It's a wonder how the Toronto Raptors lost their series so quickly playing defense like this...

"You can relax Mr. Van Gundy, I'm not actually able to arrest you, I'm just going to give you a technical foul. You can put your hands down."

(AP Photo/John Raoux)

SportsComedian.com

The NBA Playoffs are beginning and we here at TSC are going to break down the matchups by their mascots, the thing that really matters.

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  Celtics vs. Hawks: Hawks have long been the bane of midgets hailing from Ireland. Their fued dates back to the 1400's, when giant hawks would swoop down and grab them from their fjords because of the attraction to their gold buckle shoes. But these are modern times, and the Celtics have a lot more going for them now. Mainly their having hands, and hence the ability to shoot a firearm, is going to spell trouble for the birds as they can easily be shot out of the sky. I predict a Celtics victory. But if that Hawks want to have a chance they are going to have to go after the Celts only good eye(the right one). They could also get lucky and reap the benefits of a lung cancer diagnosis mid-game due to the Celts love for pipe smoking.
  
  Prediction: Celtics 4-1
  
  
• 
  Pistons vs. 76ers: One of the battles that I have only seen before in my greatest of dreams, car parts against people from the year 1776. I think too much has changed in the past 200 years for the 76ers to be competitive in this series. They are still riding around on horses, wearing those triangle hats, and writing articles of confederacy. Look for the Pistons to drive right over the Sixers while they are in the middle of the street attemtping to draft a declaration of independence.
  
  Prediction: Pistons 4-1
  
  
• 
  Magic vs. Raptors: It's magic versus velociraptors. To get a proper feel for this movie you have to look at the popularity of the two mascots. Raptors were all the rage back in the 90's with the Jurassic Park films, but now it's all about Narnia, Harry Potter, and Lord Of The Rings. Magic is everywhere and Orlando is going to tap into this pop culture relevance to put away that red #### wearing oversized dinosaur shoes. Also, it is very tough to maintain good ball control with a three-fingered claw hand. Magic win in a closer one.
  
  Prediction: Magic 4-2
  
  
• 
  Wizards vs. Cavaliers: The magic users take on the men trained in arms and horsemanship. This is also an age-old fued that dates back to the middle ages. Cavaliers nearly drove Wizards to extinction, both in the old war and the last few years in their playoff series. I think it's finally time for the Wiz to strike back. Firstly, look how flexible they are. There is no reason why that pose is even necessary, yet they are doing it. Also, they can levitate a basketball and point at the sun at the same time. That takes skill. Their skills will narrowly overcome that of the Cavs.
  
  Prediction: Wizards 4-3
  

T.J. Ford puts into practice the new Raptors offensive strategy codenamed "#### Dribbling".

(AP Photo/John Bazemore)

SportsComedian.com

Chris Bosh makes Joe Smith look ridiculous on the court, much like the Chicago Bulls as a whole, while telling him "Stop Hitting Yourself!"