Three things are certain - death, taxes, and Jim Leyland blowing up after a slow start. Some may think the act would get old. Some may also be wrong. In the twenty games the Tigers have played after the first two Jim Leyland blow ups, the Tigers are 28-12 winning by an average of 4.7 runs per game.

They are 1-0 after Leyland's third blow up of his tenure in Detroit. The problem this year is the plethora of teams the Tigers must hurdle to gain one of the top four spots in the American League. The Rays no longer represent six or seven sure wins. The Roylas have slightly improved. Even the Orioles aren't easy outs this year.

That said, Jim Leyland doesn't have two World Series appearances and numerous playoff appearances because he's a dummy. Leyland recognized that 2008 is a longshot. Naturally, he blew up over the fact that the Motor City Kitties have no wins in 2009. "You think I like smoking eight packs of cigarettes a day stressing over this winless ball club? Do you think I down a bottle of Jim Beam each day because I enjoy it? Don't answer that!"

ESPN's Joe Morgan criticized the timing of the rant. "I don't see the need. They still have Gary Sheffield. They just need more consistency." Respected Detroit writer, Mitch Albom noted, "This should have been done ten games into the season instead of forty. All these impending wins could have helped for this season, instead of getting the Tigers off to a 71 game lead on the 2009 season."

When approached with the various criticism, Leyland responded, "Do you think I eat a pound of chewing tobacco each day because it tastes good?" Dontrelle Willis, with television cameras off, took reporters aside and said, "This #### was cute when McKeon was doing it. This guy is plain nuts. I have my agent looking into my contract to find a retroactive no trade clause."

More details on the 2009 Tigers as they become known.

*satire