Jason Kidd has been levied with a heavy fine after game 4 of the Mavericks-Hornets series during which the game had to stop for several minutes due to his horrid odor. Apparently Kidd has not changed or washed his jersey since coming over to the Mavs, nor bathed himself, because he does not want to mess up his luck. New Orleans guard Chris Paul complained of the stench coming from the man he was supposed to defend after game one. "This dude smells like assburger," railed Paul following that game. "That is, of course, a hamburger prepared in the #### of a bed-ridden obese man, topped with the cheese-like substance that forms there, and covered in expired mayonnaise."

But NBA officials declined to do anything following game one, as they felt he smelled more like an #### sirloin or perhaps a butt taco. But during game 4, when Kidd went into the lane for a layup and raised his arms, two Hornets players fainted due to the stench. He was assessed a flagrant foul for the incident. Apparently they can be given for either an overly aggressive play or the more underutilized terrible smell.

Play was stopped for several minutes as team officials came out to hose off kid and apply copious amounts of perfume and deodorant spray. Even more embarrassing was the fact that the only cologne they had on hand was Dirk Nowitzki's fragrance called "Fervor". Once his smell was back to acceptable levels after 20 or so minutes, the game was resumed and Dallas went on to fall to New Orleans to trail in the series 3-1. Kidd blames the unlucky new smells for the loss.

A strange situation happened during this weekend's all-star game when Jason Kidd was traded to the Dallas Mavericks during the middle of the contest. The game, which eventually was won by the east 134-128, was proceeding as usual in the third quarter and the East had just made a steal and a fast break down the court. Ray Allen made a long pass to Dwight Howard and Jason Kidd on the other end of the floor. But just as Howard was about to take the ball up for a dunk, Kidd pulled a gun out of his shorts and aimed it at the slam dunk champion.

"Jason? What are you doing?" asked a confused Howard.

"You always knew it would come to this Dwight," said Kidd, who tore off his jersey to reveal one that said West underneath. "I can't play in this horrible conference forever. Only having one other future hall of famer on my team? I need 5 like every other West team! All you Eastern Conference players knew eventually I would have to turn on you. As Iverson and Shaq have done, I too must betray your inferior conference. Now, give me the ball."

"You won't get away with this Kidd!" said Lebron James. "Wherever you go, we will find you."

"I don't think so fools. I'll be on a team with so many good players you'll never know which one is me," answered Kidd. "The ball! Now!"

Howard handed Kidd the ball and he took it in one hand while keeping the gun fixed on everyone else with the other. "Good, now everyone just back away. Slowly. Keep those hands up!"

"Good luck over there Jason." said Dwight Howard. "But before you go, isn't there one thing you are forgetting?"

Kidd looked at Howard with a smirk. "Oh yeah? And what would that be?"

"That I'm..." Howard ripped off his jersey to reveal a cape and blue tights. "..Superman!" With that Howard grabbed the gun and bent it in half with his bare hands. He then grabbed the ball from Kidd, yelled "It's time to dunk!", and flew out through the roof of the arena. He continued to fly out of the earth's atmosphere to the Sun where he no-look-passed the ball to the Sun, who alley-ooped it, now on fire, back to Howard. He then flew back to earth, into the arena, and slammajammed the flaming ball it into the hoop. The East all-stars then gave a group high five, like at the end of a Charley's Angels episode, and the crowd went wild. Howard then used his x-ray vision to look at the all-star cheerleaders.

"I'll get you next time Howard. I'll get you next time..." said Kidd as he walked off the court with his minions of the West.

"Now that you're coming to the West we can do this kind of awkward touching more often!"

(AP)

SportsComedian.com

"Alright Jason, I know you want a trade, but this is a little ridiculous. I know I did not call our sit in front of the billboard play."

For the past several seasons, New Jersey has functioned as a maximum security prison, where nothing but suck can escape. But one man is attempting to break free from the madness that is the Nets, that man is Jason "The Kidd" Plisskin. The one-eyed point guard is trying to solicit a trade from the team to a contender, although other teams seem reluctant to make a trade with the wasteland known as New Jersey.

"It's a scary place to send any players to," said a team GM that would like to remain anonymous. "Have you ever been to Newark? That place is disgusting man, they've got cannibals and gangs roaming the streets. It would have to be some players I knew were going to turn out awful, to subject them to that place. Maybe we'll draft some Duke guys next year, and then we can think about a trade."

The New York Police Department confirmed Wednesday the 23-year-old woman filed a complaint against another club-goer on Oct. 11, a day after she said she was harassed and groped at the Tenjune club. The NYPD declined to discuss the case further. A police official confirmed news reports that the woman told police Kidd approached her inside the club and, without warning, grabbed her ####. She said when she tried to fend him off, he kept grabbing her until she was forced to leave, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation hadn't been concluded.

I believe this case is completely bogus. First of all, he was merely utilyzing the best known method for getting someone to leave a building, grabbing their ####. It works for men or women. If someone is annoying just grab without warning, and don't let go. I guarantee they leave. (Warning: The Sports Comedian is not responsible for further lawsuits related to #### grabbing. Jason Kidd however, is.)

Secondly, Jason Kidd recently divorced his wife, shown here in a spread from Sports Illustrated. There is only one reason you leave a woman like that, and that's if you suddenly switch teams, and I'm not talking about NBA teams.

Third, he seems like a great guy! Just look a that smile! Although any man would be smiling while standing behind that. He's only had a few...minor...incidents where he did some silly things like get arrested for smashing his wife's face into the console of their car, which resulted in court ordered anger management classes. He would never do something like sexually harass a random girl. Beat her with a steel chair maybe, but never just grab.

SportsComedian.com