Scientists from Destiny Labs announced today they have possibly created a formula for beating the New England Patriots. "All year teams and researchers around the country have been searching for a formula that will beat the Pats," said head scientist Mark Thompson. "Several have come close. Baltimore, New York, and even Jacksonville all had syrums that looked like they might finally cure this Patriots disease, but in the end they all remissed into winning."

The winning disease has afflicted New England all season, and has left them searching for answers. "I'm so tired," said Tom Brady. "All this winning, it's really taking it's toll on my body. I don't know if I can keep it up. My doctor said the next win may be the one that kills me. To play at such a high level, the body wasn't designed to throw 50 touchdown passes in a season. I just wanna lose again, please. I've forgotten how it feels to live."

The symptoms of the Patriots disease are extreme offensive aptitude, game-breaking speed, and the ability to come back from the brink of defeat to pull of an incredible win. Even their own fans are starting to feel the effects of the disease. "As a Patriots fan, it's just getting really boring watching the same old outcome every week. Being from Boston, I really hate to rub it in the faces of others when my teams do well. So this really makes me feel like a jerk having to win by 30 points every week, breaking multiple offensive records, and having the MVP. I just wanna lose every once in awhile. Please..."

But it's harder to lose than it looks for those suffering from Patriots disease. In the season finale they tried their hardest to get behind early to New York, but Tom Brady suffered a relapse in the 4th quarter and led his team to victory. But now researchers believe they have a cure devised for the ailment, one they will inject into Giants players before Sunday's Super Bowl. If they can somehow, some way deliver the vaccine to New England, they can come away with the biggest upset of all time.

Tony Romo has announced to the team they will need to give backup QB Brad Johnson some extra work in practice this week, as he will be unable to make the 3rd quarter of Sunday's playoff game. After going to Mexico with Jessica Simpson last weekend during the bye, Romo says he has booked a Caribbean cruise that leaves during the 3rd quarter of this week's game.

An angry Dallas press core cornered Tony and demanded answers for his not caring about the success of the team. "We've all got to have priorities in life," said Romo in the locker room after practice. "Have you guys seen The Dukes Of Hazzard? Did you see those shorts? Those are my priorities." The press then admitted they did remember the shorts. They then told him good luck, and to hit that once for all of Dallas.

Brad Johnson was very enthusiastic about his chance to start half a playoff game. "I'm glad Tony is happy with Jessica. It's a little known fact that I actually set them up together. I had no idea something like this would happen...Alright, I did know it. I've seen the pictures of her in a bikini like you all have. You know what? I'm going to call my travel agent and see if there are any other spots available on that cruise as well."

I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• Miami will not win this week(Even I can correctly call this one, how sad)
• The brothers McCown are unstoppable!
• The Packers would be taken seriously as a contender if only they had a running back.
• I don't know if there is anything scarier than Plaxico Burress' player photo.
• Good thing you switched to Kellen Clemens Jets, that Pennington guy threw too many INT's and not enough TD's.
• We get it A####mp;T, your phones work in many places and you can combine the names of all of them into something long and funny. But, not funny after the 7th iteration of this same commercial we've seen. There should be a law of commercials where you can't do the exact same joke more than twice.
• Ken Whisenhunt is dreaming of a playoff berth for his Arizona Cardinals. But sadly he is also living the nightmare that is having Kurt Warner as his QB.
• At least Pittsburgh can stop the pass, now we'll see what New England is made of when they have to grind it out. This prediction could also apply to the Baltimore-Indy game.
  
• When your team puts in Troy Smith at quarterback you know either your team is the worst thing ever, or maybe you're in an Adam Sandler movie or something, and it's supposed to be a joke of some sort.
• Sage Rosenfels will once again do what he has always done, been the worst at his job since the guy that designed Polar Express: The Movie: The Cereal, featuring marshmallow Tom Hanks. He had a long wait in the unemployment line to ponder why kids didn't get excited over eating an oscar-winning actor.
• Out-of-nowhere brilliant QB David Garrard will finally fall apart as the alien who has abducted his body from the world Footballia finally goes back home.
• At least Kansas City has a good running game to help that rookie QB.
• I never thought I'd say this, but please bring back Jared to your commercials Subway. If I have to hear that Family Guy carry on about your feast sandwich one more time, I'm going to parental control block the channel showing it with a random code so that even I can never watch that channel again.