Inspired by the new Hulk movie coming out this summer, in which they attempt to ignore the horrible original and reboot the character with a new origin, the Oakland Raiders are asking to do the same thing. "If you can do a remake in movies, you should damn well be able to do them in football," said Raiders owner Al Davis. "What we want to do here is replay the 2003 Super Bowl. That game just wasn't well liked by the fans, especially in Oakland, because it was such a massive blowout. We propose recasting the teams and shooting the whole thing over again. We've got a new quarterback in Jamarcus Russell as our star, and I really think he's going to help us make people forget about the original."

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers declined comment on the matter saying only, "We are not going to entertain the possibility of this game being remade. The original game is beloved by longtime fans everywhere, we feel that trying to update the game for the current times would be detrimental to it's message. The game of football was much simpler back then, trying to add in all the new technology like lazer targeting, cyber passing, and holographic kickers would only make it a shadow of what the original was."

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Scientists from Destiny Labs announced today they have possibly created a formula for beating the New England Patriots. "All year teams and researchers around the country have been searching for a formula that will beat the Pats," said head scientist Mark Thompson. "Several have come close. Baltimore, New York, and even Jacksonville all had syrums that looked like they might finally cure this Patriots disease, but in the end they all remissed into winning."

The winning disease has afflicted New England all season, and has left them searching for answers. "I'm so tired," said Tom Brady. "All this winning, it's really taking it's toll on my body. I don't know if I can keep it up. My doctor said the next win may be the one that kills me. To play at such a high level, the body wasn't designed to throw 50 touchdown passes in a season. I just wanna lose again, please. I've forgotten how it feels to live."

The symptoms of the Patriots disease are extreme offensive aptitude, game-breaking speed, and the ability to come back from the brink of defeat to pull of an incredible win. Even their own fans are starting to feel the effects of the disease. "As a Patriots fan, it's just getting really boring watching the same old outcome every week. Being from Boston, I really hate to rub it in the faces of others when my teams do well. So this really makes me feel like a jerk having to win by 30 points every week, breaking multiple offensive records, and having the MVP. I just wanna lose every once in awhile. Please..."

But it's harder to lose than it looks for those suffering from Patriots disease. In the season finale they tried their hardest to get behind early to New York, but Tom Brady suffered a relapse in the 4th quarter and led his team to victory. But now researchers believe they have a cure devised for the ailment, one they will inject into Giants players before Sunday's Super Bowl. If they can somehow, some way deliver the vaccine to New England, they can come away with the biggest upset of all time.

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A local area man was admitted into a hospital yesterday following what doctor's are calling Super Bowl overexposure. "This is one of the worst cases I've ever seen," said ER doctor Mike Thornton as the man was wheeled in on a gurney. "We're gonna need to get him loaded up with painkillers immediately. Sir, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"5...days until kickoff," replied the man in a whisper.

"Oh my god, he's pretty far gone. We're going to need to prep him for surgery," said the doctor as they disappeared into one of the patient rooms.

While the surgery was taking place, we spoke to his wife, who had driven him to the hospital. "I don't know what happened to him," she said. "We were eating dinner, and he kept flipping from ESPN, to ESPN News, to FOX Sports, as he usually does. Then he just started screaming, and grabbing his head. I didn't know what the problem was, so I brought him here right away."

The doctor came out of the room after a couple of hours. "It's not pretty, but I think we have him stabilized. At times like these it's quite common for someone to experience a Super Bowl hype overexposure. In a normal NFL week, people have only 6 days to take in all the hype surrounding a game, and they have many games to choose from. But at this time of year, the condition worsens due to the 2-week layoff, the single game, and the need for networks to try and find interesting stories about it for all that time. The human body wasn't designed to handle this much of the same regurgitate hype. The Brady boot, the Manning brothers, Spygate, Belichick and Coughlin's douchiness, the undefeated season, we had heard it all by last Monday, but they're still the top headline on every show and website. We had to inject him with a 10 CC's of college basketball, and then actually cut him open and insert some MLB offseason trade news. I think he's gonna pull through."

During the recovery we were allowed to speak briefly with the man. "I'm feeling much better now. It was something around the 200th talking head that came on ESPN to talk about whether they thought Brady's injury was real or not, when something went off in my brain. It was like an explosion of boredom. I just couldn't wait to get to the game, so it could all just be over with. The doctor says I'm going to be on daily doses of NBA, and then if there's improvement I might be able to watch the last 15 minutes of a super pre-game show. Any more than that and it's likely I'll have to hear all these same stories again. I just wanna say that I love my family, and with their help I'm going to pull through this."

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