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Tiger Courageously Battles Through Knee Injury To Order Frapuccino
Jun 19, 2008 | 10:27AM | report this
Just days after his heroic triumph at the U.S. Open, overcoming the pain of a brutal knee injury to win in 91 holes of golf, Tiger Woods was again battling for another victory. This win came at a Santa Monica area Starbucks where Woods showed up early in the morning following his announcement that he would need season-ending knee surgery, where Tiger was after a frappucino. When he came in, the capacity crowd of 23 all were wondering whether Tiger possessed the mettle necessary to overcome the knee and make a successful drink order. His dedication to getting the frozen coffee beverage was put to the test early on, as he stood behind a line of 5 other patrons, including one who had a complicated order for the whole office that took about 15 minutes to fill. We've all seen lesser men simply walk out when faced with such a daunting line, and those are men without horrific injuries.

But Tiger kept it together, vowing to himself that nothing would stand in his way of getting a caramel mocha frappucino. When he got to the counter, it was obvious that he was in some pain as he limped up to talk to the barista. The crowd erupted when not only did he order a frappucino, but a venti frappucino, which is the largest size in the crazy made-up Starbuckian language. A lesser golfer would have been content there, but Woods even added whipped cream to the top of his beverage, adding a brutal .12 ouncesof extra weight. When you are battling a knee problem, every little bit just adds on to the pain.

After receiving his drink the real test of his resolve was on, as he made his way to the condiment counter where he twisted and contorted his body to grab sugar and sweetner. His face grimaced as he bent for some half and half, and everyone could see the torque being put on the knee. But in the end he was able to walk out of that Starbucks with the beverage of his choice, a true testament toall athletes who rise above their own pain to perform for the fans. It may just be the greatest drink order of hil illustrious career.



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Mediate Stuns World By Losing Sudden Death In Literal Sense
Jun 17, 2008 | 1:32PM | report this

Rocco Mediate, the 45 year old who tied Tiger Woods on Sunday to force an 18-hole playoff yesterday, looked to be in prime position to score one of the greatest upsets of all time. He went toe-to-toe with Tiger for all 18 holes and was even winning by one stroke up until the 18th, when Tiger made birdie to tie it up again. The game then went to sudden death and everyone was braced for a tense couple of holes, but on the very first hole Mediate collapsed with an actual case of sudden death. It was a very anti-climactic end to the engaging contest, but Tiger fans in attendance were still pleased with the result. "I've been a Tiger fan forever, and we've seen him do about everything," said Jake Green, a Woods fan who came all the way from Texas to watch the tournament. "But now I can say I was there when he killed a man through sheer golf skill. What an amazing performance."

Woods offered his sympathy to the family of Mediate. "I want them to know how sorry I am about what happened. When you are this great at the game of golf, sometimes you forget your own power, the power that can only be fueled by the new Gatorade Tiger flavor. After accidentally killing a few putting instructors when I was a teenager, I vowed I would never kill with golf again. But, the U.S. Open brings out the competitor in me, and I had to take him out with my A-game. An A-game, that is only possible through the innovations of Nike brand golf equipment. I think this championship cup they gave me opens on top, and I'd be willing to put the ashes of Rocco in here, if his family wants. He can then rest in my trophy case, and hopefully when they visit I will be able to find him amongst the hundreds of other trophies I have in there. I think that would be a poignant dedication to his memory. A memory best captured with Nikon digital cameras and accessories."

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Golf's History Of Horrible Fashion Prizes
Apr 14, 2008 | 6:04PM | report this

Trevor Immelman sealed a Masters victory on Sunday by holding off Tiger Woods on the final day of the most prestigious major. In the end he ended up finishing 3 strokes ahead of Woods and getting the famous green jacket placed upon him. Many wonder why such an ugly piece of clothing is awarded to the winner of the most famous tournament. But golf is filled with strange fashion awards at their various events, and it is a tradition as old as the sport itself. Here are just a few that are a bit stranger than the green blazer:





  • The World's Greatest Grandpa t-shirt is awarded to the winner of the Montana Open. Far from a major, the tournament anually has trouble filling a 12-man field. The long-standing tradition of the WGG t-shirt dates way back to the year of 1997 when tournament organizers realized they needed a prize for their winner who hit a course record 102, and found this in a nearby giftshop. Since then one person gets given the shirt annually, and it is commonly found in a trashcan later by a fan.



  • The Bay Hill Invitational Bonnet is a piece given out honoring the traditions of crossdressers in colonial America. After winning the hat twice in a row twice, Vijay Singh claimed it was merely an award to make him look ridiculous, but tournament organizers insist that is not the case. Indeed, since then every winner has had to put on the bonnet and churn the ceremonial butter while performing the Village People's hit song "In The Navy".








  • The powdered wig awarded to the champion of the British Open was thought to be one of the nicest prizes in golf. That was until John Daly's lit on fire back in 2004 while he was smoking with it on. Apparently the powder is highly flammable, and the wig hasn't been given out since.
















  • But perhaps the most embarassing, literally, fashion award in all of golf are The Player's Championship ####-Less Chaps. Tiger Woods is the frequent winner of the spandex pants, and luckily for the viewing public he is one of the few golfers who works out.











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1 Comment | Add a comment   categories: Trevor Immelman, Tiger Woods, Golf, Masters, The Masters, John Daly, Vijay Singh, Ernie Els, Green jacket, The Sports Comedian
 
2008 Is Here - We Open Our 1998 Time Capsule
Jan 02, 2008 | 8:41AM | report this

Way back in 1998, the time of the dinosaurs, the staff here at TSC had the foresight to plant a time capsule with a few sports predictions for the next ten years. This was back in the earliest days of our site, when we were just a webpage drawn on a cave wall. One day we were all sitting around in our thatch huts, when a smoke signal from a neighboring tribe alerted us to the new year. Although verbal communication had not yet been invented in 1998, we all knew that a good website bit would be to make a time capsule of our current thoughts and open them again in a decade. We spent many days, as we were a tribe without fire, writing down the contemporary sports thoughts of the day. Given our vast sports knowledge and insight, we expected our predictions to be spot on as always, but as you can see, some of them turned out to be just a little off. . .

• The Battle to Reach 61: 1998 was the year that the record that could never be broken finally fell. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa battled it out all season and both ended up shattering Roger Maris’ record of 61. McGwire’s 71 is a record that will stand for years. I just don’t see anyone breaking it unless they come up with some kind of undetectable super drug that allows players to artificially add muscle mass and extend their careers into their early 40s, and I think we all know that’s not possible.

• Bulls Win 3rd Straight, Again: The Bulls won their 3rd straight title and their 6th in the last eight years. After the season, Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson both said goodbye to the game for good. I for one am sorry to see Michael go, but at least I won’t ever have to see him wear another team’s jersey. As for Phil, I always thought he was overrated as a coach. There’s no way he could win a championship without Jordan, so good thing he quit when he did.

• Tiger Who?: After winning the 1997 Masters, Tiger Woods failed to win another major the rest of 1997 and all of 1998. In fact, he only won 1 PGA tour event all season. I don’t know what everyone saw in this guy, but I have one word for you “O-VER-RA-TED.” Remember, you heard it here first. What a stupid name anyway. With something that silly, he will never be able to get any goood marketing deals.

• Return of the Bronx Bombers: The Yankees won their second World Series title in the last three years this fall. Just a side note, the Yankees payroll this season was over $63 million dollars, which is nuts. There is no way they can keep this up. By the time you read this, MLB will have a salary cap like the NFL and the Yankees won’t be able to sign away other team’s all stars.

• Ricky wins the Heisman: This year Ricky Williams of Texas set the all time NCAA rushing record on his way to winning the Heisman Trophy. Talk about a kid with a bright future, this guy is going to be breaking records in the NFL for years, bet the house on it. If NFL executives have any sense, they will do whatever they have to do to draft this guy next year. Best of all he's a great role model to young people about staying out of trouble and off of drugs.

• Passing of a Legend: Harry Caray, one of the most loved broadcasters of all time passed away just before MLB spring training. For reasons unknown to us here at TSC, someone in the Cubs front office came up with the brilliant idea of allowing celebrities to sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the seventh inning. I know, sounds crazy, but no doubt the Cubs will come to their senses next year and stop celebrities from singing before someone really embarrasses themselves.


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