Yet another NBA head coach has been fired this morning in a tumultuous offseason. This time it's the Bob Wallace, coach of the Road Team, who failed to win again twice last night, falling to the Boston Celtics in Boston and the Los Angeles Lakers in California. The Road Team has gone a horrendous 1-19 in the second round of the playoffs, and many road fans were clamoring for a coaching change. This is the first time a team has fired their coach before a playoff series was over, but it wasn't completely unexpected with such an abysmal record.

It's unknown how this will affect the Road Team throughout the rest of the playoffs. "It's going to be very tough," said Chris Paul, whose team will take on San Antonio tonight. "It's hard trying to win on the road in front of a hostile crowd as it is, but now to be without a coach, this is going to be next to impossible." This year's postseason has been a stark contrast to last year's success, where the Road Team took home an NBA championship on Cleveland's home turf. While no exact reason can be pinpointed for the downfall of the champions, many are saying the lack of a home court and a constantly changing roster are to blame. Last night alone they played their two games with completely different lineups, and tonight it will be yet another total overhaul of talent as they acquired stars Chris Paul and David West from the team they lost to earlier in the week.

Despite the poor play of the Road Team, and the fact that they are without a head coach at this time, Steven A. Smith believes they will still make it to the NBA Finals. "This Road Team is just too experienced not to make it there. They have played in every NBA Finals since the inception of them, I would be very surprised if they did not eventually wind up there again. We'll see what happens."

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The NBA league office is searching for ways to make sure a Boston Celtics-Los Angeles Lakers Finals takes place this year. What seemed like almost absolute certainty entering the post-season is now in jeopardy after the Utah Jazz tied up their series on Sunday and Boston has struggled on the road against both Atlanta and Cleveland. "At this point nothing is certain," said David Stern. "What we do know for sure is that no one wants to see Utah or Cleveland battle it out for a championship. I personally would rather watch some nonsense like hockey over that."

"So, what we're going to do is just create an alternative championship, just in case one of these teams should lose. College football does it with the BCS sometimes, they have split championships. So we feel we should be able to do it here. We're going to just add in a second championship that already has Boston and LA scheduled in it. Then they can play the series everyone wants to see. Kobe against KG, Paul Pierce against...whoever else is on Kobe's team. Whoever gets to the other final out of this riffraff that is left can go at each other in a single game, no sense in making people watch more than one game of that. We can't afford to put them in their home courts for that though, but there are a few high school gyms that have offered themselves up for whoever makes it. We don't know if it will be on TV yet, but cable channels Versus and TV Land have both agreed to show the game, as long as it can be aired after 1:00 AM."

Kobe Bryant was awarded his first MVP award today after 11 previous seasons of being unable to get the prestigious honor. He was near the top of the NBA in scoring and led a team many considered to not be all that great to the number one seed in a tough western conference. It was a deserved award for the multiple all-star, finally emerging from Shaq's shadow to become the driving force for the Lakers. But it comes at a time just after the other two prime candidates for the award had exceptional nights. Chris Paul, the Hornets point guard, unleashed 30 points and 12 assists in a blowout of the defending champions. But an even greater performance came from the Pistons scoreboard operator, who managed to throw things out of whack at the end of the third quarter so that Detroit could make a last-second 3-pointer.

The Pistons scoreboard operator has had an outstanding season manipulating time itself, and yesterday was another example of just how valuable he is to this team. There were times during the season when a loss seemed absolutely certain, only to have the scoreboard operator put this team on his back and say "Hey, this game isn't over until I say it is. You now have 5 more minutes on that clock. Let's go get it done." Speeches like this helped to motivate the team to come out and beat their confused foes, who had often already begun leaving the court thinking they had won. Many pundits thought his outstanding play, and selection of motivational jumbotron messages such as "D-Fence!", "Let's Go Pistons", and "D-Fence!!!" were perfect this year and worthy of the MVP.

"I feel he got robbed," said the Orlando Magic scoreboard operator, who has been unable to shut down his opponent in the first 2 games. "He's a miestro with the numbers. There is no one else in the sport who can do what he does to cheat other teams out of victories. I look forward to facing him in the rest of this series, hopefully I don't get completely blown away."

It's a wonder how the Toronto Raptors lost their series so quickly playing defense like this...

"You can relax Mr. Van Gundy, I'm not actually able to arrest you, I'm just going to give you a technical foul. You can put your hands down."

(AP Photo/John Raoux)

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The NBA Playoffs are beginning and we here at TSC are going to break down the matchups by their mascots, the thing that really matters.

• 
  Celtics vs. Hawks: Hawks have long been the bane of midgets hailing from Ireland. Their fued dates back to the 1400's, when giant hawks would swoop down and grab them from their fjords because of the attraction to their gold buckle shoes. But these are modern times, and the Celtics have a lot more going for them now. Mainly their having hands, and hence the ability to shoot a firearm, is going to spell trouble for the birds as they can easily be shot out of the sky. I predict a Celtics victory. But if that Hawks want to have a chance they are going to have to go after the Celts only good eye(the right one). They could also get lucky and reap the benefits of a lung cancer diagnosis mid-game due to the Celts love for pipe smoking.
  
  Prediction: Celtics 4-1
  
  
• 
  Pistons vs. 76ers: One of the battles that I have only seen before in my greatest of dreams, car parts against people from the year 1776. I think too much has changed in the past 200 years for the 76ers to be competitive in this series. They are still riding around on horses, wearing those triangle hats, and writing articles of confederacy. Look for the Pistons to drive right over the Sixers while they are in the middle of the street attemtping to draft a declaration of independence.
  
  Prediction: Pistons 4-1
  
  
• 
  Magic vs. Raptors: It's magic versus velociraptors. To get a proper feel for this movie you have to look at the popularity of the two mascots. Raptors were all the rage back in the 90's with the Jurassic Park films, but now it's all about Narnia, Harry Potter, and Lord Of The Rings. Magic is everywhere and Orlando is going to tap into this pop culture relevance to put away that red #### wearing oversized dinosaur shoes. Also, it is very tough to maintain good ball control with a three-fingered claw hand. Magic win in a closer one.
  
  Prediction: Magic 4-2
  
  
• 
  Wizards vs. Cavaliers: The magic users take on the men trained in arms and horsemanship. This is also an age-old fued that dates back to the middle ages. Cavaliers nearly drove Wizards to extinction, both in the old war and the last few years in their playoff series. I think it's finally time for the Wiz to strike back. Firstly, look how flexible they are. There is no reason why that pose is even necessary, yet they are doing it. Also, they can levitate a basketball and point at the sun at the same time. That takes skill. Their skills will narrowly overcome that of the Cavs.
  
  Prediction: Wizards 4-3
  

A strange situation happened during this weekend's all-star game when Jason Kidd was traded to the Dallas Mavericks during the middle of the contest. The game, which eventually was won by the east 134-128, was proceeding as usual in the third quarter and the East had just made a steal and a fast break down the court. Ray Allen made a long pass to Dwight Howard and Jason Kidd on the other end of the floor. But just as Howard was about to take the ball up for a dunk, Kidd pulled a gun out of his shorts and aimed it at the slam dunk champion.

"Jason? What are you doing?" asked a confused Howard.

"You always knew it would come to this Dwight," said Kidd, who tore off his jersey to reveal one that said West underneath. "I can't play in this horrible conference forever. Only having one other future hall of famer on my team? I need 5 like every other West team! All you Eastern Conference players knew eventually I would have to turn on you. As Iverson and Shaq have done, I too must betray your inferior conference. Now, give me the ball."

"You won't get away with this Kidd!" said Lebron James. "Wherever you go, we will find you."

"I don't think so fools. I'll be on a team with so many good players you'll never know which one is me," answered Kidd. "The ball! Now!"

Howard handed Kidd the ball and he took it in one hand while keeping the gun fixed on everyone else with the other. "Good, now everyone just back away. Slowly. Keep those hands up!"

"Good luck over there Jason." said Dwight Howard. "But before you go, isn't there one thing you are forgetting?"

Kidd looked at Howard with a smirk. "Oh yeah? And what would that be?"

"That I'm..." Howard ripped off his jersey to reveal a cape and blue tights. "..Superman!" With that Howard grabbed the gun and bent it in half with his bare hands. He then grabbed the ball from Kidd, yelled "It's time to dunk!", and flew out through the roof of the arena. He continued to fly out of the earth's atmosphere to the Sun where he no-look-passed the ball to the Sun, who alley-ooped it, now on fire, back to Howard. He then flew back to earth, into the arena, and slammajammed the flaming ball it into the hoop. The East all-stars then gave a group high five, like at the end of a Charley's Angels episode, and the crowd went wild. Howard then used his x-ray vision to look at the all-star cheerleaders.

"I'll get you next time Howard. I'll get you next time..." said Kidd as he walked off the court with his minions of the West.

Orlando's Dwight Howard takes some time out to have an argument with his left hand. Lebron James is jealous that he and his hand don't have that kind of close relationship anymore.

Orange spray-on tan? Check. Mustache and comb over? Check. Pastel t-shirt combined with sports coat? Big check. But, you might be surprised to learn that this picture is not of a used car salesman, but of Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy.

Hahahaha! We are choking a man in the middle of the court! Weeee! What fun!

(AP Photo/John Raoux)

"No! Don't touch it! Dennis Hopper has put an explosive device in it that will detonate if we dribble at more than 55 miles per hour!"

(AP Photo/Phelan M. Ebenhack)

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Jason Richardson is extremely pissed that his coach always has to take part in the 4th quarter YMCA dance. It's for the fans coach, it's for the fans.

It turns out there actually is crying in basketball. Especially if you are a part of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Isiah Thomas held a press conference today to talk about why the New York Knicks are having such a bad season. They are a dismal 8-22, but Thomas assured the visiting press and fans that this was not due to his team's lack of talent. "In my eyes we have a team that is capable of winning a championship this year," said Thomas. "But I have set bigger goals for this team and this franchise this year. We will put an NBA basketball team on the moon this year, and it will be the New York Knicks. That is our focus, that is our drive. I've got news for all these teams out there like the Celtics and Spurs pushing hard to win a World Championship: the moon isn't on the world. Therefore they will not be champions over us. It's a brilliant plan."

Many questions were asked of Thomas, such as how he plans to get there. "We don't have actual basketball practice anymore, as can be evidenced in how we look out there on the court. Instead I have turned our practice facility into a rocket science research lab. Basketball players aren't the best jet propulsion scientists out there, so far we've just nailed some cardboard box wings on the side of two trash cans. But, I feel we're on the path to space travel. Hell, Russia somehow made it into space."

"We've had a few trouble makers on our laboratory roster. Stephon Marbury has been benched from the starting engineering team, and he was very unhappy with that decision. He threw a beaker full of ionized fuel residue at a wall and stormed out of the building. That could of been very bad, had the residue been active. But, I really think I have this team's focus in the right direction at this point. I don't see any way I'm going to get fired within the next month..."

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You can not stop the Milwaukee Bucks boys from wrestling with each other, even during games. Needless to say they lost 102-83, as the Orlando Magic made easy uncontested shots while feeling generally uncomfortable with the pile of men writhing on the floor.

(AP Photo/Reinhold Matay)

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