AbsoluteBestNews: Fresh Views on Sports, Entertainment, & News
"If you can't get your foot in the door, make your own 'effin door" – Adam Best
Opportunity knocked, and as a result of how these 10 (5 more than I promised!) FoxSports.com regular bloggers stepped up and capitalized, they are coming through the “‘effin door” called AbsoluteBestNews.com with me. Wish them well, as these are your own (in no particular order)…
Burton (who made the FoxSports.com Next Great Sportswriter II Final Four) has long been a favorite of mine. In fact, I thought that his take on the possibility of an A.I. trade—quite the popular subject nowadays—was as good, if not better, than any other writer’s anywhere. Only Rocky Balboa rivals his passion for all things Philly, but Burton covers much more than just the City of Brotherly Love. His incendiary coverage of the NBA and NFL never disappoints. Considering how much we like those leagues over here at AbsoluteBestNews.com, Burton will more than fit in.
“Tastes great… Less-filling,” remember that old slogan? Not only does Cox’s (a Next Great Sportswriter I Finalist) commentary taste great, but he also has great taste. Whether he is highlighting the work of other talented writers or covering unusual topics in his posts, he simply knows how to pick ‘em. Fortunately, he mixes vast sports knowledge, pop culture prowess, and smooth journalistic style smoothly, so his writing is “less-filling” as well. Cox’s many talents will be utilized at AbsoluteBestNews.com.
Point blank—Siddhartha is the best NASCAR writer of the bunch. Quite frankly, I don’t think that any other NASCAR blogger here on FoxSports.com is even in the same league. Sidd also impressed me with his ability to cover music and various other categories, and will play numerous roles over at AbsoluteBestNews.com. His slightly off-topic Oak Island post he submitted showed me that he’ll be De Niro-esque when it comes to playing those different roles.
Wholf (a Next Great Sportswriter II finalist) describes herself as “part Carrie Bradshaw and part Lee Corso.” Well, Corso never looked this good while doing his thing. This “Jill of all Trades” is not only a sportswriter, but also a successful stage actress and reality TV personality. Her social commentary on both sports and society is both entertaining and informative. New York may have had Bradshaw, but this L.A.-based site now has its answer—Tracy Wholf.
Meadows was recently proven to be the most popular blogger on FoxSports.com. He deals with relevant material, speaks for the people, and is insanely productive. And he does it with a certain swagger that is requisite for all of the good ones. I compare Meadows’ writing to Shaq. You know he’s going to give you a big game each and every night, speak his mind, and leave you with a couple of gem quotes to chuckle over. Meadows will be the Rick Reilly of AbsoluteBestNews.com, breaking down the most prominent stories in sports early, often, and effectively.
Krinkos’ stuff cracks me up every time I stop by his blog. His style is just so damn readable and enjoyable that there was no way I could have left him off of this list. Speaking of lists, Krinkos seems to have that format mastered. Apparently I am not the only one that enjoys his blog posts and lists, as he has recently been FoxSports.com’s Blog of the Day several times. Like every other writer on this list, Krinkos also has impressive range.
Deeley is easily one of the most-respected writers in the FoxSports.com community, but also possibly the most-versatile. His professional style and on-point observations really caught my eye, but in the end it was his hockey writing, arguably the best on FoxSports.com’s blog community, that set him apart from the field. Additionally, the fact that he is a talented radio personality makes him a more-than-welcome addition to the AbsoluteBestNews.com team.
Rivera (a Next Great Sportswriter II Finalist) is a talented writer and the consummate professional. I compare him to Scottie Pippen, as he seems to do absolutely everything well, yet other than his NGS selection, he doesn’t get the credit he is due. I came away impressed by his submissions, and even more impressed by his attitude and willingness to do whatever it takes to help AbsoluteBestNews.com succeed. Rivera possesses the exact combination of talent and teamwork that we were looking for and we expect him to excel as a Featured Contributor over on our site.
Is Wilkinson eighteen? Nope. Did Rolling Stone magazine snub a young Cameron Crowe because he didn’t have to shave daily? No. Wilkinson may not have been old enough for FoxSports when the judges selected him for NGS II, but over at AbsoluteBestNews.com I have a little saying, “what matters isn’t your age, it’s what you can put on the page.” After all, we’re judging writing, not wine. Plain and simple—the kid can write. Already a featured writer for sites such as RealGM.com, the future is bright for Wilkinson. I’m glad he’s onboard, and look forward to letting him, “write, Forrest, write.”
Like his beloved Steelers, this PA sports nut turned blogger extraordinaire lays it all on the line every time he steps up to the keyboard. Gallo’s passion-filled anecdotes, lists, and columns are always distinctly “Eddie.” His stories about Pap, the Hummer, and his Weekly Truth Series just stood out when considered against the rest of the field. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I wanted him to be an important ingredient in the original AbsoluteBestNews.com recipe.
That being said, thanks to everyone that submitted and the glowing support this project has received from this community. I was flabbergasted by nearly every submittal, but when it came down to it, these 10 were perfect matches at this point and time for what I am trying to accomplish at AbsoluteBestNews.com. I really feel that these fellas, and a certain talented lady, are ready to start crafting some of the best material on the web today. Who knows, after this turnout I might even be back for OKWC II.
Anyway, it’s time for me to put on my chef’s hat and start cooking up those ingredients I talked about. Expect a site launch from us sometime in August!
Thanks Again,
Adam Best
AbsoluteBestNews.com
Editor-In-Chief/Lead Writer
absolutebestfilms@gmail.com
The 2006 season of Dallas was cancelled Tuesday night in favor of Miami Vice, er, Miami Heat. If Mark Cuban is the Mavericks answer to J.R. Ewing, then the question of the day is definitely:
Who Shot J.R.?
The Candidates
* David Stern
* Dwyane Wade
* Shaquille O’Neal
* Josh Howard
* Dirk Nowitzki
* The Referees
* Pat Riley
* Avery Johnson
* Jerry Stackhouse
* The Heat Role Players
* Mark Cuban
Just who was it that ultimately shot down "J.R." Cuban and his NBA Championship aspirations?
During the 1980s, many memorable shows dominated the TV airwaves.
Cheers. Dynasty. The A-Team. Dallas. Family Ties. L.A. Law. The Cosby Show. Miami Vice. Roseanne. Hill Street Blues.
Only two of those classic TV shows will receive blockbuster big-screen adaptations in the next year-and-a-half—Dallas and Miami Vice.
While both remakes are expected to be major box office hits, Miami Vice will likely end up becoming the bigger success story.
Miami Vice has Jamie Foxx, perhaps the hottest young movie star in America. Vice has Michael Mann, the award-winning Writer/Director. Vice has Colin Farrell, and while his acting isn’t always De Niro-esque, the Irishman is Hollywood’s latest Fonz. Finally, Vice has the bright lights and beautiful people of South Beach.
Dallas has Luke Wilson, whose career is just “Luke” warm compared to Foxx’s sizzle. Dallas has Gurinder Chadha, who, since you haven’t heard of her, directed Bend It Like Beckham. Dallas has John Travolta, who also is no De Niro, and unlike Farrell, hasn’t achieved Fonzie status since the late 70’s. Finally, Dallas’ homely backdrop can’t compare to the glamour and glitz of Vice’s location
Kinda reminds me of the NBA Finals.
The Miami Heat have Dwyane Wade, one of the best players in the NBA and People Magazine’s “50 Most Beautiful People.” The Heat have Pat Riley, the championship-winning Head Coach. The Heat have Shaquille O’Neal, and while he definitely won’t be mistaken for De Niro, the Big Malapropism is still the NBA’s Fonz. And yes, the Heat have the bright lights and beautiful people of South Beach.
Shaq’s pretty cool, but this cool?
The Dallas Mavericks best player, Dirk Nowitzki, is a lanky German that resembles Scooby-Doo’s Shaggy. The Mavericks Head Coach, Avery Johnson, sounds like he just inhaled a balloon-full of helium. The Mavericks Owner, Mark Cuban, is an ex-computer geek so uncool he makes Technology Kip look Fonz-like. And once again, Dallas’ backdrop ain’t got jack on Miami’s.
Based on marketability, that’s an easy pick. Right?
That’s just the thing—you don’t pick in sports. Ever hear the expressions “let ‘em play” or “may the best man win?” Sure, they are trite, but they are also true. The reason we fell in love with sports in the first place is because sometimes History writes better storylines than we could ever conceive ourselves. I say let History pick up the quills and do its thing.
Unfortunately, NBA Commissioner David Stern doesn’t agree.
Not only has Stern and his regime favored the Heat during these NBA Finals because of the abovementioned reasons, but also because of his disdain for Cuban. Let’s just say that Cuban and Stern have had some tiffs in the past, usually over the policies of the league and the performance of its officials.
As a result of both the appeal of the Miami Heat and his hatred of Cuban, Stern seems hell-bent on making O’Neal and Wade Miami’s most popular duo since Vice’s Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs.
Since I’ve made the accusations, here is the evidence…
In Game 4, Mavs G Jerry Stackhouse impeded what would have been an easy Shaq dunk with what used to be a "good, clean, hard foul." In fact, even the refs officiating the game didn’t believe that the foul was excessive. They only issued Stackhouse a Flagrant One foul. I think Wade’s knee-jerk reaction to mediate a potential fight made the foul look more severe than it actually was.
Stackhouse is a well-respected player that has been accused of being “soft,” but never, ever of being a bully. He simply wanted to keep Shaq, a horrendous free-throw shooter, from getting two easy points. That is no easy task. Stackhouse had no idea how hard he would have to contact Shaq in order to prevent an easy flush, so he went for the ball hard, getting a lot of body in the process. And when a 340 lb man hits the ground after running at full speed, it will always look bad.
Stackhouse’s one-game suspension is a joke. Sacramento Kings F Ron Artest, the NBA’s version of Mike Tyson, received a one-gamer for maliciously going after Manu Ginobli in a blowout. Heat F Udonis Haslem received a one-gamer for chucking his mouthpiece at a ref. Mavs G Jason Terry and Nuggets F Reggie Evans both received one-gamers for trying to rearrange their opponents man-atomy.
And Stack gets a one-game vacation for what used to be a “good, clean, hard foul?” This is simple—Stern saw his chance to aid the Heat in this series and pounced. Call me clinically insane, but I really believe that Stackhouse, possibly the NBA’s best sub, would have made a difference in the Mavs’ Game 5 101-100 OT loss to the Heat.
Dwyane’s World
Game 5 free-throw attempts: Dwayne Wade 25, Dallas Mavericks 24.
Now I understand team’s getting a call here and there at home, but this is getting re-freakin’-diculous. Wade is a damn good player, arguably as good as any in the league today. But all of a sudden the third-year marvel is getting treatment that I’m not even sure M.J. used to get back in the day. The most free throws that his Airness ever attempted during his prolific 15-year career was 27. The numbers just don’t add up.
To make matters worse, the refs handed Wade the game-winning points on a silver platter. First, it looked like there was a backcourt violation when he caught the inbounds pass with 9.1 seconds left in overtime. Second, even though he drew a foul on his drive to the hoop with 1.9 seconds remaining, it appeared that he was the one who was out of control. Wade even knocked Jason Terry down to the floor.
Nonetheless, despite both the apparent backcourt violation and the phantom foul, Wade was awarded two free throws. He calmly stepped up and knocked down both shots, giving the Heat the 101-100 victory.
Out Of Time?
The NBA and Game 5 refs Joey Crawford and Joe DeRosa stand by the claim that Mavs F Josh Howard boneheadedly burned the Mavs final timeout in-between Wade’s decisive free throws. Crawford says that Howard was looking right at DeRosa when he signaled “timeout.”
That is complete B.S.
Howard has vehemently denied this claim, saying that he “was looking straight at Coach" when he made the signal. I watched the entire game. It was obvious to me that Howard was communicating with Johnson over when to call the Mavs’ final timeout. I understand that Howard has to be more alert during late-game situations, but the refs also have to allow players to communicate with their coaches.
The refs jumped all over the Mavs communication breakdown. Although they won’t admit it, it was a subtle way to ensure Stern’s Game 5 objective—another Heat victory.
With two home games still remaining on the TV Guide, the Mavs still have a remote chance to foil Stern’s master programming. The Mavs could do that by winning both games, wrapping up the NBA Finals with a shocking season finale—The Dallas Mavericks first NBA Championship.
It’s inevitable—the 2006 season of Dallas will end tragically.
But from where I am sitting, with my TV Dinner, it certainly looks like Stern will make sure that the NBA Finals have an ending that is more faithful to the two original shows. With Wade and Shaq, Vice’s new uber-cool duo, on top, and Dallas’ new J.R. Ewing, Cuban, shot down.
If that happens, instead of all these “Nowitzness” t-shirts, we’ll start seeing some “Stern Shot J.R” ones.
Pronunciation: k&n-'spir-&-sE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -cies
Etymology: Middle English conspiracie, from Latin conspirare
1 : the act of conspiring together
2 a : an agreement among conspirators b : a group of conspirators
synonym see PLOT
Commissioner David Stern and his goons are at it again. Today they suspended Dallas Mavericks G and super sub Jerry Stackhouse one game for a foul on Miami Heat C Shaquille O’Neal committed during yesterday’s Game 4 of the NBA Finals.
Mavs Owner Mark Cuban will have a field day with this.
As an unbiased spectator (I'm a huge Indiana Pacers fan, as many of you know), this is bulls@#$! Unbelievable. Reminds me of when ex-Pacers G Jalen Rose stepped on the court from the bench with one foot only during an altercation that happened in the 1998 Eastern Conference Finals. That got Rose a one-game suspension, a move that protected Stern's precious Chicago Jordans, er, I mean, Bulls.
This is an obvious attempt to aid Dwyane Wade in his quest, or Stern's quest, for Wade to become the NBA's next marketing extravaganza.
Sorry, Mr. Cuban. What can I say—Dwayne sells.
Jerry Stackhouse weighs 215 lbs. soaking wet. How else would you expect him to foul Shaq, a 400 lb. behemoth, charging to the rim like a rhino? By Shaq's own admission, the foul wasn't even that hard. Stackhouse is so valuable to the Mavs. I can't believe this. Actually, I can. We are dealing with Stern and Stu Jackson. They might as well just hand the Larry O'Brien Trophy to the Miami Heat.
I went to see the new X-men movie, X-Men: The Last Stand, Friday night. It’s a pretty decent flick, especially if you like summer popcorn movies jam-packed with action and special effects sequences. As always, super thespian Ian McKellen brought the drama, while Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, and Rebecca Romijn brought the hotness. Kelsey Grammer and Patrick Stewart also turned in fine performances. Some X-Men fanboys and fangirls are apparently disappointed with the mishandling of several things and the not-so-faithful script, as was I to some extent, but overall the film was rather enjoyable.
What does X-Men have to do with sports? Everything.
During the movie I started comparing the sports world to the X-Men world. Dominant athletes in our world are rare. Dominant mutants in the X-Men world are just as scarce. Then I started thinking—which of today’s athletes are mutant-esque? That’s when I came up with this post of “X-Athletes” to be “My Last Stand” of NGS II Round 1. If I could re-cast the mutants of X-Men: The Last Stand with personalities from the sports world, this is how I would do it…
Cast of X-Athletes
New York Yankees Owner George Steinbrenner as “Magneto”
Magneto is the biggest villain the world of X-Men has ever known. Steinbrenner is the biggest villain the world of sports has ever known. Magneto uses his ability to control magnetic fields in his attempts to wipe out humankind. Steinbrenner uses his deep pockets in his attempts to wipe out the rest of baseball. Neither man has succeeded in their destructive quests, but both have come close several times.
Los Angeles Lakers Head Coach Phil Jackson as “Professor Charles Xavier”
Who else could manage the massive egos of mutant superstars Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, and Jean Grey, but “Headmaster” Professor X. Who else could manage the massive egos of basketball superstars Shaq, Kobe, Air Jordan, Dennis Rodman and Scottie Pippen, but “Zenmaster” Jackson? Professor X can read minds. Jackson can seemingly read the minds of opposing coaches. One lived in a mutant commune, the other should live in a hippy commune.
Miami Heat Center Shaquille O’Neal as “Colossus”
Colossus and Shaq are men of steel that tower over the competition. Both men are extremely valuable to their respective teams. Neither one of them impresses us with their vernacular.
Chicago Cubs Center Fielder Juan Pierre as “Kitty Pryde”
Walls don’t stop either of these standouts. Pryde phases through them, Pierre elevates over them. Pryde robbed Juggernaut in the movie, Pierre robbed Barry Bonds in real life.
San Francisco Giants Left Fielder Barry Bonds as “Juggernaut”
Both of these massive men are believed to harvest their unrivaled power from a supernatural energy source. If that isn’t enough of a similarity, just compare the size of their gigantic noggins.
New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady as “Cyclops”
These pretty boys have a penchant for dating Maxim-quality tail. Other than that, they both shoot out projectiles with laser-like precision. Cyclops shoots out laser beams from his eyes, while Brady fires footballs from his golden arm. Each of these heroes is often viewed to be the glue that holds together their respective team.
New York Knicks President Isiah Thomas as “Rogue”
As a mutant, Rogue was one of the best ever. As a player, Zeke was one of the best ever. As a person, Rogue sucks the life out of and ultimately kills anybody she touches. As an executive, Thomas has sucked the life out of the Knicks, and he might just kill off the franchise if he isn’t removed.
Indianapolis Colts Defensive End Dwight Freeney as “Beast”
Check out this quote from the good people over at Marvel—“The Beast possesses superhuman strength, agility, endurance, and speed, despite his bulk.” Sounds like QB-killer Freeney to me. Both “animals” also don a bright shade of blue while reeking havoc on opponents.
Pittsburgh Penguins Center Sidney Crosby as “Iceman”
The baby-faced Iceman can do just about anything with ice. The baby-faced “Sid the Kid” can do just about anything on ice. Both Iceman and Crosby do there fair share of whining.
Sacramento Kings Small Forward Ron Artest as “Pyro”
Pyro, a young mutant struggling with his emotions, doesn’t always put the fire he can summon to good use. Artest, a young superstar struggling with his emotions, doesn’t always put the fire he can summon to good use. Both are capable of burning either the opposition or their teammates, and both have during their turbulent pasts.
New Orleans Saints Running Back Reggie Bush as “Mystique”
Mystique can psionically shift her body to replicate any human. Bush can shift his body to replicate what any skill player has ever done on a football field. Before Friday, I thought both were impossible to catch.
Phoenix Suns PG Steve Nash as “Jean Grey/Phoenix”
As Jean Grey of the X-Men, Grey was great. When she became the Phoenix, she was almost unstoppable. As a Dallas Maverick, Nash was great. Since he became a Phoenix Sun, he’s been almost unstoppable. Both Grey and Nash possess telepathic powers (Nash at least comes close), can control objects and others around them, and look good doing what they do. They both are dangerous, though. Grey as the Phoenix nearly destroyed humankind. Nash with Phoenix might destroy basketball by letting aspiring hoopsters watch him play defense.
Los Angeles Lakers Shooting Guard Kobe Bryant as “Angel”
Bryant and Angel have a ton in common. They are products of relatively famous fathers and enjoyed privileged upbringings. However, they also endured troubling times as young adults and are trying to restore their now-damaged reputations. Will Angel’s and Kobe’s “wings” allow them to soar to the heights needed in order to revive their reps?
Tennis Stars Venus or Serena Williams as “Storm”
Each sister possesses the requisite beauty and abilities to play this role. Serena and Venus have been known to whirlwind around the court as they unleash a “Storm” of serves, volleys, lobs, and overhead smashes on opponents.
Green Bay Packers Quarterback Brett Farve as “Wolverine”
Wolverine: A moxie-filled man with incredible mutant healing powers. Continues to perform at a high level despite his old age. Typically beats the odds and conquers any obstacle. Vastly popular.
When NCAA Tournament Standout and George Mason star F Jai Lewis (6'7", 290 lbs.) agreed to a rookie free agent contract with the New York Giants earlier this week, it came to no surprise to me. When I watched Lewis during George Mason's miracle run to the Final Four I thought, "this dude would make a devastating NFL tight end or offensive tackle."
It’s not like this trail hasn’t been blazed before. The two best tight ends in football, the Chargers Antonio Gates and the Kansas City Chiefs Tony Gonzalez, are former college basketball players. Carolina Panthers defensive end Juluis Peppers and Philadelphia Eagles QB Donavon McNabb also played Division I college basketball.
The Giants say that Lewis might even play offensive tackle at the next level. Regardless, Lewis is big, athletic for his size, and has a mean streak. Collegiate basketball has also left him with the footwork and soft hands that few football players can match. Lewis was not the only ex-basketball player signed this week. The Rams signed seldom-used Connecticut F Ed Nelson (6’8”, 265 lbs.) to a rookie free agent contract as well.
These signings have got me thinking. Why doesn’t the NFL scout more basketball players? What current NBA players would make NFL studs? Here is my list of answers to that second question…
My All-NFL NBA Team:
Starters
• F Joey Graham, Toronto Raptors (6’7”, 230) – I don’t remember the exact statistics, but Graham was easily the most athletic rookie-to-be at last year’s NBA Draft workouts. He was lighting fast, super strong and had a pogo-stick vertical. To be honest, he’s not even that great of a basketball player at this point. This is the one current NBA player that I definitely think would be a better NFL player. He has the talent to be a Pro Bowl TE.
• F Ron Artest, Sacramento Kings (6’7”, 260 lbs) – He is definitely athletic and powerful enough. However, the main reason for Ron-Ron’s inclusion on this list is for kicks. Just imagine the carnage the “Tru Warier” could cause if he was unleashed on the football field. And you thought that Kellen Winslow was a neurotic TE.
• C Shaquille O’Neal, Miami Heat (7’1”, 320-360 lbs.) – The one guy that dwarfs Ravens T Jonathon Ogden. Would be a monster offensive tackle. How fun is it to think about Shaq lining up against Pro Bowl defensive ends like Peppers and Indianapolis Colts star Dwight Freeney?
• G Nate Robinson, New York Knicks (5’9”, 180 lbs.) Robinson played cornerback while at the University of Washington, so this is no shocker.
• G Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers (5’11”, 165 lbs.) - Now this might come as a shocker, but it shouldn’t. Iverson was an All-State football star in high school. He also has insane speed and quickness, excellent hands, and has a knack for getting open. Add the fact that he’s tougher than your old lunch lady’s chicken fried steak, and it’s obvious that A.I. would be a stud slot receiver. Think Az Hakim (they even look alike.)
Bench
* G Fred Jones, Indiana Pacers (6'2", 220 lbs.) - Jones, a former NBA Slam Dunk Contest Champ, could be a phenomenal reciever. There wouldn't be a CB in the NFL that could match his serious hops. Well, unless you count Nate-Rob.
* G Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets (6'4", 210 lbs.) - Kidd has all the itangibles o####reat scrambling quarterback--smarts, speed, passing accuracy, elusiveness and leadership ability. In my mind, he might just be the best QB in Jersey (and yes, that is a knock on the J-E-T-S for passing on Matt Leinart).
* G Chauncey Billups, Detroit Pistons (6'3", 210 lbs.) - LenDale White's cuz has safety written all over him. Football seems to be in his family, and as a member of the Pistons, he's definitely tough enough.
* G-F Raja Bell, Phoenix Suns (6'5", 210 lbs.) - Skinny, but as we all witnesssed last night, he can hit. The best clothesline since #### "Night Train" Lane.
* F James Posey, Miami Heat (6'8", 220 lbs.), Posey would make a great special teams player. I can tell you this: He wouldn't have gotten suspended for that downfield shoulder tackle he made on Kirk Hinrich. He would've been congratulated. Needs to work on wrapping up, though.
* F Danny Fortson, Seattle Sonics (6'7", 270 lbs.) Fortson might just have the horsepower, wheels and motor necessary to play DE in the NFL. However, he would have to shed those girly pigtails for sure.
* C Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons (6'9", 250 lbs.) Big Ben would have to beef up to play DE, but I can see him as a relentless pash rusher that rings QB's bells. Can't you?
This morning both Shaunie O'Neal, the wife of Miami Heat Superstar C Shaquille O'Neal, and Vanessa Bryant, the wife of Los Angeles Superstar G Kobe Bryant, gave birth to little girls. Is it just chance that the two players most often linked to each other (yes, even more than the struggling trinity of LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony and Dwayne Wade) both became fathers to new daughters on the same morning?
Making the situation even freakier, Mearah Sanaa O'Neal was born a mere six minutes before Gianna Maria-Onore Bryant. This can't be a coincidence, can it?
Is Kobe so caught up in this anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better rivalry that he is trying to out-populate his former teammate and current adversary? Did he have spies providing him information about the exact time of Shaunie's pregnancy? Or have the O'Neals just been popping out kids at such an incredible Mormon-like rate that something along these lines was bound to happen? Shawn Kemp may have had seventeen (last time I checked) kids, but to my knowledge he never had six with one woman. At this rate Shaq may be able to have his own starting five (both NBA and WNBA) when the impregnating is all said and done.
Shaq trying to remember how many kids he has.
I think he should give himself a new nickname--the Big Fertile.
The best thing about Shaq’s fatherhood is the creative names that he has been giving his children. The O’Neal children are named Amirah, Mearah, Myles, Shaqir, Shareef and Taahirah. When Myles (check the spelling) is your most traditionally named child, you are getting creative. He may not be getting Coco (the child of actors Courtney Cox-Arquette and David Arquette) or Apple (the child of actress Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin) creative, but what he lacks in substance he makes up with in spelling.
Kobe may have him beat on the basketball court right now, but the babymaking (and naming) contest is currently being dominated by Shaq.
Kobe Bryant has been here for ten years. He has won three NBA Championships. He has won scoring titles. He scored the second most points in a NBA game ever (81). At this point, forty-point outbursts seem almost routine. He has made the All-NBA First Team and All-Defensive First Team multiple times. Defensively, he can be mentioned in the same breath as modern shutdown artists Bruce Bowen, Ben Wallace and Ron Artest. Offensively, he has no peers. The jerseys of his equals hang in the rafters. Wilt Chamberlain. Michael Jordan. The list pretty much stops there. His ability to hit big shots in the clutch is rivaled by only Jerry West, Larry Bird, Jordan and Reggie Miller. He is climbing to the top of that list.
Most recently, he averaged 35 freakin’ points per game this season while leading a Scottie Pippen wannabee and a group of vagabonds to the playoffs. Actually, it looks like he might take them deep into the playoffs. Western Conference Finals deep. Heck, even the Finals aren't out of the question.
It’s clear to me now: we messed up. For years we’ve been looking for the next Michael Jordan. There was Harold Minor. Then there was Grant Hill. Next was Jerry Stackhouse. Then Vince Carter. Now, there is LeBron James and even Dwayne Wade. None of those guys are truly like Mike. Yes, LeBbron James is an amazing player. However, he just doesn’t have the drive and killer instinct requisite to become the true Air Apparent. That is Kobe Bean Bryant, who has been here this whole time. For ten years.
The MVP Debate
Damn. We’ve crowned the wrong King. We’ve selected the wrong MVP. We’ve slept on Kobe Bryant. We’ve been hitting the snooze button over and over again so that we can keep dreaming about LeBron’s trademark smile and Steve Nash’s flowing brown locks. Meanwhile, the alarm has been loud and clear—“I’m Kobe Bryant. The best basketball player in the World. Period.”
Why is this? Does the basketball world shun Kobe because of the sexual assault trial where he was essentially vindicated? Or is it because he grew up silver-spoon-in-mouth as a professional basketball player’s son? Maybe it’s because he plays for the often-loved, more-often-hated Lakers. Or maybe even because of the general perception that it was him and not Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak and Owner Jerry Buss that punched Shaquille O’Neal’s ticket out of Tinseltown (For the record, this was the right move. Shaq is overweight, past his prime, and is no longer the 40-20 Shaq). Maybe it’s Kobe’s intense demeanor and loner style that prevent him from being a media darling.
Whatever the reason may be, the man is not being paid his proper dues. Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA, the King of the Court, and the rightful MVP.
Go ahead and call him selfish. Call him a ballhog. You would hang on to the ball too if you were playing alongside a journeyman named Smush, the erratic Lamar Odom, Chris Mihm, and the soon-to-be bust of the decade Kwame Brown. Kobe doesn’t just put up numbers. He also commands the ball when the game is in the balance. He routinely shuts down the other team’s best perimeter player. He takes over games and often wills his overmatched team to victory.
Doesn't he look shocked?
Do Jordan’s so-called heir James and MVP Nash do all of these things? No.
First off, both of these guys are turnstiles defensively. Nash’s defense is similar to that of a bad guy in an Ah-nold movie—stand there flat-footed and let the opposition shoot at will. James’ defense isn’t much better. Sure, he has all the athletic tools, but he doesn’t have the drive, the grit necessary to become a stopper. He’s more concerned with his “King James” ad-campaign and putting up triple-doubles. His lazy defense also enables his teammates to follow his lead. Both Nash’s Suns and James’ Cavaliers play lousy defense. Phoenix is the third-worst team in the league defensively and anyone who has watched Cleveland play (which is everyone, the NBA, Nike and ESPN are shoving James down our throats) knows that they can’t dig in and gets stops either. Kobe’s Lakers rate 15th defensively, but play exceptional team defense and get stops when they are needed. This is a reflection of Kobe’s influence. His toughness and shear determination rub off on his teammates.
Secondly, while both Nash and James are offensive studs that make everyone around them better, they do not take over games like Kobe does. As James’ ad-campaign would put it, we were all “witness” to this in Game Two of each players First Round Playoff series.
At home in Game One LeBron James put up a triple-double and protected his team’s homecourt advantage. In the more crucial Game Two contest he allowed Caron Butler and the rest of the Wizards to intimidate him and played softer than Charmin toilet paper. Not only did he not have the “Eye of the Tiger” (look into Kobe’s, any of the Detroit Pistons Starter’s, or Manu Ginobli’s eyes to see this), but also he looked lethargic at times. Gilbert Arenas outplayed him and the Wizards won Game Two and stole homecourt advantage from the Cavs.
Nash and his Suns also protected homecourt against Bryant’s Lakers in Game One. However, Nash came up short in Game Two. The very day that Nash was named MVP over Kobe – and you have to know that this made Bryant’s blood boil – Kobe stole homecourt advantage away from the Suns on their own floor. He didn’t do it with fifty points, either. He did it by looking more like Magic Johnson than Kobe Bryant; putting up 29 points, 10 rebounds and 5 assists. Those are numbers you’d expect from James, who was too busy going a paltry 7-25 from the field in his team’s crucial game. Kobe even put the game away in emphatic fashion. In the fourth quarter he nearly jumped over Nash on a dunk that distanced his Lakers from the Suns and put an exclamation point on a sentence that’s on the tip of all of our tongues – Kobe is the real MVP!
Finally, and this is my true definition of MVP, take each player away from his respective team for the entire duration of last season. After doing that how would each team fare? This is entirely subjective, but ask yourself this question and I am guessing that you will reach a similar conclusion.
Remove Nash from Phoenix and the Suns still have a top-ten talent in Shawn Marion. Raja Bell is one of the NBA’s most underrated players. Kurt Thomas gives the Suns a guy that can shoot, rebound and defend down low. James Jones and Boris Diaw were two guys that, if you watched closely last year, were ready to break out. Eddie House accumulates points like he was playing pinball. Leandro Barbosa may be the best back-up point guard in basketball. Tim Thomas is playing like an All-Star. Without Nash, the Suns still have considerable talent. My guess is that they would’ve battled the Sacramento Kings for the eighth Playoff spot out West.
Take James out of the equation in Cleveland and you still have two All-Stars in Larry Hughes and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Flip Murray is a playmaking guard that could crack any coach’s rotation in the league. Donyell Marshall is a talented veteran big man with a penchant for the long ball. Damon Jones and Eric Snow form an above-average point guard platoon. Drew Gooden can be a beast on the boards. Add in Anderson Varejao, Luke Jackson, Sasha Pavlovic and Alan Henderson and the Cavs still have a very capable squad. Without Lebron this team is basically the Milwaukee Bucks, the eight-seeded Playoff team out East.
Pull Kobe Bryant off the Lakers and you have a huge mess. The Lakers go-to scorer would be Odom, who defers more than a timid first date. The rest of the team would be Brian Cook, Mihm, Brown, Smush Parker, Luke Walton, Devean George, Sasha Vujacic and two washed-up veterans in Aaron Mckie and Jim Jackson. Not a very imposing group. This team would have been the Portland Trailblazers with Lamar Odom playing Darius Miles. Actually, the Lakers would have been worse. At least the Blazers had a low-post presence in Zach Randolph.
Add all this up and it is easy to see why Kobe Bryant should be the 2005-06 NBA MVP. He is more like Mike than LBJ (down to even the tongue, scowl and off-the-court problems), and is a “King” on anyone’s court, especially his own. There is no doubt in my mind that when you remove all of the extracurricular garbage Kobe Bryant is left standing as the most indpensable, unstoppable player in the entire NBA. The problem is that everyone would rather keep hitting snooze. Well, my snooze button is off and I hear the alarm. Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player in the world. He’s been here for ten years and we still don’t see it… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Adam Best is a filmmaker and sportswriter who resides in Miami. He and his brother Zach have their own Kansas City Chiefs blogsite -- Arrowhead Addict.com. Best also covers the Miami Dolphins and NFL for Real Football 365.com. He was one of 16 finalists on Fox Sports.com's Next Great Sportswriter II contest.
