Mike Cameron, the Padres' Gold Glove center fielder, was suspended for the first 25 games of next season on Wednesday after testing positive a second time for a banned stimulant. Cameron, who plans to file for free agency, said he believes he took a tainted supplement.

"The one thing I wanted to make sure was explained is, no steroids," Cameron told AM 1090, the Padres' flagship radio station. "I never took nothing like that before in my life. That would be 50 games, and that would affect me a whole lot more." Cameron issued a statement through his agent, saying doctors for the players' association helped him narrow down what triggered the positive test.

The company that gave Cameron the supplement is, of course, very angry at the revelation. Not because they are revealed as a banned substance dealer, but because they are revealed as a dealer of the most ineffective banned substances ever. Cameron was hitting .242 with only 21 homers and 78 RBI.

The company could not be reached for comment but we made up the following statement from them: "We want to assure everyone that despite this revelation, we make the finest quality banned stimulants that we secretly slip into our clients supplements. If you use us in the future for your steroids needs, we guarantee that you will see both better power numbers and a more lengthy suspension. 25 games is kind of wussie, we guarantee at least 40!"

SportsComedian.com