New
England Patriots fans are just now starting to get over their
devastating Super Bowl loss to the New York Giants after an undefeated
season. It's been rough for Boston residents to come to terms with the
defeat for an area used to taking home a championship every year.
"Yeah, it's been a tough time," said longtime Bostonian Roger Raylots.
"There was a blackout in the city right after the game when the ####
Heart, which is the magical giant heart fueled by Boston residents
constant gloating about their sports teams, broke down. It supplies all
our electricity, you see, and it just went out. Only by believing our
team was possible of humiliating weaker opponents next year, and
clapping our hands really fast, could we bring it back to life."
Mike
Wise, a man who has 11 Patriots tattoos on his body, including a
regrettable portrait of Drew Bledsoe, says he took the news harder than
most. "Well, you know, I was very upset in the beginning. I went home
and killed my family, who I long thought didn't love the Patriots
enough. Then I burnt down my entire house, because it was obviously
unlucky. But then I realized there's always next year, and our coach
will always keep us in the games with his innovative cheating. Plus,
now I can get a much younger girlfriend who is impressed by my $60,000
a year construction job and the fact I have my own truck. So, it's a
win-win all around."
Other residents shared Mike's sentiment.
"I'm just ready to move on, it happened so long ago now," said Bud
Wilson, a teacher at Benson High School in southern Boston. "I mean,
the Patriots lost. They had a lot to fight for, but in the end England
was stronger. Now I have to wear powdered wigs, drink Tab soda, and
take a galleon to work. But I'm fine with it. I think I finally am
getting my sealegs, and I'm getting used to putting half my yearly
salary in cash into an envelope and mailing it to England. They won, I
get it, and I'm ok with it finally."
Mike was then informed that the Patriots actually won the Revolutionary War, and was happy but confused.
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