In light of rescent events involving The-Doc, I have noticed a hole in the finalist list.  Which begs the question, "where is the alternate's list?"  Am I to expect the words of wisdom given by Iceman to the Goose?  "The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room."  Well frankly, I AM IN THE LADIES ROOM!  ARE THERE TWO O's IN GOOSE OR NOT?

    Now, I digress.  Give me the ice water.  I'm cool.  However, what does it take to get on the "alternates list"?  As my alien friend said, just before he returned me, "Let's probe shall we"?  I'll start with things I did do.  I raised debateable questions to draw in readers.  I raised questions like "who is the most dominant professional athlete of modern time?".  I pondered "Is Allen Iverson underrated?".  I sparked the interest of celestial sperm doning that may have created Ricky Williams from Jimi Hendrix and Flo Jo.  I even hit on the required New York Mets postings that are so popular amongst us Mets fans, who are eager to see our team underachieve with this new bunch.

     Of course, where did I go wrong?  While Wally may be hard on the Beave, I must say this Beaver was lacking juice.  When I say juice, I may very well be speaking directly to my indirect aknowledging of Jose Conseco.  I just didn't touch on euphamistic syringe usage.  Give me the butt Mr. McGuire, you're incriminated.  Maybe I am at fault for thinking that  those toilet seat covers really were provided by the managment for my conveniece.  Maybe, just maybe, they were provided by the management because management didnt want to catch butt lice from the hippie in the corner with fresh brownies.

      While I have not seen any true favortism thru the judging, and I can't prove my theory that all the finalists are reletives of the McDonald's corperation, I feel like my mom just walked in on me while I was "brushing my teeth" . . . naked.  I am exposed and vulnerable.  Hug me.  Cuddle anyone?  The competition was fair in every way I can see.  But I still feel like I got caught playing shirts and skins football at the monastary.  As Wayne said in the first Wayne's World, " I will bow to no sponser."  I love quoting that by the way.  I mean it, "I'm Loving it." 

       I never made predictions though.  So here are my NFL playoff predictions for this week.  Put away the camel and the midgits, Chad Johnson won't be having any endzone celebrations this week.

Seattle 34 - Washington 12.    Carolina 24 - Chicago 10.  

New England 28 - Denver 27.     Indianapolis 34 - Pittsburg 17.

  As we near the eve of blogger's judgment day, comment vs. content is on my mind.  It is a debate for the ages, or at least the last few weeks.  Like believing in a fat guy with a white beard and red suit climbing down your chimney once a year, something doesn't fit.  My two year old daughter uses words like "appreciate" and "thankful".  Yet, I can't spell the word comment without Ask Jeeves.  So what is it that makes a good writer?  Is it grammer?  Is it engaging the reader?  Is it pleasing the reader?  Is it building a name, so people will read your work more often?  Is it all of the above or none of the above?

     I feel that Howard Stern is a terrific radio personality and great for television too.  I feel this way not because of his deep voice or his current following.  I stand for Howard Stern because he says whatever it takes to entertain and keep people listening.  And, he does it with respect for others. What, you ask, would lead me to say that he has respect?  He has no ill-intent, only intent to entertain.  Stern, by his own admission, knows very little about sports.  However, I recently saw him on Best Damn Sports Show Period talking it up with the guys and giving his opinions.  Stern had studied so he could make a good impression.  Here is a guy with superior fame, working hard to fit in with the sports guys.  You're good man Howard.  So do you want Howard Stern writing about MLB and the NFL for you?  I would.  People will read again.

     I am not comparing myself to Howard Stern. I am stating that I admire the guy for his draw.  I, as a blogger, feel that I have put some great material out there.  I may not get the most comments or compliments, but I feel that I am interesting.   I went to college for journalism.  I didn't stay long, but I went. At least a couple times anyway.  I won state high school press awards for my copy, my headlines and captions, as well as for designing sports lay outs for my high school yearbook of which I was the editor.  The book was number one in the state too.  I was proud of that most of all.  My dog still urinates on my kitchen floor and my wife still runs my home. 

       And as I watch the cursor blink in this space that these words now appear, I wonder what would make you read this.  I wonder if you like what you have read of my writings to this point.  Win or Lose I enjoyed this blog-aholics meating. At this point, am I writing this to fellow bloggers or to judges?  Who are you?  How did you house break your dog?

     I was talking to my dog the other day.  His name is Shea.  He seemed to think that global retrobution in a fascist state is the protruding meat bone in the jowels of holistic corprate America.  It perplexed me.  Although it seemed to be a ruff statement, I did concur.  From there he dragged me through theology and metaphysical hydrogenation.  To which I responded, "I wish I could hear people's thoughts."  A bit frightened by my neanderthal prognosis, he decided we should report on recent New Year resolutions by professional athletes.  Again, I did concur.  These are those said resolutions.

Shaquille O'Neal - "Ignore Kobe."

Al Davis - "I will hire two ex-Panther cheerleaders."

Pat Riley - "I will hire a new coach to push out."

Shaun Alexander - "I will sign anything they give give me not refered to as a tender."

George Steinbrenner - "I will get those paper toilet seat covers that say, provided by the management for your convenience. And . . . spend $200 million."

Ronnie Brown - "I will go on tour with Lenny Kravitz!"

Randy Moss - "I will call Mike Tice and get the number for the charter service that threw the party I missed."

Terrel Owens - "I will fire Drew Rosenhaus, higher Scott Boras, shut up. . .  except to bash next seasons quarterback, and do more sit ups."

Steve Mariucci - "I will spend William Ford's money!"

Clint Hurdle - "I will do my best to have the Colorado Rockies playing meaningful games in May."

Willie Randolph - "I must talk Omar into letting me play second base."

Dale Earnhardt - "I will hire a new pit crew."      

Chad Johnson - "I will obtain a camel and two midgets for a preseason endzone celebration."   

     There is a world of Celestial nature, based on spirits with no gender orientation.  Thus, no political position on homsexuality or representation of time or chronology.  It is in this zone, we look for celestial love parents for todays NFL stars.

Who are Ricky Williams' "Celestial love parents"?     Flo Jo and Jimi Hendrix

Who are Terrel Owen's "Celestial love parents"?    Elizabeth Taylor and Mr. T

Who are Brett Farve's "Celestial love parents"?    Mother Teresa and Marlon Brando

Who are Jeff Garcia's "Celestial love parents"?       Paul Reubens and Michael Jackson

Who are Eli Manning's "Celestial love parents"?   Penny Marshall and Joshua Jackson

Who are Tom Brady's "Celestial love parents"?      Joe Montana and Seann William Scott

Who are Michael Vick's "Celestial love parents"?       Carl Lewis and Gowron (Klingon)

That's all I have time for. 

       In his tenth season Allen Iverson is not getting the hype he used to.  Is it because he is older? Is it because of LeBron James?  Is it because he isn't as loud as he once was?  Iverson is having the best year of his career and I would bet that he didn't go first in your fantasy league. 

      Iverson is averaging 34.3 points per game, the highest in the NBA.  That's right, Iverson is leading scorer, not LeBron James. Shaquille O'Neal is not, and neither is Kobe Bryant or Duane Wade. Kobe and LeBron are second and third respectively.  "But They do so much more to win" you say?  Consider this.  Iverson is fourth is steals per game and seventh in assist per game.  You may argue that Kobe and LeBron don't play the same position.  Let's look at a stat that would put his position at a disadvantage.  Iverson carries a 2.5 assist to turnover rating.  That is superior to both Kobe and LeBron who sit at 1.6 each.  Iverson is known for turnovers and shooting a low percentage.  Call him a ball hog if you will.  His assists have already been noted and his percentage from the field is 45.7%, the highest he has shot since his sophmore year in the NBA.  LeBron has shot 49.5% this year at a higher percentage position in the post (usually), and Kobe shoots at a lower percentage of 44.3%.

       Iverson has not only dominated the NBA, he has improved on his career statistics.  His 34.3 points per game is the highest of his career.  3.0 turnovers per game is the lowest of his career.  Iverson is also averaging 43.8 minutes played per game,  another tops in his career.  Did I mention that his personnal fouls per game (1.6) is the fewest of his career.

       Let's bring together the evidence for our verdict.  Iverson scores more, gives his team more chances to score and gives the ball away less.   The NBA season is still very young, but I know who my MVP vote would go to today!  No matter what he wears on the sidelines!