Jason Kidd has been levied with a heavy fine after game 4 of the Mavericks-Hornets series during which the game had to stop for several minutes due to his horrid odor. Apparently Kidd has not changed or washed his jersey since coming over to the Mavs, nor bathed himself, because he does not want to mess up his luck. New Orleans guard Chris Paul complained of the stench coming from the man he was supposed to defend after game one. "This dude smells like assburger," railed Paul following that game. "That is, of course, a hamburger prepared in the #### of a bed-ridden obese man, topped with the cheese-like substance that forms there, and covered in expired mayonnaise."

But NBA officials declined to do anything following game one, as they felt he smelled more like an #### sirloin or perhaps a butt taco. But during game 4, when Kidd went into the lane for a layup and raised his arms, two Hornets players fainted due to the stench. He was assessed a flagrant foul for the incident. Apparently they can be given for either an overly aggressive play or the more underutilized terrible smell.

Play was stopped for several minutes as team officials came out to hose off kid and apply copious amounts of perfume and deodorant spray. Even more embarrassing was the fact that the only cologne they had on hand was Dirk Nowitzki's fragrance called "Fervor". Once his smell was back to acceptable levels after 20 or so minutes, the game was resumed and Dallas went on to fall to New Orleans to trail in the series 3-1. Kidd blames the unlucky new smells for the loss.

The NBA Playoffs are beginning and we here at TSC are going to break down the matchups by their mascots, the thing that really matters.

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  Lakers(1) vs. Nuggets(8): The embodiment of the great lakes of Los Angeles, the Lakers have been a force in the NBA since moving out west from Minnesota. They face the Nuggets, who have not ever been a force even in their own city. Neither of these mascots make enough sense to be involved in a fight with each other, as I'm not even sure what a laker is. But nuggets are little rocks of gold, and I feel that rocks need to be punished for being bested by paper in the game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. I don't know why rock didn't complain when the three of them were sitting around decided on the rules for that game. But now rocks are known as ####, and the Nuggets are about to pay the price for this.
  
  Prediction: Lakers 4-0
  
  
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  Hornets(2) vs. Mavericks(7): The bees take on the dreaded horse/basketball hybrid that is the Mavericks. This series will be a bit closer, as the Mavs have some talented players, but the Hornets are very under-rated. They are a bug, yet they still wear oversized shoes and big mime gloves. They are out to embarass the Mavs, and there will be little they can do to stop them. Before they became a big blue horse basketball, the Mavericks mascot was a cowboy. We here at TSC have obtained medical records from back them stating an allergy to none other than bees. They swelled up like a baloon when stung by them several years ago and changed their mascot to hide this fact. Look for domination by New Orleans in this one.
  
  Prediction: Hornets 4-2
  
  
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  Spurs(3) vs. Suns(6): Those sharp things that go on the back of cowboy boots versus not one but multiple suns. This is a very tough matchup, as nothing has beat a sun in a fight son far to date. Many say Tim Duncan could defeat a sun, and NASA has looked into launching him towards the nearby solar system of Alpha Centauri, as their sun has always been a #### to us. But the Duncan-sun theory is yet unproven and I think he would merely burn up. I think Shaq and Phoenix scores an upset in this one.
  
  Prediction: Suns 4-3
  
  
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  Jazz(4) vs. Rockets(5): Just like the Lakers, if there is one thing Utah is known for it is its Jazz. But they face a tough opponent in the Rockets. I used to watch underground fight videos of jazz players against retired Mark IV Soviet Union rockets that took place in brazil. The site has now been closed by the government, but let me just say that I had never seen a jazz player win. Something about turning on your rocket boosters into the face of an 70 year old musician that just makes the contests short.
  
  Prediction: Rockets 4-3