ESPN
announced their depth chart for the upcoming season on Monday, and the
biggest shock was that longtime Monday Morning quarterback John Clayton
has been dropped to 2nd on the depth chart. The move comes as a major
surprise to many, who have been fans of Clayton's day after
declarations of how he would have done plays differently. But some felt
Clayton's skill in correcting late-game decisions was beginning to wane
in recent years. "He just didn't have the same fire he used to," said
Dave Boggs, a longtime ESPN watcher. "Back in the day Clayton would
just tear into coaches. If they got an interception, he'd rip into the
coach for daring to throw the ball when they have a guy on the team
with hands who can just hold the ball. If a team went for a field goal
instead of a touchdown and they ended up losing by 3, he would
criticize them for not having a mathematician and a telepath on the
sidelines to see into the future. He was brutal."
But many ESPN
fans were calling for a Monday Morning QB change last year when, after
the Seahawks tried to run it in on a 4th and goal and failed, Clayton
did not chastise them for not throwing over the top. Many felt it was a
sign of old age, he had lost the spark he had during his prime.
Replacing Clayton will be a hotshot rookie MMQB, reporter Rick Engle.
Engle impressed viewers during a fill in for Clayton one day last
season when he went down with a bad case of the shits. Engle called out
the mother of Bengals QB Carson Palmer, after a tough loss to rival
Pittburgh, for not realizing back in 1979 when he was being created
that she was giving life to someone who can not properly read double
strong side coverage.
People called it some of the best Monday
Morning Quarterbacking they had seen in 20 years. NFL Live host Chris
Berman said in the offseason there would be an open MMQB competition to
see who could win the job, and apparently Engle showed them enough to
make it official. He will open the season in the NFL Live debut show
before the first game. It is offen the toughest show to play MMQB for,
as there are not any decisions to second guess in hindsight, with a
bird's eye view of the game, and without ever having any actual
experience playing or coaching football. It's not an easy position to
play, but one Clayton has performed in admirably for years. We'll see
how this young rookie does in the Fall.
The 2008 NFL Draft is now in the books and we here at TSC take a
look at all the hits and misses from the event. Everyone seems intent
on assigning letter grades to everything, but we are just going to
assign letters. Maybe it's because we like thinking out of the box,
maybe it's because we remember the horrid grades we got in school. In
either case, here are the breakdowns of the second half of the teams in
the draft.
Miami Dolphins: According
to this picture, their new quarterback will apparently be wearing
formal clothes under his uniform. I don't know if that will help or
not, but they will look a lot more dignified as they lose every week. F for Fancy
Minnesota Vikings:
They got the dumbest quarterback since Terry Bradshaw in USC's John
David Booty. But that didn't stop him from winning 4 Super Bowls,
having a long broadcasting career, and making tons of assinine 10-10
phone number commercials. Maybe it won't be so bad. D for Dum Dums
New England Patriots: They
got a great linebacker in the first round to help phase out one of
their aging stars, which should help a lot. They also got a QB in the
third round, which should finally help them stabilize themselves at
that position. If they only had a franchise passer, they could have won
3 or 4 Super Bowls by now. W for We All Hate You Patriots
New Orleans Saints: They
drafted a big DT in Sedrick Ellis who can really play some defense. The
Saints are hoping he can show the rest of their defensive players just
how it's actually done. H for Hey, That's How You Tackle A Guy
New York Giants:
They got a steal in Michigan receiver Mario Manningham during the third
round. If only his team didn't play against college defensive
powerhouse Appalachian State, he might have had some better numbers.
Luckily there are no Appalachian-quality athletes in the NFL to stop
him now. Y for You Lose To Appalachian State, You Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play Football Anymore
New York Jets: Well,
at least they won't have the same team as last year. That's all you can
really say to yourself every year as a Jets fan. You can also spell the
word Jets to yourself and then say the word three times like you are in
a retarded middle-aged spelling bee. T for The Most Stupid Cheer In History
Oakland Raiders: Darren Mcfadden was the loser of the Who Goes To Oakland Lottery. Sorry buddy, I know it's tough. P for Poor Darren
Philadelphia Eagles:
They traded their first round pick again for the second year in a row,
but they managed to get some nice players anyway. There were some
players they liked, but Andy Reid just likes screwing up Mel Kiper's
Big Board. T for Take That You Permed ####
Pittsburgh Steelers: The
Steelers picked up Limas Sweed in the second round. If he's anything
like the real Swedish, he's going to be awesome. And he's going to make
some awesome chocolate. S for Swedish Chocolate
St. Louis Rams: They
picked up Howie Long's kid to try and keep that defense as fierce as it
has been over the past several years. Only time will tell if it is as
fierce as the witty zingers his father slings at the crew of FOX NFL
Sunday. They can only hope. R for Really? You Aren't Tired Of Madden Impersonations Yet?
San Francisco 49ers:
None of their picks answered their phones when they saw "San Francisco
49ers" on the caller ID. They managed to trick Kentwan Balmer into
picking up when they used a stranger's cellphone, but he hung up as
soon as he realized the ruse. C for ####, None Of Our Picks Seem To Be Home
S for Seattle Seahawks: Well, in that division they could pick a pots and pans set in the first round and still be very competitive for many years. H for Haha, We Get To Play In The NFC West
Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
They got another player named Dexter Jackson, who was their Super Bowl
MVP when they won it a couple of years back. Hopefullyhe can bring them
back to the good old days when they wore a blinding orange and were
represented by a mustached man with a knife in his mouth. P for Pimp-Like Helmet Pirate
Tennessee Titans: Well,
they needed a receiver for Vince Young and they got...a runningback?
Another year of running for your life and hoping someone accidentally
gets open Vince. Good luck. B for Boobs
Washington Redskins: They made it through a draft without trading a bunch of picks for over-priced old free agents. Well done Redskins, well done. M for Maybe Learning From Past Mistakes
The
Washington Redskins improbable season had come full-circle. After
losing their starting safety Sean Taylor to a tragic shooting in his
home, they had been on a tear to make the playoffs. Getting in and
facing the Seahawks was no easy task, but despite trailing 13-0 early,
they pushed and came back to take a 14-13 lead in the 4th quarter. It
would be the perfect ending to a perfect run for the feel-good story of
the year.
But then, inexplicably, the Seahawks scored a
touchdown, then a field goal, then another touchdown. Before the
Redskins knew it, it was a 35-14 bludgeoning. At some point during the
meltdown, Joe Gibbs ran out from behind his camera to shout "What are
you guys doing? This isn't in the script!" When asked about the game
Gibbs was sullen, "I wrote this epic masterpiece about a death
challenging a mediocre team to come together and gel into a champion.
But the Seahawks obviously did not get the pages I sent them last week.
They have completely messed everything up. We still had 30 pages of
script to go! How are we going to win the Super Bowl now?! I also had a
scene where the team battled a dragon and where all 42 men on the
active roster fall in love with Taylor's widow. It was to be a
heart-warming ending to our tale, that defied the logic of 42 men and
one woman. The love scene alone could have won us a cinematography
award. But none of that is going to be happening now!"
"It was my
bad," said Seahawks head coach Mike Holmgren. "I didn't see the latest
script sitting in a box at my front door Friday, so I told the boys to
just go out there and play. In the latest version of the script I had,
we find out that all the Redskins are actually dead and ghosts, and we
are all trapped in some kind of matrix controlled by machine overlords.
I kept waiting for that to happen, as it sounded very interesting, but
it never did. I guess he changed the ending to this standard team
overcomes adversity plot. Oops..."
Mushin
Muhammad congratulates Shaun Alexander as he had a game almost on par
with the rest of his season: 0 yards, 0 TDs. The difference was, he was
actually sitting out this game as opposed to the others.
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