The NBA Playoffs are beginning and we here at TSC are going to break
down the matchups by their mascots, the thing that really matters.
Lakers(1) vs. Nuggets(8): The
embodiment of the great lakes of Los Angeles, the Lakers have been a
force in the NBA since moving out west from Minnesota. They face the
Nuggets, who have not ever been a force even in their own city. Neither
of these mascots make enough sense to be involved in a fight with each
other, as I'm not even sure what a laker is. But nuggets are little
rocks of gold, and I feel that rocks need to be punished for being
bested by paper in the game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. I don't know why
rock didn't complain when the three of them were sitting around decided
on the rules for that game. But now rocks are known as ####, and the
Nuggets are about to pay the price for this. Prediction: Lakers 4-0
Hornets(2) vs. Mavericks(7): The
bees take on the dreaded horse/basketball hybrid that is the Mavericks.
This series will be a bit closer, as the Mavs have some talented
players, but the Hornets are very under-rated. They are a bug, yet they
still wear oversized shoes and big mime gloves. They are out to
embarass the Mavs, and there will be little they can do to stop them.
Before they became a big blue horse basketball, the Mavericks mascot
was a cowboy. We here at TSC have obtained medical records from back
them stating an allergy to none other than bees. They swelled up like a
baloon when stung by them several years ago and changed their mascot to
hide this fact. Look for domination by New Orleans in this one. Prediction: Hornets 4-2
Spurs(3) vs. Suns(6): Those
sharp things that go on the back of cowboy boots versus not one but
multiple suns. This is a very tough matchup, as nothing has beat a sun
in a fight son far to date. Many say Tim Duncan could defeat a sun, and
NASA has looked into launching him towards the nearby solar system of
Alpha Centauri, as their sun has always been a #### to us. But the
Duncan-sun theory is yet unproven and I think he would merely burn up.
I think Shaq and Phoenix scores an upset in this one.
Prediction: Suns 4-3
Jazz(4) vs. Rockets(5):
Just like the Lakers, if there is one thing Utah is known for it is its
Jazz. But they face a tough opponent in the Rockets. I used to watch
underground fight videos of jazz players against retired Mark IV Soviet
Union rockets that took place in brazil. The site has now been closed
by the government, but let me just say that I had never seen a jazz
player win. Something about turning on your rocket boosters into the
face of an 70 year old musician that just makes the contests short.
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