There has been a disturbing trend lately here in the hood. The influx of soccer---I won't call it football---blogs. There is a window on FOX blogs main page for soccer blogs. Why am I seeing so many soccer posts under the NFL category then? That category is for a real sport. Not something that fourth grade girls do during reccess. I remember back in the 70s when soccer was to be the next big thing. Yeah, so was the decimal system, and I've drank thousands of mililiters of beer waiting on both.

This past year David 'has been' Beckham was going to turn the U.S. on to soccer. Once again America sniffed and said "eh."  Is soccer even on a major, english speaking, cable TV channel? Poker, bull riding, bass fishing are all on multiple networks. I don't see any posts from these major sports clogging up the NFL category though. Just soccer.

Save your breath, don't tell me that it's the most popular sport in the world. BFD. You know why? Because it doesn't cost any money to play. Anyone from a deodorant intolerant Frenchman to a North Korean dictator can get up a soccer game. All they need is a realitively mine free patch of dirt, and a goat's head or a camel bladder for the ball. We citizens of the USA like scoring and being scored on. Any game that has a goalie ---you to hockey---doesn't have enough scoring to keep us entertained.  Unlike Akbar, Yin,  and Kunta we have other entertainment options.

I'm putting this in the NFL category so all you soccer posters will get the message

Hello sports fans and welcome to the Monday Mailbag where we try to answer the most pressing sports and entertainment questions from the interweb. Please feel free to ask anything yourself, either in the comments, or by email for a future Mailbag.

Q.    Now that my 'brother' is out of rehab can I please get my job back?................Michael

A.    We here at the four letter network wish you all the best, but you have been replaced by another semi-cool, junior pimp dressing, loud, ex wide receiver who laughs at his own material.

Q.    Since the TV writers are still on strike, I'm trying to recycle some old SNL bits by using new actors in the old skits. Any ideas?...............................Lorne M.

A.    A great bit from the 90s was about adult diapers. Al Davis would be perfect as the spokesman giving the catchphrase......'Whoops I Crapped my Pants...I'm wearing them....and I just did.' Might be too realistic to be funny.

Q,    Who's gonna win da Super Bowl. And Carm is looking for something new to put out at her Super Bowl party. How bout it?...............................Tony S.

A.    Gulp. I, I, I'm glad to see you're still alive, T. I can't give you the winner until later in the week. I don't want to end up like Big ####. No, not Paris Hilton. The guy used to be in your crew. Now sleeping with the fishes. Tell the wife to start with the best onion rings in Jersey. They're at................

Q.    Yo, me and my boys are going to Arizona this week. Any sights to see out there?.............Chowd

A.    Well there's always the Grand Canyon. No, once again not her.

Q.    What can I watch on Sunday nights now that Madden isn't putting me to sleep?...Al M.

A.    'The Wire' is very good. A little slow on plot resolution. I prefer 'The Shield' on Sunday nights. Sadly it won't start until this summer.   

Much has been said already comparing the 72 Dolphins to this year's Patriot team. Something to do with both of them going undefeated. Maybe you've heard about it. It was in all the papers.

Everyone pretty much agrees that the 72 Fins would have no chance against the 07 Pats. It's the Steve Austin theory...bigger, stronger, faster, etc. For that matter, most of the experts say that no team from the past could hang with today's Patriots. Except for the 85 Bears. There are a few football people who give the 85 Bears a good chance to win this fanasty game, or at least come close.

The 85 Bears came very close to running the table. They only lost one regular season game all year. On one magical Monday night in Miami they were denied the chance at perfection. Don Shula showed the other NFL coaches how to deal with that vaunted Bears defense, and outscore the Bears average offense. Of course the other NFL coaches did not have Dan Marino at their disposal. Marino's gunslinger persona, ultra confidence, and the quickest release ever known in the NFL carried the day against the unbeatable Bears. Remember that this was the 80s. The NFL's golden age of quarterbacks, and not one of those other great QBs had anything for the Bears.

Thus I advance to you that the only team with a puncher's chance to knock out the 07 Patriots would be the 85 Dolphins. The Pats defense would not contain Marino throwing to the Marks Brothers and Nat Moore. It would certainly be a shootout with Tom Brady going against Miami's Killer B Defense. This was the defense that coined the term 'bend but don't break.' Final score...Miami 48   New England 45.

Hello sports fans and welcome to the Monday Mailbag, where we try to answer the most pressing sports questions from the interweb. Feel free to ask anything yourself.

Q...Will Favre be back next season, and what do you think of the book, 'Who moved my Cheese'?..............the big cheese

A....Yes he'll be back. Much like a girl, all he wants is for someone to tell him he's pretty, and they love him, and make him feel wanted. The cheese in the book represents money.

Q...Is Eli Manning really all that, and a bag of chips?............P.M.

A...Don't worry P.M., he's much closer to a bag of chips, than all that.

Q...Is it true that Randy Moss is the reason the Pats have won their two playoff games? He only has one catch in each game. Could you recommend a good DVD, as I suddenly have a lot of free time..........T.O.

A...Yes T.O. He is taking double coverage down one side of the field, and that's helping the Pats run to the other side, and also allowing short passes underneath or to the opposite side of  Moss. 'Band of Brothers',  you should rent it.

Q...Why did they only show the Packer bikini girls once, for a split second, late in the third quarter?.........Deanna

A...The FOX director is practicing for upcoming Pro Bull Riding events where the action only lasts 2.1 seconds

Q...Who is the sports personality that Barak Obama reminds me of?........Hillary

A...That would be Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, former D lineman at the U, and pro wrestler. Obama has spent hundreds of hours listening to the Rock's old wrestling promos to get the inflection and cadence down. He really would like you to smell what Barak is cooking.

Hey Chowd, so you're going to the big game on Sunday. Here's a handy checklist of wicked awesome gear you need to be rockin.

Pat's hooded sweatshirt. Sleeves optional.

Red Sox cap. The one Grandma bought you in sixth grade.

Bruschi jersey. The one Grandma gave you for graduation. High school graduation.

Condom (still unused since high school). In case your sister gets lucky.

Peppermint schnapps. You know, like on SNL.

That should be everything you need in the bar where you'll be watching the game. Fellow NFL fans, did I leave anything out?

I know it;s hard to believe, but Pacman Jones has went full tilt in a strip, uh, gentlemen's club again. The highlights...... Once again Jones claimed mgmt. had stolen his money and jewelry. As he scuffled with bouncers in the hall outside the club's office, a female 'lawyer', who just happened to be in said office in the wee hours, came out to 'gawk'. Her exact word. She claimed, since retracted, that Jones reached around the bouncers and sucker punched her.

A few tips on strip club ettiquitte.... women, dont get behind the bouncers to 'gawk' at a confrontation. Mainly because a stripper will steal your purse in all the commotion. This second one I've never had a problem with, but apparently DO NOT remove your jewelry inside a strip club. And third, once inside the club, as soon as you pull any money out of your pocket it belongs to the club and/or it's employees. Pac, they don't want you, they want your paper. If you were some broke #### pimp wantabe you'd never get through the front door.