankees are supposed to win.  The Yankees are supposed to radiate icy cool and brutal power.  And Yankee Stadium's ghosts were supposed to have a farewell blow out in October.

Perhaps it is as it should be.  Maybe on a sunny day in October the sun will shine on Yankee Stadium with no one there to bear witness.  And the wind hitting the cord against the flag poll will tap out the names.

Ruth, Gehrig, Lazzeri, Combs, Hoyt, Huggins, McCarthy, DiMaggio, Keller, Dickey, Gomez, Rizzuto, Mantle, Berra, Ford, Larson, Bauer, Stengel, Houk, Maris, Howard, Murcer,  Martin, Jackson, Guidry,  Hunter, Munson, Mattingly, Guidry, Gossage, Williams, Rivera, and Jeter.

Not to be equaled and never to be seen again.

Like the stadium itself.

What do you think when you hear the name Pat Garrity?

85%  The guy who shot Billy the Kid
9%    Never heard of him
6%    Orlando Magic forward.

Pat Garrity is not Pat Garrett.  Garrity made his reputation as a shooter on the court, not on the streets of the Wild West.  In ten years, nine with the Magic, the ex Notre Damer fired up 1587 three pointers and made 631.

When Garrity retired the other day, he left slim pickings on his stat line.  Seven point three points a game, two point six rebounds, 443 career assists.  But there is one amazing number he posted.

$22,788,021. 

Let's say the Magic forward played 40 home games a year for ten years in front of about 18,000 fans a night.  It works out to $3.17 a person.

Now, if you had the chance to pay $3.17 to see Shaq or Tracy McGrady you'd probably fork over the folding green and change.  But $3.17 to see Garrity?  You could come close to buying a gallon of gas for that.

Pass.

Now, none of this is meant to say Garrity was a bad player.  He wouldn't have made it ten years in the competitive world of the NBA if he didn't have talent.  And he's probably a nice guy.

But $22 million for a bench player over the course of a career?

It says something about the economics of pro sports that fringe players can make amazing amounts of money without ever being a star. 

Take baseball.  Mike Stanton made $31 million over his career.  As a middle reliever.  Buddy Groom?  Try $14.7 million.

Who were the Magic bidding against all those years for Garrity's services?  Nobody much.  But there must have been enough interest to drive his salary up to $3.8 million last season.

It's all supply and demand.  NBA teams typically draw from 80% to 100% capacity.  If you want to see the best basketball players in the world, you can pay the going rate or sit home.

The collective bargaining agreement calls for 57% of all basketball related revenue to go to player salaries, and the minimum team salary is $37.125 million.  Somebody has to get the money.

Somebody like Garrity.  And someone has to pay for it all.

That would be you.

Alternatives?  Not many.  A new ABA is probably out of the question, mainly because you'd have to find arenas in a few major and some large secondary markets.  Those arenas are owned by the NBA teams who occupy them.

So here we are bidding a fond farewell to 10 years of Pat Garrity. 

And $22,788.021.

Football isn't baseball.  Lose a 40 HR 125 RBI .300 hitter from your lineup and you will lose ball games you would have won.

Not in football.

Tom Brady is the Patriots' cleanup hitter.  An ARod who hits better in the clutch.  But New England isn't going to fold the way New York would without their best hitter.

Football is a game of systems, and Bill Belichick has created arguably the greatest offensive system in the history of the NFL.  High octane passing, low risk, ball possession football.  Teams have to score on one of their first two possessions against New England or the game is over, because it is close to a sure thing New England will convert early possessions into touchdowns.

Tom Brady is great and not just because of the system.  The question is how big a gap is there between great and good.

We are about to find out.

Cassel hasn't started a game since high school, having backed up Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart at USC.  But he has put up respectable numbers in the NFL (35-57-405-3 TD-2 INT), and didn't let the game get away from him against Kansas City in relief of the injured Brady.  In fact, he posted a 116 quarterback rating and led a 98 yard touchdown drive.

The bottom line on Cassel won't be so much about numbers, which the system ensures he will put up.  The question is what kind of production he'll have in the red zone and how few mistakes he makes outside it.

As Tony Romo is proving in Dallas, the vertical game between the 20's may be the easiest part for a young quarterback.  The Patriot offensive line will give Cassel time, and his receivers opportunity.  The tell will be whether you see New England walking off the field with touchdowns or field goals in the red zone.  With Brady six points was almost a given, with Cassel less so.

Should the Patriots try to open market for a solution beyond the Jets game?  The idea is reasonable, the answers may not be.

Duante Culpepper has been a Pro Bowl player, but he's also been a disappointment.  There is a reason nobody has signed him, and it's not because (as he believes) he stands up for himself.  It's because he is a creator on offense (good and bad) and not a bus driver.  A controlling coach who values execution will likely be happier with Cassel than Culpepper.  A Belichick-Culpepper wedding is probably not in the offing.

The truth is there isn't much out on the waiver wires or in trades.  A quarterback familiar with the New England offense is better than who isn't.  Ironically, the best answer would have been to get Brett Favre out of retirement, except he's already returned to the Jets.

What does the future hold?  I'd say 35 TD and 17 interceptions, 13 wins and a trip back to the AFC championship game.  Beyond that?

It will only cost New England $440,000 to find out.

 

Time usually renders to history a reasonably accurate accounting of the achievements of great men.  Long after they are gone, their legacy lives beyond the ceremony commemorating their passing.

Which makes me  question why we need a year of NFL players wearing a garish oversized "GU 63" patch on their uniforms.

Maybe the league's owners, from their vantage point, have a greater understanding of what Upshaw's stewardship of the NFLPA meant to the game.  But it also could be the league is trying to send a message to players and the media about how much they valued Upshaw's approach to labor/management issues.

Therin lies the problem.  Honors on the field should be won on the field, not in a board room or contract table.  

Upshaw's and the player's association agreeing to a salary cap is, depending on who tells the story, the great achievement of his union career.  Labor peace has brought with it prosperity for owners and players.  But the league was never in danger of folding under the weight of salaries.  Players and owners always had good reason not to kill the money machine that is the NFL.

The NFLPA-NFL agreements have also brought contracts which may or may not pay their full value.  Injury, performance, total team salaries, and draft picks can all result in a player being cut for cap reasons and receiving less than 100% of the salary he contracted for.  This, in a profession where careers are short and can end with brutal swiftness.

It is also somewhat off putting for players, who are not united in support of his policies, to have to spend a season with "GU 63" on their uniforms.  It is as if the NFL owners feel the need to keep Upshaw's philosophy in front of them lest they forget the benefits of working within the existing system.

The cap gives owners revenue certainty, players a percentage of revenues, and the sport a degree of competitive balance and stability. 

If it all sounds like a lecture in Economics 101 it is.  But the cap ultimately is the reason for those "GU 63" patches, and why they don't belong on uniforms for a full season.

Honoring Upshaw for a week, or even for an entire season on the Raider uniform he wore so well, is a good idea.  Holding his legacy before players and fans for a season is excessive.

Gene Upshaw was a great player, worthy of the Hall of Fame for his Raider days.  That he was a good man, a man of integrity, is also beyond question.  It is only natural that owners and league officials want to honor a man they knew well and respected.

But we need to draw a line at the over the top honors on the field we've seen recently.  Last year's league-wide morning of  Sean Taylor, complete with 10 man formation during a play against the Bills, was more bizarre than respectful and often bore little relation to the man who wore number 21.  It was mourning as media spectacle.

Gene Upshaw's life and football legacy can't be reduced to "GU 63".  The NFL should have known that and come up with a shorter, more subtle tribute.

But, you know, it's gonna be alright.

If you're NBC.

The National Broadcasting Company is a subsidiary of General Electric. And GE has a goal of doubling revenue from sales to China to $10 billion by 2010.

So NBC's Olympic coverage had lots of on air shots of beautiful vistas, clean streets, and a picture of Chairman Mao looking over the shoulder of Bob Costas.

Dissidents rounded up before the games? NBC didn't notice. Reporters detained, web sites blocked, women in their seventies sent to reeducation labor camps for applying for a permit to protest? Yeah, but how about clean streets? Look at the Bird Cage, isn't that something?

Imagine you're Keith Olberman.

At one point in your career you proclaimed yourself the next Howard Cosell. You were the conscience of America, defender of the Constitution, lecturer of the evil Bush, master of sports and politics.

One day life tosses a great big change up right into your wheel house. A totalitarian state hosting the Olympics? Your fellow reporters are intimidated and censored? A major US contractor is in bed with a repressive government that confines its own countrymen without trial?

The Olympics, staged in a country where "Don't even think about it." has the force of law?

Talk about ducks on the pond. And it's on your own network.

How to play it.

You could do the whole Ed Murrow bit. You could even continue playing the Larry Rhodes character from "A Face In The Crowd". Who knows, you might even take a principled stand on the air that makes you a legend. Even if it got you fired.

Or...you could make a few snide remarks about President Bush attending the games, and otherwise ignore the greatest show since Leni Riefenstahl and Goebbels rolled film at Nuremberg.

I was only following orders!

A plausible excuse. Besides, Olbermann wasn't even part of NBC's official Olympic coverage. And it isn't like he was alone.

Costas swallowed the Kool Aid. Jim Lampley displayed depth to his coverage which could have been splashed dry with a tossed coin. Melissa Stark? Not the worrying kind.

So, a bunch of people we don't know got rounded up and disappeared. Some reporters got pushed around and a few websites were blocked. The police who stopped Chinese citizens from encouraging their own baseball team because their cheers were not approved in advance? Well, you must have order or you have chaos. Right?

Anyway, so what? A good time was had by all.

In 1936 a 243 foot tower rose from the midpoint of another Olympic venue. On it was the inscription "I summon the youth of the world." It overlooked the Reichssportsfield, the 16,000 seat venue which was the focal point of the games. There were children, and songs, and everything at the opening ceremony was wonderfully organized.

The historian Richard Mandell called those ceremonies, "an obscuring layer of shimmering froth on a noxious wave of destiny."

Too bad NBC wasn't there to cover the games, or GE to sell generators to the Germans. But if Keith Olbermann had been there, or Bob Costas, I'm sure they would have spoken up.

Then again, maybe not.

Well, there shouldn't be.

When you find an answer, doesn't there have to be a question?  Who exactly was demanding instant replay on home run calls in baseball?  If not managers, players, owners, or umpires, then who?  When was the big fiasco that prompted replay as a fix?  What key game was decided by a fair or foul call?

Wasn't the problem with baseball that the games lasted too long?

This will help.

The way I understand it, the Big Giant Head will be in New York looking down every foul line in major league baseball, waiting for the disputed call that probably won't come.  Over the course of a season there will likely be less than a dozen which should be reviewed.

But that isn't what will happen.

Because the technology is there it will be used.  And we'll have fifty or sixty calls a year looked at, and forty or five calls upheld.

It gets worse.

Currently if the call by the umpire on a long drive is foul, the runner stops running and goes back to the plate.  What happens now?  You run out every long drive near the line because it MIGHT be ruled fair?

What if you accept the umpires argument and head back to the plate. The the BGH turns on the magic light and the umpires disappear off the field to meditate under the golden hood.  The ball is ruled fair and you have to run back around a base you already passed.  What if there are already three men on base? 

I'm getting a headache, and its name is Selig.

What happens to the pitcher while all this is going on?  How many warm up pitches do you allow, given that you just interrupted the game?

And who says a video review won't be distorted by bad camera angles and no more likely to be right than an umpire on the field making the call?

Baseball is alright.  It isn't broken, and if the powers that be will just stop trying to fix it everything will be fine.

As Casey Stengel used to say, you can look it up.

Offense went down, so baseball's rulers lowered the mound.  Now they can't figure out why starting pitchers can't go 200 innings in a season without a risk of arm injury.

They thought the DH was a grand idea, but only implemented it in one league.  Now the World Series is dominated by the AL because they win a match up between real DH's and pinch hitters.

Baseball couldn't reign incompetent umpires, so they tinkered with the strike zone to accomodate them.  Now the high strike is gone, three ball counts are on the rise, and the game takes forever.

Now this.

Memo to Bud Selig.  Just go away. 

You don't have to quit as Commissioner.  You can go to all the games you want free, hang out in New York.  Take in a Broadway show.  Eat at the Carnegie Deli.  Walk through Central Park.  Go all the way to the top of the Empire State Building.

Just leave baseball alone.

The difference between major league baseball and A ball?

The signs on the outfield walls. In Greensboro you get grease disposal tips from the city water department (in case you're wondering, you should take care to clean out your pans before washing them out in the sink).

During today's 6-1 Greensboro Grasshoppers win over the Greenville Drive I also noticed a sign for "Our Congressman Howard Coble" and one for "Our Other Congressman Brad Miller". We have three congressional districts in Guilford County. I guess the third congressman (Mel Watt) didn't want to put up a sign billing himself as "Our Other, Other Congressman".

Minor league baseball doesn't take itself too seriously, which is a good thing. But it's still baseball played with a high level of skill. And today at least, it was day baseball. In a better world all baseball would be day baseball, and Al Gore would be trapped in his home by massive snow drifts.

You can't have everything.

Started the day sitting behind four corporate types (two male, two female) half listening to their conversations. One of the men felt compelled to explain the game to the women (I don't know, but I'm guessing you get tired of us doing that). Most of what he explained was wrong (I suspect you know that), but he meant well (which we count on you knowing).

They left after two innings when one of the women deduced that front row seats just down the line from third base might be prime line drive foul ball territory. Little did she know that with me sitting behind them there was little chance of a foul ball coming anywhere near them. I am foul ball proof.

The game itself was a contest of minor Marlins and Class A RedSox. Lots of high draft picks in Greensboro, a number of undrafted free agents for Greenville.

Part of the fun in a minor league game is picking out guys who'll make it to the big leagues. There are a few more, but here's some who caught my attention:

Matt Dominguez. A 2007 first draft pick who put the ball completely out of NewBridge Bank Park. It's not as impressive as it sounds, because like many newly minted ballparks the power alleys are too close. But Dominguez is the real thing. As he matures he'll gain even more power and he has a strong arm at third base. (Message to Jorge Cantu of the Florida Marlins-rent, don't buy.)

Jose Ceballos. The Grasshoppers 18 year old catcher already he has good power. Better still, he's got a good arm and instincts. I was very surprised to find out his age, because he handles his catching duties like a much more experienced receiver. One more plus, he appears to enjoy the game.

Mike Rozier. A left handed reliever for Greenville. You don't normally get excited by middle relievers, but here's one who can get ahead early in the count with an off speed pitch and then go twenty miles per hour up the speed gun on the next pitch. If the RedSox put some time into his development he could be an asset in a major league bullpen. You wonder why he's still in low A ball at 23.

Some guys don't impress you. The Greensboro shortstop who didn't run through the base on ground ball outs, for one. Give up on plays in low A ball and soon organizations give up on you.

Greenville had a guy who was the exact opposite. Oscar Tejeda, a shortstop, hit a grounder with two men on and went down the line hard on a routine play. As he crossed the bag he was chewing himself out in Spanish. He's Rafael Soriano big for a middle infielder, and shows good bat speed. But it's that hustle and attitude that might make the difference.

Mike Stanton is the big prospect for Greensboro. The Marlins nearly got Manny Ramirez, but didn't because the Pirates (the third team in the deal) wanted Stanton in the trade. He's a center fielder who will eventually be a power hitter at the major league level. At the plate his stance is very open, kind of like you see in old pictures of Joe DiMaggio. He'll be very good some day, but today he looked ordinary. Baseball can do that to even the best of players.

Some guys you pull for just because. Matt Cooney, the Greenville catcher, came up to bat with the scoreboard showing .156-0-0. Oh for four today with two strikeouts doesn't help. Called a good game, though. He's from Massachusetts. Hope he makes it to Fenway.

Fun to watch the two man crew working the game. The home plate guy was smooth and managed to go an entire game without anyone, even the fans, commenting on a single ball/strike call. The first base umpire hustled, but missed a phantom double play at second that was as bad as any I've ever seen.

Then you have the managers and coaches. Every time they visited the mound today, something bad happened. The Greenville starter walked a batter and went to 3-1, which brought the resident expert to the mound no doubt to say something along the lines of "Just put it over the plate". He did, and Ceballos put it out of the park for a 2-0 lead.

In the minors you also get the toilet seat lid horse shoe toss, the summo wrestling contest, and the mascot racing some little kid around the bases (just once I want to see the mascot make some grade schooler eat dust).

In Greensboro all the in game entertainment is presided over by a young guy wearing a jester's hat, wearing a jersey with "Spaz" on the back. The best you can say for the name is that it's bad manners. The best you can say for the act is that it's old.

The game ended 6-1 Greensboro. Four thousand nine hundred and two fans (announced), at least a thousand disguised as empty seats, headed home.

A good time was had by all.

Well, maybe not.

Here I am watching women's Olympic basket soccer on TV.  I think it's called team handball, but I like basket soccer better.  You have dribbling, and just like the NBA you get to take up to three steps with the ball and nobody calls it.  Then the ball carrier throws the ball at the net and tries to get it past a goal keeper.

Basket soccer. 

It's fast paced, fun, and competitive.  Who knew?  And when can we replace arena football with it?

I might as well admit it.  I'm enjoying the Olympics.  I would prefer not to.  When I watched the opening ceremonies from Beijing I kept thinking Leni Riefenstahl would have loved it.  Every trace of individual identity ground under  the heel of an authoritarian state.  All of it carefully managed by a government whose biggest worry is stopping Bible smugglers.

Image the 1936 Olympics with Jim Lampley and Bob Costas doing commentary.

Jim Lampley?  I remember when he was hired out of college because of his youthful look.  Now his on-air presence is so unmemorable that you couldn't trace a chalk outline around his dead career.

It could be worse.  At least Bryant Gumbel and Jim Rome aren't there.  Together with Lampley and Costas, they form the Four Horsemen of the Inane.  Picture them together in one room.

(Gumbel) "Enough of about you, let's talk about me."

(Costas) "I remember Mickey Mantle.  It was October of 1956."

(Rome) "Dude,do not concur.                                   He wasn't all that.                  Now the dude could rake.                 But he's no ARod.                   Get 1956 out of your head, clone, and have a take."

(Costas)  "Forty four years old, and you can't talk in complete sentences without pausing for a ten count?  You need to see my Emmy collection."

(Lampley)  "Emmy? Which was one Emmy?  I promise you I've never met the woman and I did not, repeat did not, violate that restraining order."

(Gumbel)  "The inability of white American sportswriters to own their collective guilt continues to astound this reporter."

(Lampley, Costas, Rome)  "Shut up!  Just, for once in your life, shut up!" 

I'm enjoying the Olympics despite the announcers.  Especially the sports I wouldn't normally get to see.  Rowing is fun and seems to be on constantly.  I like hearing what sounds like a car horn going off each time a team crosses the finish line.  You hear that horn and have images of someone jumping out of their boat, grabbing their medal, and running across a parking lot to a waiting truck.  "Thanks, guys, but mom's waiting.  If she has to honk that horn a second time she'll leave me here."

Basketball hasn't been much to watch.  Team Nike is crushing every thing in it's path.  Poor guys.  When they lose they are a national disgrace, and when they win we'll complain that it was all too easy.  Not to worry, the important thing is how it all looks in the next Swoosh commercial.

Speaking of which, Liu Xiang, the poster athlete for Nike this Olympics went down with an injury.  The statement out of Beaverton read, "Nike is proud of being able to cooperate with Liu Xiang closely. At this time, we fully understand his feelings,and expect him to return to the field after he is fully recovered." 

Unless he and his family disappear in the middle of night, but that just goes without saying.

Michael Phelps?  I've heard the name, but can't quite place it.  Seriously, though, where does he rank among the all-time great Olympic athletes?  I always give the track and field guys an edge over swimmers, whose events are more similar and can accumulate medals more easily.

Finally, would someone tell the US baseball team there is no crying in Olympic baseball?  The Cubans threw high and tight at a US batter in a bunt situation and Davey Johnson acted as if it was a bad thing.  Say what you will about Cuba, when you watch the Cuban team you are watching baseball played right and well.

Soon the Olympics will be over.  I'm going to miss it.

Now, where do I go to watch basket soccer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FwxeemzzYc

Nike's got soul. Not a soul, just soul.

Nike, which pushes three digit shoes to the inner cities, has taken Marvin ####e's classic rendition of the national anthem and turned it into an advertisement.

Just do it.

What's Going On?

I remember Marvin ####e's classic album about real life in real cities. When he sang that "Inner City Blues Make Me Wanna Holler" it was because they did. Those blues still should make us all want to holler, because life is little better there now than in 1971.

Which brings us to Nike and 2008.

I'm no liberal, and I don't think corporate and profit are dirty words. But there's something wrong with Nike wrapping itself in the flag when its product has as much to do with America as fish do with trees.

Look in Marvin ####e's Detroit. Do you see Nike making shoes there?

Watch the video. LeBron James is from Akron. How many people in Akron make shoes for Nike? Kobe is from just outside of Philly. See any Nike jobs flowing into the inner city in Philadelphia? Maybe in HotLanta where Dwight Howard is from? No. What about Brooklyn? Ask Carmelo Anthony for directions to the Nike plant in his old neighborhood.

Scratch that. Don't ask any of the players who wear Nike about Nike. They take the money and look away. We wear the shoes and look away, then complain how the gasoline companies are making obscene profits.

The deal is this. Nike puts shoes on the best basketball players in the world, and America's inner cities love those players. Nike takes that love and turns it to gold. But nobody who wears Nike on the toughest streets and basketball courts in this country has a snow ball's chance in the summer Olympics of ever drawing a paycheck from Nike.

Don't tell me it's because the cost advantages of subcontracting are essential to stay in business. The production cost of Nike shoes is anywhere from ten to thirty times less than what they sell for. If you moved production to Detroit, or Chicago, or LA you would cut into the $2.7 billion in cash and short term investments on their balance sheet, but you'd hardly put the company out of business.

Maybe we try something different next Olympics. Run the same video of the next "dream team" wearing Nike. Just put out ads with more appropriate national anthems in the background. Something for the good folks who made the shoes.

Start with a few lines from the Vietnamese national anthem-

"The path to glory passes over the bodies of our foes...overcoming all hardships together we build our resistance base."

Or China's' "Everyone must roar his defiance. Arise! Arise! Arise!"

Or Indonesia's "Indonesia, a beaming country. A country we love with all our heart."

In the end it comes down to image and truth. The national anthem is a powerful song because it is true.

There really was a Star Spangled Banner. It was a 30 X 42 foot garrison flag that flew over Fort McHenry in Baltimore in 1814. Francis Scott Key watched from a ship on the river as the British pounded the fort.

The rockets red glare Key wrote about was from actual banks of small incendiary rockets which were launched at the roofs of buildings inside forts to try to start fires. The bombs bursting in air were heavy shells exploding and raining shrapnel down on the forts defenders. Defenders who would die at their post rather than pull down their flag. You can see that flag in Washington at the Smithsonian.

Like American manufacturing it is pretty badly beaten up, but worth saving.

Marvin ####e was perhaps the greatest singer of the 20th century. His style, his talent, his poetry all created an image. But what he wrote about was real and true.

"Money, we make it.
Before we see it, you'll take it."

It's time for Nike to get real.

Just do it.

(Test administrator) Okay, I am now administering the sodium pentothal. Let's wait just a moment and then begin. Please try to relax. It is 9PM on August 10 and I am here on behalf of the ownership of the Colorado Rockies.

Alright Mr. O'Dowd, are you the general manager of the Colorado Rockies?

(Dan O'Dowd) Yes, yes I am.

(Test administrator) And you recently placed a waiver claim for Livian Hernandez?

(Dan O'Dowd) Yes, yes I did.

(Test administrator) Very good. Now, were you aware Hernandez had given up 206 hits in 142 innings and only struck out 55 batters?

(Dan O'Dowd) I do not think I was aware of that at this time and probably was not aware of it at the other time at which I did not know that of which you spoke in the first part.

(Test administrator) Now, for your safety and to ensure the accuracy of this test, I must ask you, have you consumed any alcoholic beverages in the past 24 hours?

(Dan O'Dowd) Why, whatever do you mean, officer?

(Test administrator) Had you ever heard of Livian Hernandez before you assumed the remainder of his $1.65 million contract?

(Dan O'Dowd) The Twins said he was a nice man and a good teammate.

(Test administrator) But did they say he could still pitch?

(Dan O'Dowd) Not that I recall.

(Test administrator) Now, why did you allow Mr. Hernandez to start Sunday knowing this would place spectators beyond the outfield walls and your own players at grave risk of physical danger and place your employer at risk of personal injury lawsuits?

(Dan O'Dowd) Bob Apodaca, our pitching coach, watched him warmup. He told the press "This wasn't touch-and-feel. This wasn't to see what kind of stuff he has. I mean he was 10-8 in the hairy-chested American League."

(Test administrator) I'm sorry, I confused.

(Dan O'Dowd) Hi, I'm Dan O'Dowd, pleased to meet you. I understood Bob perfectly. He evaluates pitchers based on the chest hair content of the league they pitch in. That is why we don't promote players from A ball. They have not had sufficient time to grow the amount of chest hair necessary to pitch in the majors.

(Test administrator) Huh?

(Dan O'Dowd) Exactly.

(Test administrator) Moving on. During Sunday's game when did you begin to suspect it had been unwise to acquire the services of Mr. Hernandez?

(Dan O'Dowd) It's hard to say, it all happened so fast.

(Test administrator) Take your time.

(Dan O'Dowd) Well, it was probably the first inning, some time just after the first batter singled. And then the second, and when Brian Giles doubled them in. I didn't even know he was still playing, I thought he had retired. Or maybe that was his brother. Anyway I'd say it was between then and when the Gerut kid took him deep. I knew we should have pitched him more carefully. He did hit 11 home runs that year at Salem.

(Test administrator) Now, one thing I'm unclear on. You were 12 games out at the time you acquired Hernandez. Why did you feel compelled to acquire a veteran pitcher?

(Dan O'Dowd) In time I thought we could close the gap to 11 games.

(Test administrator) Now, you released Kip Wells to make room for Hernandez and owe him $900,000 for not pitching the rest of the year.

(Dan O'Dowd) Have you seen him pitch? It was money well spent.

(Test administrator) So, if I have this right, you'll spend $1.4 million over the next two months to pay Hernandez to not pitch well and Wells not to pitch at all.

(Dan O'Dowd) We have that all figured out. If we can just sell 119,000 more hot dog and beer combos over the next two months that should about cover it. And, with Hernandez pitching we think there will be a lot more drinking at games. Heck, we're thinking Hurdle and his coaches are going to put a big dent in it even before the fans start.

(Test administrator) So, you take sole and complete responsibility for signing Hernandez?

(Dan O'Dowd, begins singing) Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention. I did it my way!

(Test administrator) OK, we're done, just relax and someone will be along to drive you home. It's now 9:22 and the O'Dowd interview is concluded.

(Dan O'Dowd, continuing to sing) Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? (hitting high note) About time.....