{A loud announcer’s voice rings out on the public address system}

“Now presenting the MVP Award for the week 14 game between the San Diego Chargers and the Tennessee Titans, ESPN's Stuart Scott,”

{Crowd cheers}  {Stuart Scott stands at the microphone} 

 “And the winner is… ELI MANNING!” 

{Crowd turns and stares at each other, dumbfounded}

 “Since Eli couldn’t be here in person to accept this award, San Diego Charger GM,  A. J. Smith would like to say a few words in his honor.”

{A. J. Smith takes the podium and turns to face the left side of the audience}

“Eli, If it weren’t for your snubbing of us when we tried to draft you, we never would have gotten Nate Kaeding with New York’s third round selection in 2004.  Nate was the one who first got us on the scoreboard in the third quarter with a field goal and added two extra points later in the game for us.  His clutch PAT at the end of regulation is the one that sent us into overtime.”

{He then turns to address the other side of the audience}

“Eli, if it weren’t for you we would have never gotten Shawn Merriman with the Giant’s first round pick last year.  He was a monster in the first half wasn’t he?  He played less than two quarters and already had 5 tackles, 2 sacks and 3 QB hurries before he got hurt.  He’s the reason Tennessee didn’t score any more than they did in the first half.  He almost single-handedly kept us in the game even though we were floundering on offense. And boy didn’t he put a hurtin’ on Vince Young?  Vince came back in the game, but I’m sure he was still feeling some of those hits in the 4th quarter when he was throwing all of those incompletions.  Again, thanks for Shawn.”

{Now he faces center with his head slightly raised and a noticeable tear in his eye}

“And finally Eli; thanks for Philip Rivers.  Without your disrespect for us, we would never have gotten to see what this kid was really made of.  What a gritty performance it was too!  He never could find a rhythm in the first half and was helped off the field with an injury.  He came back in the second half on a patched up knee, though.  He hobbled around and led his team down the field for four scores – one field goal and two TD passes in regulation and eventually the winning TD in overtime; grimacing in pain the whole time.  Even when one of his fellow players disrespected him on the sideline, he still threw the ball to him 5 times for 27 yards and a TD and got the ball in his hands for 146 rushing yards including the winning TD in overtime.”

"That players name…" {He looks quizzically}, "oh yeah…LaDanian Tomlinson. We thought about giving the award to him, but decided that you really deserved it more.  I’m sorry I can’t give you any credit for LT.  We, as an organization, have to take the credit for him being here.  It was, especially in retrospect, one of my better personnel moves when I passed over Michael Vick in the draft in order to pick Tomlinson.  I'll have to remember to send Atlanta a thank you note." 

{He raises his wine glass in a toast}

“So, here’s to you Eli Manning.  I, on behalf of San Diego fans everywhere and the entire Charger organization, would like to congratulate you for winning this award and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your contributions to our team."

{Crowd cheers wildly}

{LaDanian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers now get up from their seats on opposite sides of the auditorium, hug in the hall, profess their affection for each other as teammates and try to convince Stuart "Carlton Banks" Scott that there was never a problem between them on the sidelines Sunday}