I woke up this morning like I usually do. Still half-asleep, I threw my cranky #### in the shower. Then I grabbed a bite to eat and started guzzling coffee like a Hummer does gasoline as I sifted through my morning sports news via the Internet. Typically, I do this without flinching. T.O. strained his tongue and will miss the preseason opener. Big surprise. Al Harrington still hasn’t gotten traded to my Pacers. Oh well. Men’s synchronized swim team banned. Big deal. 67 more athletes busted for performance enhancing drugs. What a surprise.

Then I saw something that really had me shook. Carmelo Anthony hurt his knee. A huge, gigantic, die-hard NBA fan and avid Team USA supporter, I didn’t even care that my boys barely pulled out an exhibition win over Captain Barbosa, Sideshow Bob, and Brazil. I was too caught up in what had happened to Melo.

Now? After all he’s been through? Why? Why?

After all, this is the guy who has seemed to just recently put all of his troubles behind him. This is the guy who legendary Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski, the coach of Team USA, has fallen in love with over the course of the last few weeks. This is the guy who has indeed been “on a mission,” outplaying even LeBron James and Dwyane Wade since joining Team USA. This is the guy that looks like he could score 30 a game next year, elevating his Denver Nuggets to contender status and himself to MVP-candidate status. This is the guy that can complete the NBA’s new Holy Trinity of King James, D-Wade, and Melo, this century’s answer to Magic, Michael, and Bird. This is the guy, with his charming smile and unstoppable offensive repertoire, that was becoming something truly special.

In today’s NBA, you can’t spell Holy Trinity without “Melo."

A lot of people have criticized Melo, and fairly so. He’s had some problems, both on and off the hardwood. However, he has handled superstardom at a young age extremely well. Maybe not as well as LeBron, but who has? Melo is a winner. Carrying the Syracuse Orangeman to a NCAA National Title as a college freshman proves that. If that’s not enough, legendary basketball icons Coach K, Michael Jordan, and Jim Boeheim all fervently vouch for the kid. That’s good enough for me. Plus, I like his style. He’s gotta be the coolest cat to slash and rain jumpers since Walt “Clyde” Frazier.

Early reports are claiming that Melo’s injury, sustained in a collision with Coach K, is merely a hyperextension. I’m hoping that those reports remain accurate. I would hate for arguably my favorite non-Pacer to be doing post-blowout rehab when the NBA kicks off right around Halloween. Especially when I’ve already gone out on a limb and predicted Melo to lead Team USA to a gold medal in this month’s World Championships, and then lead George Karl, K-Mart, Bonzi Wells (it could happen, folks), and the rest of the Denver Headcases to 55-plus wins on his way to earning MVP consideration.

I would be sad if I was wrong. I would be infinitely sad Billy Corgan-style if Carmelo Anthony, undoubtedly one of the league's brightest stars, fell from the NBA's sky because of this injury.

Two cannonballs were dropped on us last weekend (well, three if you count the World Cup and Zizou’s bizarre Ron Artest impersonation):

The record-breaking film Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and the news that LeBron James had finally decided to re-up with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

You Don’t Know Jack

The blockbuster bombshell Dead Man’s Chest reminded that while there is still so much wrong with Hollywood, there is also so much that’s right. The mega-budget Pirate flick pillaged box offices while captivating fans coast to coast. Disney’s flagship film series cruised past Spider-Man’s 2002 opening-weekend box office record of $114.8 million by plundering moviegoers for a treasure of $135.6 Million.

J-Lo ain’t got nothin’ on that booty.

Not since Harrison Ford was cracking a whip and kicking it with Short Round have we seen a swashbuckling trilogy as prolific as the Pirates of the Caribbean series. As a result, the film industry is back with a vengeance. Last weekend American box offices took in a record $217 million. The previous record was $188 million. On the heels of Dead Man’s Chest, original material is once again fashionable and perhaps, just perhaps, big-wig studio execs will once again match the courage displayed by the series’ most beloved buccaneer…

Captain Jack Sparrow, aka America’s favorite rebel Johnny Depp.

Depp’s turn as Sparrow has him sitting in the Crow’s Nest of Hollywood’s A-List. Depp is suddenly bigger than Denzel, Bragelina, Julia, or either of the Toms. He has commandeered this takeover his way, blazing his own path by steering clear of the tabloid headlines and towards a series of quirky, captivating roles. Like Sparrow, we sometimes question his methods, but there is no second guessing Depp’s talent or results. He was paid $20 million-plus for Dead Man’s chest, and who knows what kind of loot he’ll command from here on out.

What other actor could sport mascara and dangly earrings and still remain dashing?

Only Depp—the shrewd performer and businessman whose bravado and foresight are navigating the film industry into uncharted waters—is cool enough pull that off.

The NBA's Captain Cool

That kind of cool reminds me of another swashbuckling star—Hardwood Cavalier LeBron James.

Turning a trilogy that draws on an ancient theme park ride and burnout rocker Keith Richards as inspirations into the biggest film franchise in America is downright crazy. Turning the perennial cellar dweller Cleveland Cavs into one of the NBA’s most popular teams and a championship contender, well, that’s almost incomprehensible. But that’s just what LeBron James has done.

Like Depp, LeBron wants to blaze his own path. He wants to win championships and navigate the NBA into uncharted waters. And he wants to do it in Cleveland.

Forget the buzz about LeBron signing a deal that allows him to opt out of his contract four years from now and become an unrestricted free agent. That doesn’t mean he’s trying to sneak his way into a Knicks or Lakers jersey and get his Nike payday. It means he’s keeping Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert, GM Danny Ferry, and the rest of the front office in check. LeBron’s ensuring that if the Cavs don’t get serious about winning a title, come the summer of 2011 he’ll sail away from the Mistake on the Lake for good.

He also knows that by 2011 the NBA’s popularity will be at an all-time high and a new collective bargaining agreement will be in place. Who knows what kind of loot LeBron will be able to command at that point. ESPN hypeman Stephen A. Smith claims he’ll be able to sign a contract “in excess of $150 million” that summer. Add those dollars to his new $50 million contract and his endorsement money, and this deal just makes sense.

For those who don’t think LeBron is sitting in the NBA’s Crow Nest , I beg to differ. The Dwyane Wade argument is a strong one, but ultimately one that sinks.

Yes, Wade is the first player from the stellar NBA Draft Class of 2003 to win a championship. However, judging LeBron on that criteria isn’t exactly fair. Only 21 years old, LeBron is three years younger than Wade. Wade’s Miami Heat were also in better shape than LeBron’s Cavs when both players arrived on the NBA scene. Last year was Wade’s third NBA Playoff appearance. Due to no fault of his own, last season was LeBron’s first postseason voyage. LeBron also doesn’t have Riles plotting the course or the Big Whatever-He-Wants-to-Call-Himself as his First Mate.

LeBron is also more popular and more marketable than Wade or any other NBA star. He’s the biggest sword on the biggest sports-endorsement ship—Nike. Tiger Woods, Tiger Schmoods, I’m rolling with LBJ. Meanwhile, Wade is sporting Converse and sharing commercials with the likes of Jennie Finch. The only time LeBron shares the commercial spotlight is when he clones himself.

LeBron makes more money (after endorsements), is more popular, and puts up better numbers than any player in the league, and at this point in his career he has progressed more than any other 21-year-old player in NBA history. Given the circumstances, I have to tell it like it is…

King James definitely rules the seas of the NBA and will for a long time to come.

X Marks the Spot

What treasures will America’s two favorite action heroes find before their careers become folklore? I’m guessing at least two more Pirates of the Caribbean movies, at least two NBA Championships, two NBA MVP awards, two Best Actor Oscars, and enough money to buy the Cavs twice over.

If you aren’t yet onboard as a fan of these two swashbucklers, get onboard you scurvy animals. I for one would rather walk the plank than miss what Depp and LeBron have in store for us. Ahoy mates!

Adam: Last Sunday my girlfriend was watching E!’s Stranded With A Star. At first, I thought it was a rather stupid concept, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. 10 minutes later I was hooked. That’s when I decided to call upon some of FOXSports.com's Blog Community’s finest to be panelists and help me bring Stranded With A Star: Sports Edition to the Internet. Like the show, both my panelists and I will vote and select a star from each match-up.

Here’s the concept: You are stranded on an island and can only pick one star from each match-up to be stranded with. If the match-up is your same sex, step into the shoes of the opposite sex as well while making your decision. This star could serve as a friend or a lover or a partner or even as an enemy… the proverbial ball is truly in your court.

Adam: Patrick… I’m a brunette man. Besides, I also have a feeling that Danica will be much more useful on the island. Plus, after seeing that Gatorade commercial, I’ve decided that Jennie’s head is just too damn big.

Norcalfella: Finch… Danica would spend all her time trying to make a car, which isn’t all that important on a one-square-mile island. No thanks; I’ll dial 867-5309 on my Survivor Shane imaginary BlackBerry. Imagine Finch hurling coconuts at wild animals. Perfect hunter.

Ty: Finch…. Nothing wards off potentially dangerous ####, alligators, and other critters like a 100 mph coconut to the head.

Our Pick: Blondes have more fun… Jennie Finch 3-2

Adam: Leinart… Simply because even Paris is less annoying than those five hogs that are always attached to Brady’s hip. Plus, we could try to sell his Heisman Trophy to some pirates for a lift.

Belle: Brady… Oh God, I have to choose? Since I’m still bitter about Matt’s latest “romp,” I’ll take Brady over Leinart simply because Brady has taste and dates real models versus wannabes and reality stars like Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavalleri.

Bluto: Leinart… As a Buffalo guy, I would prefer to be tied down and forced to watch Tara Reid in Urban Legend 1,000 consecutive times than to be on the same island with Tom Brady. I pick Matt and hope he hooks me up with Paris’ sister Nicky whenever we get back.

Our Pick: Trojan Man… Matt Leinart 3-2

Adam: Venus… She seems more ladylike and, unlike Serena, she probably couldn’t kick my ####.

Belle: Neither… ugh… neither… can we say “Amazon?” Both are too intense for my taste. Having physically bumped into one in NYC, let’s just say, "I was scared!"

Norcalfella: Serena… Has to be Serena, another man on the island would be helpful around camp.

Our Pick: Two sisters for the price of one… Tie 2-2-0

Adam: Kobe… Anyone who can score 81 points in today’s NBA would find a way to get us off that rock. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be a trial when we returned.

Belle: Wade… Wow… I used to think I knew the answer to this, but after watching the Heat play in the Playoffs, Wade’s stock is rising. If I went off something purely superficial, say, looks—there is something damn sexy about Wade that reminds me of Jordan.

Bluto: LeBron… Can we include Shawn Kemp in this group? If one chick happens to find her away around he can populate the entire island. If not I’ll go with LeBron. He carried the entire Cavs on his back. Surely he can carry me around if I grow weary.

Ty: None of the above… Dwight Howard. Metal from his orthodontic retainer could be melted and molded into a trap for catching small game and large fish.

Our Pick: Flash to the rescue… Dwyane Wade 2-1-1-0

Bluto: Vanessa… I’m an old school cat. Back in 1984 when I was in seventh grade, Penthouse became my first nudy magazine purchase (Well sorta, someone bought it for me). Not coincidentally, Vanessa was on the cover. I’ve been obsessed ever since.

Norcalfella: Vanessa…. Watching Halle get nasty with Billy Bob destroyed the fantasy. Vanessa moving from Laker player to Laker fan might be a massive downgrade, but after months of being stranded I think I could woo her into some island love.

Ty: Halle… Could potentially do that crazy telekinetic trick from X-Men and turn a scary experience into a nice little Saturday.

Our Pick: Eraser Girl upsetting Catwoman… Vanessa Williams 3-2

Adam: Dirk… I’m German, he’s German. If we found any beer (preferably Beck’s or Warsteiner) we’d be set. Besides, Nash’s nasty finger licking habit would get old. I’d want to slap the dude.

Belle: Dirk… Because Germany is an awesome place to party and I can just imagine hitting up ‘Tanz-Palast’ in Düsseldorf and throwing back a few Vodka-Red Bulls and dancing like idiots until 6AM and grabbing donner kebab on the way home before crashing at sunrise.

Norcalfella: Nash... If there are any primates on the island I envision him organizing them into a basketball team for some instant entertainment.

Our Pick: Just like his hero Hasselhoff on Baywatch… Dirk Nowitzki 3-2

Adam: Beckham… After Brazil President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called Ronaldo fat, I’m rolling with Posh ####e’s man. I never thought that I’d say that, but I don’t want Ronaldo sitting on his #### and eating up all of my grub.

Bluto: Ronaldo… Here’s what I know about soccer: A bunch of friends and I get drunk and my one buddy starts talking about soccer and what a good goalie he was. Collectively we try to assure him soccer isn’t a sport unless you live in Argentina. One thing leads to another, and we’re in the backyard booting soccer balls at him against an imaginary net (garage). I just flipped a coin.

Ty: Beckham… His mere absence from the English soccer scene would undoubtedly trigger a media frenzy that would unleash the world's biggest manhunt and pave the way for my eventual return back to the civilized world.

Our Pick: Bend it with Beckham… David Beckham 4-1

Adam: Anna… She had me at the Marilyn Monroe shot. Sure, maybe Maria is the better player, but what does that have to do with being stranded on an island?

Bluto: Maria… A former girlfriend bought me an Enrique Iglesias CD. I recently burned it. I’m not too fond of Sergei Fedorov. Didn’t Anna use up Pavel Bure too? Way too much baggage for my liking. In my fantasy world, every chick is saving herself for me.

Norcalfella: Anna… Because in the unlikely event we are able to fashion a tennis court I would want to win.

Our Pick: Substance over style… Maria Sharapova 3-2

Adam: Leo & Gwen… Jack’s too old to contribute and Leo proved his resourcefulness in Catch Me If You Can and his toughness in Gangs of New York. As for the ladies, I’ll roll with Leo’s The Aviator co-star (if you can even call it that) Gwen. I like Salma, but Gwen’s style puts her over the top.

Belle: Jack & Gwen… Fine conversation should always be accompanied with good music.

Ty: Jack & Salma… Nicholson's industrial-strength sunglasses could be stolen and used against dangerous UV rays and driving sandstorms, while Hayek.... ahhh... I would pay to be on a deserted island with Hayek. Plus, Leo had his big chance on a deserted island in The Beach, and that didn't work out so well.

Our Picks: No Doubt, this is As Good As It Gets… Jack Nicholson 4-1 & Gwen Stefani 3-2

Adam: Gonzalez… Gonzo’s my boy. He’s a lifelong Chief and might as well be the mayor of my birthplace—Kansas City. How can I go against him? I can’t.

Belle: Taylor… No clue. They both have foundations. They both have awesome six-packs. Maybe Taylor because Miami seems more sexy than Kansas City and an easier place to be a bona fide “ladies man.”

Ty: Taylor… The only choice here that didn't kill my fantasy team the last two seasons. Thanks for nothing, Gonzo.

Our Pick: We’ve gone Gonzo… Tony Gonzalez 3-2

Adam: Ichiro… Unlike Damon, he doesn’t “act like Judas” or “throw like Mary.” Also, Ichiro could hit a fruit fly with a coffee straw blindfolded. He'd be an awesome hunting wingman.

Bluto: Damon… But only if A-Rod can be there as well. You see, I’m no longer a Yankees fan (go Royals) and I would love to see Damon pass out from the sweltering island heat, which in turn would force A-Rod to give him mouth-to-mouth with his big, bright purple lips.

Norcalfella: Damon… Just to watch the beard grow back.

Ty: Damon… Could regrow his "####" hairstyle and make friends with the native animals of the island, which would be vital to any long-term stay.

Our Pick: “####” Savant… Johnny Damon 3-2

Adam: Barberie… Any of these fine women would be a huge upgrade over Wilson the Volleyball, but her brand of meteorology could make any man tune in. How’s this for a forecast: Clear skies, lots of sun, 100% chance of Jillian.

Belle: Guerrero… None of them! Belle of the Ball is positioned to come in and blow the competition away… once someone finally gives her a contract! To be fair, Lisa G. is a mentor of mine and having followed much of her advice, I have to give it to a woman who had the guts to pose for Playboy at age 40. That’s inspiration!

Norcalfella: Bernstein… B squared by far. I admit to leering at her at the Oakland Coliseum on more than one occasion. Plus, when she worked NFL games her preparation was impeccable so we'd talk football incessantly.

Ty: Two words: Erin Andrews. The only sideline reporter who seems like the Cool Chick you knew in college that liked Madden '04 and the edited version of Major League II.

Our Pick: Case of the Mondays… Lisa Guerrero 2-1-1-1

Adam: Well, that’s a wrap. First, I want to thank my panelists for their huge contributions. You all did an excellent job.

Now, I want to hear the rest of your opinions. Go down the list and vote, and feel free to say why you made those decisions. I will do a special post to announce the readers’ choices sometime mid-week. Also, I want to hear what match-ups you would like to see on Stranded With A Star: Sports Edition II. Let me know, because your pick might just make the cut.

Two fantastic NBA Playoff games took place last night. Here are my post-game reflections...

Detroit Pistons vs. Cleveland Cavaliers

Guaran-Sheed?

Being a die-hard Indiana Pacers fan, let’s just say that I’m not particularly fond of Detroit Pistons star forward Rasheed Wallace. I can't stand the way he runs his mouth. I can't stand his wannabe-Dirk Nowitzki game. I can't stand the way he whines and protests after every single foul that is called on him. I can't stand when he throws temper tantrums and flings off his headband. I can't stand that bird #### stain on the top of his dome. Most of all, I can't stand his “Guaran-Sheeds.” I hate "Guaran-Sheeds."

As you can imagine, last night I took great pleasure in watching a “Guaran-Sheed” victory prediction go up in smoke for the first time. He previously was 3-0 after making these pre-game predictions, with two of those “Guaran-Sheed” wins coming against my beloved Pacers. I was at the second of those two games--Game 4 of last year’s second-round Pacers-Pistons playoff series--where I witnessed Wallace and teammate Chauncey Billups tear my Pacers apart firsthand. That was the last time I saw my favorite player of all time--Reggie Miller--play in person. That was also the last time I went to the Pacers state-of-the-art venue Conseco Fieldhouse. I still have this nasty, bitter taste in my mouth. I-puked-and-didn’t-brush-my-teeth nasty.

Monday night’s Pistons-Cleveland Cavaliers game was also Game 4 of a second-round playoff series. I guess Wallace and the Pistons think that they can waltz to the Finals every year simply by guaranteeing victories every time any Eastern Conference team comes within striking distance in a series. LeBron and his Cavs disagreed. The Cavs won the game 74-72 and sent the series back to Detroit tied 2-2.

Another problem I have with Wallace’s promises is that he doesn’t always show up after making these predictions. Last night Wallace looked disinterested. He was so out of it that when the “Kiss Cam” made its way around the arena during a timeout, he playfully was trying to kiss Billups. He scored a pedestrian 7 points and ended up sitting out a large portion of the game with what seemed to be nothing more than a lightly sprained ankle. That also bugs me, because most so-called NBA gurus rave about the Pistons toughness. Nowitski has returned to play after losing teeth, spraining ankles, etc… Why has he been labeled “soft” while Wallace gets “tough?” It simply doesn’t make sense.

I think guarantees are becoming far too prevalent in sports today. Back in the day, these predictions were reserved for the likes of the NBA Finals and the Super Bowl. For example, flashy Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson could be a meteorologist for the local news with all the forecasting he does. Wallace is making his "Guaran-Sheeds" such an annual ritual that his latest assurance hardly even generated any news. In my opinion, if you make one of these guarantees you need to A.) Be the best player and a leader on your team; and B.) Follow it up with a monster stat line.

Wallace is not the best player on his team (he’s the fourth best, for the record), he’s’ not a leader, and he didn’t even come close to a monster stat line last night. He finally wrote a check that his butt couldn’t cash. I suppose that’s what Wallace meant when he made the post-game comment "The sun even shines on a dog's #### some days." This is suddenly a series as the Pistons biggest dog is now feeling some heat being applied to his rear end.

Sideshow Bob no longer

Varejao was all over the court, playing like the second coming of Dennis Rodman. Not only did he have 10 points and 6 rebounds in 28 minutes, he matched Ben Wallace’s intensity, and made countless hustle plays. His biggest play of the night was a charge he took from Chauncey Billups with 30 seconds left in the contest. Cavs Head Coach Mike Brown gave this beauty of a quote as a response “Andy’s charge was huge. He has about the quickest feet of any guy that I know that is seven feet, or six-ten and some hair. He’s great. His feet are extremely quick and he is a very smart basketball player.”

Varejao will definitely have to maintain this level of both play and energy for the Cavs to have a shot at stealing this series from the Pistons. However, he is playing the finest basketball of his relatively short career, so I think both he and the Cavs have an outside shot.

My Forecast (No, this is not a “Gauran-Sheed”)

I’m still thinking Pistons in 7… But, if I were Detroit I’d try to close this baby out in six games. They do not want to give LeBron James the opportunity to knock them out with clutch heroics late in Game 7. No matter how clutch Mr. Billups thinks he is.

San Antonio Spurs vs. Dallas Mavericks

Coming soon...

Kobe Bryant has been here for ten years. He has won three NBA Championships. He has won scoring titles. He scored the second most points in a NBA game ever (81). At this point, forty-point outbursts seem almost routine. He has made the All-NBA First Team and All-Defensive First Team multiple times. Defensively, he can be mentioned in the same breath as modern shutdown artists Bruce Bowen, Ben Wallace and Ron Artest. Offensively, he has no peers. The jerseys of his equals hang in the rafters. Wilt Chamberlain. Michael Jordan. The list pretty much stops there. His ability to hit big shots in the clutch is rivaled by only Jerry West, Larry Bird, Jordan and Reggie Miller. He is climbing to the top of that list.

Most recently, he averaged 35 freakin’ points per game this season while leading a Scottie Pippen wannabee and a group of vagabonds to the playoffs. Actually, it looks like he might take them deep into the playoffs. Western Conference Finals deep. Heck, even the Finals aren't out of the question.

It’s clear to me now: we messed up. For years we’ve been looking for the next Michael Jordan. There was Harold Minor. Then there was Grant Hill. Next was Jerry Stackhouse. Then Vince Carter. Now, there is LeBron James and even Dwayne Wade. None of those guys are truly like Mike. Yes, LeBbron James is an amazing player. However, he just doesn’t have the drive and killer instinct requisite to become the true Air Apparent. That is Kobe Bean Bryant, who has been here this whole time. For ten years.

The MVP Debate

Damn. We’ve crowned the wrong King. We’ve selected the wrong MVP. We’ve slept on Kobe Bryant. We’ve been hitting the snooze button over and over again so that we can keep dreaming about LeBron’s trademark smile and Steve Nash’s flowing brown locks. Meanwhile, the alarm has been loud and clear—“I’m Kobe Bryant. The best basketball player in the World. Period.”

Why is this? Does the basketball world shun Kobe because of the sexual assault trial where he was essentially vindicated? Or is it because he grew up silver-spoon-in-mouth as a professional basketball player’s son? Maybe it’s because he plays for the often-loved, more-often-hated Lakers. Or maybe even because of the general perception that it was him and not Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak and Owner Jerry Buss that punched Shaquille O’Neal’s ticket out of Tinseltown (For the record, this was the right move. Shaq is overweight, past his prime, and is no longer the 40-20 Shaq). Maybe it’s Kobe’s intense demeanor and loner style that prevent him from being a media darling.

Whatever the reason may be, the man is not being paid his proper dues. Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA, the King of the Court, and the rightful MVP.

Go ahead and call him selfish. Call him a ballhog. You would hang on to the ball too if you were playing alongside a journeyman named Smush, the erratic Lamar Odom, Chris Mihm, and the soon-to-be bust of the decade Kwame Brown. Kobe doesn’t just put up numbers. He also commands the ball when the game is in the balance. He routinely shuts down the other team’s best perimeter player. He takes over games and often wills his overmatched team to victory.

Do Jordan’s so-called heir James and MVP Nash do all of these things? No.

First off, both of these guys are turnstiles defensively. Nash’s defense is similar to that of a bad guy in an Ah-nold movie—stand there flat-footed and let the opposition shoot at will. James’ defense isn’t much better. Sure, he has all the athletic tools, but he doesn’t have the drive, the grit necessary to become a stopper. He’s more concerned with his “King James” ad-campaign and putting up triple-doubles. His lazy defense also enables his teammates to follow his lead. Both Nash’s Suns and James’ Cavaliers play lousy defense. Phoenix is the third-worst team in the league defensively and anyone who has watched Cleveland play (which is everyone, the NBA, Nike and ESPN are shoving James down our throats) knows that they can’t dig in and gets stops either. Kobe’s Lakers rate 15th defensively, but play exceptional team defense and get stops when they are needed. This is a reflection of Kobe’s influence. His toughness and shear determination rub off on his teammates.

Secondly, while both Nash and James are offensive studs that make everyone around them better, they do not take over games like Kobe does. As James’ ad-campaign would put it, we were all “witness” to this in Game Two of each players First Round Playoff series.

At home in Game One LeBron James put up a triple-double and protected his team’s homecourt advantage. In the more crucial Game Two contest he allowed Caron Butler and the rest of the Wizards to intimidate him and played softer than Charmin toilet paper. Not only did he not have the “Eye of the Tiger” (look into Kobe’s, any of the Detroit Pistons Starter’s, or Manu Ginobli’s eyes to see this), but also he looked lethargic at times. Gilbert Arenas outplayed him and the Wizards won Game Two and stole homecourt advantage from the Cavs.

Nash and his Suns also protected homecourt against Bryant’s Lakers in Game One. However, Nash came up short in Game Two. The very day that Nash was named MVP over Kobe – and you have to know that this made Bryant’s blood boil – Kobe stole homecourt advantage away from the Suns on their own floor. He didn’t do it with fifty points, either. He did it by looking more like Magic Johnson than Kobe Bryant; putting up 29 points, 10 rebounds and 5 assists. Those are numbers you’d expect from James, who was too busy going a paltry 7-25 from the field in his team’s crucial game. Kobe even put the game away in emphatic fashion. In the fourth quarter he nearly jumped over Nash on a dunk that distanced his Lakers from the Suns and put an exclamation point on a sentence that’s on the tip of all of our tongues – Kobe is the real MVP!

Finally, and this is my true definition of MVP, take each player away from his respective team for the entire duration of last season. After doing that how would each team fare? This is entirely subjective, but ask yourself this question and I am guessing that you will reach a similar conclusion.

Remove Nash from Phoenix and the Suns still have a top-ten talent in Shawn Marion. Raja Bell is one of the NBA’s most underrated players. Kurt Thomas gives the Suns a guy that can shoot, rebound and defend down low. James Jones and Boris Diaw were two guys that, if you watched closely last year, were ready to break out. Eddie House accumulates points like he was playing pinball. Leandro Barbosa may be the best back-up point guard in basketball. Tim Thomas is playing like an All-Star. Without Nash, the Suns still have considerable talent. My guess is that they would’ve battled the Sacramento Kings for the eighth Playoff spot out West.

Take James out of the equation in Cleveland and you still have two All-Stars in Larry Hughes and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Flip Murray is a playmaking guard that could crack any coach’s rotation in the league. Donyell Marshall is a talented veteran big man with a penchant for the long ball. Damon Jones and Eric Snow form an above-average point guard platoon. Drew Gooden can be a beast on the boards. Add in Anderson Varejao, Luke Jackson, Sasha Pavlovic and Alan Henderson and the Cavs still have a very capable squad. Without Lebron this team is basically the Milwaukee Bucks, the eight-seeded Playoff team out East.

Pull Kobe Bryant off the Lakers and you have a huge mess. The Lakers go-to scorer would be Odom, who defers more than a timid first date. The rest of the team would be Brian Cook, Mihm, Brown, Smush Parker, Luke Walton, Devean George, Sasha Vujacic and two washed-up veterans in Aaron Mckie and Jim Jackson. Not a very imposing group. This team would have been the Portland Trailblazers with Lamar Odom playing Darius Miles. Actually, the Lakers would have been worse. At least the Blazers had a low-post presence in Zach Randolph.

Add all this up and it is easy to see why Kobe Bryant should be the 2005-06 NBA MVP. He is more like Mike than LBJ (down to even the tongue, scowl and off-the-court problems), and is a “King” on anyone’s court, especially his own. There is no doubt in my mind that when you remove all of the extracurricular garbage Kobe Bryant is left standing as the most indpensable, unstoppable player in the entire NBA. The problem is that everyone would rather keep hitting snooze. Well, my snooze button is off and I hear the alarm. Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player in the world. He’s been here for ten years and we still don’t see it… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…