Angels ownership finally answered the call of their fans to turn around their dismal season on Tuesday night when they acquired Mark Teixeira from the Atlanta Braves for Casey Kotchman and a pitching prospect. Many in Southern California were wondering what kind of deadline deal the team was going to pull off to right the Angels ship that had stumbled to a league best 66-40 record. With the other teams in their division trailing by as few as 11 and 1/2 games, and with the Mariners coming on strong only 26 games back, team management knew Teixeira was a good fit for the ballclub.

"If there is one thing Los Angeleans...of Anaheim...have looked forward to every year, it's watching us flounder and die in the first round of the playoffs," team President Tony Reagins said at a press conference. "I knew that proud tradition was in jeopardy with everyone nipping on our heels like they are. I've seen Seattle's roster. The fact that we aren't 40 games up on them just goes to show how we have not lived up to our potential."

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The Seattle Mariners have agreed to terms on a 5-year deal with Jim Kelly, a Seattle-area man they found leaving Home Depot with a 21-piece tool set over the weekend. Despite being 52 and having no experience playing baseball, the Mariners are confident they can turn around their MLB worst start with Kelly leading their team. "Well, I saw him leaving the store with just so many tools," said GM Lee Pelekoudas. "I've snuck up behind other GMs at the annual owners meeting several times, to try to hear what kinds of things real GMs talk about. I've heard them mention 5-tool players a few times, before they see me behind them, ridicule me, and tell me to go pick up another Richie Sexson. If only 5 tools are necessary to help a team play good ball on the field, just imagine what 21 will get us!"

Kelly was happy with the multi-million dollar contract he signed with the team, but was a bit confused on how he would be able to contribute. "Well, I never really played baseball as a kid," said Kelly. "I was more of a chess guy myself. They tell me they just want me to go out and put all my many tools on display, so I guess I'll put out a table somewhere. But I don't know how many people are going to be able to come and see them if it's set up on the field. This is the first tool set I've ever owned, so I'm going to have to learn what it all does I suppose. There's this metal rod with a handle at the end, maybe it's used for poking. I've also got a pair of really dull scissors maybe, and a really big knife with a handle on it. I guess I can cut them some meat or something in the clubhouse, but I'm confused how this will help them get more wins."

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Seattle Mariners pitcher R.A. Dickey's devastating triple fastball has proven extremely effective against hitters this season.

(Joe Nicholson-US PRESSWIRE)

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By TSC Contributing Writer Bill Zimmerman

The Baltimore Orioles have been known over the last few years as a franchise of futility. They have consistently been at the bottom of the AL East standings, or trying to out-suck Tampa for that honor. Last year Erik Bedard emerged as one of the best pitchers in all of baseball, and suprisingly he was a member of the Orioles. Now, in typical Baltimore fashion they are trying to trade him away to Seattle. This could actually be a good move for them, as they'll get back several great prospects. But how will their inept owner screw it up? Here's a Top 10:

10) Owner Peter Angelos gives in to concerns over a prospect's recurring ingrown toenail discovered during casual mention to doctor conducting physical
9) Angelos upset that frequent-flyer miles of 5 incoming players cannot be transferred to his account
8) Angelos throws fit when someone corrects his misunderstanding that Bedard is not 38 years old, but 28
7) Angelos reads an Internet article that says baseball teams field 9 players, not 5
6) Angelos scares away prospect, telling him part of the "extensive physical process" involves the elderly owner donning a latex glove
5) Angelos hears Skip Bayless call the trade a great deal for Seattle, and nobody can convince him that Bayless is an ####
4) Angelos decides the only way to make a big hit at the team's Vero Beach Spring
Training debut in 2009 is for Bedard to throw a complete game in the opener
3) Angelos realizes the 5 players coming over are not The King And His Court
2) Angelos gets creeped out dealing with an agent named Pieper -- then hides in a closet, refusing to sign his name next to the agent's
1) Angelos simply puts his fist down and says, "We've done this well without trades, why start now?!?"

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