To paraphrase Jon Stewart’s intro for Daily Show correspondent Lewis Black, “Sometimes a news story falls through the cracks, here to catch them is Chris Vining, with his column, Delusions of Randomness.” So I will touch upon stories that didn’t get big headlines, but are still important.

The Red Sox finally decided to give Terry Francona (the most successful Sox manager in decades) a three-year contract extension. Francona is now signed through 2011, and as long as nothing drastic changes (Manny Ramirez goes insane and tries to mentor upcoming prospects)he has a great chance to lead the Red Sox to another World Series Championship in the next four years. Francona is a class act and does a great job of handling the Boston media.

Kudos to the Red Sox for signing Bartolo Colon to a minor league contract this week. Curt Schilling will be lucky if he can pitch with any effectiveness again, and Colon is a low risk (and cost) investment to make sure the Sox have depth in the rotation. Colon is not the Cy Young pitcher he was, and despite being an injury risk, he provides Clay Buchholz a chance to be brought along slowly. If the Sox can get anything above twenty starts they would be in a great position, as Colon can still pitch when he is on his game. For those people complaining about the rich getting richer, Colon was still unsigned when Spring Training opened, and was signed for chump change. He was more than fair game.

The Tampa Bay Rays dropped the “Devil” from their name but they might sign the Devil to their roster. Barry Bonds has arisen as a target for Tampa, which might not be as bad of an idea as it sounds. The Rays are young and talented, and Bonds would take a rapidly improving offense to dangerous levels. Bonds would also provide insurance for Cliff Floyd and Roco Baldelli. If Evan Longoria can be effective in the Majors this year, than the Rays have one of the top 10 offenses in baseball, and that is without Bonds. Adding the *All-Time Home Run King* would make the Rays a Wild Card threat, but the health of Scott Kazmir and Troy Percival will be key factors toward the Rays’ quest to get out of the AL East cellar.

Koby Clemens has been caught in a very tough spot for the Astros. While he is in Major League Spring Training he is subject to the substance advise of Miguel Tejada. If/when Koby is sent to Minor League Camp he will have his father to talk with. The younger Clemens should say he has visa problems and skip camp, or show up for another teams’ Spring Training.

Not only is Jonathan Papelbon the best young closer in baseball he showed that he could bust a move during the playoffs, and people took notice. Paps was offered a spot as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, however he turned it down when he realized he had to dance to music that wasn’t played by the Dropkick Murphys.

Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor are family, and were teammates on the Dolphins up until Bill Parcells rolled into town. Taylor is now working on his footwork as a member of the Dancing With the Stars cast. Thomas was pushed into the unemployment line until Jerry Jones offered Thomas a chance to play in his home state of Texas. Thomas will make the Cowboys better on defense, even if his skills are diminishing. His knowledge and leadership will be key to the Cowboys defense, and his locker room presence cannot be underestimated. He also hates vacationing during bye weeks.

The Atlanta Falcons won the coin flip to give them the third pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. The downside is that the Falcons have so many holes that they could have used a lower pick. The benefit is that more players would be off the board so they would have an easier time picking which player will be blamed for a string of losing seasons.

Peter King of Sports Illustrated predicted that the Giants would win the Super Bowl against the Patriots if they could apply consistent pressure on Brady. He also suggested the Giants might win if they could outscore the Patriots. I am a Peter King fan but my three year old knew the game was in trouble when the Pat’s line had trouble blocking the rush.

Rex Grossman was resigned to a one year, three million-dollar contract by the Chicago Bears. No seriously, the Bears resigned him and Kyle Orton in the same week. That is a punch line, but I can’t even come up with a joke.

Former players Keith Van Horn and Aaron McKie were included in trades despite not being active players. In an attempt to bolster their roster the Celtics had a trade in place to send Bob Cousy to Memphis for Mike Conley. Memphis was looking to add veteran leadership and cut payroll (Cousy was making 5 figures in his last contract) and the deal was perfect for both sides. The trade fell through at the last minute when Memphis was unable to find a pair of shorts short enough for Cousy to wear. 

Yao Ming suffered a stress fracture in his foot and now will be out for the season. While this is a shot to the Rockets playoff chances, the worse news is that Yao’s backup is Dikembe Mutombo, who has scored a whopping seven points this season. The Rockets do not have any players 6’10’’ or taller besides Steve Novak, who weighs in at a massive 220 pounds and has played less than fifty career games.

Sam Cassell has asked to be bought out of his contract with the Los Angeles Clippers so he can sign with (most likely) Boston or Denver. What makes Sam I Am even more attractive is that he has already missed 15 games due to injuries this year. When questioned about his health Cassell had this to say, “The Celtics are getting damaged goods if I do go over there," Cassell said. "But I'll be all right." Nothing says sign me like that quote.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a new team but the same winning ways. Junior hasn’t been allowed in the winner’s circle in over five-dozen races. Maybe he should spend less time doing commercials and spend more time on figuring out why his engines keep blowing up. Just a thought, I’m no car expert.

The trade deadline just passed and players were moving all over North America (except to Mexico, there is no ice there). The Penguins acquired Marian Hossa, the top forward available, and the player that can put the Penguins in position for a Stanley Cup run. Wait, Penguins adding payroll? Weren’t they going to be sold and moved to Canada earlier this year?

In what has become an all too familiar scenario, the Boston Bruins promised to be active at the trade deadline but failed to bring in anyone at all, even a fourth line bench warmer. The Bruins are clinging to a playoff spot but are falling fast. Why are season ticket sales down again?

There are too many things to write about in sports at the moment, and it is too hot and humid to cover them all. So, without any further adieu, another version of Quick Hits.

The future of American soccer is going to Portugal to be a reserve. That suits me just fine, as Freddy Adu needs to play against bigger, stronger competition. He showed his skills while playing in International tournaments, but he was never a good fit for the MLS. Adu playing overseas for a few years will only help him to become a star on the next World Cup Team.

Very few people in Minnesota were happy to see Kevin Garnett leave, and I can understand that. However, the Wolves were never going to get by the second round unless Garnett was traded. Now you have an amazing team that will only get better. On top of receiving two future first round picks, you now have one of the best young low post players in the game, almost $12 million in cap room for next year, and the deepest 2-4 positions in the league. Add in a center or point guard as a free agent or in the draft and the Wolves could be in the Finals in a few years.

No bad mouthing of Michael Vick or what he did, I’ll leave that to the courts. Was does amaze me is that Joey Harrington is now in a position to lead a solid offense that could actually result in a playoff birth. Harrington showed that he has skill in Miami last year and now has a good line, solid backs, an All-Pro tight end, and veteran receivers. Harrington may actually post a winning record for the first time since college.

The NFL did the right thing by suspending Pacman Jones, but the Titans haven’t handled the situation very well. If Jones wants to wrestle for TNA than let him, it is the safest thing for him. He will be surrounded by people who are big enough to take out his bodyguards, he can’t bring guns into Universal Studios, he will stay in shape, and there is a good chance a few steel chair shots to the head may knock some common sense into him. The man just wants to earn a living.

Tony Stewart has now won three of the last four NASCAR races and Dale Earnhardt Jr. is struggling. What does this mean for the average person? More Stewart commercials, less Dale Jr. (I couldn’t care less as long as I don’t have to watch NASCAR. If they only could keep Peyton Manning off of my television I would be happy.)

756*

Let me just get a few things out in the open to clear any misconceptions. Bonds used steroids, there are literally books of evidence (and phone books worth of witnesses) supporting this, he just is smart enough not to fail a drug test. His former mistress is going to be in Playboy but it isn’t because she looks attractive, in fact I think Bonds may have injected her with testosterone. Alex Rodriguez will break whatever the record is that Bonds retires with. Arod will top 800 home runs; Bonds will be lucky to see 775. Hank Aaron’s tribute video was classy, and also a funny #### slap to Bonds. If I caught the record breaking ball I would have done one of two things: Hand it to Bonds in exchange for his immediate retirement and seclusion, or given it to the Hall of Fame if they banned Bonds for life a la Pete Rose.

Even though the trade deadline passed without any big moves from the Bronx Bombers, they still have until August 31st for any waiver wire deals. They will make at least two deals to help the team, and they will win the wildcard, no matter how much people wish they would just miss the playoffs.

The Braves made a big splash getting a premier power hitter, three lefties for their bullpen, and a solid closer in Octavio Dotel. The bad news is that Dotel hit the DL before he could get his uniform sweaty.

Welcome Tom Glavine into the 300 win club, just the 5th lefty to reach that milestone. It is amazing to think that Glavine almost decided to play hockey instead of baseball. This couldn’t have happened to a more professional player.

Vince Young has the honor of gracing the cover of Madden 08. Maybe the reason Pacman Jones was suspended was so that he couldn’t accidentally shoot Young. Based on previous cover jinxes, Young will play 12 games this year and the Titans will miss the playoffs.

Doesn’t that name take you back? A 21-year-old top-pitching prospect is now back in the Majors as a power-hitting outfielder. Ankiel hit three home runs in his first week since coming back to the Cardinals, and could combine to hit 50 home runs between Triple-A and Saint Louis this year.

Tiger won his 13th Major and 4th PGA Championship Sunday. The big news is that he only won one Major this year. How is he supposed to support his new family if he can’t win the big ones anymore?

Twelve topics while sick on a Sunday afternoon. Not bad, plus it keeps people reading until I have something meaningful to say, or at least until I have the time to say it.  

Vladimir Guerrero claimed his spot upon the top of baseball’s home run hitters after winning the Home Run Derby on Monday. Actually Guerrero is the top home run hitter against batting practice pitchers, among All-Stars, at least those who decided they wanted to participate. When you take a look at the Home Run Derby it is plain to see that the event lacks the interest it could potentially draw. When you look at the NBA’s Slam Dunk or 3-Point contest it is sad to see that baseball has been missing a giant opportunity to help invent new stars and increase ratings. After all, sports is all about those dollar dollar bills, y’all.

Two of baseball’s biggest stars optimize the issue with the Derby. The current home run leader so far this season is Alex Rodriguez, who just decided that he will valiantly play in the All-Star game itself. A-Rod is battling a debilitating injury, but decided to play because he “owed it to the fans”. If A-Rod is actually legitimately hurt enough to require time off, or decided to play just for the fans, than you probably believe that Barry Bonds has never used any substance stronger than Flintstones vitamins. Bonds is the other problem with the Derby. Bonds is a handful of home runs away from breaking the all time record, but dismissed a chance to enter the event without a second thought. What makes this decision worse is that Bonds is the only Giants player involved in the All-Star Game being played in his home park. I will admit that Bonds entering the Home Run Derby was a no win situation (he wins and the steroids debate fuels again, if he loses and than he is just off of the juice) but he should have been in the event. Baseball needs to make sure the stars people pay to see are actually on the field to be seen.

Why should All-Stars have all the fun at the Home Run Derby? You don’t have to be an All-Star to be in the Slam Dunk or 3-Point Contest. In fact several stars have emerged as household names based on their performances in these events (Shawn Kemp, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter, Gerald Green, Andre Iguodala, etc). The Derby should be open to the best power hitters, not just the best All-Star caliber power hitters. It isn’t uncommon to see players participating in the Derby that are not even leading their own team in home runs. It is no secret that David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez are the big hitters on the Red Sox, but both men have said they are amazed watching Willy Mo Pena hit more home runs (and for longer distances) during batting practice than either of them. Who cares if Pena’s strikeout average is higher than his batting average, the man can put on a home run show. Baseball needs to use this type of power hitting skill to the event’s advantage.

The Home Run Derby could be a major public relations extravaganza if baseball changed the way they run the event. Instead of a few hours of long drawn out home runs, why not turn this into a fun event for more than just eight players and one night worth of fans? Each team can pick a date during a home stand to have an entire roster Home Run Derby. The event could be separate admission (during the day when a night game is scheduled) for $5-$15 per ticket, with all proceeds going to a charity. The winner for each team advances to a neutral park derby championship (with the same charity and ticket setup) where the top four players advance to the Home Run Derby against four All-Stars, and the champion gets to put all of his winnings towards a charity of his choosing. This way everyone wins, charities across the country, fans, and families that can’t afford the outrageous ticket prices of the mid-summer classic. Even better for baseball (besides the great publicity for their charitable contributions) is that fans get to see players that could be the next great stars before they become household names.  

Before baseball panics about the lack of interest in the Home Run Derby, they need to remember that the NBA once had the same issues with the Slam Dunk contest. Every event suffers from peaks and valleys, the true test is to see what changes might need to be done to fix the event, if any are even needed. Baseball needs to talk to the fans to see what they would want to see, since we fans are the people that dish out our paychecks to support the lavish life of the average and All-Star player.