The Chargers have made it official that defensive end Shawn Merriman will play this season despite a decapitation he suffered in a preseason game last week. In the 2nd quarter against the 49ers, Merriman was beheaded on a hard chop block by on of the San Francisco runningbacks. The head rolled around the field, as players from both sides confused it for a fumble and tried to step on it or jump on top of it. Charger trainers came on the field to attempt to re-attach it, but only after waiting for his torso to stop spraying blood all over the place. Horrified viewers at home watched as they attempted to put it back on with a stapler, scotch tape, and even some gum one of them was chewing. They took him and the head off on a stretcher and onto a helicopter, which took them to a local elementary school, where he was to receive Elmer's glue surgery to put it back on.

It was believed the injury could put him out of action for a few weeks, and possibly even require him to miss the season. But, the Chargers have informed the press that Merriman has agreed to play in this upcoming season, and will start in week one. They made the announcement at a press conference, with the headless body of Merriman in attendance.

"We asked him, hey, you still want to play this season right? If you don't feel up to it, just give us the word...But, he didn't say anything, because he's a trooper. This kid has got some real guts, and we look forward to having him on the field with us. He's so ready to play, he's wearing his uniform right now. In fact, I think it may be the same blood-covered uniform he wore in that preseason game. This kid is ready for more action."

It's unknown how well Merriman can perform without a head, but it's believed one of the defensive tackles will help hold him up during plays. Team management say that they don't want to lost a pro-bowler from their defense, and he's free to stop at any point, if he just tells them. They say this plan could work out great, they want to remind everyone of the success of Weekend At Bernie's and Weekend At Bernie's 2, both of which featured similar events.

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The 2008 NFL Draft is now in the books and we here at TSC take a look at all the hits and misses from the event. Everyone seems intent on assigning letter grades to everything, but we are just going to assign letters. Maybe it's because we like thinking out of the box, maybe it's because we remember the horrid grades we got in school. In either case, here are the breakdowns of the second half of the teams in the draft.

• Miami Dolphins: According to this picture, their new quarterback will apparently be wearing formal clothes under his uniform. I don't know if that will help or not, but they will look a lot more dignified as they lose every week.
  F for Fancy
  
  
• Minnesota Vikings: They got the dumbest quarterback since Terry Bradshaw in USC's John David Booty. But that didn't stop him from winning 4 Super Bowls, having a long broadcasting career, and making tons of assinine 10-10 phone number commercials. Maybe it won't be so bad.
  D for Dum Dums
  
  
• New England Patriots: They got a great linebacker in the first round to help phase out one of their aging stars, which should help a lot. They also got a QB in the third round, which should finally help them stabilize themselves at that position. If they only had a franchise passer, they could have won 3 or 4 Super Bowls by now.
  W for We All Hate You Patriots
  
  
• New Orleans Saints: They drafted a big DT in Sedrick Ellis who can really play some defense. The Saints are hoping he can show the rest of their defensive players just how it's actually done.
  H for Hey, That's How You Tackle A Guy
  
  
• New York Giants: They got a steal in Michigan receiver Mario Manningham during the third round. If only his team didn't play against college defensive powerhouse Appalachian State, he might have had some better numbers. Luckily there are no Appalachian-quality athletes in the NFL to stop him now.
  Y for You Lose To Appalachian State, You Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play Football Anymore
  
  
• New York Jets: Well, at least they won't have the same team as last year. That's all you can really say to yourself every year as a Jets fan. You can also spell the word Jets to yourself and then say the word three times like you are in a retarded middle-aged spelling bee.
  T for The Most Stupid Cheer In History
  
  
• Oakland Raiders: Darren Mcfadden was the loser of the Who Goes To Oakland Lottery. Sorry buddy, I know it's tough. P for Poor Darren
  
  
• Philadelphia Eagles: They traded their first round pick again for the second year in a row, but they managed to get some nice players anyway. There were some players they liked, but Andy Reid just likes screwing up Mel Kiper's Big Board.
  T for Take That You Permed ####
  
  
• Pittsburgh Steelers: The Steelers picked up Limas Sweed in the second round. If he's anything like the real Swedish, he's going to be awesome. And he's going to make some awesome chocolate.
  S for Swedish Chocolate
  
  
• St. Louis Rams: They picked up Howie Long's kid to try and keep that defense as fierce as it has been over the past several years. Only time will tell if it is as fierce as the witty zingers his father slings at the crew of FOX NFL Sunday. They can only hope.
  R for Really? You Aren't Tired Of Madden Impersonations Yet?
  
  
• San Francisco 49ers: None of their picks answered their phones when they saw "San Francisco 49ers" on the caller ID. They managed to trick Kentwan Balmer into picking up when they used a stranger's cellphone, but he hung up as soon as he realized the ruse.
  C for ####, None Of Our Picks Seem To Be Home
  
  
• S for Seattle Seahawks: Well, in that division they could pick a pots and pans set in the first round and still be very competitive for many years.
  H for Haha, We Get To Play In The NFC West
  
  
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers: They got another player named Dexter Jackson, who was their Super Bowl MVP when they won it a couple of years back. Hopefullyhe can bring them back to the good old days when they wore a blinding orange and were represented by a mustached man with a knife in his mouth.
  P for Pimp-Like Helmet Pirate
  
  
• Tennessee Titans: Well, they needed a receiver for Vince Young and they got...a runningback? Another year of running for your life and hoping someone accidentally gets open Vince. Good luck.
  B for Boobs
  
  
• Washington Redskins: They made it through a draft without trading a bunch of picks for over-priced old free agents. Well done Redskins, well done.
  M for Maybe Learning From Past Mistakes
  

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Police were called to the New York apartment of Gisele Bundchen after neighbors complained about loud screaming and noises coming from it. They arrived to find Patriots quarterback Tom Brady sitting on the couch crying, with a walking cast on his right foot. Gisele was in the other room watching basketball and drinking a beer in a white tanktop. Tom Brady took a minute to wipe the makeup off his face that had began to run, and asked the cops what the problem was.

"We have reports of a domestic disturbance coming from these premises," said one of the officers. "Do you know anything about that?"

"No officer," answered Brady. "I don't know where they would have gotten the idea we were fighting or anything."

"Honey! Shut your friends up! I'm trying to watch the game!" yelled Bundchen from the other room.

It was then the cops noticed the cast on Brady's foot. "Where did you get that injury, son?"

"Oh, I'm so clumsy. I fell down the stairs a little bit earlier today" replied Brady.

"What stairs? This is a one story apartment," asked the other officer looking around the place.

"Oh, yes, well we had them taken out after I fell down them," Brady shot back quickly.

"You did that today? Where would the stairs even have led to?"

"Thanks for coming over officers, but this really isn't necessary, we're very much in love." The police then took note of Brady's black eye and pointed to it. "Oh that thing? Well Gisele was only trying to explain to me, very calmly, that I should have done her laundry yesterday. She was trying to point to the calendar and show me how it was one of my 29 days of the month to do laundry, when she accidentally touched my eye a little bit."

"She hit you?" asked the first officer, very surprised.

Tom shook his head. "No, just a touch, a hard touch. She did it because she loves me so much! It only happens when she gets drunk, or angry, or when she's awake. The good times are so good, I can overlook these little episodes."

"Alright sir, if you don't want to press charges we'll be going. But be careful, will you? I've got 200 bucks riding on your game."

"God damn it! I need another beer Tom! Get in here!" yelled Gisele as the officers exited the building.

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It was revealed today that Philip Rivers played in Sunday's AFC Championship game only days after undergoing surgery for a broken heart. Apparently his supermodel girlfriend has just broken up with him the week before, after she met an even more rich French fashion designer.

"He was absolutely devastated," said best friend Antonio Gates. "She was the love of his life, and she just cut it off with him only a week before the big game. The biggest game of his life."

Rivers began complaining of hear pains following the breakup, and was taken to San Diego Hospital where x-rays showed a clear tear of the heart across the dorsal aorta. "It's a brutal injury," said Doctor Edward Kelly. "He should really not be playing in the game this week, he should be at home watching porn and eating pizza. That's the only way to get over something like this, it just needs time to heal. The typical rehab time on an injury such as this is 2-4 months."

But his teammates and friends were not about to let him miss his first AFC Championship game. Gates told us about some of the treatments. "We tried some rehabilitation methods we found on Wikipedia. We gave him nightly injections of naked drunk bar girls. That was supposed to help with the physical side of the injury. Then we had a James Bond movie marathon, and that was to remind his head that women can be replaced every year with one who is hotter and has a better sexual innuendo for a name. Then we watched an episode The View, and that showed him what women become eventually, unattractive old hags who argue for hours on end."

"But we realized on about Friday that the injury wasn't healing properly," added Ladainian Tomlinson. "We took him back to the doctor, but he told us the condition was inoperable. So we realized that we were going to have to do the procedure ourselves. To practice I played Operation until I was able to get out every piece without making that dude's nose buzz. Once I could extract everything, even that damn charley horse, we brought him back to Gates' place and laid him on the kitchen counter. From there I just got a cutlery set and began cutting into his chest. It was a lot different than the game, and I wasn't sure exactly what was what in there. But after about an hour and a lot of blood loss I was able to sew some things together and we patched him back up with duct tape."

Despite this procedure Rivers went out and had one of the gutsiest performances ever in an AFC Championship game, easily outgunning Tom Brady. After the game Rivers was treated for multiple infections, blood loss, and having his stomach tied with yarn and stapled to his kidneys. He is expected to make a full recovery before next season.

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Ted Cottrell, the Chargers defensive coordinator knew he had to come up with a great gameplan to defeat the only undefeated team of the last 30 years. One that no one had been able to devise before. To do that he would have to understand the inner-workings of the Patriots most potent weapon: The Brady.

To fully understand just how The Brady works, Cottrell had to journey far into the Himalayan mountains with his defensive assistants to find the reclusive inventor Reginald Bravari. Bravari created The Brady in his lab some 30 years ago in an effort to make the perfect human being. In Himalayan mountain society, one's worth and social standing is based not on what you actually do, but on how far you can throw something. For example, here in the U.S. Bill Gates and George Bush are both very high up the social ladder. But in the Himalayas, Chris Weinke would be seen as more prestigious than either of them. This could even be applied to historical figures. In Himalayan society, Benjamin Franklin would have been a chimney sweeper because he could not throw a football 10 yards, while Jack Geraldo, 280-pound butcher and weekend flag football player would have been a near deity because he can toss a long bomb.

But Bravari's super throwing creation had other plans, and he went to America to play in their professional football league. It was from Bravari that Cottrell hoped to learn the very secret of what makes The Brady tick, and hopefully how to defeat it in battle. "I built no real weaknesses into The Brady superstructure," said Bravari when questioned by the Charger coaching staff in his mountain home. He pulled up a blueprint of The Brady and laid it out on the table. "He was designed to throw, and I made it so it would be very hard to ever stop him from throwing. I don't follow the rules of this football of yours, but there is one thing that can stop The Brady, one item I crafted out of the very ingredients he is made of. It's his Kryptonite, if you will. I keep it locked in this box."

The coaching staff knew they were close to finding the very substance that could weaken The Brady and maybe even cause him to throw an interception. Bravari turned the key and opened the box to reveal...a handgun. "Wait a minute, this is the only thing that can stop Tom Brady? A gun?" said Cottrell angrily.

"Yes, if you shoot him in the face he will most certainly not throw a touchdown for the rest of the game. But the face is the key, that is his weakspot. Anywhere else and he's probably still going to be able to hit Randy Moss for an 80-yard bomb. What are the rules for using guns in your football?"

"You can't use them."

"Well then. You are probably screwed," noted Bravari. Sure enough the Chargers could not defeat The Brady on Sunday, and the Patriots marched on towards another Super Bowl title.

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Tom Brady must remain ever vigilant for supermodels bearing child support papers. Such is the tough life of an NFL quarterback.

(Greg M. Cooper, US PRESSWIRE)

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Bill Belichick was detained this week by federal prosecutors after a B-2 Stealth Bomber, bearing the Patriots logo, was caught by the U.S. Air Force performing maneuvers over the Chargers practice facility in southern California. The plane was noticed by LaDainian Tomlinson towards the end of practice on Wednesday, as it had been flying over them for several hours. The Air Force scrambled F-18's from a nearby airbase and ordered the plane to land and turn over all footage obtained. The plane was a modified B-2, bought by Robert Kraft after it was retired from active service. It has a giant Patriots head painted on the top and bottom.

"I don't know what the confusion is all about," said a confused Belichick as he was taken away by investigators. "We bought the plane legally, and it was merely conducting some test maneuvers to prepare for a special halftime show at this week's game."

The pilot of the vehicle was none other than mascot Pat Patriot, who just barely fit into the cockpit with his oversize head and enormous revolutionary war hat. He too was arrested by the government. The footage taped clearly shows the Patriots taping defensive signals on the sidelines, some several dozen offensive plays, and also about 2 hours of top-down cleavage footage o####iants cheerleader practice. It's unknown at this time how severely the league will punish the Patriots for this latest infraction.

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Randy Moss broke his silence on Wednesday to refute charges of battery levied against him by a woman claiming the invident happened at her South Florida home. Rachelle Washington is asking for a restraining order after the incident, with a court date set for January 28th to decide the matter. Moss, meanwhile, is not taking the charges lying down.

"I am not a battery! Never have been, won't ever be!" said Moss at his locker following practice. "This woman wants to call me an electrochemical energy storage system, and I will not accept this horrible insult. Where's her proof?"

The woman says the power went off at her home around 11:47 PM, and while her and Moss were waiting for it to come back on she picked up a flashight and attempted to turn it on. But apparently the batteries had run out, so it did not work. Moss then grabbed the flashlight and, low and behold, it came to life. The woman says she ran from the house and immediately called the police from a pay phone.

Moss, still at his locker and surrounded by reporters, threw a clock radio on the ground. "Alright, if I was truly a battery, I would be able to fit in this clock radio, right?" said an angry Moss. He then proceeded to try and stuff himself head first into the battery compartment of the radio. "See? I can't fit! Must not be a battery!"

An NESN reporter wasn't quite convinced. "Wait, that doesn't prove anything. Let's throw you in a river and see if you float! If you sink, you're not a battery, but if you do..."

"I think that's a witch actually," replied Moss

"How about we lick you? Batteries will shock someone who licks them," offered a CBS correspondent.

"No way in hell any of you are licking me," shot back Moss.

"I know! How about we go to the parking lot, hook you up to a car in place of a battery, and attempt to start the vehicle off you?!" suggested a reporter for the Boston Herald.

"Sounds very safe, let's do it."

Despite this interview happening last night, Randy Moss has not been seen or heard from since.

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With yet another early playoff exit after finally breaking through for a Super Bowl last year, Tony Dungy is reportedly mulling retirement. Having won the big game, and going to the playoffs countless times, there is little left for him to prove in the NFL. But the announcement that he may be coming out early has sent the heads of sports pre-game shows scrambling, and could shake up the draft order for next year.

Before every season, despite having the entire pool of retired talent to pull from, the multiple NFL pre-game shows hold a draft for players and coaches who have just come out of the game. Bill Cowher was the number one pick last year by CBS, and has played very well this season for their team. His ability to laugh incessantly at the other former players non-jokes is right on par with some of the best in the business. His predictions on the outcomes of games have been just as random and inaccurate as the other talking heads on TV.

It's unknown where Dungy will fall in this year's draft. He does have a lot going for him in that he's been a great coach, won a super bowl, and is very well-known in front of the camera. But, he's also a quite man with an odd speaking voice, it's unknown if his personality is douchy enough to jive with the atmosphere of a pre-game show. If you don't think Frank Caliendo's Terry Bradshaw and John Madden impersonations are funny the 500th time, you are usually benched by FOX. But one thing Dungy has going for him is the fact that he's African-American, but yet unimposing and not very big. That hits several key demos that networks are looking for.

The first pick in this year's draft will of course go to ESPN's NFL Match-Up which features Merril Hoge and Ron Jaworski breaking down game film more in-depth than any casual fan wants to do. It's like going to school, and they are the lowest rated and number one pick yet again because of it. However, they typically trade their number one pick away for bizarre items Hoge demands when high from sniffing those dry-erase markers he uses to circle plays. Last year they traded their pick to CBS for 200 pounds of candy corn, before that it was a trade for a Heisman trophy replica statue made entirely of butter.

If they pass on Dungy again this year in favor of some odd food item, he could go anywhere. FOX is really in search of a black man to bolster their current roster. If Curt Menefee goes down with an injury, they currently have no backup. CBS and ESPN meanwhile have a more balanced attack, and therefore may not need him. The real key could be how he performs in those asinine segments where the host act out plays on a small field. No one can understand what the hell is going on because they are so unorganized and slow, but every show seems to love them. Dungy better start practicing.

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For one Sunday, Ryan Leaf was better than Peyton Manning. On the day Manning's Colts went down in the divisional playoff round to Leaf's old Chargers, Ryan was awarded his second Employee Of The Month award at a Texas Arby's. The award was given to him in a lavish ceremony in the Arby's break area, shortly after he was finished scrubbing the bathrooms. He and his fellow employees celebrated by feasting on free apple turnovers and orange soda.

"I just want to thank God, for helping me to finally overcome Peyton Manning," said Leaf in a speech after accepting his certificate. "He couldn't win his second Super Bowl, but I've won this award two months in a row! Suck it Peyton! Suck it!" His ending to the speech was made more awkward by the fact the presentation was not being televised, and there was a 15-year-old male fry cook named Peyton in attendance.

Leaf's performance on Sunday was very impressive going 33 of 44 in combo supersize upgrades for 233 orders, but he did have 2 interceptions, something he can't avoid even in the fast food business. While being a total bust in the NFL, Leaf has been an outstanding microwave chef and assistant manager at the West Texas Arby's, where he's worked since his retirement at the age of 26. He has set records for fastest Big Beef N Cheddar prep, most diet sodas drunk without a bathroom break, and holds the career Arby's mark for sleeping with barely of age female employees who don't know any better.

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By TSC Contributing Writer Matt Webb

“I’ve lost them” said a characteristically confused Norv Turner, “they’re just not responding to my poor coaching at this point in the season. I’m not sure what I can do to get this thing turned around and heading south again. If they keep this up, we may pull off an upset in Indianapolis this weekend. People will start to think of me as a long term coaching solution, and that’s not good at all. I like jumping into a job, getting some good guaranteed money, and then being fired before the first season is even up. Now I may have to stay and work for this money? Not good...”

Going into this season, Turner had posted a career record of 58-82-1 as a head coach, good enough to put him near the top of the list of bad NFL coaches who are inexplicably mentioned and/or re-hired each time a job comes open around the league. San Diego’s performance early into the 2007 season only seemed to cement Turner’s reputation as a career underperformer, especially given the surprising success of fellow re-tread, Wade Phillips of the Dallas Cowboys. “Early on, it seemed like I was leaving my usual mark. I was speaking above the players’ and coaches’ heads. I was devising complex schemes and formations that used our personnel in all the wrong ways, and giving my usual uninspired pre-game pep talks. I was ignoring all the important details. During the games, I was effectively keeping the ball away from our best playmaker and making Philip Rivers look like the worst quarterback in the league. Even our top-rated defense seemed to be responding to my time-tested, unproven coaching philosophies. All signs were pointing to another temporary coaching stop and I was busy updating my resume for my next job opportunity.”

But something happened midway through the season, Turner’s players began to disregard his instructions entirely and the team started winning. “This guy is nuts,” said Chargers star running back LaDainian Tomlinson, “when he said he thought I should work on my pass blocking early in the season, I thought he might be trying to help me diversify my game. But when he sent me to grab him some lunch and to pick up his dry cleaning at half time of the Kansas City game, I knew he was up to something. I just had to start ignoring everything he said.”

Chargers QB Philip Rivers, also the recipient of some of Turner’s “unique” coaching techniques, came to the same decision. “He told me that he wanted me to pretend that I was playing dodge ball,” Rivers said, “and he told me to try to hit the guys on the other team. They kept catching it and running it back for scores. It took me half the season to figure out I shouldn’t be doing that.”

Turner confessed that he no longer has control of his players or staff. “These players are too talented, and the coaches around me have started to get used to the idea of success” Turner said, “But if they don’t listen to what I have to say, they’re going to keep winning. At this pace, I’m just afraid that they might try to make a Super Bowl run in spite of me and then what? How can I be the next temporary head coach somewhere else if I’m still coaching here?!?! You think about that one and get back to me.”

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There was much speculation earlier in the week about whether or not Vince Young would be healthy enough to play this week against San Diego. After sustaining an injury midway through the game last week, Kerry Collins came on in relief and went 10-13 for 103 yards and no interceptions. This worried both Titans coaches and fans who has not seen a QB performance like that since Steve Mcnair. "No interceptions? 80% accuracy? What are we going to do with that?! We make our game plan around Vince's interceptions and inability to pass! This will really screw up our offense."

Vince Young's home was bombarded with letters filled with well-wishes, hoping he'd get better in time to play. And sure enough he was, throwing for his usual 138 yards on close to 50% passing and leading his team to a staggering 0 TDs and 6 total points. "It was a valiant effort," said San Diegan resident Margaret Taylor. "When he threw that clutch interception, I had tears in my eyes. I could feel the emotion of a man who has willed himself back from injury to make sure we lost this game. I'm glad to be a Titans fan on a day like today."

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Lendale White and Vince Young console each other after realizing they both still have many years remaining on their contracts with the Tennessee Titans.

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I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• Finally we will see a good weather game in Pittsburgh.
• John Beck may not have much experience for the Dolphins, but he can really protect the ball.
• Detroit is very close to getting their defense back on track. Once they do that, they will start winning some games again.
  
• Best Job Title Ever: Michelob's Steve, Director Of Barley.
• The Falcons will be able to go an entire game without replacing their starting QB with the second string guy.
• I picked up a Christmas gift for family friend Joe Gibbs this week: an NFL rulebook. Hopefully he won't be needing it until Christmas.
• Is there really an opening to Sunday Night Football, or is it just a really long sprint ad? Also, who gets really pumped up when you hear Faith Hill starting singing about football? Those NBC execs really have their fingers on the pulse of what music their mostly male audience likes.
• I'm not entirely convinced Jamarcus Russell really exists.
• Luke McCown is your starting QB? You are done Tampa Bay Bucs. Even Reggie Bush can throw better than him.
  
• That commercial about the guy who gets bad gifts for Christmas is right about the sweater, clock, and mittens. But nunchucks?! That is quite possibly the greatest gift I have ever seen.
• Good thing I dropped Adrian Peterson from my fantasy team to open up a spot for the returning Ricky Williams.
• The Chargers never hand the ball to Ladanian Tomlinson anymore. They will lose another one to the Chiefs because of it.
  
• Worst advertising slogan ever: The new Citizen Eco-Drive watch is unstoppable...just like Eli Manning!

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I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• The trailers for the new Stephen King movie The Mist look incredibly scary, almost as scary as looking up at the scoreboard and seeing yourselves losing by 30 points to the Cincinnati Bengals. Be afraid Titans, be very afraid, a loss like that isn't natural.
• The David Carr era begins this week in Carolina. This guy is ready to bust out big time, I think he may even surpass the 90 yard mark.
• If the NFL were a carnival, there would be a booth where for 2 dollars you can smack the Baltimore Ravens in the face. The latest contestant in this game? The San Diego Chargers.
• How many commercials must there be of enormous truck testing in an unknown desert location. We get it, you test your trucks in futuristic ways, but don't want to show it in a laboratory because laboratories are not manly enough. There must be an entire desert state out west full of truck testing apparatus.
• I keep waiting for some kids to jump out of a bowl of Trix cereal and say "Silly Cleveland, the playoffs are for real teams!"
• Tom Coughlin is determined to win the bet he made over the offseason with his brother that he could have a more disappointing second-half this year than last.
• Not since the 2000 Super Bowl has Trent been able to shout "You just got Dilfered ####es!" after a game. Thank god that line is back.
  
• There are a lot of ads for anti-balding products. But men with little hair take heart, at least your head does not look like the disaster that is Chris Cooley's. Sometimes bald is better I suppose.
• First place Denver can not lose to Chicago! That team is horrible! Look at their record! We are in first place damn it! Oh, that's right, we play in the AFC West.
• Daunte Culpepper surprises everyone, by showing he's still in the NFL.
• Maurice Jones-Drew can really pick up the hard yards, such as 10 carries for 10 yards. But man, the ones he gets are really hard.
• What was the first thing analyzed on FOX's Thanksgiving Pre-Game Show? The new DVD and Blu-Ray release of Live Free Or Die Hard! Seriously, immediately after saying hello they pulled out multiple copies from under their desk and starting promoting them. Forget football, let's watch a 20 years too late sequel with a hero who's the slowest balder in history teamed up with that awesome Mac guy! Yipee-kay-yay Mother! (That line is a lot less awesome when edited for TV)

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