Billy Crystal

Yawn.  As I stated on Dudski's post, let me know when Jerry Seinfeld tries out at RB for the Patriots, and their entire LB corps gang tackles him in a walk through without pads, and I might care.

Doubtful though.

Brett Favre and Politics

No, it's not what you're thinking.

I just read in the newspaper the other day that the Wisconsin legislature passed some bill honoring the now retired (which, as I've learned from Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Roger Clemens and others, could change next week) QB.

Wonderful.  We were the last state in the Union to pass a budget last year (some 9 months into the fiscal year as I recall), but it took them all of about 10 days to write this legislation and pass it.

That's not even the worst of it.  Why are we taking time out of working on important things like the budget, immigration laws, unemployment fixes, and the dreades oil/gas price explosion to work on something so incredibly stupid?

Do we really need an official Brett Favre holiday?  People around here already think he's God.  They don't go to church on Sunday, they sit and watch replays of his biggest games (which basically means playoff games....prior to 2000).

On a Related Topic....

Work is underway to make St. Patricks Day an official, federal holiday.

Why?  Here's another situation where we really don't need to make this a federally recognized holiday in order to get drunk, and eat something that's going to give us really really bad gas (corned beef and cabbage).

Hey, before you get all bent out of shape thinking I'm bashing Irish people....I'M PART IRISH.

But what's going to happen here?  We've got St. Patty's day, Good Friday, Easter and all that mess jumbled up into 1 week's time this year.  All we'd be doing is giving Congress and the rest of the politicians another reason to take another 2 weeks off work (paid for by us of course) in the spring, and extend the amount of time we have to work before we've cleared the amount of income taxes they're going to molest us of.

Bobby Knight on ESPN....

As much as I dislike the guy, I can almost tolerate him now.  Well, based on the 1 time I heard him talking about the conference tourneys anyway.

But, he rambles a bit too much.

Come on, did you really expect me to LIKE a sports "analyst"?

now, these guys arent going to come out and publicly make these resolutions.  that's where i come in.  i've been gathering secret resolutions from athletes, coaches, general managers, writers, agents, espn experts, and a couple from the homeless guy i let sleep in the trunk of my car when it snows.  here are some of them.

(seriously, how could i not start off with a t.o. pronouncement?)

i, terrel owens, hereby resolve to be a better teammate next season, wherever that might be.  hopefully, if i do get cut, my next team wont hold my history of being a locker room cancer, dropping passes, skipping practices to fly out to L.A. for my own birthday party, or chewing out my teammates and coaches for not getting me involved "early and often", against me.

i, marty schottenheimer, hereby resolve to disappear, like henry winkler in the waterboy, in the playoffs, so that my team may actually have a chance to advance to the super bowl, and maybe even win it.  lord knows we're good enough, as long as i dont once again find a way to change the game plan to my infamous "play not to lose" play selection.

 i, shaq o'neal, hereby resolve to get healthy just in time to get in shape for the playoffs.  on second thought, forget about getting in shape, i can use the extra 3 months to verbally feud with my former favorite coach phil jackson, and perhaps even rekindle my spat with kobe.  rumor has it the lakers/heat christmas day game is losing its appeal, and this should help us keep our scheduled meeting for the next 3 years.

 i, john madden (but), hereby resolve (but) to not use the word but (but) quite so much (but) in the future (but).

 i, bud selig, hereby resolve to somehow include barry bonds' name in the 100 or so positive steroid tests taken in 2003.  if i must conspire to do so, so be it.  however, i will maintain plausible deniability in any wrongdoing associated with illegal activity in such an atrocious miscarriage of justice.  i will also try not to use so many big words in every sentence i speak, which just makes me look like an ####.

 i, chris berman, hereby resolve to quit using the line "he...could....go...all...the...way" unless it's in the privacy of my own home, with a prostitute who doesnt know me, or how lame that line has become after 30 years of saying it every 2 minutes.

 i, tony romo, hereby resolve to date every young, blonde, relatively attractive, rising (or falling) female celebrity i possibly can.  i also resolve not to tell carrie underwood this until at least the middle of january, as i have yet to get her in the sack.

 i, brett favre, hereby resolve to hold the packers, their fans, and the media hostage about my playing future until the last possible minute, claiming i "just dont know yet" if i can mentally handle another season.

 i, barry zito, hereby resolve to thank my agent by getting on my knees for him every day, for swindling the giants into giving me $126 million (reasons to live) dollars to pitch for them for the next 7 years.

 i, urban meyer, hereby resolve to do the same for anyone associated with the bcs, provided my florida team finds a way to beat ohio state in the national championship game. 

 i, brittney spears, hereby resolve to go to the hottest club in town, beg the dj to play my own songs, and get so drunk that i end up puking it all up when he plays justin timberlake's song right after mine....oh wait, i already did that....nevermind.

 i, paris hilton, hereby resolve to challenge carrie underwood to a b*tch fight for the right to date tony romo.  i dont really like him, i just want to start a feud with someone new for a change.

 i, tom coughlin, hereby resolve to give up coaching in the nfl, and become a pop warner coach.  those little snots need discipline.  and i've come to realize thats what is wrong with today's nfl players.  they didnt have a drill sargeant like me as their coach when they were young and impressionable.

 i, isiah thomas, hereby resolve to break up the knicks, as they are starting to win, and are ruining my master plan of positioning the franchise to get the best lottery chance to select greg oden.  if it werent for this darn ultimatum of "win or you're out" i'm facing, i'd have found a way to lose every game so far.  d*mn you james dolan!!!!

 i, brad johnson, hereby resolve to just give it up already.  if i cant make it with the vikings, i cant make it anywhere....wait! i've got it.  i hereby resolve to sign with the raiders, and help turn their miserable offense into an even more miserable offense.  yeah!  that's the ticket!

 (note: mark brunell, kurt warner, joey harrington, daunte culpepper, john kitna and jake plummer have the same resolutions)

 i, bobby knight, hereby resolve to kick, slap, punch and verbally assault my players for at least another 10 years, provided i dont blow a gasket and suffer a stroke when a player doesnt look at me when i'm telling him what a worthless piece of #### he is.

ahhh yes.  good ol' bobby knight.  i tuned in to espn this afternoon only to see a story about the incomparable bobby knight hitting one of his players.  i was amazed.  no really.  who would have ever thought the calm, social wallflower would EVER cause so much uproar with nothing more than a slight "attention getting" yet gentle tap on the chin of one of his players.

from d!ck vitale to jay bilas to doug gotleib to fran frachilla, nobody thinks this is a big deal.  shoot, even the kid and his dad said it was nothing.

the only person who did think this was an issue was david lloyd, espnews anchor.  of course, bilas, gotleib and frachilla tried their best to convince him otherwise.

bobby knight actually said, if this was an issue worthy of discussion or debate, he felt he was living in the wrong country....FINALLY, somebody in this whole pathetic story says something useful.

 all i can say to knight is....there are several options you can choose from in your effort to leave this country, since we do feel the need to discuss your continued stupidity in making physical contact with members of your team.  there are planes and boats, if you prefer to travel to europe or asia.  heck, if you'd rather find a hot latin senorita, you could probably walk into mexico.  one phone call from george bush to the mexican president saying we'll trade him even-up for all the current illegal immigrants should do the trick.

 the most disgusting part of all this is when jay bilas said we shouldnt make an issue out of this, because this is just who bobby knight is, and several players that knight coached in the past received similar treatment.  does that make it right?  if a convicted murderer gets out of prison for good behavior and goes out and immediately kills the witness that helped put him behind bars, should he be forgiven?  after all, he's just doing what he has done before.

 ok, so maybe that is a drastic analogy, but this stance of letting everything knight does slide because his players graduate at a high rate doesnt make it right either.

 another thing i found disturbing was that bilas basically said any kid who signs on to play for knight should expect this type of treatment.  excuse me, but when did it become acceptable for coaches to hit 17-22 year old college athletes for not performing up to their standards?  if your level of acceptable play is that high, maybe the college level isnt where you should be. 

 oh, and then there was the mention of "if any other coach had done this, it wouldnt have been a big deal."  come on, bobby knight has gotten away with more #### like this than the rest of the coaches have attempted...combined.  i bet if some no-name coach from southwest alabama tech did what knight did, he would have been fired, or at least face some serious reprimand from the school.

 lets be honest, this wasnt a little thing turned into a big deal.  this was a big deal that was excused away by saying "this is what bobby knight does, so deal with it."

 texas tech doesnt have the stones to punish knight, nor do they risk their basketball season by taking action against him now. 

 the bottom line...bobby knight would be a perfect fit at the university of miami, where the players are thugs too.  they could use a good role model like him to look up to and learn from.