On the face of it, Manny Ramirez hiring Scott Boras is like President Bush hiring a campaign manager. Really, what's the use? Has all of Major League Baseball (both players and team ownership) decided to get together and drive Boras insane? A-Rod won't talk to him, Sheffield calls him a bad person, and now Manny wants his representation. But for what exactly? And why now?

The Red Sox hold team options on Manny -- $20 million per year in 2009 and 2010 -- so he can't opt out like A-Rod did last year. Meanwhile, Theo Epstein has said the Sox will wait until after the season before making a decision about Manny's 2009 option. He didn't, however, say the team would be unwilling to consider a new deal altogether. And really, when it comes down to it, why else would Ramirez need a negotiator like Boras?

Consider this: Ramirez has no chance of making $20 million a year anywhere else, so perhaps the two sides will agree to a three-year deal in the neighborhood of $15 million per season -- more total money than Ramirez would get if the Sox exercised the 2009 and 2010 options, more security for the player, but less per season on the Sox. As a fan, perhaps that's wishful thinking. But frankly, I can't think of any other reason why Ramirez would need to switch agents and bring in a negotiator like Boras. Unless, of course, he simply wants to drive the guy crazy with his eccentric demands. As a baseball fan, I'd be happy with that result too.

* The Red Sox are visiting the White House on Wednesday. Side bet: Larry Lucchino will be standing closer to President Bush than Theo Epstein when the press pool photo is released.

* I read that the Sox were taking Terry Francona out to dinner this week to discuss a contact extension. And by the Sox, I mean the entire management group, of course. According to the story, Francona is going to have dinner with Epstein, John Henry, Lucchino AND Tom Werner. The Sox initially wanted a table for 7, but Sen. George Mitchell and Bill James aren't able to make it. Listen, I know the Sox have won two titles in the last four years, and as a fan I shouldn't complain. But still I have to ask: "What the hell does Tom Werner do?"

* Veteran players have various reasons to return for "one more season." They're driven by a desire to win that elusive World Series, or perhaps reach a milestone, or perhaps make money after their ex takes half. These are the usual reasons. Mike Timlin has a new one: A desire to not look like a steroid cheat.

Timlin revealed to ESPN Radio’s Mike Salk that one of the reasons he decided to come back for another season was to make sure there were no questions regarding his injuries from last year, according to a story reported in the Boston Herald. His fear, he said, was that after a fairly injury-free career, the steroid whispers that have encompassed baseball might come his way.

“I’ve had a healthy career for the most part. I’ve been generally dependable and strong for most of my career,” Timlin said. “Now, as things are cleaning themselves up in baseball, I break down, and I don’t want to be associated with having injuries and breaking down at the same time things are disappearing out of baseball. I have never done that stuff, but I don’t want (it) to be speculated that I have.”

* The following players are members of my 2008 Tail-Off Team, which I'll be outlining in additional detail at bugsandcranks.com. (Please, contain your enthusiasm.) These are the guys who won't be matching their 2007 outputs, either because they got paid and won't be nearly as motivated (Jorge Posada and Mike Lowell), their catcher thinks they're a liar (Andy Pettitte), or they simply don't pass the sniff test. You don't want any of these guys on your fantasy team, mostly because you'll have to overpay for their services. Ya know, provided they actually play this year.

Posada
Lowell
Roger Clemens
Barry Bonds
Magglio Ordonez
Carlos Pena
Edgar Renteria
Jeff Francoeur
Reggie Willits
Brandon Phillips
Andy Pettitte
Joe Blanton
Ben Sheets
Rich Harden
Barry Zito
Dontrelle Willis
Gil Meche

* Apropos of nothing: I appreciate spring training so much more when there's snow on the ground in New England.

* Apropos of something: The whole A-Rod opt out/Cashman won't negotiate with him/Yankees lost face and look like wienies - story hasn't gotten much ink lately. Probably because the Bronx Bombers spent most of the winter not landing Johan Santana.

Now that the Mitchell report has blemished the on-field accomplishments of so many players from the Steroids Era, "clean" players like Mike Mussina and Pedro Martinez are congratulating themselves for doing so well during that period of inflated power numbers.

Mussina, a 250-game winner during a major league career that began in 1991, said this yesterday of people (like teammate Andy Pettitte) who've admitted using performance-enhancing drugs: "That's just the decision they made. I feel better about myself because I competed against them and I succeeded."

Apparently Mussina had been down on himself lately, which makes sense given his 2007 season (11-10 record, 5.15 ERA).

Martinez, meanwhile, fresh off the recent news that he enjoys watching chickens peck each other to death, said his accomplishments -- 3 Cy Youngs and the near-beheading of Don Zimmer -- look even better now, given the revelations about the Steroids Era.

"I dominated that era and I did it clean," he said. "I can stand by my numbers and I can be proud of them."

Left unsaid by holier-than-thou players like Mussina and Martinez is how their silence (and that of many other players, coaches and baseball officials) helped contribute to the Steroids Era in the first place. It's quaint how they think that going about their business and not worrying about the actions of others somehow makes them inculpabe. Mussina feels better about himself? Of course he does, because now he can look down his nose at Andy Pettitte (a true big game pitcher, which Mussina never was) and think, "Well, I may have never won 20 games, a Cy Young or a World Series, but at least I didn't take HGH from my ailing father."

Congratulations, Mussina, you're a paragon of virtue. You may not have taken performance-enhancing drugs, but you didn't prevent others players from taking them either. Moreover, you didn't report their use to the league. But I'm sure a Stanford grad like you, who thinks Will Shortz is a genius, had no idea that other players in your clubhouse were dabbling, including Roger Clemens, Pettitte, Jason Giambi and Mike Stanton. Even if had you possessed those basic powers of common sense and observation, clubhouse culture would have precluded you from ratting on your them, wouldn't it? So you're free and clear. Free and clear to continue playing with cheaters and benefitting from their skills -- at the plate and in the field. And free and clear to ride their coattails towards that elusive World Series title, while making millions of dollars as a New York Yankee. And as one of them (Pettitte) gets dragged through the village square and pelted with apples, you can also stand above the fray and feel "better about yourself."

You're a real man among boys, Mussina.

I ought to warn you though: You and Pedro should not to pat yourselves on the back so hard. You're risking injury, which is particularly foolish in your walk years. And god knows the two of you have many more years to feel good about yourselves -- doing crosswords and watching cockfights, that is.

Some outtakes from today's Congressional baseball hearings:

* "I'm not here to talk about Roger's ####." -- MLB Commissioner Bud Selig

* "Mr. Fehr, please state for the record that your last name is misspelled, and that it's actually pronounced 'Fear' " -- Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform

* "Senator Mitchell, what would you say to a Red Sox fan who says, 'Great job nailing all them dirty, cheatin' Yankees'?" -- Rep. Stephen F. ####, D-Massachusetts

* "Gentlemen, last time we met was March 17, 2005, when we listened to unsubstantiated #### and missed out on green wings and half-priced pitchers at Applebees, so please don't waste my (bleeping) time again." -- Rep. Tom Davis (R-Virg), Ranking Minority Member

* "Yes, senator, I do think Fay is a rather sissy name for a sports commissioner." -- Commissioner Selig

* "Senator Mitchell, please explain a little something to those of who don't quite understand your 'unimpeachable' record: Why, exactly, would anyone listen to a fella from Maine?" -- Rep. Kenny Marchant (R-Texas)

* (Pointing his finger at the Congressional panel) "I did NOT sell a lemon to anyone, ever." -- Commissioner Selig

* "If you had to estimate, commissioner, just how small do you think their thingies are after all this drug use?" -- Rep. Waxman

* "I told you so!" -- Jose Canseco

* "Representative Marchant, why would I care if Tony Romo went to Mexico?" -- Commissioner Selig.

* "Commissioner Selig, do you think steroids affected Chuck Knoblauch's ability to throw to first base?" -- Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC)

* "My wife is pretty damn hot, isn't she?" -- Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio)

* "Can someone tell me once and for all: Did Roger Clemens's lawyer own and operate the restaurant on "Northern Exposure"? -- Rep. Christopher Shays (R-Conn)

* "Senator, it's been a long time since a grown man made light of my name, but thank you for that." -- Michael ####, general counsel for the MLB players union, and Fehr's point man on the steroids issue

* "Frankly, if some abscessed-butt athlete called my house, acted like he was worried about my son, then tried to trap me into recanting my story in a moment of weakness? All while taping it? Why, I'd say that boy's got a future in politics." -- Rep. Dan Burton (R-Indiana)