Officials at the Belmont are upset at the decision by IEAH Stables, the owners of Big Brown, to accept a sponsorship from Hooters for the upcoming third leg of the triple crown. Hooters, pioneers of chicken wings, tight orange shorts, and flirting with overweight business men during their lunches in hopes of netting a bigger tip, will have their logo featured on Big Brown’s jockey for the race. The sponsorship has really ruffled the feathers of track officials whose race has been sponsored by local restaurant Cooters, purveyor of raw clams and cutoff jeans, for the past 15 years.

“I don’t want our illustrious race to be tainted by something like this Hooters business,” said Belmont Charmain Ray Hewitt, “When people watch this race, they get hungry, a hunger we want them to satisfy with a hot, wet, dripping clam from Cooters. But now, they might start thinking Hooters instead. Unsatisfied business men only get one meal per day they can eat away from their wives. We don’t want them to have to choose between Hooters and Cooters. This sponsorship is very upsetting.”

SportsComedian.com
Discuss this article in the Forum!

Churchill Downs, the site of this year's tragic death of Eight Belles, will honor the fallen horse with a re-enactment of the event at a matinee race tomorrow afternoon. Academy Award winning actor Tom Hanks will be playing the role of female horse Eight Belles in a 3-hour play portraying the events of the thrilling 2 minute race. Many feel the re-enactment of the event is disrespectful to the memory of the horse, and others are wondering about the accuracy of the script, penned by Star Wars scribe George Lucas. Some of the more questionable aspects of the play are a scene in which Eight Belles hacks a Russian missile defense computer to avert a nuclear war, a training session in which she breaks the sound barrier, and a graphic sex scene between Hanks' character and an actual horse.

"It's always a little embarrassing to do one of these love scenes," said Hanks. "But when you're both in there and in the heat of the moment, you can almost forget you're acting. I've been in love scenes with some truly great Hollywood actresses, but this male horse I did the scene with named Mr. Biggles really got into the moment and I thought he would actually mount me at times. Luckily trainers were there to separate us and put away his spear-like phallus."

Paul Giamatti will play the mob boss who breaks both of Belles ankles when she refuses to give up the location of her family. "I think it's a very daring role to play," said Giamatti. "It's very bold, to play the person who was responsible for this horse losing its life, but it's been a role I'm excited to take on and make my own. This is a very dark story, but it has an ultimately great ending wherin Eight Belles inspires Big Brown to go on and win the Triple Crown. In doing so, he liberates all horses from their human oppressors and they take over the world in a bloody fued. It's an epic story, but I think in the end when the son of Eight Belles is finally free, in peace, and sitting around a table with his family eating cooked brains out of the skull of an extinct human, it's going to bring a tear to some people's eyes. I'm just happy to be a part of it."

SportsComedian.com
Discuss this article in the Forum!