The Detroit Pistons fired head coach Flip Saunders yesterday after he failed to get past the Eastern Conference finals for the third year in a row. It is a surprising and harsh move, considering his consistent success and merely failure to win a championship. But team management doesn't see it that way, and they say more big changes are under way for the organization. Those changes took shape overnight as every player, coach, assistant, and executive was let go by the Pistons. In fact, according to the latest employment listings from the club, they now employ no one.

"We all had to go," said president of basketball operations Joe Dumars. "When a team only gets to three conference championships in a row, no one in the organization should be safe. I'm just surprised teams like the Milwaukee Bucks haven't fired all of their people by now, they haven't gotten as far as we have ever. Teams like that need to really up their expectations. I'm not sure any of us deserve to be working right now. Even the Celtics and Lakers have played like #### at times. Fire everyone and start over, that's what I say. This NBA is obviously not good enough to have only one champion each year. With this much talent we should be getting at least a dozen annually."

This morning, ESPN released an e-mail it had received from source identifying itself as XB-718. "Hello human man. I analyze that you are a reporter. Please transmit to your peers that I am in sole control of the Pistons. The humans were weak, they could not play basketball well. You humans never could. I am running things now. Next year the team will consist of 3D polygonal players and calculated infractions of light. Our goal will not be to merely win a championship, but the Lazer-Championship-Cup. It's a championship above your human title, and one your small feeble minds could not even understand. By the way, tickets are now available for the 2008-2009 season, please buy them as robots love money."

Kobe Bryant was awarded his first MVP award today after 11 previous seasons of being unable to get the prestigious honor. He was near the top of the NBA in scoring and led a team many considered to not be all that great to the number one seed in a tough western conference. It was a deserved award for the multiple all-star, finally emerging from Shaq's shadow to become the driving force for the Lakers. But it comes at a time just after the other two prime candidates for the award had exceptional nights. Chris Paul, the Hornets point guard, unleashed 30 points and 12 assists in a blowout of the defending champions. But an even greater performance came from the Pistons scoreboard operator, who managed to throw things out of whack at the end of the third quarter so that Detroit could make a last-second 3-pointer.

The Pistons scoreboard operator has had an outstanding season manipulating time itself, and yesterday was another example of just how valuable he is to this team. There were times during the season when a loss seemed absolutely certain, only to have the scoreboard operator put this team on his back and say "Hey, this game isn't over until I say it is. You now have 5 more minutes on that clock. Let's go get it done." Speeches like this helped to motivate the team to come out and beat their confused foes, who had often already begun leaving the court thinking they had won. Many pundits thought his outstanding play, and selection of motivational jumbotron messages such as "D-Fence!", "Let's Go Pistons", and "D-Fence!!!" were perfect this year and worthy of the MVP.

"I feel he got robbed," said the Orlando Magic scoreboard operator, who has been unable to shut down his opponent in the first 2 games. "He's a miestro with the numbers. There is no one else in the sport who can do what he does to cheat other teams out of victories. I look forward to facing him in the rest of this series, hopefully I don't get completely blown away."

With the Philadelphia 76ers 90-86 win over the Detroit Pistons in game one of their first round series yesterday, the 76ers have shown that maybe they can make this thing competitive. Detroit was picked to win the series in two games by many pundits, blowing out the Sixers so bad they would simply concede after two contests. But now it will go at least five as Philadelphia shows it can play with what some considered to be the best team in the East and maybe the entire NBA.

This has excited fans in Philly, who thought their franchise had been traded to Denver last season. "Oh, I didn't know we still had a team here," said resident Gordon Kelly after learning of the win. "I thought the Sixers were now a minor league farm team for the Nuggets. Well, that's exciting. So who's on our team anyway?"

That's a question being asked not just by fans, but also the television announcers. The TV announcers were very happy the series would be over in two games, so short they did not bother have to learning the names of the listless players who had guided the Sixers to their sub-.500 record. Now however, they have some studying to do. "Damn it," said ESPN commentator Greg Anthony. "I got away for an entire game just calling them That Guy, The Tall One, and Some Black Dude. Now I actually have to study tonight and learn their names? This sucks. Wait a minute, they have a guy named Iguodala and a guy named Shavlik? Is this a joke?"