Dodgers pitcher Hiroki Kuroda was seen flirting with a no-hitter for several hours on Sunday as Los Angeles took on the Houston Astros. It started in the first inning, when Kuroda struck out two of three and saw the No-Hitter sitting in a box seat by the home dugout. He gave her a tip of his cap, and a little wink. Things got a little more intimate during the third inning, after getting a couple groundouts, when he went over and bought the No-Hitter a drink. They chatted it up for a few minutes while his team built a decent 4-0 advantage over Houston.

As the game entered the 5th inning, and he was still getting play from the No-Hitter, his teammates began to get quiet around him. "Well, you just don't want to talk to a guy who is getting that close to a No-Hitter," said catcher Russell Martin. "We all know how hard it is to get with her, and trust me we have all tried. I've seen so many guys think they are on the doorstep of scoring with her, and then bam, you get knocked around. But, he was quite a gentleman to her, I really thought he was going to have a shot at taking her home after the 9th inning."

But while he made a valiant attempt to score the lady who is known around the league as one of the toughest catches, some major drama unfolded late in the game. After Kuroda took the No-Hitter into the 7th inning, on a nice dinner date, her husband burst onto the field and was enraged to find Kuroda after his wife. Complete Game, husband of no-hitter for the past few decades, was furious at his wife for even considering stepping out on him and dragged her out of the stadium. Needless to say, the Astros proceded to unload on the shocked Kuroda for an 8-5 win.

Despite the fact that Complete Game has been romantically linked to several players this season including Brandon Webb, and several encounters with Roy Halladay, he was still upset at his wife. "No one goes behind my back and after my woman," said Complete Game in an interview with Bob Costas. "And if they try that, my buddies Bat Around The Order and Blown Save are going to rough them up. You saw what we've they've to Eric Gagne recently, and that's just because I heard he once thought about going after my lady."

But in talking to No-Hitter, it's unknown what the future holds for her and Hiroki. "I might like to hang out with him again, he's cute," she said. "I don't know if I'll go all the way with him, as he can't really get strikeouts consistently. But maybe we can flirt again for a few innings. We'll see how it goes. Next time, I'll make sure my husband is out of town with another pitcher."

"I hate to tag you out my good man, because that is one fine ####. And an even finer #### glove."

"No Johnny, I don't know how Melky Cabrera is not a white guy with celebratory dance moves that bad." -Bobby Abreu

(JOHN MUNSON/THE STAR-LEDGER via US PRESSWIRE)

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Fans of the Baltimore Orioles are celebrating today as their team leads the AL East for the third consecutive month. Baltimore, which has been an afterthought in the AL East for the past few seasons, turned it all around back in November when the standings were reset following division foe Boston's World Series victory. Since then they have held the tie-breaker and been atop the rankings, despite no games being played, because of their name being alphabetically better than the rest of the division.

American League East

"We are extremely proud of this team, and all it has accomplished over the past few months," said die-hard Orioles fan Gary Halbert. "Trading off our best hitter in Miguel Tejada, reducing payroll, getting a new manager with very little experience. This has been a great series of events, and I'm amazed we've been able to stay on top."

The success of the lower payroll Orioles over the Yankees and Red Sox has sent a message to other teams of the recipe for beating these titans. "We're thinking about changing the name of our city to Aaampa Bay," said Tampa Bay mayor Rich Gutierrez. "We feel this could really make us competitive in the offseason, when normally Baltimore dominates."

Controversy has arisen in Toronto, which is consistently at the bottom of the leaderboards during both the regular and offseason. They have actually passed a bill changing it's name to "!Toronto". Alpabeticists are unsure if this punctuation mark places them on the top or bottom of the standings. "We want a championship in !Toronto," said a member of their city council. "If you type our new name into a computer, it ranks it first. Therefore, we will emerge triumphant over the rest of the AL East."

"I'm going tonight to Camden Yards to watch the Orioles not play tonight," added Halbert. "It's gonna be a very tough non-game. With all the name changes going on, we're going to need to play well to have a chance to stay on top."