As much as we all like to throw salt in the wounds of quarterbacks who take beatings and sacks then act like we could torch an elite NFL defense; or argue that DeAngelo Hall is overrated but would eat me alive blanketing me like foil on a 5 day old hotdog at a Double A baseball game.  (Alert, self boasting ahead) Despite a successful high school career in 3 sports, and a generally sense of pride in his own athletic prowess, well as talented as a short white boy could be, here are the reasons I could not play in the NFL:

*A 4.68 forty got no looks from a short kid, couple that with the fact that I wouldn't pass the "eyeball test" meaning, they don't even make kicker jerseys small enough.

*Seeing Warren Sapp dominate as one of the meanest defenders and trash talkers then trade in walking over quarterbacks for waltzing in ridiculous outfits lets me know I am just not crazy enough.

*Doug Flutie did the short quarterback routine all ready so that’s out.

*Doug Flutie did the drop kick routine so that’s out.

*Carpooling with the O-lineman would wear out the shocks that much faster.

*Brandon Jacobs, LT, AP....... No thanks I'm not gonna tackle any of those guys. 

*Anyone watch the Saints' punt returns on Monday?  If it wasn't bad enough that Reggie would leave me in the dust, if I ever got an angle the 53rd guy to make the roster would annihilate me (head on a swivel or not, they seek out the little guys.)

*I'm not interested in being under constant surveillance by the Patriots.

*As a possession receiver, running slants and drags in front of Ray Lewis just doesn't seem worth it.

*The night clubs would even be too big of an opponent.  Simply because no one would believe I played for a team even if I went in full uniform, emotionally it would be demoralizing.

*During the summer, I'd miss OTA's because I was watching NFL Live or some other football show to see the going ons of every team’s OTA's.

*Id make fun of the terminology in the playbooks and challenge why they use 30 words when what they really mean is "Peterson left."

*Gus Frerotte head butted himself out o####ame; he's had plenty of time to come up with other torture techniques for celebrations.

*Favre would go all "Johnny Moxon" killing the clock with a fastball to the nose after I congratulated him on the record (interceptions for a career.)

*I don’t have an entourage worthy of an NFL salary.

*I'd ruin every roster in the league by making preseason scrubs look magnificent after they matched up against me.

*And finally, I wouldn't have time to criticize the professionals with all the talent.