It was formally announced today that Larry Brown will take over as head coach of 4 NBA teams next season. The Phoenix Suns, Dallas Mavericks, Charlotte Bobcats, and Miami Heat have all tabbed Brown as their coach for next year following his success with 8 other NBA franchises. "We are very excited to have 1/4 of a piece of Larry Brown," said Bobcats representative Michael Jordan. "Even 1/4 o####reat coach is more than we've ever had here before. Apparently he will rotate which games and practices he goes to every day. The rest of the time the players will just be able to hang out, and even call whatever plays they want in the games. It's going to be different, but I think they're going to really like the freedom they have out there."

The Miami Heat's Pat Riley was not as upbeat about the announcement. "When we first entered into negotiations for Brown we were not aware of this time-sharing thing. As I understood it, we would get actually 1/4 of his body. I was hoping to be able to get his head and maybe his right arm. That was he can still think, talk, and maybe point at the ref and yell occasionally. That's all you really need, and I thought the rest of us had worked over the Bobcats pretty good and just stuck them with Larry Brown's feet. This sucks, that's all I can really say."

Brown had a much more ominous message during his press conference, in which he came out dressed in a black cloak. He stepped up to the podium where he pulled back his hood and lifted a red goblet from it. "12 teams down, 18 to go," muttered Brown. "Then, I win the game. Then, I rule the nether-verse. You foolish mortals are falling into my trap perfectly." He then took a sip from the glass and walked away without answering a single question. Larry Brown, always the showman.