For today's rambling, I'd like to attempt to clear up a misconception for the younger sports fans out there.  Something that occurred three to four years ago is not considered "back in the day".  That phrase has become overused and basically abused by a great many of the 20-something's out there, for sure not all of them, but far too many of them are using that phrase incorrectly.  To be considered "back in the day", here are some sample circumstances surrounding the event that should be met:

SMU football was relevant.

Stock Cars were derived from the stock production cars, not purpose-built race cars with decal headlights.

The Soviet Union was the "Evil Empire", not the New York Yankees.

In order to watch a game in high definition, you needed to get off your #### and actually go to the game.

The Pittsburgh Pirates were good.

A shoe contract involved a basketball player calling the local sporting goods store to reserve a pair of hightops.

Adults did not make their living by riding skateboards and jumping BMX bikes.

The Colts were in Baltimore, the Rams were in LA, and the Cardinals were in St Louis.

There were no night games at Wrigley Field.

American automobiles were made in America, and Japanese automobiles were made in Japan.

Kids actually played baseball, not the EA Sports version while grubbing microwave "hot pockets".

Team USA Basketball was the best in the world.

Instant Replay was only for the fans' benefit.

The National League and the NFC were both dominant.

High School sports stars were allowed to be kids.

"West Coast Offense" description could be applied to any football team from the Pacific Time Zone.

Tour de France competitors focused more on cycling than which syringe to use for which stage.

MLB players focused more on baseball fundamentals than which syringe to use for which day.

The USA was content to leave soccer/football/futbol (whatever) to the rest of the world.

College basketball players could consistently make free throws.

The Wishbone was more common than the Shotgun/Spread offense.

The sports section of the newspaper provided breaking news in sports.

If this list helps even one young sports fan, then it has all been worth it.  After all, it's our duty to help the younger generation of fans along as best we can.  Next time, we'll tackle the irresponsible usage of the phrase "old school".  Until then, keep your nose to the horizon and a sharp eye to the grindstone.

(c) 2008 The Hot Wheels Blog Factory ~ "Building Better Blogs Four Letters at a Time"

As the 2008 NFL season creeps closer and the training camps come to life, I feel a dread building in my gut for our Chicago Bears.  It's not quite a certainty, like that moment of mega alcohol epiphany when I realize that I need to seek out the nearest porcelain altar.  No, at this time it's just more o####eneral queasiness that I've got.  Like maybe I'm just wondering, hey, have I had three yaeger bombs or five?  Does my girlfriend have the keys to my truck or do I?  Do I still have a girlfriend?

You know, small concerns like that.

I'm a smartass, it's how I am.  When I'm nervous I crack jokes and I make fun of people, it's a defense mechanism.  And believe me I'm nervous about the Bears chances in 08.

Exhibit A = the trade of Thomas Jones to the NY Jets.  Every one of us Bears fans is still confused by that trade, and I'm guessing the Bears lockerroom continues to suffer as well.  It made zero sense, and many of us fans understood (based on the players' reactions) that his departure would leave a mark on the team's toughness.  And it has.

Exhibit B = the faith in Cedric Benson.  I guess this could be considered part B of Exhibit A, but the choice of an unproven (and injury prone) back over a consistent and hard working veteran is just a mystery to me.  I admit, I'm not a professional General Manager or a professional Head Coach, I'm an engineer - a science geek if you will - but I'm also a fan.  When the dude couldn't suck it up in the Super Bowl, that was the moment that I knew as a fan he should not be a Chicago Bear.  The confrontations with law enforcement over the summer only served to confirm that.

Exhibit C = the chaos at Quarterback.  I would've liked to see the Bears be more aggressive in free agency with the quarterback position.  I would've liked that.  Of course, the Bears don't do that, the Bears just believe that any chucker can play quarterback in the NFL.  Thus we have Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton as our chuckers.  I think I'm gonna vomit.

It is Chicago, and as always the defense will answer the call.  It always has, and it always will.  I agree with many when I say that this unit won't be as good as the Super Bowl defense, but you better believe these dudes will bring doom upon opposing offenses.  I like that.  I hope Briggs embraces his role, and I hope Urlacher remembers to punish people again.  Mike Brown is not any sort of an answer on defense, he's a great player but a player that has seen injury take its toll and one that just can't stay healthy anymore.  The Bears desperately need better safety play in order to complete the defense.

Witness Adrian Peterson's long runs against the Bears at Soldier Field last season.  A solid tackling safety (either free or strong) would've ended both of those runs before they became long gains.  Good run support involves the safeties, and the Bears without a reliable strong safety have not had that.

I see the 2008 Bears making a return to good football on the defensive side of the ball, and (most importantly for the offense) a unit that will be difficult to score on.  Points will be very precious for the Bears, and a quick look at the season schedule doesn't exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling.  It's a tough schedule, but maybe the saving grace is Brett Favre's retirement and the overall uncertainty in the NFC North.  Tavaris Jackson?  The Vikings want to go with that dude, and hey, I'll put up Rex Grossman in that battle.  Please Rexie, just don't do anything stupid.

Kevin Jones.  I like the deal, and I like what he brings to the team.  Heading into the season with a rookie running back as your primary ball carrier was not a realistic proposition, and prudently the Bears addressed that issue.  No, Kevin Jones is not an All-Pro back, but he fits within a conservative offense like the offense the Bears will have.  Platoon the rookie Forte and the veteran Jones and maybe (just maybe) the Bears running game will demonstrate some life.

Devin Hester.  Yeah, the Bears have a wild card in their hand, and I'm guessing that will also make a difference for a team struggling for points.  Teams kick to him or teams kick away from him, doesn't matter, this year will be judged on how #23 does at Wide Receiver.  The Devin Hester Experiment had better pay dividends in the offensive category or just relying on Brandon Lloyd, Marty Booker, and the TE's as receivers won't cut it.

I believe that I'm gonna see the Chicago Bears win the NFC North and get to the playoffs in 2008.

I, Jerry Jones, Great Owner, Owner of Owners, Ruler of Dallas, Fort Worth, and Irving, and of regions across the pan handle, conqueror of Iggles, destroyer of Dedskins, have hired many players and trainers and coaches and assistant coaches and errand peoples to serve in my quest for another Super Bowl triumph.  Great was the craft of those that served with the terrific Coach Tuna, and great was their number, which was in the hundreds maybe thousands (give or take a few job-shoppers and free agents).

They strove mightily too, for they knew employment would be brief if they strove not mightily.  All in the pursuit of my Super Bowl glory.  But many games did pass, and many times dem Cowboys did win victoriously, but my next Super Bowl eluded me.

So I, Jerry Jones, Owner of Owners, and all that, did hire a new Lead Coach for my staff of coaches as it was thought that a kinder and friendlier atmosphere for dem Cowboys would be just the ticket to my Super Bowl.  The name of my new Lead Coach was Wade, but I simply addressed him as "the lil Bum".  Furthermore, as incentive for dem Cowboys and my legions of Big D worshippers I did hire many Designers of Structures and Makers of Buildings to wrought me plans of a house worthy of my Texas sized fanaticism and intelligencia.  All who gazed upon what the Designers of Structures and Makers of Buildings had crafted did marvel at their genius, and I, Jerry Jones, did also look thereon and declare their plans to have much nift.

And the name of my capital development project would become "Texas Stadium Number 2", or as I refer to it, "The Big Building That I Builded."  The Big Building is to be big enough so as to be visible from orbit, and the Big Budget of the Big Building is just as big.  Construction began and the Big Building began to rise in the heart of Texas, and I looked upon my creation with great pride and proudness

So I, Jerry Jones, Great Owner, did hie me to the training complex where dwelt my new Lead Coach and my staff of coaches and assistant coaches to see what progress was being made with my team, and there I found not coaches and assistant coaches but drinkers of coffee and talkers of ####.  I was flabbergasted and flummoxed not to mention angry as an f'ing hellhound.

"Look here, O Fearless Leader," spoke thusly the Lead Coach (aka the lil Bum).  "Some things can't be rushed, for can thou win thy Super Bowl without us?"

Fumes did rise from my ears and blood did boil into my face, but I did remain compositional.  "What more do you require to win me a Super Bowl?  Name what is required and you will have it."

"O Jerry, Great Owner of Owners, etc. pay substantial moneys to keep the employment of my OC and my QB," saith the lil Bum as he refilled his cup of coffee.  "And maybe dining utensils of silver and electrum for our cafeteria, as it is common knowledge that Cowboys with full bellies are Cowboys with full dedication."

"You shall have all of that, just get my Super Bowl team builded."  And I, Jerry Jones, Owner of Owners, Ruler of Dallas, did depart the training complex where dwelt my coaches and assistant coaches with Rogaine lightning crackling from my hair follicles.

And many games did pass, and many times dem Cowboys did win victoriously, yet my team looked not mighty in status nor Super Bowl in quality.  My opponents did not tremble before my team as I had desired.

So I, Jerry Jones, did ask my Lead Coach, "What goeth on here?"

The lil Bum stopped partaking of his cheeseburger and said, "O Great Owner, Owner of Owners, my quarterback has become beguiled by the ways of a vixen by the name of Jessica Simpson.  Verily when she is near, he is a man not of swift feet and clear mind but rather a man of ten thumbs and wood in his britches."

So I, Jerry Jones, Great Owner of Owners, Ruler of Dallas, gave certain orders to keep Miss Simpson away from my prized quarterback so as to keep his mind focused upon my Super Bowl and not on Miss Simpson's Super Breasts.

And many days did pass, and my team seemed ready and able, yet disastrously the demise came suddenly in an ugly playoff skirmish against the G-men from that decadent Apple City.  And many days after that defeat did I rant and rave as does a lunatic, and many times did the moon wax and wane as I sleeplessly lamented my failure.

So then I did seek out my team's OC named Jason from my staff of coaches, since he seemed to know what's what about football, and I asked, "How come no Super Bowl?"

And he did answer, "O Great and Wealthy Owner, I be limited of playcalling available for my offense."

"Well, craft more plays to be called!"

"I have, O Great One, but my offense has not the ability to perform my plays."

"So?"

"So add another RB to my roster, O Great Owner, a special RB that possesses a fleetness of foot and a toughness of spirit so as to compliment our QB and our TO."

I, Jerry Jones, Ruler of Dallas, did then demand that a special Running Back be drafted, preferably one that possesses fleetness of foot and allegiances to Arkansas.  My far reaching scouts and network of spies tell me this cat named Felix will be just the ticket to my Super Bowl, and for the sake of my staff of coaches I hope this to be true.

Because I can avouch that if another Super Bowl failure is in my future, my Lead Coach and my staff of coaches will become permanent residents among the concrete foundation of the new Big Building That I Builded.  Thou can take that to the bank.

And God Bless dem Dallas Cowboys.  Can Jerry Jones get an Amen?

Dear Diary, 

I am sort of sad as the last week of 2007 arrives.  My buddy Jeremy hurt his leg really bad, and Coach told me that his leg is broken.  That was bad news.  But I'm not supposed to worry because the Doctor will fix Jeremy's leg real good and before too long we will be able to play catch some more, just like old times.  That will be next year though.  I wrote an email to Jeremy and wished him well and asked if he gets lots of ice cream while he is in the hospital.  He wrote me back saying that the hurt leg hasn't slowed him down, it just means that his "biotches" have to be "on top" for a while.  I don't know what he means by that.

Last week's game in Buffalo was not very fun.  It was like windy and raining real bad and the ball was slippery.  I make mistakes when the ball is slippery, and then I feel bad.  Coach's face gets real red, and he says bad words.  I don't like it when he gets red like that.  Brandon and Ahmad told me that they had my back though and that I was their "homey".  They are nice guys and they run real hard when I give them the ball.  I think I will bring them some homemade apple cider that I got for Christmas.

This week we play against the New England Patriots, and I'm a little scared.  The Boston people are really mean.  I hope the weather will be nice, so the ball will not be slippery.  I make mistakes when the ball is slippery.  Everyone is excited around here for this game even though we have got a spot in the playoffs, and guys are yelling real loud and saying curse words alot.  I try to forgive them when they curse because they are my friends, but it is hard.  Those words they say are real bad words.

I got an email from Tiki the other day wishing me good luck.  For a minute I was happy, but then I remembered all the mean things Tiki said about me.  I think he is lying when he says he hopes we win against the Patriots.  I think he wants us to lose.  Tiki is not my friend any more, and I think he is just being mean again.  Like that time Tiki and Ronde dressed exactly the same and pretended to be the same person.  They kept going in and out of rooms real fast until it made me angry.  That was a mean joke.

Christmas was fun, and I got a new game for my Xbox called "Gears of War".  It is a little scary but fun.  Madden 08 is still my favorite game though.  I saw dad and Peyton and Cooper and wished them Happy Holidays.  Peyton showed me his Super Bowl ring like he always does, he is real proud of it.  Maybe some day I will have a Super Bowl ring of my own.  I really hope so.

I practiced real hard and I want to do real good in this last game on Saturday.  In the playoffs people say we will play the Bucks.  That is the team with the Pirate ship!  Oh that is so cool, I like that pirate ship and they shoot real guns and everything.  I am excited about going there because it is warm there.  I hope it doesn't rain though.  I make mistakes when the ball is slippery.

Your pal Eli.

As the final pieces to the playoff puzzle fall into place, the major contenders can take a week to rest and recuperate.  The Division Champions have been set for some time now, and each team has earned their respective Division titles.

Honestly though, is any team in the NFC capable of winning the Super Bowl?

On the surface the gap between the AFC and the NFC really doesn't appear all that great if you go by the numbers, and point of fact, the total interconference head-to-head record between the two is currently 30-29 in favor of the NFC heading into Week 17.  That seems reasonably close, but those numbers are misleading.

At the sharp end of the conferences, the AFC elite have a serious competitive edge over their NFC counterparts.  As an example, I would take the Jacksonville Jaguars to defeat either the Dallas Cowboys or the Green Bay Packers right now, and the Jaguars couldn't even win their division!  Whichever team emerges from the AFC playoffs, they will certainly be battle tested and ready for the Big Game.  Meanwhile over in the NFC, every time I have looked for someone to step up and take a stranglehold on the conference, I have watched each contender look rather ordinary.  It seems the NFC representative will stumble into Super Bowl XLII as a matter of necessity.

Hey fellas, look, we need someone from the National Football Conference.  Does anyone really want it?

To watch the Green Bay Packers, I would say no.  I'm a Bears fan, so naturally it was a delight for me to enjoy that 35-7 beatdown on Sunday, but to turn it around and look at things from the Packers point of view  ....  that game had to be an embarrassment to everyone on that team.  The conditions were brutal, there's no disputing that, but to cower around the heaters and simply show no heart in a fierce rivalry game?  That said something about the toughness of the Packers and made me wonder if this team is just simply overrated because of their impressive record.  Ryan Grant is a solid running back and the O-line is better at run blocking than I realized, and so the running game will really be the key for Green Bay's playoff hopes, not Brett Favre.  If anything, Favre can do more damage than good for the Packers, particularly if he tosses more of his ridiculous interceptions.  The young defense looked somewhat ordinary against the Bears, but for the most part they have played very well this season.

Useless info: during the game I noticed some fool on the Green Bay sideline wearing short pants.  I'm not sure if this person was a part of the training staff or just a glorified equipment manager, but to wear short pants on a day like that takes a special kind of ####.

Speaking of special, that brings me to the Dallas Cowboys, who by default have the best chance to chug their way to Arizona.  Tony Romo is a dynamic quarterback, and for sure, he can make some athletic plays - but what exactly has the guy accomplished?  There have been times when he has looked like the All-Pro QB that many claim him to be, and then just when I'm about to start believing the hype about this guy, he uncorks his best impression of Rex Grossman.  Yet, Romo is revered in Big D and I just can't understand why.  Terrell Owens is their big play receiver, but TE Jason Witten is the real weapon in the passing game.

Alot like Green Bay, the Cowboys running game can be their strength in the playoffs, and that would serve them well against the more explosive AFC teams.  The Dallas defense can be dominant at times, but then Roy Williams will come along and do something stupid.  Like Romo, I just don't get what people see in Williams.  He has got to be the most overrated safety in the league.  The guy is simply terrible in pass coverage, and the last time I checked pass coverage is still a big part of a safety's job description.  Williams could be a severe liability against either of the passing attacks fielded by the Pats or the Colts.

I think Green Bay has the better defense of the top two NFC teams.

Beyond the Packers and Cowboys, there are the Bucs, who have quietly dominated the NFC South, and then possibly the Seahawks, and I could realistically see either Tampa or Seattle sneaking away with the NFC crown.  They're both tough defensive teams with slightly above average offenses, and most importantly, they seem to be fundamentally strong and well coached.

But then the AFC champions await in Arizona.

The Patriots, Colts, Jaguars, and Chargers all look like championship caliber teams right now, and whew, that must be a scary thought for any prospective NFC champ.  Does that mean a guaranteed AFC Super Bowl victory?  Of course not.  There have been numerous big upsets in the NFL's Big Game, and ironically, I look at New England's upset over the explosive St Louis Rams in the emotional SB that followed 9/11 as the best example.  That game could serve as a model for this year's finest from the NFC.  Or maybe, the Steelers incredible march thru the playoffs (including a huge upset of the dominant Colts) and their SB victory.  Those Patriots and Steelers were built around the team concept and got the most out of their somewhat limited talent - but most importantly those teams were mentally tough.  I think whoever wins the NFC could learn a few lessons from those two underdogs as it becomes time to think Super Bowl.

Getting to the Super Bowl is never the goal.  Winning the Super Bowl is all that matters.

Mediocrity has been killing the NFC these past years, and it's really getting very annoying.  Since my beloved Chicago Bears have been eliminated from the playoff picture, I'm left to hope that somebody, anybody, from the NFC can make this interesting and put an end to this fingernails-on-the-chalkboard run the AFC has going.  It will take a monumental effort from whoever emerges as NFC champion, but it can be done.

Confront the AFC champs with a balanced offense.  Move the chains on offense and control the ball - and of course this means no stupid interceptions (yes, I'm looking at you Brett favre and Tony Romo).

Time of possession is meaningless without points.  Controlling the ball is only half the battle.  When the opportunities are there, score points.  Moral victories count for nothing.

Take chances, gamble on 4th down, try onside kicks, etc.  I liked what the Eagles did when they faced the Patriots on Sunday Night a while back.  If not for an ill-timed late interception, Philly had played well enough to pull the upset.

Defense must make big plays.  Turnovers always will play a role, but going one step further, the defense for an underdog NFC team will likely have to score.  Consequently, the defense cannot give up the big play - the AFC champs cannot be given any easy points.

Special teams must be special.  A big return or a clutch field goal or whatever, every little bit can make a difference in the end.  By contrast, poor special teams play can doom any hopes for an upset.

Pretty generic stuff I guess, but it's all got to be in the recipe for an upset to happen.  The emotional favorite at this point has to be the Washington Redskins, but first they must get into the playoffs.  Then we'll see what happens.

Hopefully one of the NFC playoff teams can step up their game, and ultimately smack the AFC in the mouth.  That would be a refreshing change over the past few Super Bowls.

We must pray that the New England Patriots complete the NFL season and playoffs and Super Bowl with a perfect and unblemished record.  That would be a smashing 19-0 for those that like numbers, or "nineteen and oh" for those that prefer verbage.  If the Pats win 'em all, there would be peace on earth and goodwill to all.  Cats and dogs would no longer fight.  Republicans and Democrats would be able to agree which flavor of Kool-Aid really does taste best.  And once and for all, the 1972 Miami Dolphins would leave the champagne on ice.

19 Lessons to be learned from a Patriots perfect season  ....

• Bostonians have become that which they despise, they are the new New Yorkers.
• An old and mediocre defense is allowed five "Get Out of Penalty" cards per game.
• Piling up the points on poor teams is always good for business.
• Randy Moss can hustle and be a good teammate if his team is winning.
• Brian Billick loves Rodney Harrison.
• Deadbeat dads really do make the best quarterbacks money can buy.
• Jason Whitlock knows skin color (but not much else).
• More coaches must wear hoodies, and though constipated facial expressions are encouraged, they're not mandatory.
• Guaranteeing a win is truly the standard by which all fools shall be judged.
• Dudes shooting muskets with blanks in the endzone just makes good sense, and provides good smoke screens for fans trying to watch the game.
• Boston sports fans are classy winners and demonstrate true sportsmanship.
• Don Shula learns about karma as modern Miami Dolphins team gets thrown into the winless abyss.
• Wes Welker is actually the Energizer Bunny Rabbit.
• Running the football is so last year.
• The AFC East is a complete and utter joke.
• Bill Clinton did not have sex with that woman, but Tom Brady did.
• Cheaters become champions.  As Dark Helmet declared, "Evil will always win, because good is dumb."
• Patriots will never erase the ultimate beatdown of Super Bowl XX.

And the number one lesson to be learned from a Patriots perfect season ....

• Bribing the referees still works!

Disclaimer:  bc525 and its associated entities are not responsible for anything and are absolved from any and all accountability.  This is a work of fiction and any similarities to actual persons either living or dead is purely satirical and meant to elicit a laugh or a chuckle or even a giggle.  Possibly even a snort.

(c) 2007 When Hot Wheels Go Flat, L.L.C.  "Building Better Blogs Four Letters at a Time."

Well, here at the Hot Wheels Blog Factory it has been a sad sad week.  Our hero, Rex Grossman, has been unceremoniously dumped.  So our Rex Grossman for MVP Foundation has gone belly up after only one week in existence.  Earlier this week, two minutes of silence were observed, followed by the traditional flushing of the toilet as we honored Rexie's dismissal.

Lovie Smith broke our hearts, and quite frankly, we blame Marty Schottenheimer.  We're not quite sure how, but this Bear predicament must be all his fault.

For those who supported our Rex Grossman for MVP Foundation, we thank you.  Your donations and kindly fundings have stocked our beer cooler for many days to come.  And as Cubs fans, we here at the Hot Wheels Blog Factory will very badly need that cold beer for the inevitable Cubbie Collapse that looms on the horizon.  As for the Bears, it possibly could get alot worse before it gets any better, so we must also brace ourselves for the approaching circus of calamity.

And apparently it will be done under the guidance of one Brian Griese.  Brian Griese is vanilla.  He is even more vanilla than vanilla.  He is ####y like rice cakes.  But I guess the Bears coaching staff likes boring, and they want a quarterback that will actually throw passes with his eyes open.

Whatever.

Rex brought variety and thrills to an otherwise stale and stagnant Bear offense, and he did it with a Three Stooges brand of football that endeared him to us here at Hot Wheels.  He made us laugh when times were tough, and he always brought a smile to our tear streaked little faces.  Bears fans everywhere will no longer be treated to Rex's wonderful stumble and fall maneuvers.  Nor will they be treated to the occasional botched snaps that were vintage Rex.  It goes without saying that interception returns for TD's are likely things of the past.  Griese will probably attempt to throw (and maybe even complete) his passes to Bears receivers.  Backwards passes?  Gone.  This Griese guy is just so dull.

Kyle Orton would have been a better choice.  At least he has been known to grow the ugliest beard in the NFL.  That earns some style points at least.

Oh, but hang on a minute, there may be hope.  The Bears defense has been scrabbled together from anyone left that can walk and talk at the same time.  The Bears have no running game to speak of, and it's pretty much a certainty that the Bears offensive line couldn't block the University of Illinois defensive line right now.  So it is quite possible that Griese will fill in nicely for the role that Rexie once portrayed.  Of course, no one can trip and fall while fumbling the football and flailing his arms like good ol' Rex, but hey, we'll give Grease his fifteen minutes.

In fact, let's start up the Brian Griese for MVP Foundation right now!  Yes, let's jump on the bandwagon for Grease while it's still empty.  Actually, that bandwagon hasn't even started moving yet, but that's okay.  There is a sense that the Bears are fast heading downhill so this buggy oughta pick up some speed in no time flat.

Oh, wait a minute, that doesn't sound like a good thing.

Anyhoo, as before with the now defunct Rex Grossman for MVP Foundation, you can send donations and money and whatever else you have lying around to:

• Brian Griese for MVP Foundation
• c/o: Hot Wheels Blog Factory
• 12345 Pothole Lane
• Smalltown, Illinois 54321

Somebody has to fund our beer drinking, might as well be y'all.  But please do not send Canadian currency.  Apparently one couple in Toronto did not understand that Smalltown, Illinois, is actually located within the United States of America.  So Joan and Burt Stovebolt, we are returning your donation.  Sorry, please try again.

And for the record, if/when the Brian Griese for MVP Foundation flounders and fails, don't worry, we have a Kyle Orton for MVP Foundation just waiting to take its place.  And while we're at it, please feel free to join our Jimmy Clausen for Heisman Foundation.  Gotta love those Golden Domer fans, they'll pay money for anything.  After all, somebody has to keep Jimmy Clausen and Charlie Weiss together while the rest of the Notre Dame team transfers.

As always, thank you for your support, and remember, turn that frown upside down.  They sell more beer right up the road!

Life is good.

(c) 2007  When Hot Wheels Go Flat, L.L.C.  (All Rights Reserved)

Okay, look, as a fan of the Chicago Bears I feel I have been quiet long enough.  I'm tired of all the Rex Grossman bashing that's been going on around the NFL and the sports media world, and I've finally decided to take action.  We here at the Hot Wheels Blog Factory are starting a campaign for Rex Grossman as the Most Valuable Player in the NFL.

If you are not a Chicago Bears fan and/or a Chicago Cubs fan, you most likely will not understand the following itemized list that chronicles why Rex is so special to us loyal fans, but please feel free to read along anyways.  At the conclusion of this list there will be a phone number and address if you wish to contribute to our Rex Grossman for MVP Foundation.  As always, we appreciate your support.

1. Rex is the only NFL QB that closes his eyes when he throws, and I'm quite certain that he's very religious.
2. Drinking games can be devised for botched snaps or when he trips and falls.  Either way is fun.
3. Scoring touchdowns with the offense is so cliche (and boring).  Scoring touchdowns with the Bears defense and special teams makes games much more exciting.
4. There's always the enjoyable pregame debate: Did Rex prepare for this game or not?
5. Face it, we're all gawkers at heart.  We rarely admit to it, but we like watching a high speed car chase in hopes that it will end in a big wreck.  Chances are #8 will deliver the crash and burn at some point during each game.
6. Rex always makes opposing defenses feel good about themselves.  That's very nice of him.
7. Periodic fumbles and lost yardage bring variety and intrigue to the Bears offense.  The Notre Dame offense is currently attempting to imitate this scheme.
8. Making wounded duck noises when Rex throws a pass entertains those sitting around you.
9. His postgame interiews are just good tv.
10. Watching Rex scramble is like watching a baby wildebeast run for its life on the Serengeti.  You know the lionness must feed her cubs, but your heart is still pulling for the little wildebeast to escape.  And sometimes he makes it.
11. I am convinced Grossman has multiple personalities, and I am in the process of assigning names to each one.
12. Sportstalk radio has plenty of material after each and every game.
13. Classic Rex = 1 40yd completion + 1 stumble and fall + 1 36yd completion + 1 pass to ineligible receiver.  It's really anybody's guess what's going to happen next!
14. Laughing out loud has been proven to be quite healthy.
15. The green dot on the back of his helmet is like he's been tagged by some National Geographic team to track his migrations around the football field.
16. I'll bet Rex is a good disco dancer, like John Travolta maybe.  Or at least better than Peyton Manning.
17. Bears fans are relieved when our defense is on the field.
18. Mark my words, there will come a day when Rex will be asked to "pooch-punt" on third down to catch the opposing defense unawares.  I have no idea what will happen, but trust me you will want to record it for its theatrical value.
19. The Bears offense is like the Marx Brothers or Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First", and that's good entertainment right there.
20. Rex Grossman can beat up Tom Brady.  (And Rex would never ever dump Bridgette Moynahan!)
21. Bears fans who wear Grossman #8 jerseys are indeed brave souls, and that makes me want to buy them a beer.
22. Rex's throwing mechanics and footwork are inspirations for all of us chuckers and wannabe quarterbacks out there.  If Rex can do it, then so can we!
23. Cursing and throwing things at the tv set is good exercise as well as good training for item #22.  You never know when the Atlanta Falcons are going to call and want you as their quarterback.
24. Watching the Bears offense takes away some of the pain of being a Cubs fan.
25. Package of Johnsonville brats = $10.  Case of beer = $18.  Unexpected joy when Rexie suddenly throws a TD = priceless!

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While these four players that are entering into their second seasons haven't quite earned legendary status just yet, I think they're players that are poised to make their mark in the NFL.  With the opening kickoff to the season less than a day away, the prefight jitters and tension are hanging thick in the air and I keep waiting for the ring announcer's voice to yell, "Let's get ready to rumble!"

I've perused many a prediction article about the 2007-08 NFL season, and it seems that nearly every writer of such a prediction article has selected the New England Patriots to win the AFC and the New Orleans Saints to win the NFC.  It also seems to be a unanimous thought that the AFC champion will once again be victorious in the Super Bowl.  I believe we're up to number XLII if my roman numerology is correct.

Well of course, in my own aimless and misguided way, I have some invalid and unfounded thoughts on who will represent each conference in this upcoming Bowl of Superness, but we'll save that special little pearl of ignorance for the end, sort of like a dessert for the main course of this blog entry.  It'll be fun.

Anyways, each of these four horsemen is entering his second season at the professional level of football, and each will be playing an expanded (and key) role as compared to his rookie season.  In many ways, at least for a couple of these dudes, their teams success may be directly dependent upon them stepping up their game.  The start of the new season is now only hours away and this season begins in fine fashion with a special Thursday Night game featuring the aforementioned NFC favorite New Orleans Saints and the defending champions themselves, the Indianapolis Colts.

Oooo I'm getting all goose pimply from the sheer excitement.  Well, maybe not literal goose bumps, after all, it is still hot and humid here in the heart of Illinois, but you know, it is still exciting nevertheless.  And it's fitting that John Madden will be working the opening game on Thursday with NBC, so there will be a horsetrailer on site.  Neat how that goes with my four horsemen theme here, almost like I planned that.

So start up your chinstrap and tighten your engine and away we go  ....

Horseman No.1:  Jay Cutler; QB; Denver Broncos; Vanderbilt

Okay, it is fair to say that Jay's first couple of starts last season didn't exactly go as planned, in fact, I remember the not-so-graceful pirouette and soft interception toss maneuver that he pulled in his very first home start.  Not quite the stuff legends are made of, for sure, but the good news was that his last three starts went fairly well.  The fact that Coach Mike Shanahan has now turned over the keys to the family bus to Mr Cutler says alot about Jay's potential, and quite honestly the hopes for the Broncos season rest squarely on their QB's shoulders.  He has to perform for the Broncos to make any noise in the playoffs.

I've always been somewhat of a bystander Broncos fan.  Denver is a very cool city and the Broncos fans are among the most enthusiastic in the league.  The task will be tough especially given the fact that they play in the same division as the almighty San Diego Chargers, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the Broncos not only give the Chargers a run for their money, they have a definite chance to win the AFC West.

Horseman No.2:  Devin Hester; WR/KR; Chicago Bears; Miami, Fl.

While I may be only a passive Broncos fan, I am most definitely a maniacal Chicago Bears fan - they've always been my team.  Although Devin Hester does not have a central role in determining how the Bears season unfolds, he does provide a valuable threat to an offense that runs hot and cold depending on which personality of its schizophrenic quarterback shows up that day.  The "experiment" of moving the latest #23 of Chicago sports over to the offensive side of the ball will be very interesting to watch, and it's been pointed out that the coaching staff at the University of Miami tried similar tactics to get the ball in Devin's hands more often, but those efforts fell flat.  Here's one fan hoping the experiment that is Devin Hester the Wide Receiver works out better for the Bears.

His main threat to score will still come with the special teams, though to some degree I have to believe teams will make conscious efforts to kick away from him.  Eventually he's going to get his touches, and in the open field with his ridiculous speed, anything can happen.  Much of the Bears success will revolve around QB Rex Grossman (he of the Jeckle and Hyde persona) and the traditionally tough Chicago defense (led by some dude that wears #54, he's pretty good too), but bringing that little extra spark on offense might just put the Bears over the top - that one final step that they didn't complete last season.

Horseman No.3:  Laurence Maroney; RB; New England Patriots; Minnesota

Like I said, it seems that the fancy pick for the AFC championship is the perennial Patriots from the New England region.  Come playoff time they're like a bad penny, they just won't go away.  For a moment there I thought Eric Mangini's NY Jets could maybe possibly challenge for the AFC East crown.  And then I watched Chad Pennington in the preseason.

Oh gawd.

No, the AFC East still belongs to the Patriots.  And while the most popular topic has been the stacked receiving corps that QB Tom Brady will have as his targets, what everyone seems to just gloss over is the running game of that offense.  I'm a big fan of the two running back system, like the Bears had with Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson, like the Colts had, and like the Patriots had with Corey Dillon and Maroney.  Well, those tandem systems have all been split up, and it will be interesting to see how these new featured back systems work in their place.

Maroney is not a particularly big guy, and I wonder how he'll handle being the featured back for a season, getting many more carries than he got in his rookie campaign.  The talent is most definitely there, and I think he'll prove the durability is there as well.  For all the talk about the Patriots passing game, I really think the key to their 2007 title hopes rests with the running game.  Sure, Tom Brady is going to get most of the attention from the press, but when it's all said and done, if the Patriots do in fact turn up at Super Bowl XLII, Laurence Maroney will have much to do with that.

Horseman No.4:  A.J. Hawk; LB; Green Bay Packers; Ohio St.

Admittedly, the Packers aren't considered to be a Super Bowl contender, nor are they really even considered a contender for the fantastic NFC North, but there is something quietly brewing up there in the land of beer and cheese.  Amongst all the Brett Favre will he or won't he retirement speculation, the Packers have built a good and solid defense.  Playing in the NFC, and more specifically the NFC North, has its perks.  For one, they get to play the Vikings and the Lions twice each, which is a good thing, and secondly, a record of 8-8 might just be good enough for a Wild Card spot and a berth in the playoffs.  Also a good thing.

AJ Hawk really has a chance to remind folks of the Packers of old, maybe not quite as legendary as Ray Nitschke, but certainly worthy of the Black and Blue Division tradition that the Packers belong to.  Like Soldier Field in Chicago, Lambeau in Green Bay is just one of those places that has a historical vibe, and it will be fun to watch Hawk stomping around that hallowed turf.  The Packers season on offense will most likely consist of an anemic running game struggling to eek out positive yardage and Favre literally running for his life and tossing the occasional absurd interception.  But the Packers season on defense will be much more stable.

Which brings me to that age old question that I cannot answer: Whatever possesses a seemingly normal adult to don a slice of replica cheese upon his or her head?  I really hope there are great amounts of alcohol involved, somehow that would make it much more understandable for me.

Oh well, that's all for this blog entry, now that I've written about alcohol I have a sudden craving for a nice cold beer.  And as fate would have it, there just so happens to be a twelver of MGD chilling out in the fridge.  So thank you dear reader for ... well ... reading, I hope it was good for you too.

Chicago Bears vs Denver Broncos.  That's my pick for Super Bowl number 42.  I'm guessing that you secretly wanted to know, so there I told you, that's the championship game that I'd like to see.  No scientific method went into that pick, there was no research done, no great wisdom of any sort on my part.  I just really like those two teams, that's all.

There it is.