(Note: I posted this before, but I took it down cuz it needed some changes)

In preparation for this whole bowl preview thingy, I’ve learned 2 things about the 2006 college football season.

1) There are no great teams. The whole Florida/Michigan debate is somewhat useless because they probably are both equal in quality, and about equal with USC and just a notch above Louisville. OSU may be good, but they really weren’t challenged all year outside of one home game. None of these teams would hang with last year’s Texas team, or 2 years ago USC team, or…. well you get the idea

2) This is a weak player year as well. Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly great players, but no transcendent Reggie Bush/Vince Young types. Troy Smith is probably the weakest Heisman winner of the past 10 years or so, and he won in a landslide.

Of course, all of that doesn’t mean we can’t have a great set of bowl games. Or at least one or 2 decent match-ups - whichever. I will preview each bowl game and give my (Straight-up, no point spread) pick, and maybe give reasons for the picks. It’s harder to pick bowl games cuz you have no idea who still cares, and who just is in it to get a free X-Box or leftover Jake Peavy bobblehead (depending on the bowl of course). So without Freddie Adu, let’s get to the bowls.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

TCU  v. Northern Illinois

Right off the bat we have the winner of the “Lamest Bowl Sponsor” award. If bowl sponsors are going to be this localized from now on can Crazy Charlie’s Discount Electronics Bowl be far behind? As for the game itself both of these teams had disappointing seasons; TCU only lost 2 games, but they were supposed to be the Boise State of this season instead of Boise State. I’m sure that sentence made no sense. Northern Illinois has nothing except Garrett Wolfe, and even then they couldn’t make the MAC championship game. This year that’s an even more pathetic statement than it normally is. Right off the bat this seems on paper to be an easy call, but if they played games on paper there would be a lot more paper cuts. Or something…. nevermind

Winner: TCU

Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl

Oregon v. BYU

Those wacky Mormons are back again for more booze, gambling, and prostitutes. That is what the Mormons believe in right? Well if it isn’t it should be. Anyway it’s odd that BYU is back in Vegas for the second straight year, but Miami has to go to Boise. Just shows that the Bowl selection people have a sense of humor. Even with super-stud running back James Stewart, and his imaginary 6 foot tall rabbit Harvey, Oregon faded badly down the stretch. BYU on the other hand finished well winning the relatively strong Mountain West Conference. That all being said the only way BYU loses is if they figure out that they can get married in any number of places 24/7 in Vegas and have a “Who can marry the most broads contest”.

Winner: BYU

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

Troy v Rice

The bowl match-up that sounds like an incredibly stupid teenager trying to microwave an Uncle Ben’s meal. Rice is in its first Bowl game in 45 years. For perspective, Kennedy was still president, Gilligan’s Island was still 3 years from its first airing, and Greg Oden was born. Oh right, he’s only 18. I’m sure all 18 year olds are talking with their grandkids on the sidelines while they’re injured. Back to the matter at hand, this game is interesting because Troy’s QB’s name is Omar Haugabook, which I’m sure sounds similar to Hug-a-book, which if he’s attending Troy I’m sure he doesn’t do all that often. ESPN nation’s vote seems to think that Rice will win, and hell who’s to argue with all 2500 or so of them

Winner: Rice

Papajohns.com Bowl

South Florida v East Carolina

So is there a difference between Papa John’s directly sponsoring this bowl and them just sticking the website up there? Guess we’ll never know. This is a match-up of East-North Carolina versus West-Central (andIguesskindaSouth-ish) Florida. ECU gave West Virginia their toughest non-loss game, but USF beat West Virginia. Of course Pitt beat Central Florida by more points than Florida did this season, so the whole “common opponents” measuring stick ain’t always that accurate. Matt Grothe is a pest of a QB, that’s really the best way to describe him. And USF got better during the year, as most young teams are apt to do. Barring some odd happenings-a-doing USF should win.

Winner: USF

New Mexico Bowl

New Mexico vs. San Jose State

Gee, I wonder how New Mexico was able to snag this game? It’s the battle of the porn star head coaches, with #### Tomey (pronounced Too-me…. I think), and Rocky Long. The head coaches are described as “defensive masterminds” with Long being the inventor of the now en-vogue 3-3-5 defense. That for some reason has always sounded more like a soccer formation, but that’s probably just me.

Winner: Um, San Jose… I guess. But only if Cheechoo gets going

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl

Utah vs. Tulsa

I’m assuming full-sized, working helicopters aren’t part of the gift basket for this game, although they should be. I really have nothing to say about either of these teams, except Tulsa’s nickname (Golden Hurricanes) sounds like a golden shower fetishist’s dream. Look it up if you don’t know, at your own risk of course.

Winner: Utah

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl

Arizona State vs. Hawaii

Another team with its name in the Bowl title. Using this logic the BSC will rename itself the Notre Dame Challenge after this season. The over/under for this game is 75, I wonder if that’s for one or both teams? Arizona State’s coach Dirk Koetter has been fired, so he may as well skip out on the game and just hang out on the beach for a month or so. Or at least that’s what I’d do, even if I hadn’t been fired. Dennis Erickson is the new head coach, and it was awfully nice of him to pull the charade of being the head coach of his alma mater Idaho for a whole friggin' season. That being said who among us wouldn't take Tempe over, um, wherever the hell the U of Idaho is.

Winner: Hawaii

Motor City Bowl

Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan

Central Michigan head coach Brian Kelley has been hired by Cincinnati to replace Mark Dantonio as its head coach. In fact Kelley is going to coach Cinci in their bowl game, completely ditching CMU. All told I have no idea if that’s a good, bad, or indifferent hire. Nor do I care really, although I think Frank Solich would have been a better choice. And for those keeping score that’s the MAC champion’s coach leaving his team for a lower half Big East team. Who says the mid-majors don’t matter? Anyway, CMU actually played a decent out of conference schedule, except they didn’t win a game. Kind of the Penn State of the MAC in a way, so they are kind of unknown still. As for MTU, their QB looks kind of like the QB from The Waterboy (good job needle-####!!).

Winner: Middle Tennessee, if only because they’re more stable

Emerald Bowl

Florida State vs. UCLA

Supposedly Florida State likes to drive to their bowl games, if they leave now they may make it by game-time. Also, it’s very funny to me that DeCody ####g will be playing his bowl game in San Francisco, I’m sure he’ll be very popular. As for the game itself it’s pretty simple, if UCLA wins the field position battle, they win the game. FSU’s offense is more impotent than a Nevada boxing commissioner (ask Monty Burns, it’s his line).

Winner: UCLA

PetroSun Independence Bowl

Oklahoma St. vs. Alabama

The “Battle of .500 Bowl”. Alabama beat Duke, Louisiana-Monroe, Florida Int’l, and Mississippi to get to 6-6. And Oklahoma State’s wins may actually be less impressive. Feel the excitement. Mike Shula’s leaving, and really who can blame him? Rich Rodriguez has already turned Alabama down to be the next head coach, and really it’s for the best that way. Cuz if they liked Mike Shula they’dve loved Rich and his inattention to defense, lack of disciplinary control of his team (on the field at least), and inexplicable losses when he has good teams. That and they probably would have thought he’s an illegal or something; I would have given it 3 years at the most.

Winner: Who cares?

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl

Cal vs. Texas A&M

This is the second bowl game to be played in San Diego, if you count the San Diego Dept of Corrections Bowl, or whatever it is. Anyway, Cal was okay this year, very good at times. Texas A&M beat Texas, but by the end of the season who the hell didn’t? And New Hampshire probably had a tougher schedule than they did. They also have a 5-11 280 lbs running back whose first name is Jorvorskie. Geez, 5-11 280 lbs? He makes Jerome Bettis look like Chris Bosh. For Cal Marshawn #### and the Jackson kid are really good. Texas A&M doesn’t have anyone I’ve ever heard of. All that being said, the Big 12 owns the Pac-10 in lesser bowl games. So why go against history?

Winner: Texas A&M

Texas Bowl

Rutgers vs. Kansas State

You know, the Big East’s bowl coordinator needs a nice kick in the nuts for doing such a crappy job. A month ago Rutgers was on the way to playing in the national title game, now they play in an inaugural bowl against the 13th place team in the Big 12. Okay KSU finished 7-5, but when they played Louisville they looked pretty feeble and it’s the only game of theirs I watched. Rutgers has 2 great running backs, a good defense, a great o-line, an okay QB, and receivers who absolutely suck. K-State has a good defense and, um, I think that’s about it off hand. But with Rutgers being disappointed in being shipped off to Houston, K-State having the veritable home field advantage, and just a gut feeling I’m going with K-State

Winner: K-State

####lord Hotels Music City Bowl

Clemson vs. Kentucky

Heh, ####lord. I think DeCody ####g’s cousin is playing in this game. Anyway... Kentucky has a nice short Jed Clampett-car ride away to go to this game, and being in a bowl game since 1999 has their fans giddy with mid-level excitement. Clemson has one of the more talented teams in the country believe it or not, but for whatever reason (cough*coachsucks*cough) they can never get over the hump. They should have an easy time with Kentucky, what with their dynamic running backs and darling orange/purple uniforms. And I think they will win, but it will be close

Winner: Clemson

Brut Sun Bowl

Oregon State vs. Missouri

Yet another Big-12/Pac-10 match-up. While Mike Riley has done a fine job this season I feel that Oregon State needs to fire him and hire South Florida head coach Jim Leavitt, just for the headline “Leavitt to Beavers”. OSU played 2 BCS teams this season, getting killed by one (Boise State), and beating the other (USC). Missouri, who knows really? I know their QB’s good, but outside of that I have no idea if they’re any good. I really don’t know who will win, but I guarantee this will be the manliest smelling bowl of them all

Winner: Oregon State

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Houston vs. South Carolina

South Carolina has Sydney Rice, but Houston doesn’t have anyone named Troy so unfortunately we can’t have a pseudo re-match of the epic New Orleans Bowl. Despite The Ol’ Ball Coach’s penchant for offense his team this season has gotten by mostly with defense. Houston’s Kevin Kolb has thrown for almost 3,500 yards 27 TDs and only 3 INTs, wow I didn’t know that. Hell Chris Leak has averaged an INT per game all season and look where he is. Despite the QB’s staggering numbers you have to go with the SEC team over the mid-major.

Winner: South Carolina

Insight Bowl

Texas Tech vs. Minnesota

Is this still the Insight.com Bowl? Or did they not want to be confused with PapaJohns.com so they dropped the.com part? Oh well, I’m sure they make pizza just as well as the other one. This game has 2 completely different offenses, one that throws it all over the field, and one that runs till they caint’s runs no more. I think I just made the MS grammar checker explode with that one. How Minnesota got a bowl game is anyone’s guess, they beat Temple, Kent, and North Dakota State (10-9 was the final score of that one by the way) to only make it to 6-6. They suck and should be nowhere near a bowl, but such is life in a twelve game season. Anyway, long story short Texas Tech should win, and easily.

Winner: Texas Tech

Champs Sports Bowl

Purdue vs. Maryland

Well, this is a match-up of teams who looked feeble and pathetic against local teams. Purdue could have played Penn State for a week straight and not scored a touchdown. Maryland looked slow and offensively inept for most of their game against WVU. Oddly enough the word Champs is in the title of this bowl, veeery funny Orlando. Purdue avoided both Ohio State AND Michigan this season; had Ball State, Miami (OH), and a 1-AA team on their out of conference schedule, and still lost 5 games. They’re kind of like the pitcher who has won 17 games, but has an ERA over 5. Maryland QB Sam “Ain’t no” Hollenbach “Girl” has to have a good game for Maryland to win, and I think he will.

Winner: Maryland

Mieneke Car Care Bowl

Navy vs. Boston College

Boston College is the Groundhog Day of college football teams. Decent season, 8-9 wins, but can’t get over the hump because they lose a game or 2 they shouldn’t. It’s either reassuring or annoying, I’m not sure. Now that Tom O’Brien’s gone maybe they can go back to mediocrity where they belong. You’ll hear that Boston College has won 6 straight bowl games. But don’t forget, Navy is 6-0 when it matters baby!!! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Winner: BC

Alamo Bowl

Texas vs. Iowa

So a 9-3 Texas team gets to play in its own backyard against a 6-6 Iowa team who almost lost to friggin’ Syracuse? Seems like a big ol’ mismatch on paper. The only way Texas loses is if they are just completely disinterested, which could always be the case.

Winner: Texas.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl

Virginia Tech vs. Georgia

RIP Peach Bowl; hello Chicken Sandwich Bowl, peaches and chicken don’t really go together well anyway. Freshman Georgia QB Matt Stafford has twice as many INTs as TDs, and he’s still the best option. And yet GA still had 8 wins, the SEC really is awesome! Virginia Tech was chastised by Kirk Herbstreit for dancing on the field during a loss. And if anyone knows hot to act classy it’s a guy who ####s college chicks every week while his wife and kid sit at home. Virginia Tech’s offense sucks less than Georgia’s so they maybe should win. Do you like how forceful I’m being with my picks here?

Winner: VA Tech

MPC Computers Bowl

Miami vs. Nevada

“Hey, Miami’s had a rough season, they’ve had their worst record since the early 70s, they got into an embarrassing on-field brawl, they had to fire their coach, and they had a player get killed, how can we top it off for them? I know! Let’s send ‘em to Boise!” Miami’s punter would probably be the best athlete on Nevada’s team, but you can never discount the fact that Miami won’t give a ####. If Nevada can avoid getting sick from the combination orange uniforms of the opponents and blue field they should win in a slight upset.

Winner: Nevada

More tomorrow, or whenever I get to it.