Let the madness begin.  Let every "expert" from across the internet fill out a bracket.  We must whittle 65 teams down to one ultimate fighting champion, and I would pick the Florida Gators, but they weren't allowed to play with the big kids this year.  I would pick the Vanderbilt Commodores, but each time I think about that I get a little bit sick to my stomach.  I would pick the Stanford Cardinal, but it is written somewhere that a tree can never be a champion.  I think that's in the New Testament, maybe the book of Revelations.  Maybe Corinthians.  I don't know.

So, as I embark on my exacting science of bracketology, I must admit to myself that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.  Of course, ignorance has never stopped me from blogging before, and it won't burden me now.  (see: Kiss of Death)

SWEET SIXTEEN  (whatever happened to Molly Ringwald?)

East Region = North Carolina, Notre Dame, Louisville, Tennessee.  The Tar Heels will have little trouble making it to Charlotte, while Notre Dame upsets Wazzou to punch a ticket to the sweetness that is sixteen.  Louisville survives the surprising Oklahoma Sooners, and the Vols are erratic but talented enough to get past American University and Butler.

Midwest Region = Kansas, Clemson, USC, Georgetown.  UNLV is very capable of putting a scare into the Jayhawks, but the Rock Chalkers still advance to Detroit.  Clemson is quietly lurking as a dangerous team, while USC runs past the plodding Wisconsin Badgers.  Georgetown could fall victim to a feisty Davidson team, but I'm going with the Hoyas in a close one.  (Upset watch: Siena over Vandy)

South Region = Memphis, Pittsburgh, Stanford, Texas.  Oregon should make Memphis fans nervous, and a close game begs the question, will free throw shooting doom the Tigers?  Nah, Memphis will make it to Houston unscathed, but stay tuned.  Pitt is a very resilient team, and I like the way they compete at the defensive end.  My upset pick for this bracket is Temple over Michigan State, but the Owls then fall to Pitt.  Marquette is a streaky team, and given the right circumstances could chop down the Stanford Tree, but I'll go with the Cardinal.  The Texas Longhorns quietly go about their business.

West Region = UCLA, Connecticut, Purdue, Arizona.  The UCLA Bruins seem to be the trendy pick to win it all, and they will hold serve for the first two rounds.  UConn is too athletic for Drake, while Georgia shocks Xavier but then falls to Purdue.  In a complete and utter disregard for logic and reasoning, I'm picking my Arizona Wildcats to upset West Virginia and then the Blue Devils of Duke for the chance to play in Phoenix.  You were expecting me to pick Duke?  Not gonna happen.

ELITE EIGHT  (orange whip?  orange whip?  three orange whips)

East Region = Notre Dame vs Louisville.  Upsets, upsets, as the Fighting Irish knock out the UNC Tar Heels and the Cardinals eliminate the Tenn Volunteers.  How can this be?  I don't know, but it be.  For the honor of traveling to San Antonio, the Irish go cold and the Louisville Cardinals get hot.  Rick Pitino returns to the Final Four, and the Big East is recognized.

Midwest Region = Kansas vs USC.  The Clemson Tigers scare the beejeebies out of Kansas, and yet the Jayhawks won't die.  The Trojans return to the Elite Eight by upsetting the half court minded Hoyas.  Hoya Paranoia and Roy Hibbert get a real bad case of the yips at a real bad time.  USC is just too quick, and that OJ Mayo is for real.  But the Men From Troy just don't have an answer for the Jayhawks as Kansas advances to San Antonio and Bill Self guides them to the Final Four.

South Region = Pittsburgh vs Texas.  The bubble will burst for the Memphis Tigers.  The Pitt Panthers are battle tested, they are gritty, and they are not intimidated.  Free throw shooting has nothing to do with the Memphis defeat, the Panthers are the tougher team.  Texas dispatches Stanford in what promises to be a very slow and boring game, and then the Longhorns squeak past the emotionally spent Panthers from Pitt in a real meatgrinder o####ame.  Burnt Orange returns to the LoneStar state, and the Big XII spots two teams in the Final Fearsome Foursome.

West Region = UCLA vs Purdue.  The UCLA Bruins emerged as champs of the toughest conference (kids, that would be the Pac-10 for those that have been paying attention), and while injuries may yet spoil things, they're a relatively deep team.  UCLA vs UConn promises to be very entertaining, while Purdue vs Arizona promises to be very messy.  The Boilermakers end the joyride for my beloved 'Cats, but then get steamrolled by the juggernaut that is Bruin Basketball.

FINAL FOUR  (you can't handle the truth!)

Louisville vs Kansas.  All we are is dust in the wind, and yet somehow the Jayhawks keep surviving.  Is Bill Self really a good coach?  Maybe, maybe not.  What is it about these Jayhawks then?  It's gotta be the shoes!  (Carry on wayward son ~ if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know)  Whatever it is, Kansas finds a way to take the air out of Pitino-ball and advance to the title game.  Is there a Danny Manning in the house?

Texas vs UCLA.  You know, if you look at burnt orange long enough, you start to get dizzy, even a little hallucinatory.  I'm not sure why.  The eyes of Texas are upon the Longhorns and  .... and the Longhorns proceed to choke.  UCLA shows no mercy, and the Bruins are on a mission from God.

THE GAME  (we represent the Lollipop Guild .. the Lollipop Guild .. the Lollipop Guild)

Kansas vs UCLA.  It all comes down to this.  The Bruins face their second consecutive Big Dozen opponent, and the result is the same as before.  The Wizard of Westwood himself, Coach Wooden, couldn't have drawn it up any better, and all is joyful throughout La-La Land.  Bruins have better coaching, better tournament experience, and better guard play.

UCLA cuts down the nets.

....  or not.