NFL: If Jim Zorn can teach Jason Campbell to throw left-handed, then his hiring makes sense.
NHL: Sadly, if you ask me what's been going on in hockey lately, I'll say players are purse-snatching, Sidney Crosby's still injured and some guy almost got decapitated by another player's skate. That's about it.
NBA: Word is the Knicks are shopping Zach Randolph and Eddie Curry. They should send them to the Lakers for an autographed copy of "Fletch Lives," and send Gregg Popovich a wheel of Jarlsberg cheese, to enjoy with his whine.
NBA 2: Watched "Little Children" with Kate Winslet yesterday. Steve Nash should have won an Oscar for his role as the child molester.
Golf: "A tradition unlike any other...January commercials for April's Masters."
Sportswriting: I think it's official: Bill Simmons has completely crossed over. When he first arrived at ESPN early this decade, he provided a unique perspective -- the fan's perspective. It was something of a public trust. We could relate to him (or, I could anyway) because he rooted for teams that sucked. Now his teams are all successful and (this is the capper) he actually planned to spend the Super Bowl after-party hanging out with Brady and Gisele, whom he knows through mutual friends. Um, what? Who can relate to this? Sorry, Bill, but you've lost the public trust. ESPN needs to start over here. They need to replace Simmons with a writer whose teams mostly suck and who'll never get invited to hang out with celebrities. In short, they need to replace him with me. And then, as soon as Vanderbilt wins a bowl game (which should happen in the next 10-25 years), they should replace me with someone else. Say, a sportswriter from Cleveland or Seattle?
NASCAR: This is only the 50th running of the Daytona 500? Perhaps by the 75th I'll understand the attraction.
MLB: My question is not for Roger Clemens or Brian McNamee, but for Clemens's wife, Debbie. If it's true that McNamee injected her with HGH, it stands to reason that she knows that McNamee injected her husband as well, and that her husband will be lying to Congress. If he does that, he might be facing jail time, which will not only ruin the family's reputation, but make holiday plans a bit dicey for the foreseeable future. Given that, I'd love to know," What advice, Debbie, do you have for your husband in advance of tomorrow's hearing?" Really, if she knows he's lying, and she knows the consequences, then what's that say about her?
Apropos of nothing (?): God makes 'em and he matches 'em.
College hoops: I wrote about this a few weeks ago in my blog, and zero commenters were good enough to leave their thoughts, but does anyone really expect Memphis, a team that shoots under 60 percent from the foul line collectively, to go undefeated this season? That's like expecting a football team to go undefeated when it can't make field goals from more than 45 yards. Eventually, your weaknesses are going to be exposed.
* Lifehouse is playing the halftime show? I take it they weren't invited to perform at tonight's Grammy Awards.
* Vince Wolfork is rushing the quarterback with all the urgency of a pothead after five bong hits.
* If my wife loves me, she'll buy me something nice for Valentine's Day. Say, Monster Seats to a Red Sox/Yankees game this season?
* Jets fans are no doubt watching this game with interest, hoping as many players get hurt as possible.
* For all the hitting in this game, Pro Bowl jerseys should be light pink and dark pink.
* Fat men don't look presentable in many outfits, but Hawaiian shirts are probably the least presentable.
* We get Joe Buck and Troy Aikman in the Super Bowl and Kenny Albert and Moose Johnston in the Pro Bowl? Ought to be reversed. After all, Aikman had no Cowboys to drool over in the Super Bowl, but this would be heaven.
* The Raiders' lone rep is punter Shane Lechler, which makes sense.
* Packers' cornerback Al Harris gets a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty in the third quarter for playing press coverage. Apparently no one informed Al that he's supposed to play at half speed and pray he doesn't blow out a knee in this meaningless exhibition. This isn't football. In fact, I wonder if a bull was ritually castrated before the game.
* If you're going to lie and say you got a football scholarship to play in college, wouldn't you at least pick a school that's good? Cal? If I told my parents I'd gotten into an Ivy League school, I wouldn't be telling them Brown, ya know.
* The NFC now gets penalized for "illegally blitzing the quarterback," the ref says. OK, if you have to emasculate America's most popular sport, can you at least save us the indignity of explaining its wimpification? Just throw the flag and privately tell the offending player what he did wrong, because announcing it to the stadium is cringe-inducing.
* The NFC gets flagged because Al Harris attempted to make a tackle using both hands.
* No, not really.
* The most exciting play of the game so far? When Devin Hester lateraled a kickoff to the NFC's second-fastest runner...Cowboys' TE Jason Witten.
* How can the Vikings have 7 starters in the Pro Bowl and not make the playoffs? Oh, right, their QB is Tavares Jackson and their best wide receiver is Ahmad Rashad.
* Ya know when your division sucks? When Jeff Garcia is the only player to make the Pro Bowl from the NFC South, and he made it because Brett Favre decided to stay home and play touch football.
* I'd love to see the Nielsen ratings for this game in southeastern American cities.
* Players on the winning side get $40,000, losers get $20,000. I hope the game ends in a tie.
* The Super Bowl-winning Giants have one player in this game, Osi Umenyiora. The Cowboys have every starter except Nate Newton, who was voted to start but decided to stay home and sell pot.
* Last time Alan Faneca will be wearing a Steelers helmet?
* If Marion Barber were coming at me in this game, I'd give him the olay.
* Hey, whaddya know, it's Jeremy Shockey, getting soused in the skybox again. At least he's consistent. He's always either talking or drinking. Or getting stupid-looking tattoos.
* I'm going to miss the Hollywood writers' strike, because it's been a built-in excuse to watch more sports.
* Nobody suffered a career-ending injury in this year's Pro Bowl, so it looks like we'll have endure this useless charade for at least one more year.
* If I were a Vikings fan, I'd have to be over the moon because Adrian Peterson, who missed time this year with a leg injury, earned the MVP award in a useless exhibition.
In the 1983 Super Bowl, when the Redskins played the Raiders,
Washington had the highest-scoring team in league history. They'd gone
14-2 in the regular season, losing those two games by one point each.
Otherwise, they' d more or less creamed everybody. Here are their game-by-game results:
[www.pro-football-reference.com]
The Redskins that year had the league's MVP, quarterback Joe Theismann, and a running back (John Riggins) who'd set the NFL record for rushing touchdowns with 24. Not only that, but they'd played the Raiders in the regular season...and beat them 37-35 -- all of which strikes a familiar chord when considering Tom Brady, Randy Moss and the Week 17 game versus the Giants.
So what happened to those near-perfect Redskins in the 1983 Super Bowl? The underdog Raiders waxed them 38-9, because Washington imploded in almost every facet of the game. Not only did Raiders running back Marcus Allen run wild on the league's #1 ranked rushing defense, but the Skins surrendered touchdowns on a blocked punt and a pick-six...by Raiders linebacker Jack Squirek. Jack Who? Exactly. (Squirek, btw, landed on the
cover of Sports Illustrated the next week. He's not been seen since.)
So, how bad were things for the Skins in that game? Well, after their lone touchdown, kicker Mark Moseley's extra point was blocked. In short, the Redskins -- who were just 4 points away from being 18-0 heading into the Super Bowl -- didn't show up to play. Think that could never happen to a Bill Belichick-coached team? Well, that loss to the Raiders was Joe Gibbs' s lone Super Bowl defeat. Otherwise, he was 3-0 in the big game -- which is where Bill Belichick stands right now.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I'm giving the Pats the benefit of the doubt in this one, because Stephen Gostkowski is pretty good at XPs. So, 38-10, Giants
It's interesting when you look back at all the NFL dynasties -- Packers of the 60s, Dolphins of the early 70s, Steelers of the 70s, Niners of the 80s, Cowboys of the early 90s, Broncos of the late 90s -- NONE of them lost their last Super Bowl appearance. And really, that seems to separate the dynasties from the merely great teams.
The Cowboys in the 70s lost every other Super Bowl they appeared in, so they're not a dynasty. The Redskins of the 80s and the early 90s weren't a dynasty either -- their championships were spread out over 10 seasons, and included three different starting quarterbacks. In the last 12 years, the Packers and the Rams lost their follow-up
Super Bowls, though the Rams' appearances were separated by a year.
If they'd been able to win back-to-back titles or even two in three years, Green Bay and St. Louis would have had legitimate claims to the title of "dynasty."
Basically, these Patriots have the chance to be the first dynasty -- and they already are a dynasty -- to lose a Super Bowl. They probably won't, because of experience, but there's a first time for everything.
Mind you, the Pats can always return to the Super Bowl in the next few years, and start a new chapter. But no dynastic NFL team has ever lost a Super Bowl and then won another title. The Dolphins in the 70s lost their first appearance, but then won two in a row. What's this say about dynasties? It says they're always capped with a W -- to date, anyway.
Is there a bigger sham award than the Associated Press Comeback Player of the Year? This "honor," by its very design, raises the bar for Stupidest Barroom Discussion. Just consider its dictate: "The player named Comeback Player of the Year shows perseverance in overcoming adversity, in the form of not being in the NFL the previous year, a severe injury, or simply poor performance." Given that broad definition, my money's on Pacman Jones in 2008.
Greg Ellis of the Cowboys won this year's award (with 12 votes out of 50), after overcoming a torn Achilles' tendon and a position change. Good for him, it's nice he got healthy and made a successful transition. But what's interesting is that New England wide receiver Randy Moss -- who unabashedly admits to taking off plays and who basically pouted his way out of Oakland -- finished second with 10 votes, ahead of Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethslisberger (7 votes), who nearly died in a motorcycle accident AND had an emergency appendectomy, but returned this season, put up career numbers (32 TDs, second-best QB rating to Tom Brady) and made his first Pro Bowl. Did he "come back" from more than Moss did? I don't know, I'm not going to bother arguing one case over the other, because it's a moronic discussion. How moronic? Well, check out the other players who received votes for Comeback Player of the Year.
Brett Favre 5 Jamal Lewis 5 Bobby Engram 3 Patrick Kerney 2 Derek Anderson 2 Amani Toomer 1 Albert Haynesworth 1 Mario Williams 1 Andre Carter 1
Derek Anderson? What did he come back from? Watching Charlie Frye suck? It's ridiculous that these players above should ever be mentioned in the same discussion. I mean, what does Brett Favre, whom everyone loves and wants to impregnate, have to do with Albert Haynesworth? How are their respective situations the least bit comparable? Favre's main target, Donald Driver, managed to stay healthy this season, and Ryan Grant emerged as a viable running threat, so Favre and the Packers came back from mediocrity. Meanwhile, Haynesworth, who tried to play soccer with the head of a Cowboys lineman last year and was suspended for 5 games -- the most for an on-field incident in NFL history -- "came back" and didn't act like an anti-social deviant. Hurray!
America, we all know, loves second acts. It's an oft-repeated truism that we're a forgiving country. But for the Associated Press, the so-called bastion of journalistic integrity, to lend its name to this particular award is shameful. More shameful than lending its name to the Most Valuable Player award or other honors? Yes, by far. Why? Because there's no reasonable basis for discussing this award. The definition they use is so broad and flexible that Michael Vick might one day win it -- or, at the very least, receive a few votes.
Hey, I'm all for giving kudos to players like Greg Ellis. But when his work is confused with the work of Straight Cash Homey, then the conversation ground rules need to be redefined. Or, better yet -- the conversation needs to be canceled altogether.
The Associated Press needs to stop lending its name to the Comeback Player of the Year Award. The award is an insult to fans' intelligence and an insult to the Associated Press itself.
Quick, name the winning quarterbacks on the last six Super Bowl winning teams. I'll give you a hint: One of them is the backup quarterback in Dallas (Brad Johnson), while the other five - though actually three - are Tom Brady (3), Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger, whose post-season records dwarf the combined playoff accomplishments of Tony Romo (0 playoff wins), Philip Rivers (0 playoff wins), Eli Manning (0 playoff wins), David Garrard (O playoff appearances), Todd Collins (0 playoff appearances), Vince Young (0 playoff appearances), Matt Hasselbeck (plays for Seattle, i.e., can't win anything in any sport), Jeff Garcia (supposed "winner" who's never won any big playoff games), and Brett Favre, who hasn't done squat in the playoffs since appearing in "There's Something About Mary" 10 years ago.
Be honest, can you really see anyone else but Brady, Manning (the good one) or Roethlisberger hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in Arizona next month? Of course not. So enjoy the playoffs, get excited when the Giants beat the Bucs and the Titans beat the Bolts this weekend, but really, try to maintain perspective. The only team walking away with the hardware on Feb. 3 will come from the AFC. And the only teams from the AFC that have a legitimate shot are the aforementioned three, because the NFL is a quarterback league, especially in the playoffs, and Tom, Peyton and Big Ben have seen and done it all.
I'm not one to gripe about players' salaries, since the amount they receive is commensurate with the money taken in by the league. That said, I was reading USA Today's article about franchise and transition players, and it lists the top 10 salaries for each position. (A franchise player must at least be paid the average of the top 5 at his position, while a transition player must be paid the average of top 10). Anyway, some of the highest-paid players were, shall we say, interesting. Did you know, for instance, that Amani Toomer is the 9th highest-paid receiver in NFL at $6.375 million? Or that Laveranues Coles is 5th? These guys are nice players and all, but they're frankly the kind of players you begrudgingly pick on fantasy draft day. I mean, Amani Toomer?
I realize they play in New York, so that'll inflate their values, but between them Coles and Toomer have been to one Pro Bowl, won NO Super Bowls, and never led the league in ANY receiving categories. Are they pretty good players? Sure. Are they overpaid compared to guys like Reggie Wayne, Hines Ward, and Javon Walker? Absolutely. Let's look at the top 10 at each position, and let's see who's overpaid.
QB:
Brady $13.8 M per year
Vick
Palmer
Favre
Manning
McNabb
Tr. Green
Bulger
David Carr
Jake Plummer $7.157 M
Comments: Why are the Texans horrible? Maybe because they overpay a QB and don't bother to protect him with good linemen? How can you justify a $7.2 million per year contract for David Carr? Does that money include insurance benefits or something for all the sacks he takes?
Mike Shanahan has a reputation for being a genius, but what kind of knucklehead gives Jake Plummer $7.157 million a year? He had no track record of success, and now he's holding a clipboard for a Vandy grad (boo-yah!).
Bulger and Green are great fantasy quarterbacks, but they've never done anything remarkable in the playoffs.
And Michael Vick...whatever.
RB
Edge
Tiki
LDT
La. Jordan
Shaun A
Deuce
Warrick
Westbrook
Fraud Taylor
Rudi J
Comments: How in the Wide World of Sports is Lamont Jordan the 4th-highest paid RB in the NFL? And he got that contract after a "breakout" season as the Jets backup RB. Granted, he's a decent player (and their O-line sucks), but how can you invest that much money in an unproven back? Overpaying for a RB, but underpaying for an offensive line = Just suck, baby
Receivers:
Randy Moss
Holt
Andre J
Rod Smith
L Coles
Chad J
TO
Marvin
Amani
Larry Fitz
Comments: Randy Moss is playing himself right out of the Hall of Fame. Rod Smith has always been a great possession receiver, but #4 highest paid? Seems really high, since he was never considered an elite receiver. Very good, yes. Elite? No.
OK, for the rest of the positions, I'm just gonna comment, without listing the top 10
Tight end: Kyle Brady and Jim Kleinsasser both make more than Todd Heap.
O-line: How is Marvel Smith of PItt the 9th highest-paid lineman? I'm a Steelers fan and that's preposterously high.
Defensive ends: Bryant Young, the 4th-highest paid, still makes $7.8 M per year? Didn't he go Tim Krumrie like 8 years ago? No way the Niners are getting good return on him at this point.
Defensive tackles: Dewayne Robertson of the Jets is the highest paid at $9.4 M. I watch the Jets a lot, but apparently I'm not watching closely enough, b/c Dewayne is apparently the shiz-nit, which is news to me.
Linebackers: No big surprises here. Linebacker might be the most perfectly valued position in football, because this is the Top 10: Ray Ray, Zach, Bulluck, D. Brooks, Takeo, Morgan, Al Wilson, Urlacher, Colvin, Donnie Edwards. A lot of these guys are past their primes (Brooks and Edwards, in particular) but they were definitely deserving of their salaries at some point.
Cornerbacks: Green Bay's Charles Woodson hasn't made a good play since he hit Tom Brady in the head during the Tuck Rule play – and that was five years ago. How is he STIILL the #3 corner at $7.25 M? Quentin Jammer is seriously overrated too, and he's 5th at $7.07 M.
Safeties: Brian Dawkins is #1...and he damn well deserves to be. But Tony Parrish is 5th? And Greg Wesley 7th? Have the Chiefs ever NOT had a bad defense in the time Wesley has been posterizing their secondary? Watch NFL Countdown and you'll see Greg Wesley on the wrong end of more big plays than anyone. Well, except for Roy Williams of Dallas (who is the #2 highest-paid safety at $4.6 M).
Kickers and Punters:
Of the top 10, only Jason Elam has won a Super Bowl. Adam Vinatieri? Not even on the list, which is a freaking travesty. John Hall, however, is #4, and a prime example of Dan Snyder's inability to run a football team.
Yesterday Drew Brees dislocated his left elbow during the Pro Bowl in Hawaii, highlighting a point I've been making for years -- it's only a matter of time before a player's career gets ended during this useless exhibition.
I admit, I actually watched a few quarters of yesterday's game, if only to see the cool uniforms -- the matching jerseys and different helmets - and to see if Bill Belichick had really changed his look from homeless person to Disneyland tourist. I certainly didn't watch to see Sean Taylor jack up Chad Johnson and Brian Moorman, and I really didn't want to see someone get hurt. But I saw all that too.
After learning of Brees's injury, Kansas City tight end Tony Gonzalez said, "You never want to see anybody get hurt in a game like this, where it's just an exhibition. Hopefully it's not something big."
According to the Saints, it's not something big, and Brees elbow was popped back into place (umm, ow?) and he should be fine. If it'd been his throwing arm, this would be a different story, and people would be clamoring about the need to end the Pro Bowl. So why wait until the imaginable happens?
Pete Rose ended Ray Fosse's career during the 1970 Major League Baseball All-Star game, and that's the least physical of the three major sports. In basketball, they basically just horse around and throw alley-oops to each other off the glass for four quarters, no one plays a modicum of defense, and the chance of injury is low. In football, however, that is never the case. If you let your guard down for a second, the Sean Taylors of the league will make an example out of you in Hawaii, which is what happened to Johnson and Moorman yesterday. That's not on Taylor. I have no problem with him playing full speed, because that's football, where you're more likely to get hurt at half speed than at full speed. It's on the league to not put its players in these situations.
I'm not saying guys shouldn't be named to the Pro Bowl, and I'm not even saying they shouldn't be sent to Hawaii for a week. They deserve the recognition and they deserve to unwind after a long season. But the fans don't care about the game, and it's only a matter of time before someone plays their LAST game in Honolulu. And I'm not talking about Tiki Barber.
I used to think the NFL Hall of Fame was a joke, mainly because they have a quota for yearly election. The rules stipulate that at least 3 people, but no more than 6, must be elected each year, thereby guaranteeing that several Century 21 yellow jackets will appear on the dais in Canton each August. I used to think this silly quota allowed some less-than-qualified people (Howie Long, Bob Griese, Joe Namath, Lynn Swann) to make it in. But now it seems like they should eliminate the cap (6) and allow more, because there is a surfeit of qualified Hall of Famers, mostly from the 1980s and 1990s, who'll now have to wait several years for induction.
Perhaps I'm just too generous, but Derrick Thomas and Andre Reed should have glided into Canton on roller skates in their first years of eligibility. Thomas was a Pro Bowler 9 times in 11 seasons. He set the NFL record of 7 sacks (seven!) in one game in 1990. If he were alive, would voters feel more compelled to vote him in? After all, Harry Carson whined so much that voters finally caved. SEND THOMAS TO CANTON.
Andre Reed had 13 seasons, including nine consecutive, with 50-plus receptions, and that's exceeded only by Jerry Rice. He was elected to 7 straight Pro Bowls, and was the top receiver on the best AFC team of the early 1990s. SEND REED TO CANTON.
Sterling Sharpe didn't even make the list of finalists, and his inability to get serious consideration is the most baffling to me. Get this: In seven seasons, Sharpe was a Pro Bowler five times, led the league in receptions three times, in receiving TDs three times, and in receiving yardage once. In 1992, he won the receiving Triple Crown. In two postseason games, both in 1993, he had 11 catches and 4 touchdowns. He had 595 catches in his career, averaging 85 per year. He was the first receiver to catch 100 balls in back to back seasons, but because of a freakish neck injury, he had to retire early. With all due respect to Art Monk, Sharpe was better. Monk made 3 Pro Bowls in 16 years. Sharpe made 5 in 7 years. That's astounding. If Gale Sayers and Lynn Swann can make the Hall with a small body of work (in terms of longevity and accumulated stats), then Sharpe should too. SEND SHARPE TO CANTON.
Ray Guy. Punters are as much a part of the game as field goal kickers, so why is the best punter of all time still waiting, while guys like Jan Stenerud and Garo Yepremian are in? Guy was the first punter ever selected in the first round of an NFL draft, and he was All-Pro six straight seasons, 1973-1978. That means he was the best at his position for longer than Gale Sayers even played. SEND GUY TO CANTON.
No one can make a case for why Ray Guy, Sterling Sharpe, Andre Reed, and Derrick Thomas are not members - right now! - of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. They're simply the victim of numbers (no more than six). I####uy is a Hall of Famer, then he shouldn't be restricted by some silly quota. And if 40 electors are voting each year, and these guys are ostensibly intelligent, then they should be able to figure out a system to honor the men who deserve induction. If that means a crowded dais in August, then so be it. Better it be crowded than to have some widow accepting on behalf of her husband, as was the case with Reggie White and will be the case with Derrick Thomas some day. The same tragedy shouldn't be allowed to befall other greats. So lift the restriction on six and start sending all the Hall of Famers to Canton.
Cameron Martin. Finalist in Fox Sports Next Great Sportswriter contest. I cover the Red Sox for Comcast SportsNet New England and Major League Baseball for
Bugs & Cranks
