Welcome! This is the first diary that I've really been associated
with since Scarface dropped his fifteen or so years ago, so I'm exited
to say the least. It feels like I'm eight years old again and this is
Christmas, really. I'll be updating after every pick or two, discussing
how the NFL Draft's first day is shaping up from the Chiefs'
perspective.
12:15 PM EST: Commissioner Goodell kicked this party off not
too long ago. Let's see if if the Raiders actually pick JaMarcus
Russell or do something crazy here. If they do instead go with C.J. it
could throw the entire draft off.
12:23 PM EST: No surprise there. The Oakland Raiders go with JaMarcus Russell
and give Matt Millen and the Lions a birthday present. The only
question here is does Millen have the balls to select his fourth WR in
the last five first rounds? Or will the Lions trade this pick to, say,
Atlanta or Tampa Bay? This could get nuts.
The other issue is why would Da Raidahs trade Randy Moss after he just drafted Russell? That makes absoluetly no sense at all.
12:28 PM EST: According to the draft value chart the Falcons
would have to swap first-round picks and give up both their
second-round picks, as well as their third- and fourth-round picks.
Tampa Bay on the other hand, would only have to swap first-round picks and give up both a second- and a third-round pick.
All of this means that it will be much, much easier for the Bucs to get this deal done.
12:32 PM EST: The Detroit Lions pick Calvin Johnson. Don't
hate, Lions fans. Yes, it's another receiver -- but he's also the best
player in the draft. He could be a Pro Bowler as soon as next season.
Let's wait and see if he stays a Lion. So far, the draft is shaping up
just as we predicted.
12:37 PM EST: All signs point towards T Joe Thomas going to
the Browns here, but with Peterson and Quinn still on the board, truly
anything could go down.
12:42 PM EST: Who's that platinum-haired hoochie sitting next to Brady Quinn?
12:44 PM EST: The Cleveland Browns take Joe Thomas with the
third pick. Quinn looked shocked. Berman called the pick "a curveball."
Whatever. I knew Thomas was the pick. 100% so far.
12:46 PM EST: I'll be very surprised if Gaines Adams doesn't go to the Bucs here. A trade could happen, but I highly doubt it. Peterson also could go to the Bucs and the Brady Quinn draft slide has officially begun.
12:51 PM EST: Why is Thomas fishing today? What an ####.
12:56 PM EST:The Tampa Bay Buccaneers go with Gaines Adams. We are still 100%.
12:59 PM EST: This is where the draft could get tricky. We
have Levi Brown going to the Cards, but they could go with a number of
guys -- Landry, Okoye, Peterson, etc...
1:05 PM EST:The Arizona Cardinals reach for Levi Brown. We are on fiya! Still 100% accurate.
1:07 PM EST: Either Rachel Nichols didn't sleep last night or she's extremely committed to her job. She's still hot, though.
1:10 PM EST: Let's see what the Skins do here. Okoye would keep us perfect.
1:16 PM EST: Well, damn. Everybody is saying Landry is going
here. We'll see in a minute. And Keyshawn has me ready to switch over
to the NFL Network. He is awful.
1:19 PM EST: The Washington Redskins do indeed take S LaRon Landry.
Our first whiff. I think the Vikes have to, have to, have to take A.P.
here. Personally, I feel he is the second-best player in this draft.
As far as the Chiefs are concerned, it looks like Staley could be
gone by the time we pick after Brown went early. No corners or
defensive tackles have gone off the board yet, though.
1:29 PM EST:The Minnesota Vikings do #### Adrian Peterson. Six of seven so far. Great pick for the Vikes. A.P. and Chester will form a sick tandem.
1:34 PM EST: I'm thinking Okoye goes to the Dirty Birds here.
1:41 PM EST: Wah waahh wee whoa! Jamal Anderson is the Atlanta Falcons' pick. I'm shocked. The good news is that no defensive tackles have gone 1/4 of the way through the first.
1:46 PM EST: I also cover the Phins here locally, so I have a pretty good read on them. I'm thinking Quinn all the way this late.
1:50 PM EST: The Miami Dolphins select... WR Tedd Ginn? Holy s@#%! More on this in a sec...
1:54 PM EST: Call me crazy, but if Quinn is still there at
14, I think the Chiefs should give the Panthers a ring and see what the
cost of moving up would be. I've heard that they want to move back, so
it could actually be a possibility.
As for the last pick, I cannot believe the Dolphins. Do Cam Cameron
and Randy Mueller actually like their jobs? Ginn was an awful, terrible
pick there.
1:56 PM EST: Also, does this indicate that the Trent Green trade is all but done?
2:07 PM EST: The Houston Texans restore order and grab DT Amobi Okoye. This
is a great pick for them, as they pair this draft's best DT with last
year's best DE -- "Super" (kind of, I guess) Mario Williams.
As for Brady Quinn, he keeps on slippin'. Just how far can he
slide? I think the 49ers go DE here, maybe Carriker, but I could be
wrong. They won't pick Quinn, but a trade is possible.
DTs have started going off the board, but no CBs have gone yet.
Could a Revis or Hall fall to the Chiefs at 23? That would be nice.
Even Ross would be hard to pass on.
2:15 PM EST: Man, that Michael Smith is freakin' sharp. He
totally predicted this Quinn freefall and he just made an outstanding
observation about how much dough the Texans have spent on its D-line.
The Bills will probably go with Willis after the Niners' pick, but they could trade or reach for Marshawn ####.
2:18 PM EST: Steve Young aptly mentioned the Chiefs as a team that should be going after Quinn right now. Why not go get him, man?
2:21 PM EST: The San Fransisco 49ers just totally stole Patrick Willis out from under the Bills. Wow. The Bills actually might trade back. If we are seriously contemplating Quinn, now might be the time to go and get him.
2:28 PM EST: The legendary Bruce Smith announces that the Buffalo Bills reach on Marshawn ####. That's just not a good pick at the 12 spot. Wasn't anyone on the phone? I mean, Quinn is still
there. My jaw is wide open. WTF? Go get him, King Carl. I like Brodie
Croyle as much as the next guy, but he's not Brady Quinn. We've worked
well with the St. Louis brass in the past, maybe we could get something
done?
2:37 PM EST: What will the Rams do here? Probably pick a CB.
I'm starting to think that maybe Quinn could even fall to us. I guess
someone else could leapfrog us, or Jacksonville or Jerry Jones could
take this kid, but he could end up there at 23. I think we should trade
our fourth, and a future third maybe, to swap first-round picks with
Green Bay and take him. This is the potential deal of a lifetime for
the Chiefs, and I think that even with other pressing needs we'd be
stupid to pass on the chance to draft Quinn this late in round one.
2:42 PM EST: The St. Louis Rams select Adam Carriker. Excellent
pick for them, but I can't concentrate on other teams right now.
Branch, Hall, Quinn and Revis are all still on the board nearly halfway
through the first. This is unbelievable. I am really going to be
depressed if we manage to mess this situation up.
2:48 PM EST: J-E-T-S... JETS, JETS, JETS! Kiper is absolutely
right, the Jets are trading up to get a CB here, likely Hall. The
Mangenius and Co. picked Kellen Clemons last year, so they don't need a
QB at all. I'm salivating over Quinn and Revis right now. I've
completely forgotten about my boy Justin Harrell at this point.
3:00 PM EST: The New York Jets took Darrelle Revis. The Mangenius really proved his nickname with that shrewd move.
Hall and Quinn are still available. What do we do here? Jacksonville
could take Quinn and Cincy would more than likely take Hall. If we want
one of those guys we'll have to move up.
The Pittsburgh Steelers just selected Lawrence Timmons. They've always liked him, so that comes as no surprise.
This might be the spot to trade up to if we want either Hall or Quinn, and we'd be crazy not to want those guys this late.
3:06 PM EST: This is an amazing feeling right now. Just a
exhilarating rush of adrenaline. What am I talking about? The quickly
growing Brady Quinn "what if?" I can see him wearing the Red, White and
Gold inside my head right now. It will probably never happen, but it's
damn fun to imagine the scenario. At least for me it is...
3:19 PM EST: The Green Bay Packers swipe Justin Harrell. My main man is off the board.Oh
well, while I love Harrell, I'm pumped about Branch, Hall and Quinn.
Even though I've been tough on Branch in the past, at 23 he is great
value.
Now Jacksonville might very well take Quinn, so if we want him this
would be the time to go get him. Otherwise, looking at the teams that
follow -- Cincinnati, Tennessee, the New York Giants and Denver -- we
might be able to get Quinn at our spot. I would be very worried about
Jerry Jones taking him, though, so we would probably have to swap with
the 'Boys.
3:24 PM EST: The beepin' Broncos just traded up. I'm too mad to even type right now. Probably for Branch, though. Maybe Nelson. I hope.
King Carl is one cool customer if he's just playing roulette with
this thing and waiting for the perfect player to slide to 23. I
would've traded up by now. In Carl we trust?
3:37 PM EST: The Denver Broncos trade throw away a third- and sixth-round pick to move upfour spots and get DE Jarvis Moss. Who
was going to take him before their pick? They are crazy. I don't even
like him. That was the best-case scenario for us. LMAO at Mike
Shanahan!!
I 'm getting winded, man. So pumped right now. Branch, Hall... QUINN
3:40 PM EST: As suspected, the Cincinnati Bengals steal Leon Hall. Great player, great character, great pick.
Now, we need to work out a deal with the Giants. Otherwise
Jacksonville or Dallas will surely take Quinn. That is if King Carl
even wants him. I'm starting to wonder. However, if any GM has the
authority to pick a guy like Quinn, it's Peterson. We'll know in the
next hour. I guess he could still slip. If Jacksonville moved back how
bad can they really want Quinn?
I'm sorry to tell all the Chiefs fans who voted for him, but I think the Titans go with WR Dwayne Bowe here.
3:46 PM EST: You know, we shouldn't blink at trading a third
and a sixth to move up to 20 and get Quinn, especially since we will
definitely be getting at least a sixth from the Phins for Green. The
Ginn pick really gave away what Miami intends to do.
3:50 PM EST: Holy reacheration, Batman, the Tennessee Titans just
picked Michael Griffin ahead of Reggie Nelson with the 19th pick. Did that really just happen!?!?
BRADY QUINN! BRADY QUINN! BRADY QUINN!!
At this point, why the hell not. This is a gift, folks.
4:00 PM EST: The New York Giants select CB Aaron Ross. Nice pick, G-Men.
ESPN just reported that the Chiefs will take Quinn at 23 if he
falls, but that teams are trying to trade up and leapfrog us. King Carl
must have balls of steel. I would have moved up long ago.
4:07 PM EST: I knew it. I knew it. The Jacksonville
Jaguars traded back knowing they would still get a safety, and they
take the best one available -- Reggie Nelson.
This is so nerve wracking, man. My phone is just blowing up. I can't
talk right now, people! Jerry Jones and King Carl scare the hell out of
me. What would be worse? The 'Boys taking Quinn right in front of us?
Or King Carl passing him up?
4:24 PM EST: The Cleveland Browns completely screw us and trade up to get Brady Quinn.
Does this define what it's like to be a Chiefs fan or what? I am
speechless. Well, we're on the clock. I'm just devastated. It's not
even that I love Quinn that much, I just think he's a can't-miss
prospect at 23.
Once again, King Carl's stubbornness hurts us. There. I said it.
Here is what I am really mad about -- Dallas just received a 2007
second and 2008 first for doing nothing. We were so close to receiving
that very same compensation. Damn. And we could've gone up to 17 for a
third and a sixth. Looks like King Carl didn't even want him. Too bad.
I'm not looking forward to becoming even more disappointed here in the next seven minutes or so.
4:42 PM EST: The Kansas City Chiefs finally, finally, finally pick a first-round WR, and a good one, in Dwayne Bowe. I
feel pretty good, really. I think we may have even acted like we wanted
Quinn so that Bowe would slip to us. This might even be a ringing
endorsement for Brodie from Carl, Herm and Co. I know that I talked up
both Branch and Jarrett, but when we got to 23 they, along with Staley
and Houston, really scared me. Meachem scared me the most. I'm not
upset whatsoever about this pick. The offense will have no excuses next
year with Bowe in the fold. I have big-time expectations for this kid,
no matter who is throwing the football to him. Much, much more coming
on Bowe later. We will even be doing a radio broadcast later on
breaking down all the Chiefs day-one picks.
4:45 PM EST: It seems like Chiefs fans are upset. Don't be.
Dwayne Bowe is a player with tremendous physical attributes. He's big,
strong and fast. One of the best things about him is that he is an
outstanding blocker. Seriously, he could end up being a bigger,
speedier Hines Ward eventually. Give this pick a chance. It is much
less risky than picking Branch, Houston, Meachem or Staley, and
corners, DTs and O-lineman will be there in the next two rounds. For
now, let's just chill out and let this pick sink in. Two words -- Tamba
Hali. Two more words -- have faith.
(Click on the above image for ArrowheadAddict.com site link)
Last weekend we picked for the Chiefs in a first-round mock draft over at FoxSports.com’s blog community.
The draft was crazy, a little too crazy at times considering Tedd Ginn
Jr. went third overall and Amobi Okoye went 21st. Still, it was a
fairly accurate reflection of how the draft could go.When it came time
for us to make the 23rd pick lots of receivers — Calvin Johnson, Dwayne
Jarrett, Robert Meachem, Steve Smith, and Ted Ginn Jr. — were already
off the board. We looked long and hard at selecting Dwayne Bowe there,
who we like, but ultimately decided that we were going with a
cornerback. After all, Pat Surtain and Ty Law aren’t getting any faster
or younger. With only one CB previously selected, Michigan’s Leon Hall,
we were torn between Pittsburgh’s Darrelle Revis and Texas’ Aaron Ross.
After reading all kinds of scouting reports, reviewing stats and
watching as much YouTube footage as we could find for each player, we
decided that Revis was the pick. What impresses us the most about Revis
is that he wasn’t surrounded by the talent that Hall or Ross was last
season, but was respected by opposing coaches even more. Revis claims
to have only been thrown at 15 times last season, with two picks and
only one mistake (a touchdown-saving pass interference call). A smart
player who not only has the requisite size (6'0?, 200 lbs.), smarts and
speed (4.38 40 at Pittsburgh’s pro day) to be a shutdown NFL corner,
but also the swagger. You know, that Deion Sanders-Champ Bailey “don’t
even think about throwing at me” attitude.
Revis also returns punts — well. That’s all I need to say, the video
below will say the rest. And since Dante Hall has seemingly lost his
touch, it might be nice to have another potent return specialist on the
roster. Just in case we decide to let Hall walk.
We have become truly infatuated with Revis here at
ArrowheadAddict.com. Hopefully, the Chiefs will be lucky, and smart,
enough to draft him later this month.
Zach and I suspected that this could possibly be an April Fool's joke, and with no other sites reporting Warpaint Illustrated's Jeff George-Chiefs story at this hour, it looks like that's exactly what the report was. Too bad. I actually got somewhat pumped about George donning the red, white and gold, even if half of my reasoning was based solely on the entertainment value of the situation.
Honestly, it was a pretty good little joke, considering that the site is typically reliable and that the Chiefs adding George is somewhat of a possibility. Hey, it was a much better prank than people on MySpace.com posting bulletins stating that Johnny Depp had died of a heart attack. Couldn't they muster anything better? Anyway, Warpaint halfway got us, but hopefully by us posting this we took some people along for the ride as well. Remember, Truman Sports Complex is located in Missouri, and Missouri loves company. Now I am even more determined to help get Whitlock's boy on a roster!
What started out with me jokingly speculating that aging and unemployed QB Jeff George may wind up with the Kansas City Chiefs is no longer just a joke or even merely speculation. WarpaintIllustrated.com is reporting that George and the Chiefs agreed to a one-year deal Saturday night, making the Chiefs George's eighth NFL team. I thought that George would be back in the league, albeit most likely only briefly. I absolutely did not expect for him to really end up a Chief. I only expected his boy and KC Star columnist Jason Whitlock to suggest it to Chiefs GM "King" Carl Peterson. But King Carl actually signed George! As far as how shocked I am, on a scale of 10 I'm a 17.
If this is true, the next logical question is what incriminating pictures of King Carl does Whitlock possess? Last year, after two years of heavy campaigning from Whitlock, Herm Edwards barely convinced King Carl to make a no-brainer move and finally ink veteran star CB Ty Law. Now Carl signs George without even a peep from Whitlock? Unbelievable. Whitlock has to have something on Carl Peterson. I'm just convinced of it. Either that or George really did a helluva JaMarcus Russell impersonation and rocket-armed the ball all over the field in a workout.
If this is really true, what does it mean? Is a Trent Green move on the horizon (I've heard Miami really wants to get a deal done soon)? Is George actually going to see any burn? Or is he simply here to hold a clipboard and mentor Green's likely heir apparent -- Brodie Croyle? And what does this mean for Damon Huard, the Chiefs interim QB? Will George even still be on the roster come opening day? I guess only time will tell. Until then, we'll keep you posted with "George Watch".
What is “The Cut List?” It is a new feature that we are running over
at ArrowheadAddict.com (occasionally, I will post over here as well), in which I vent my own and other Chiefs fans’
frustrations by listing the top-three current Chiefs who deserve to get
their worthless #### cut the most. For good measure, I also absolutely
tear them a new one. Hey, they deserve it. They are the ones who are
getting paid millions of dollars to suck, not us. Without further ado….
1. DT Ryan Sims - Right now, Sims is
the undisputed king of the cut list. However, in his defense he has
been exactly what Carl Peterson and the gang drafted him to be with the
sixth-overall pick back in the 2002 NFL Draft — a space-eating legion
and disruptive force. Too bad the only space he’s eaten has been salary
cap space and the only thing he’s disrupted has been his defensive
teammates, who constantly have had to overcompensate for Sims’ poor
play since his arrival. The worst thing about Sims is that we didn’t
cut our losses and give up on him long ago… and we still
haven’t! I tell you what, if I see this guy at an airport carrying more
shopping bags than any man ever should (My brother and I have both seen
him — in Orlando and Phoenix, respectively — with a hal####ozen shopping
bags and gear fresher than the stuff Jay-Z sports. And no, there wasn’t
a woman with him.) I will flat out lose it. I’m sick of Sims getting
paid big-time bucks to play his embarrassing brand of defense. I’d
rather see the money given to his charity or flushed down the toilet.
The day he is cut will be a glorious day for all Chiefs fans.
2. DE Eric Hicks - As I
pointed out the other day in a “Chiefs Fix” post, Hicks recorded only
seven tackles last year and is set to make $7.9 million over the next
three seasons. At that rate, our beloved Chiefs will be paying him
around $250,000, a cool quarter mil, for every tackle he records. I
don’t even have a metaphor for that level of futility. All I know is
that with defensive ends Jared Allen (tentatively, I suppose) and Tamba
Hali on the roster, Hicks and his huge salary put the “E” in
expendable. To quote the Bobs from “Office Space”, “Naga… Naga… Naga…
Not gonna work here anymore.” “Gone!”
3. S Greg Wesley - Here is
another guy that just makes my stomach quiver. Completely blowing, like
former Chiefs D-back Jason Belser did, is one thing. The ####-poor
attitude that Wesley brings to the field every Sunday is another. How
many times have we seen him completely quit on a play, usually ceding a
touchdown to the opposition (remember Shannon Sharpe… Tiki Barber… Mark
Clayton… and on and on and on)? How many times have we seen him go for
the knockout hit and completely miss the ball carrier? How many times
have we seen him just run by a ball carrier, matador-style, then shake
his head? He has to go. I seriously hope that the
organization’s faith in Page and Pollard and the signing of McGraw
means a pink slip for old G-Wes. My disdain for Wesley is so great that
we will soon be running another feature specifically dedicated to this
defensive turnstile.
The three players on this list will be
extremely tough to supplant, but I’d like to hear some opinions from
our readers on which Chiefs should be cut. Fire away…
That’s right; 2,000 yards For Larry “Johnson &” Johnson (because he leaves the competition shredded and in bandages) is my big prediction for the 2006 NFL season. Yes, I ‘m a Kansas City Chiefs fan. So what? I’m not predicting that my boys will win the Superbowl, I’m predicting that their best player will go completely berserk, rush for 2,000-plus yards, and be named the NFL's Offensive Player of the Year. After all, I’ve watched him more than almost any “analyst” out there, I should now. The guy has this Tupac-“Me Against the World” thing going on. He feels that as a football player he’s been slighted his entire career, and now he’s out to make everyone in his way pay. Seriously, I haven’t seen someone run with the anger he harnesses every Sunday since, well, the last time I watched Earl Campbell or Jim Brown highlights. Check out this 2006 YouTube L.J. primer (Sorry about the expletives, but the NFL is finally here, I’m pumped, and you can always mute the sound.) and then check out the rest of my thoughts and predictions.
I’m bumping a little old school Ludacris right now. I’m pumped. The
Chiefs-Cincinnati Bengals game tomorrow at Arrowhead is huge for me.
NFL-wise and Fantasy Football-wise.
NFL-wise, The Chiefs have to win tomorrow. They need to make a
statement that the AFC West is theirs to win. Not Denver’s or San
Diego’s. I won’t even consider the Raiders with the fatal combination
of Art Shell at head coach and Aaron Brooks at quarterback.
Fantasy-wise,
Chad “Simon Phoenix” Johnson, along with Steven Jackson, aka L.J.-Lite
(trust me on this one), is one of my best players. Is rooting for him a
conflict of interest? No. Not when you take fantasy as seriously as I
do. Tomorrow I have to win. I’m playing Mikey, the league comedian, who
is back after a two-year hiatus. Last year was the first year that my
Hollywood A-Trains have ever missed the playoffs and it’s been 3 years
since I won my title. The kid’s gonna get Trained. Mark my words. I
think that I'm even going to make shirts this year to send out to my
many victims. They'll say, "I GOT TRAINED" on the back. I like the
sound of that. Has a definite ring.
Basically, I’m rooting for Chad Johnson to post 100-plus yards and 1-2 TDs in a losing effort.
Funny thing is, while we are still somewhat talking about Johnson,
Mikey is a huge, huge Priest Holmes apologist. I love Priest. Love ‘em.
But he wasn’t as tough, or as good, as Larry Johnson is. He never took
us to a Superbowl. Matter of fact, Priest never led the Chiefs to a
playoff victory. Neither did Willie Roaf or #### Vermeil. That’s why I
am predicting 2,000. I believe in Larry more than I ever believed in
those guys. And Herm Edwards is no dummy. He’ll run L.J. all the way to
the Playoffs.
How will the Red, White, and Gold fare in the playoffs? Part of me
wants to predict an I-70 Chiefs-St. Louis Rams Superbowl, but I just
can’t. Both Missouri squads will go far, likely Conference Championship
far, but neither will make the big game. I’m rolling with Steve Smith’s
Carolina Panthers and Peyton Manning’s Indianapolis Colts in that one.
Both Smitty and “Cut that Meat” are on L.J.-type missions of their own
and have better supporting casts. The Panthers are my Superbowl Champs.
Head Coach John Fox’s squad has a slightly better defense and a much
better rushing attack than the Colts. It’s as simple as that.
What else will go down during the 2006 NFL season…
• Quarterbacks Favre, McNair, Warner, and Collins will not still be
their team’s signal callers by season’s ends. Those teams—the Packers,
Ravens, Cardinals, and Titans—will all miss the playoffs. Some call
these teams “sleepers.” I say all of their playoff aspirations will be
asleep by week 13-14.
• San Francisco 49ers TE Vernon Davis, and not Saints RB Reggie “The
President/Baby Matrix” Bush or Cardinals QB Matt Leinart, will be the
NFC Rookie of the Year. He will have at least 7 TDs, and 10 TDs is
within the realm of possibilities. And, yes, he’s on my fantasy squad.
• Ravens Head Coach Brian Billick will be canned by the end of the
season. Marty-ball will also have to find a new home after the Chargers
have a disappointing season with Phillip Rivers at QB.
• (Interlude: Now “The Seeker” by The Who is playing. I’m jacked and
dousing my innards with ridiculously potent Starbucks. I may not sleep
tonight. At least not much.)
• I like the Giants to win the ultra-competitive NFC East. I don’t
believe in the A.T. (After T.O.) Eagles. I think the Redskins’
“suped-up” offense will sputter as long as Jurassic QB Mark Brunell
holds the keys. As for T.O. and the Cowgirls (hate ‘em), puh-lease.
T.O. makes Ron Artest look like a Bible salesman. His marriage with the
‘Boys is doomed.
• The 2006 J-E-T-S probably couldn’t even make the BCS. They will win 3 games max.
• The Houston Texans will be much better under new Head Coach Gary
Kubiak. That Jake Plummer bootleg #### he’s pulling with QB David Carr
should really jumpstart the offense. The defense will also be better.
No one will still doubt the selection of DE “Super” Mario Williams when
he is playing in the Pro Bowl.
• The Lions will continue to be a mess. Their assistant coach driving
through a drive-thru naked won’t be nearly as embarrassing as their
season will be. New Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz will help RB Kevin
Jones and WR Roy Williams put up better numbers. He will not help the
Lions win more ballgames.
• St. Louis, not Seattle or Arizona, will win the NFC West. The free
agency acquisitions of WR Nate Burleson and RB Edgerrin James will
bust. If you picked them on your fantasy squads, God help you.
• Chargers LB Shawne Merriman will break someone in half. Twice.
• Chad Johnson will lead the league in TD catches, celebrations, and me to my second Dirty Dozen Fantasy Championship.
• The Patriots will miss the playoffs, but rookie Laurence Maroney will
make his presence felt. Eventually, that is. Corey Dillon will start
the first 8 games and try to convince us that he’s still an every-down
back. He’s not.
• Deion Branch will cave and be in a Patriots uni by week 6.
• Joey Porter is your Defensive Player of the Year. Peyton Manning your
MVP (Steve Smith would be my pick if he was healthy. He’s currently
not.)
• Tony Kornheiser will be a hit on Monday Night Football. Now if only
we can get ESPN to oust Joe Theismann in favor of Tony’s
partner-in-crime Michael Wilbon.
• My sleeper players are Jaguars WR Matt Jones, Vernon Davis, Falcons
RB Jerious “Don’t call me Scott” Norwood, Chiefs LB Kawika Mitchell,
Giants S Will Demps, and Vikings RB Chester Taylor. I’m also very high
on Texans’ recent addition Ron Dayne, Packers WR Greg Jennings, and the
stacked Atlanta defense. Oh, and Rams WR/brainiac Kevin Curtis. Again.
Bears RB Thomas Jones will have a fantastic campaign as well.
• My busts are ‘Skins RB Clinton Portis, Edgerrin James, Burleson, the
Seattle Offense, the Chargers, the Patriots defense, Eagles WR Donte’
Stallworth, Steve McNair, Pack WR Donald Driver, T.O., Raiders RB
Lamont Jordan, ‘Skins S Adam Archuleta, Broncos QB Jake Plummer, and
all of the Chiefs’ DTs. I think Bears RB Cedric Benson flops. As does
Dolphins QB Daunte Culpepper and the Fish. I also think that this is
the year that age starts catching up to Ravens LB Ray Lewis.
• I expect Eli Manning’s 2006 numbers to come close to matching those of his big brother’s. I'm being serious.
• Did I mention that Larry Johnson will rush for 2,000 yards? He won’t
break the record, though. The Chiefs need him for the playoffs, too.
Enjoy yourself this season. Tailgate to your heart’s content, knock
back beers aplenty, sign up for Direct TV (The only way to get NFL
Sunday Ticket… my installation is the 13th.), and may all your NFL and Fantasy
Football dreams come true!
I’ve quit watching the NFL preseason. As an NFL junkie, I recognize that might be considered blasphemous. I don’t care. I can’t take it any longer.
What have I been doing? I’ve been suckered into watching Bravo’s Project Runway and Work Out. I’ve been taking advantage of my Blockbuster Online membership. I’ve been working on my stuff that, unlike the NFL preseason, might actually matter in the long run. I’ve even been doing the dishes. I’ve been doing anything, and I mean anything, that I possibly can to avoid being bored to death by three-plus-quarters-of-scrubs football. Why? This is why:
Point blank—preseason football is worthless.
Household names like T.O., Tom Brady, Ray Lewis, and L.T. barely even lace up their cleats during the preseason these days, and when they do it’s usually for one scoring drive or one 3-and-out. Out of harms way for most of four quarters, that is. And nobody misses the few highlights star players make during the nanoseconds that they actually do strap on their chinstraps, at least halfway, and play. All of those plays and some serious filler are shown over, and over, and over on Sportscenter. And even if the magnificent moves of the NFL preseason do make you “ewwwwww” and “ahhhhhh,” should they?
During the NFL preseason, T.O. stands for “Time Off.”
Do big preseason plays, hell, even preseason wins amount to anything more substantial once the exhibition games are over? Not really.
I’m no statmonger, but I can’t recall the last time an undefeated preseason team ripped through the NFL regular season like a Hulk Hogan T-shirt on their way to winning the Superbowl. In fact, sometimes it seems like the exact opposite happens with higher frequency. Teams that are established contenders and don’t have anything to really prove during the preseason tend to take it easy during the throwaway exhibition games.
Don’t believe me? The Oakland Raiders’ first string has looked absolutely pathetic thus far. Still, the Raiders are somehow 3-0 in preseason play. Meanwhile, the defending Superbowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers are 0-2. Who actually thinks the Shell-shocked Raiders are better than the Cowher-powered Steelers? I’m definitely not raising my hand.
I’m a die-harder-than-Bruce-Willis Kansas City Chiefs fan and I’m more excited about watching Greg Kinnear play #### Vermeil and Mark Wahlberg play special teams in Invincible than I am watching Herm Edwards play #### Vermeil and a bunch of no-namers play special teams for my Chiefs this August. For now I’ll just watch Sportscenter, check the injury reports, cram for my fantasy football leagues (we do it right—no preseason), and count down the days until the real NFL action begins. Hey, at least I’ll have Heidi Klum to keep me occupied.
Who were some of the pioneers of the flamboyant NFL Touchdown Celebration?
Ernest Givens brought the world the disco-cool “Electric Slide.” Icky Woods got us grooving with his patented “Icky Shuffle.” Vai Sikahema occasionally showed us his “Punches of Power.” Randy Moss raised eyebrows with his “Man on the Moon” post-TD taunt. Warren Sapp once even did his best Beyonce impersonation. More recently, Steve Smith took a turn as both Captain Jack Sparrow and a cover girl, while Chad Johnson hit us with everything from “The Proposal” to “The Irish ####.”
To take the oft-maligned art of Touchdown Celebrating to the next level, current NFL stars would be wise to take notice of these non-ballers and their nifty moves (special thanks to YouTube.com, the site linked to show you these awe-inspiring performances)...
Carlton
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’s Carlton has moves for days and then some… The Carlton Dance
Gene Gene the Dancing Machine
Chuck Barris’ boy and one of the biggest stars from The Gong Show... Gene Gone Wild
Bobby Badfingers
Regis and his crew should be ashamed. After all, who has more talent than… Bobby and His Fingers
Chunk
The Goonies biggest dweeb shakes what his mama gave him … The Truffle Shuffle
Napoleon Dynamite
Sikahema’s nephew (I’m flippin’ serious) doing what only he can do… Darrin's Dance Grooves
Elaine
Added due to popular demand, Seinfeld's own Elaine (best I could find)… The Little Kicks
Big Ern
Kingpin's Ernie McCracken (not his in-lane dancing, but "still very good")… "Hi... Not You"
Chris Farley
Chris Farley, God bless his soul, inspires Sapp's next celebration… Dancing King
AbsoluteBestNews: Fresh Views on Sports, Entertainment, & News
"If you can't get your foot in the door, make your own 'effin door" – Adam Best
Opportunity knocked, and as a result of how these 10 (5 more than I promised!) FoxSports.com regular bloggers stepped up and capitalized, they are coming through the “‘effin door” called AbsoluteBestNews.com with me. Wish them well, as these are your own (in no particular order)…
Burton (who made the FoxSports.com Next Great Sportswriter II Final Four) has long been a favorite of mine. In fact, I thought that his take on the possibility of an A.I. trade—quite the popular subject nowadays—was as good, if not better, than any other writer’s anywhere. Only Rocky Balboa rivals his passion for all things Philly, but Burton covers much more than just the City of Brotherly Love. His incendiary coverage of the NBA and NFL never disappoints. Considering how much we like those leagues over here at AbsoluteBestNews.com, Burton will more than fit in.
“Tastes great… Less-filling,” remember that old slogan? Not only does Cox’s (a Next Great Sportswriter I Finalist) commentary taste great, but he also has great taste. Whether he is highlighting the work of other talented writers or covering unusual topics in his posts, he simply knows how to pick ‘em. Fortunately, he mixes vast sports knowledge, pop culture prowess, and smooth journalistic style smoothly, so his writing is “less-filling” as well. Cox’s many talents will be utilized at AbsoluteBestNews.com.
Point blank—Siddhartha is the best NASCAR writer of the bunch. Quite frankly, I don’t think that any other NASCAR blogger here on FoxSports.com is even in the same league. Sidd also impressed me with his ability to cover music and various other categories, and will play numerous roles over at AbsoluteBestNews.com. His slightly off-topic Oak Island post he submitted showed me that he’ll be De Niro-esque when it comes to playing those different roles.
Wholf (a Next Great Sportswriter II finalist) describes herself as “part Carrie Bradshaw and part Lee Corso.” Well, Corso never looked this good while doing his thing. This “Jill of all Trades” is not only a sportswriter, but also a successful stage actress and reality TV personality. Her social commentary on both sports and society is both entertaining and informative. New York may have had Bradshaw, but this L.A.-based site now has its answer—Tracy Wholf.
Meadows was recently proven to be the most popular blogger on FoxSports.com. He deals with relevant material, speaks for the people, and is insanely productive. And he does it with a certain swagger that is requisite for all of the good ones. I compare Meadows’ writing to Shaq. You know he’s going to give you a big game each and every night, speak his mind, and leave you with a couple of gem quotes to chuckle over. Meadows will be the Rick Reilly of AbsoluteBestNews.com, breaking down the most prominent stories in sports early, often, and effectively.
Krinkos’ stuff cracks me up every time I stop by his blog. His style is just so damn readable and enjoyable that there was no way I could have left him off of this list. Speaking of lists, Krinkos seems to have that format mastered. Apparently I am not the only one that enjoys his blog posts and lists, as he has recently been FoxSports.com’s Blog of the Day several times. Like every other writer on this list, Krinkos also has impressive range.
Deeley is easily one of the most-respected writers in the FoxSports.com community, but also possibly the most-versatile. His professional style and on-point observations really caught my eye, but in the end it was his hockey writing, arguably the best on FoxSports.com’s blog community, that set him apart from the field. Additionally, the fact that he is a talented radio personality makes him a more-than-welcome addition to the AbsoluteBestNews.com team.
Rivera (a Next Great Sportswriter II Finalist) is a talented writer and the consummate professional. I compare him to Scottie Pippen, as he seems to do absolutely everything well, yet other than his NGS selection, he doesn’t get the credit he is due. I came away impressed by his submissions, and even more impressed by his attitude and willingness to do whatever it takes to help AbsoluteBestNews.com succeed. Rivera possesses the exact combination of talent and teamwork that we were looking for and we expect him to excel as a Featured Contributor over on our site.
Is Wilkinson eighteen? Nope. Did Rolling Stone magazine snub a young Cameron Crowe because he didn’t have to shave daily? No. Wilkinson may not have been old enough for FoxSports when the judges selected him for NGS II, but over at AbsoluteBestNews.com I have a little saying, “what matters isn’t your age, it’s what you can put on the page.” After all, we’re judging writing, not wine. Plain and simple—the kid can write. Already a featured writer for sites such as RealGM.com, the future is bright for Wilkinson. I’m glad he’s onboard, and look forward to letting him, “write, Forrest, write.”
Like his beloved Steelers, this PA sports nut turned blogger extraordinaire lays it all on the line every time he steps up to the keyboard. Gallo’s passion-filled anecdotes, lists, and columns are always distinctly “Eddie.” His stories about Pap, the Hummer, and his Weekly Truth Series just stood out when considered against the rest of the field. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I wanted him to be an important ingredient in the original AbsoluteBestNews.com recipe.
That being said, thanks to everyone that submitted and the glowing support this project has received from this community. I was flabbergasted by nearly every submittal, but when it came down to it, these 10 were perfect matches at this point and time for what I am trying to accomplish at AbsoluteBestNews.com. I really feel that these fellas, and a certain talented lady, are ready to start crafting some of the best material on the web today. Who knows, after this turnout I might even be back for OKWC II.
Anyway, it’s time for me to put on my chef’s hat and start cooking up those ingredients I talked about. Expect a site launch from us sometime in August!
Thanks Again,
Adam Best
AbsoluteBestNews.com
Editor-In-Chief/Lead Writer
absolutebestfilms@gmail.com
No. I’m not promoting the cheesy Dana Carvy movie of the same name. I’m inviting every member of the FoxSports.com blogging community to take advantage of a unique opportunity. You see, I love this site and think that it is possibly the best blogging community on the web. I will continue to post here and promote the site as just that and send people its way. And I thank and applaud Fox for having such a space when ESPN and other competitors refuse to allow their readers to have this kind of outlet. However, there is too much talent getting wasted over here. Sure, you have a small fan base of readers and are respected by quite a few people, but what else?
Not much.
Other than one person winning the NGS every half-year, who else profits from this site? Honestly—nobody. Sure, the community is fun, but for many of us this is about so much more than simply being fun.
That is why I, along with a business associate of mine, am launching a live sports (NBA, NFL, MLB, Soccer/MLS, NHL, NCAA, NASCAR, GOLF, UFC, potentially everything!), entertainment, and news supersite—AbsoluteBestNews.com. Columns, blogs, news, podcasts, etc… this site will have it all.
Where do you come in? I am looking for featured contributors, writers featured by the site that would contribute a weekly column and potentially be involved in podcasts. The column could have almost any format, I just want talented, creative, writers with fresh voices. Your name, picture, bio, and material would be featured on a site that we expect to receive big-time traffic. This would be fantastic exposure. I also would let all featured contributors completely control their own material. Initially this will not be a paid gig, but that could definitely change in the not-so-distant future. The main thing is the exposure. Instead of people going to Fox and stumbling across your blog (which is probably 1 out of 1,000) every once in a while you would be one of ten to fifteen featured writers on one of the hottest new sites on the web. You'd be one of the original writers whose talent and rep helped build the site from the ground up. I would also link to your website or page if you have one already.
Here’s the deal: I want to take a minimum of 5 writers from this site, and everyone gets a fair shot. If we think 20 writers are worthy, 20 will be selected.
How do you audition for the Opportunity Knocks Writing Contest?
Simply send your best sample of writing, either brand new or older, to absolutebestfilms@gmail.com along with why you think you’d be a great addition as a featured writer. I’ll be announcing at least 5 winners a week from today and will include a slice of writing that shows why each writer was selected.
Hopefully, there will be a decent turnout and a select group of us can start making things happen. Only 1 writer wins NGS, but at least 5 writers will win the OKWC. Looking forward to hearing from you guys!!
Because they never know who in the world they're gonna beat
For that lean, mean, mean green
Almighty dollar, money…
- From For The Love of Money by the O’Jays
Cash Rules Everything Around Me
It's funny that I just heard that song at the grocery store, because all last week I had money on the brain.
I picked up a second job (or third, really), to pull in some extra “mean green.” After all, it’s L.A.C. out here, an acronym that not only stands for “Los Angeles, California,” but also for “Livin’ Ain’t Cheap.” Gas is currently 3 bucks and 30 cents a gallon and up here in the City of Angels.
I tried to move my mobile phone service career from Sprint to the nifty new ESPN Mobile service. I changed my mind when I learned that the move alone would have cost me in excess of $400. The funny thing is that the phone would have been “free.”
I went to see Superman Returns, a $200 million movie partially based around Mr. Clean’s evil twin Lex Luthor’s lust for wealth. The super-hero flick has raked in a cool $84 million in its first five days.
Kevin Spacey holding a sliver of deadly "K####rypt-to-nite!"
I witnessed my beloved Indiana Pacers lose recently acquired star forward Peja Stojakovic to the New Orleans Hornets hours after the NBA’s free agency negotiating period begun. It was just weeks ago that Peja’s agent said that his client “would like to finish his career as a Pacer." I guess the Hornets’ absurd 5-year, $64 million contract offer changed his mind.
Method Man said it best; Cash indeed does “rule everything around me.”
Killing Like Kryptonite
In the Superman series, Kryptonite is a green element lethal to Superman. Much like Kryptonite, money is the green element that can be lethal for both sports and the film industry.
You see, it isn’t the ESPN Mobile debacle, gas prices, or even the cost of living that has me outraged. I came to the conclusion long ago that the world does indeed revolve around money. It’s money’s influence of my two other favorite worlds, sports and the film industry, that’s put my boxers in a bunch.
The Stojakovic example was just the latest example of exemplary greed. I wasn’t pissed because he isn’t coming back to the Pacers. Honestly, he’s vastly overrated. I’m pissed that it only took him one hour to decide that money was more important than loyalty or success. It’s been going on for quite some time, and I’m sick of it.
The NBA is a financial train wreck. In last week’s NBA Draft the Seattle Sonics flushed a top ten pick down the toilet by selecting no-namer Mouhamed Saer Sene and the Phoenix Suns simply donated away two quality late first-round picks. Both moves were cost-cutting procedures. On the flip side, The Denver Nuggets just signed 23-year-old Brazilian forward Nene to a deal worth $60 million. Nene is coming off a season-ending knee injury and his career-high season averages are 11.8 points and 6.5 rebounds per game. Sounds like a $60-million investment to me.
The NBA isn’t the only sports league dominated by moolah. In MLB New York Yankees Owner George Steinbrenner has amassed a 2006 player payroll of $198.7 million. Meanwhile, David Glass, the wicked man that owns my Kansas City Royals, is cheaper than Wal-Mart, the company he used to run.
Dough has the NFL by the gonads, too. The owners of the Atlanta Falcons, Dallas Cowboys, and Washington Redskins annually shell out crazy cake in pursuit of the Super Bowl. Meanwhile, my Kansas City Chiefs, er, “Cheaps,” have a spendthrift owner in Lamar Hunt. Hunt only does enough to put a playoff contender out on the field. In Kansas City, where BBQ and football are king, that fills the seats. But the Chiefs haven’t won a playoff game in an eternity. Sign CB Ty Law already. The Chiefs have been a cash cow and the fans are dying for a playoff run.
Meanwhile, the film industry has been corrupted by cash perhaps even more than sports.
How else can you define an industry in which it is easier to get CHiPs starring Wilmer Valderrama greenlit than Best Picture Crash?
Yo Momma is the only one who thinks you can act.
Hollywood is safe. Yes, great films are still being made, but only sparsely. It’s hard to make art when everything is based on projections and formulas. Hell, this is the industry that is giving us yet another Rocky movie instead of a biopic of Joe Lewis or Rocky Marciano. Do I really want to see a punch-drunk 60-year-old Sly Stallone don the gloves one more time? But Rocky 6 is guaranteed to make bank, so it gets shot, chopped, scored, and shoved down our throats.
I’m just sick of everything revolving around money.
Auteur Orson Welles didn’t compose his masterpiece Citizen Kane because of cash considerations.
Hall of Fame Running Back Jim Brown didn’t punish defenders aplenty for the purse.
The Man of Steel didn't slip on his suit because of a super-sized Metropolis salary.
They did it for the love of the game.
I guess I just long for a return to those days and still have that “love of the game.” For both sports and film. Sometimes I wonder—“does anyone else?”
Though I am by no means a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I have always thought highly of the team's QB Ben Roethlisberger. But when I heard the news yesterday that Big Ben had been a motorcycle accident, I said to myself, “What is up with these twenty-something superstar professional athletes and motorcycles?”
These young athlete’s bodies are worth millions and millions of dollars—much of this money still dependent on their ability to show up on the field and play for years to come—yet they continually put their bodies at risk. When you hop on a motorcycle, you turn over control to the other drivers that you encounter on the road. Have these fellas not witnessed how poorly people drive in this country? Talking on cell phones, putting on makeup, changing CDs, dealing with the kids, engaging in fellatio, etc… the roads are the last thing people are paying attention to nowadays.
Plus, from what I have seen, they tend to hotdog it. Look at Kellen Winslow II and Jay Williams. Those two were just plain foolish. Who are you trying to impress? You are asked to sign autographs every single time you step out of your homes—people already think that you are cool. What should we expect next from these young athletes? Base Jumping?
I don't know if that was the case with Big Ben, but not wearing a helmet wasn't a very intelligent move on his part. Would he ever step on to Heinz Field without his helmet? No. Then why would he step on to the highway without one? I just don't understand why these young stars put themselves at risk like this. I would never endanger myself like that, and I am a far, far, far cry from being a multi-million dollar professional athlete. Terry Bradshaw is right—you climb on a motorcycle when you retire. Endangering their bodies during the peak of their careers the way Roethlisberger, Williams, and Winslow have is blatantly disrespectful to the people and organizations that have invested so much in them.
I’m not trying to be heartless here. I’m trying to open some eyes. Hopefully, young athletes are taking notice of these awful accidents and we can avoid having to see many more motorcycle tragedies.
That being said, I wish Big Ben a speedy recovery. Even though the injuries sustained seem severe, from what I’ve seen of the Steelers’ signal caller, we should expect him to bounce back quickly.
Adam: Last Sunday my girlfriend was watching E!’s Stranded With A Star. At first, I thought it was a rather stupid concept, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. 10 minutes later I was hooked. That’s when I decided to call upon some of FOXSports.com's Blog Community’s finest to be panelists and help me bring Stranded With A Star: Sports Edition to the Internet. Like the show, both my panelists and I will vote and select a star from each match-up.
Here’s the concept: You are stranded on an island and can only pick one star from each match-up to be stranded with. If the match-up is your same sex, step into the shoes of the opposite sex as well while making your decision. This star could serve as a friend or a lover or a partner or even as an enemy… the proverbial ball is truly in your court.
The List
1. Hottest Female Athlete: Indy Driver Danica Patrick or Softball Superstar Jennie Finch?
Adam: Patrick… I’m a brunette man. Besides, I also have a feeling that Danica will be much more useful on the island. Plus, after seeing that Gatorade commercial, I’ve decided that Jennie’s head is just too damn big.
Norcalfella: Finch… Danica would spend all her time trying to make a car, which isn’t all that important on a one-square-mile island. No thanks; I’ll dial 867-5309 on my Survivor Shane imaginary BlackBerry. Imagine Finch hurling coconuts at wild animals. Perfect hunter.
Ty: Finch…. Nothing wards off potentially dangerous ####, alligators, and other critters like a 100 mph coconut to the head.
Our Pick: Blondes have more fun… Jennie Finch 3-2
2. Golden Boy Showdown: 3-Time Champ Tom Brady or Heisman Winner Matt Leinart?
Adam: Leinart… Simply because even Paris is less annoying than those five hogs that are always attached to Brady’s hip. Plus, we could try to sell his Heisman Trophy to some pirates for a lift.
Belle: Brady… Oh God, I have to choose? Since I’m still bitter about Matt’s latest “romp,” I’ll take Brady over Leinart simply because Brady has taste and dates real models versus wannabes and reality stars like Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavalleri.
Bluto: Leinart… As a Buffalo guy, I would prefer to be tied down and forced to watch Tara Reid in Urban Legend 1,000 consecutive times than to be on the same island with Tom Brady. I pick Matt and hope he hooks me up with Paris’ sister Nicky whenever we get back.
Our Pick: Trojan Man… Matt Leinart 3-2
3. Sexiest Tennis Sister: Short and stacked Serena or vertically-blessed Venus Williams?
Adam: Venus… She seems more ladylike and, unlike Serena, she probably couldn’t kick my ####.
Belle: Neither… ugh… neither… can we say “Amazon?” Both are too intense for my taste. Having physically bumped into one in NYC, let’s just say, "I was scared!"
Norcalfella: Serena… Has to be Serena, another man on the island would be helpful around camp.
Our Pick: Two sisters for the price of one… Tie 2-2-0
4. The “Air” Apparent: Kobe “Mamba” Bryant or LeBron “King” James or Dwyane “Flash” Wade?
Adam: Kobe… Anyone who can score 81 points in today’s NBA would find a way to get us off that rock. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be a trial when we returned.
Belle: Wade… Wow… I used to think I knew the answer to this, but after watching the Heat play in the Playoffs, Wade’s stock is rising. If I went off something purely superficial, say, looks—there is something damn sexy about Wade that reminds me of Jordan.
Bluto: LeBron… Can we include Shawn Kemp in this group? If one chick happens to find her away around he can populate the entire island. If not I’ll go with LeBron. He carried the entire Cavs on his back. Surely he can carry me around if I grow weary.
Ty: None of the above… Dwight Howard. Metal from his orthodontic retainer could be melted and molded into a trap for catching small game and large fish.
Our Pick: Flash to the rescue… Dwyane Wade 2-1-1-0
5. Hottest Ex-Sports Wife: Ex-Mrs. Justice Halle Berry or Ex-Mrs. Fox Vanessa Williams?
Bluto: Vanessa… I’m an old school cat. Back in 1984 when I was in seventh grade, Penthouse became my first nudy magazine purchase (Well sorta, someone bought it for me). Not coincidentally, Vanessa was on the cover. I’ve been obsessed ever since.
Norcalfella: Vanessa…. Watching Halle get nasty with Billy Bob destroyed the fantasy. Vanessa moving from Laker player to Laker fan might be a massive downgrade, but after months of being stranded I think I could woo her into some island love.
Ty: Halle… Could potentially do that crazy telekinetic trick from X-Men and turn a scary experience into a nice little Saturday.
Our Pick: Eraser Girl upsetting Catwoman… Vanessa Williams 3-2
6. Best Friends: Likely Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki or Back-to-Back MVP Steve Nash?
Adam: Dirk… I’m German, he’s German. If we found any beer (preferably Beck’s or Warsteiner) we’d be set. Besides, Nash’s nasty finger licking habit would get old. I’d want to slap the dude.
Belle: Dirk… Because Germany is an awesome place to party and I can just imagine hitting up ‘Tanz-Palast’ in Düsseldorf and throwing back a few Vodka-Red Bulls and dancing like idiots until 6AM and grabbing donner kebab on the way home before crashing at sunrise.
Norcalfella: Nash... If there are any primates on the island I envision him organizing them into a basketball team for some instant entertainment.
Our Pick: Just like his hero Hasselhoff on Baywatch… Dirk Nowitzki 3-2
7. Soccer’s Biggest Star: "The Phenomenon" Ronaldo or Bad Boy David Beckham?
Adam: Beckham… After Brazil President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called Ronaldo fat, I’m rolling with Posh ####e’s man. I never thought that I’d say that, but I don’t want Ronaldo sitting on his #### and eating up all of my grub.
Bluto: Ronaldo… Here’s what I know about soccer: A bunch of friends and I get drunk and my one buddy starts talking about soccer and what a good goalie he was. Collectively we try to assure him soccer isn’t a sport unless you live in Argentina. One thing leads to another, and we’re in the backyard booting soccer balls at him against an imaginary net (garage). I just flipped a coin.
Ty: Beckham… His mere absence from the English soccer scene would undoubtedly trigger a media frenzy that would unleash the world's biggest manhunt and pave the way for my eventual return back to the civilized world.
Our Pick: Bend it with Beckham… David Beckham 4-1
8. From Russia With Love: Model/Ex-Tennis Pro Anna Kournikova or Tennis Pro/Model Maria Sharapova?
Adam: Anna… She had me at the Marilyn Monroe shot. Sure, maybe Maria is the better player, but what does that have to do with being stranded on an island?
Bluto: Maria… A former girlfriend bought me an Enrique Iglesias CD. I recently burned it. I’m not too fond of Sergei Fedorov. Didn’
4:42 PM EST: The Kansas City Chiefs finally, finally, finally pick a first-round WR, and a good one, in Dwayne Bowe. I
feel pretty good, really. I think we may have even acted like we wanted
Quinn so that Bowe would slip to us. This might even be a ringing
endorsement for Brodie from Carl, Herm and Co. I know that I talked up
both Branch and Jarrett, but when we got to 23 they, along with Staley
and Houston, really scared me. Meachem scared me the most. I'm not
upset whatsoever about this pick. The offense will have no excuses next
year with Bowe in the fold. I have big-time expectations for this kid,
no matter who is throwing the football to him. Much, much more coming
on Bowe later. We will even be doing a radio broadcast later on
breaking down all the Chiefs day-one picks.
Fantasy-wise,
Chad “Simon Phoenix” Johnson, along with Steven Jackson, aka L.J.-Lite
(trust me on this one), is one of my best players. Is rooting for him a
conflict of interest? No. Not when you take fantasy as seriously as I
do. Tomorrow I have to win. I’m playing Mikey, the league comedian, who
is back after a two-year hiatus. Last year was the first year that my
Hollywood A-Trains have ever missed the playoffs and it’s been 3 years
since I won my title. The kid’s gonna get Trained. Mark my words. I
think that I'm even going to make shirts this year to send out to my
many victims. They'll say, "I GOT TRAINED" on the back. I like the
sound of that. Has a definite ring.
• The 2006 J-E-T-S probably couldn’t even make the BCS. They will win 3 games max.
• I expect Eli Manning’s 2006 numbers to come close to matching those of his big brother’s. I'm being serious.
